Re: My Journey Begins! --

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

My heart sank as I read your post. You completely summed up my life in what, 2

sentences? " I became so emeshed in her happiness that when she gave a glimmer

of being happy (when I was buying her something) it would make the little child

in me happy as if I was finally succeeding in bringing her happiness. Such

garbage it was never my responsibility to make her happy. Does this happen to

anyone else. "

That was IT. that was everyone's job in our family, to keep her happy. My father

was a combination of the dads from Seinfeld ('s dad) and Everybody Loves

, but as insulated as he was within himself and verbally abusive, his

behavior was " keeping her happy. " Mostly to shut her up, I guess.

Now that he died, she shifted that responsibility onto me and my brother. My

brother is doing his best to do the job!!!

I tried to keep up but then got into therapy and this group and realized as

you've said, , and as others have realized, " I'm not responsible for it. I

didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control it. "

One telling story for me recently: I gave my mother a basket filled with gourmet

things she likes for mother's day. When she saw it, she said, " I'm so happy, I'm

going to have a heart attack! " , I was SO happy - for a moment. I felt,

as you said, like the little kid in me was so happy I'd made her happy. But then

I realized, I made myself see that I just don't have that kind of power.

Better late than never, I guess!

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> > > Hello,    I happened to  have come accross your site while searching

for a book on Personality Disorders at Barns & Nobel.  I thought, perhaps

It would be healing to hear the stories of others  who have lived with

someone with PD.   I think my journey began a long time ago as a

young child when I told my mom " I wish I had a happy mom. "   Things were

different in our family of two girls, two boys and a mom and dad.   I hope I

can put my thoughts down on paper and someone can undertand:    " I'm so

sorry, I hate my mother! "

> > > So here goes;  After a family reunion with my late father's side of the

family, I have found that my mother has and continues to lie about the

relationships she has shared with everyone.  I guess this was no big surprise

for me or my sister because our mom has spent her life time poisoning everyone

against eachother.   It's true, no one was exempt or immune.    There is

not a soul on earth that could please her, and she used religion, minipulation,

love and anger to keep us all in tow.   Does this sound familiar to anyone?

> > > We, including my father, never new what to expect when we got home from

school or work.

> > > It' was a game of " She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not. "   We just had to

substitute the name continually, and keep up with the changes.   I'ts a wonder

we made it through those days.

> > > But I want to tell you that I'm not a basket case and have spent MY life

making sure I did not follow her path.  I have a great husband and 3 kids and

we all just adore each other!

> > > (no...... it's not that fluffy, it's hard work)   What I really need is

some coping skills to handle the aftermath of my visits with Mom.   I hope

someone can understand that after a visit with her I feel like I've had the

blood sucked out me and left numb and empty.     I'm thankful for my family

because they usually quickly fill me up again and I'm good to go.  I'm hear to

listen and learn, and hopefully " pay it forward "  to someone else that is

hurting.      Thank You In Advance !                NaNa

Banana   

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