Grandmother Talk

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I hope I'm remembered from a few posts of mine a few months ago.

Anyway, I'm 24, living outside of my parents house and in a different city. I'm

NC with my father for a bit over a year and NC with my mother for about 7

months.

I haven't gone home in 7 month. It is just that my father always verbally abuses

my mother, nothing too dramatic, a few times a day some kind of insult, putting

her down, speaking in a threatening tone etc. (And my mother " swallows "

everything).

Sometimes my father also says to me hurtful things (and I won't go into now

about my childhood, nearly no attention from him etc.).

Anyway, at some point I couldn't stand what's going on in my house anymore and I

moved out.

Of course then my parents wanted me very much to come back etc.

OK, I'm not going to write my whole story here, I already elaborated about it a

bit a few months ago.

So, yesterday my grandmother, that lives in another country, calls me.

She told me that my father was at her place for a few days (and she knows a bit

about what's happening between me and my parents).

After talking a bit, she started speaking about the issue " even though I know

you don't want to speak about it " .

She started by saying that she can't at all understand why I'm not talking with

my father. She said: " In OUR family, everyone talks to each other " .

Then she started telling me how bad my father looks when he was at her place.

How he went down 15 kilo. She even said that he was crying " like when he was a

little boy " , and he just can't understand why I'm not speaking with him.

She kept on saying how much I should go back, and I'm the only one who could

make my father happy.

Towards the end she said she has a birthday in 3 weeks, and she wants (she said

" I'm begging " ) that for a birthday present for her, I'll talk with my father.

Anyway, what do I do about this whole situation?

I'm quite sure she doesn't really know how my father acts inside his house (when

she comes once in a very long time to visit, he's all nice and charming and

everything, nearly like a different person).

And I'm not planning to tell her how he acts and why I'm not speaking with him

(I didn't give her any concrete explanations in the past). I don't see any

reason to tell her the reasons, it'll only make her sad.

And, I don't see myself re-talking to my father yet. I need to a bit more time

to get re-grounded with myself, establish my personality a bit, without my

parents in the background.

Any suggestions how I should handle this?

Jack