Re: What can you laugh about?

[Guest guest]

Hehehe. I like your outlook. I'm trying to come with a motto for BPD,

" How dare reality contradict me! "

" I blame reality for not conforming to my delusions! "

On Wed, Sep 1, 2010 at 3:06 AM, crazy150345 wrote:

>

>

> When us kids do happen to get together, we do the usual " have you talked to

> mum lately? " and compare stories of what she has done/said lately. If we are

> in a good enough mood, we might compare things that we can laugh about. It

> takes some effort at times, but I think it is good for us, and brings us a

> little closer together. Truely, the things she does can be comical at times.

>

> Once I went with mum to a picture framers. She fancied herself to be a

> great artist, and she was pretty good in her early days. She wanted a

> picture framed, and while we were talking to the elderly framer he asked how

> to pronounce our last name.

> Her current husband is of Dutch descent, and Mum did her thing where she

> half closes her eyes, puffs out her chest, lifts her chin and declares in a

> superior voice " it is pronounced RRRRRR-OUT-men! Its Dutch! " . The guy

> smiled, and asked if she could speak Dutch. Mum replied " but of course " .

> Now, my mother cant speak a damn word. Neither can her husband. At this

> point Im standing there with one eyebrow up, wondering what on earth

> possessed her to say such a thing.

> The framer smiled even wider and began rattling on to her in Dutch! There

> is nothing as wonderful in the world than the look of dismay and " oh crap,

> what do I do now? " that crossed her face. I had to control myself not to

> fall on the floor weeing myself with laughter while she stammered and

> stuttered through some excuse about not having practised for ages. It was

> gold. Needless to say, she packed up her pictures and stalked out of the

> store, furious.

>

> We lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere when I was a kid. Mum was

> apparently hanging washing out while us kids were at school, on a line

> behind the shed, 300m from the house, in her undies. Suddenly a car pulls up

> and people get out. Mum panics (reputation is huge to her) and runs behind

> the shed. As they walk around the shed to the house, she walks the other way

> so they cant see her. She didnt realise that the walls of the shed are

> elevated - there is a large gap between the walls and the floor - the people

> heard her footsteps, looked under the walls and saw there was someone on the

> other side of the shed. So they walked faster, chasing her around and around

> the shed. Mum would have been FRANTIC!!! How DARE anyone see her in her

> underwear! She would never live it down!!! Anyway, they got sick of chasing

> and left, and Mum scampered into the house and it took days for her to get

> over it. I still get the giggles when I think about it - for her that would

> have been an ultimate embaressment.

>

> I think being able to laugh about irrational behaviour is a good thing.

> Often when us kids are together it stops us from getting into a morbid " mum

> screwed us up " conversation, which ends is us all getting mad. There is a

> time and a place for laughing at the stupidness of it all.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

" Humor is also a way of saying something serious. " T.S. Eliot

>

> When us kids do happen to get together, we do the usual " have you talked to

mum lately? " and compare stories of what she has done/said lately. If we are in

a good enough mood, we might compare things that we can laugh about. It takes

some effort at times, but I think it is good for us, and brings us a little

closer together. Truely, the things she does can be comical at times.

>

> Once I went with mum to a picture framers. She fancied herself to be a great

artist, and she was pretty good in her early days. She wanted a picture framed,

and while we were talking to the elderly framer he asked how to pronounce our

last name.

> Her current husband is of Dutch descent, and Mum did her thing where she half

closes her eyes, puffs out her chest, lifts her chin and declares in a superior

voice " it is pronounced RRRRRR-OUT-men! Its Dutch! " . The guy smiled, and asked

if she could speak Dutch. Mum replied " but of course " . Now, my mother cant speak

a damn word. Neither can her husband. At this point Im standing there with one

eyebrow up, wondering what on earth possessed her to say such a thing.

> The framer smiled even wider and began rattling on to her in Dutch! There is

nothing as wonderful in the world than the look of dismay and " oh crap, what do

I do now? " that crossed her face. I had to control myself not to fall on the

floor weeing myself with laughter while she stammered and stuttered through some

excuse about not having practised for ages. It was gold. Needless to say, she

packed up her pictures and stalked out of the store, furious.

>

> We lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere when I was a kid. Mum was

apparently hanging washing out while us kids were at school, on a line behind

the shed, 300m from the house, in her undies. Suddenly a car pulls up and people

get out. Mum panics (reputation is huge to her) and runs behind the shed. As

they walk around the shed to the house, she walks the other way so they cant see

her. She didnt realise that the walls of the shed are elevated - there is a

large gap between the walls and the floor - the people heard her footsteps,

looked under the walls and saw there was someone on the other side of the shed.

So they walked faster, chasing her around and around the shed. Mum would have

been FRANTIC!!! How DARE anyone see her in her underwear! She would never live

it down!!! Anyway, they got sick of chasing and left, and Mum scampered into the

house and it took days for her to get over it. I still get the giggles when I

think about it - for her that would have been an ultimate embaressment.

>

> I think being able to laugh about irrational behaviour is a good thing. Often

when us kids are together it stops us from getting into a morbid " mum screwed us

up " conversation, which ends is us all getting mad. There is a time and a place

for laughing at the stupidness of it all.

>

[Guest guest]

OMG Arabian Prince? Laughing ass right off!!!!

My dad would have called that " poetic lisence. " I call it making shit up.

>

>

>

> haha thats good!

>

>

>

> >

> > Another one I thought of...

> >

> > When my father was selling his business, a pair of brothers I went to

> school with came over to buy it. While they were talking, my mother asked

> one of them " what do you do for a living? " He replied " Im a male stripper " .

> > My 50 year old mother replied, completely sincere, " Really? Ive always

> wanted to do that myself! " The two bothers pissed themselves - she didnt

> realise they were joking....

> >

> > I think my father almost died.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

We mock nada stories quite a bit, although lately we've mocked her husband more.

He's likely on the NPD scale...and there has been great validation for me in

finding out that pretty much EVERYONE in my extended family finds him just as

ridiculous as I find him.

Several years ago my cousin and his wife came to visit me from out of state

while our grandmother was here, staying with nada. Dinner was rough, what with

nada ripping apart my cousin's mother right in front of him (she seems to be the

only one who doesn't like my aunt!). We finally got on to stories of my

grandmother...she's had a pretty fascinating life. Nada's husband was

completely out of the loop...had nothing to share...when out of the clear

freaking blue he interrupts with a chortle and a very proud, " Well! I make my

own water! " My grandmother didn't miss a beat...she said, " So do I, five or six

times a day when everything's working properly. " Gawd, it was classic. I was

like, " You are *not* fusing hydrogen and oxygen in the basement to make

water...and if you are, then I'm calling the cops to tell them you have a meth

lab down there just for kicks and giggles. " The rest of us were cracking up,

nada was infuriated, and her husband didn't get

the joke and went on to explain for TWENTY minutes, the elaborate set up he

supposedly had in the basement to purify the tap water and how brilliant he was

about it, how nobody else could do this, that he could make millions selling the

idea but he had to be careful because the government doesn't like people as

smart as he is and they'd hire an assasin...ad nauseum and non stop.

It's become a running joke with my grandmother, my cousins, their friends, and

myself...random texts of " did you make any water today " or in conversation out

of the blue " You know I make my own water, right? "

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: What can you laugh about?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Thursday, September 2, 2010, 4:42 AM

> I know what you mean! Sometimes,

> things are just funny, even though to anyone else they

> arent.

> One particular sister and I have a good laugh about the

> rubbish mum says about us to the other. We have to laugh,

> because to take it seriously would make us cry (and does

> some of the time).

>

> Heres another bizarre thing my mum did once- I had my best

> friend over at my house on the weekend. We were playing

> outside, and she decided to go in to grab a drink or

> something. She opened the door, and then slammed it shut and

> came running back with her mouth open. Apparently my mother

> was standing right inside the door, talking on the phone

> without her false teeth in, butt naked.

> When I went inside and told mum to go put some clothes on,

> she got upset that my friend was so rude to see her naked.

> She couldnt see that standing around the house naked made it

> her own fault!

>

> Another time my mother wouldnt let me go on school camp,

> and told the school teacher it was because she had an affair

> with an arabian prince years before, he was watching and

> would kidnap us kids. I was as embarressed as a kid can get,

> but us girls have a good laugh about it now.

>

> My friend and I still giggle about things like this when we

> get together for drinks.

>

>

>

> >

> > there is a big fight I always laugh about. it's not

> funny at all and I still have a scar but to me it is the

> perfect illustration of my family.

> >

> > I cut my finger opening a can (i.e. the scar I still

> have) and went to ask nada for bandaids. She screams at me

> 'how can you be so stupid to cut your finger on a can

> opener' blah blah blah. Up to that point I'd been brave but

> then i started bawling, my brother jumped in and started

> chiding me about 'crying like a baby', then my father was

> sitting there and told me to put a bandaid on it (not at all

> out of concern, just annoyance) and when I said we didn't

> have any, he seized on the opportunity to start an argument

> since he and my mother were fighting by yelling at the top

> of his lungs, " what kind of mother wouldn't have any

> bandaids in a house full of children " and they were off to

> the races in another argument. Meanwhile I'm standing at the

> sink bleeding everywhere...I remember my hand shaking and

> stuff. I don't know why but every time I think about him

> starting with 'what kind of mother...' I just burst out

> laughing. it wasn't funny then, but it's so d*mn typical of

> the emotionally charged insanity I lived in every day of my

> life. I think I was around 8 or 10 when that happened.

> >

> > another time I remember is when nada and fada were

> having their almost daily fights about money and nada was

> begging fada to pay the bills and fada finally relented and

> wrote out all the checks, but he wrote " f*ck you " in the

> memo section of every one of the checks. apparently that was

> their last checkbook so nada was forced to send the checks

> out like that.

> >

> > sigh...

> >

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

We mock nada stories quite a bit, although lately we've mocked her husband more.

He's likely on the NPD scale...and there has been great validation for me in

finding out that pretty much EVERYONE in my extended family finds him just as

ridiculous as I find him.

Several years ago my cousin and his wife came to visit me from out of state

while our grandmother was here, staying with nada. Dinner was rough, what with

nada ripping apart my cousin's mother right in front of him (she seems to be the

only one who doesn't like my aunt!). We finally got on to stories of my

grandmother...she's had a pretty fascinating life. Nada's husband was

completely out of the loop...had nothing to share...when out of the clear

freaking blue he interrupts with a chortle and a very proud, " Well! I make my

own water! " My grandmother didn't miss a beat...she said, " So do I, five or six

times a day when everything's working properly. " Gawd, it was classic. I was

like, " You are *not* fusing hydrogen and oxygen in the basement to make

water...and if you are, then I'm calling the cops to tell them you have a meth

lab down there just for kicks and giggles. " The rest of us were cracking up,

nada was infuriated, and her husband didn't get

the joke and went on to explain for TWENTY minutes, the elaborate set up he

supposedly had in the basement to purify the tap water and how brilliant he was

about it, how nobody else could do this, that he could make millions selling the

idea but he had to be careful because the government doesn't like people as

smart as he is and they'd hire an assasin...ad nauseum and non stop.

It's become a running joke with my grandmother, my cousins, their friends, and

myself...random texts of " did you make any water today " or in conversation out

of the blue " You know I make my own water, right? "

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: What can you laugh about?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Thursday, September 2, 2010, 4:42 AM

> I know what you mean! Sometimes,

> things are just funny, even though to anyone else they

> arent.

> One particular sister and I have a good laugh about the

> rubbish mum says about us to the other. We have to laugh,

> because to take it seriously would make us cry (and does

> some of the time).

>

> Heres another bizarre thing my mum did once- I had my best

> friend over at my house on the weekend. We were playing

> outside, and she decided to go in to grab a drink or

> something. She opened the door, and then slammed it shut and

> came running back with her mouth open. Apparently my mother

> was standing right inside the door, talking on the phone

> without her false teeth in, butt naked.

> When I went inside and told mum to go put some clothes on,

> she got upset that my friend was so rude to see her naked.

> She couldnt see that standing around the house naked made it

> her own fault!

>

> Another time my mother wouldnt let me go on school camp,

> and told the school teacher it was because she had an affair

> with an arabian prince years before, he was watching and

> would kidnap us kids. I was as embarressed as a kid can get,

> but us girls have a good laugh about it now.

>

> My friend and I still giggle about things like this when we

> get together for drinks.

>

>

>

> >

> > there is a big fight I always laugh about. it's not

> funny at all and I still have a scar but to me it is the

> perfect illustration of my family.

> >

> > I cut my finger opening a can (i.e. the scar I still

> have) and went to ask nada for bandaids. She screams at me

> 'how can you be so stupid to cut your finger on a can

> opener' blah blah blah. Up to that point I'd been brave but

> then i started bawling, my brother jumped in and started

> chiding me about 'crying like a baby', then my father was

> sitting there and told me to put a bandaid on it (not at all

> out of concern, just annoyance) and when I said we didn't

> have any, he seized on the opportunity to start an argument

> since he and my mother were fighting by yelling at the top

> of his lungs, " what kind of mother wouldn't have any

> bandaids in a house full of children " and they were off to

> the races in another argument. Meanwhile I'm standing at the

> sink bleeding everywhere...I remember my hand shaking and

> stuff. I don't know why but every time I think about him

> starting with 'what kind of mother...' I just burst out

> laughing. it wasn't funny then, but it's so d*mn typical of

> the emotionally charged insanity I lived in every day of my

> life. I think I was around 8 or 10 when that happened.

> >

> > another time I remember is when nada and fada were

> having their almost daily fights about money and nada was

> begging fada to pay the bills and fada finally relented and

> wrote out all the checks, but he wrote " f*ck you " in the

> memo section of every one of the checks. apparently that was

> their last checkbook so nada was forced to send the checks

> out like that.

> >

> > sigh...

> >

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)

[Guest guest]

Oh, gawd, this is SOOOO like something my mother would say! ahahaha!

*headesk*

>

> Another one I thought of...

>

> When my father was selling his business, a pair of brothers I went to school

with came over to buy it. While they were talking, my mother asked one of them

" what do you do for a living? " He replied " Im a male stripper " .

> My 50 year old mother replied, completely sincere, " Really? Ive always wanted

to do that myself! " The two bothers pissed themselves - she didnt realise they

were joking....

>

> I think my father almost died.

>

[Guest guest]

Well your fada can make the water, but can he part it? I bet he could if you

asked him to! haha

> > >

> > > there is a big fight I always laugh about. it's not

> > funny at all and I still have a scar but to me it is the

> > perfect illustration of my family.

> > >

> > > I cut my finger opening a can (i.e. the scar I still

> > have) and went to ask nada for bandaids. She screams at me

> > 'how can you be so stupid to cut your finger on a can

> > opener' blah blah blah. Up to that point I'd been brave but

> > then i started bawling, my brother jumped in and started

> > chiding me about 'crying like a baby', then my father was

> > sitting there and told me to put a bandaid on it (not at all

> > out of concern, just annoyance) and when I said we didn't

> > have any, he seized on the opportunity to start an argument

> > since he and my mother were fighting by yelling at the top

> > of his lungs, " what kind of mother wouldn't have any

> > bandaids in a house full of children " and they were off to

> > the races in another argument. Meanwhile I'm standing at the

> > sink bleeding everywhere...I remember my hand shaking and

> > stuff. I don't know why but every time I think about him

> > starting with 'what kind of mother...' I just burst out

> > laughing. it wasn't funny then, but it's so d*mn typical of

> > the emotionally charged insanity I lived in every day of my

> > life. I think I was around 8 or 10 when that happened.

> > >

> > > another time I remember is when nada and fada were

> > having their almost daily fights about money and nada was

> > begging fada to pay the bills and fada finally relented and

> > wrote out all the checks, but he wrote " f*ck you " in the

> > memo section of every one of the checks. apparently that was

> > their last checkbook so nada was forced to send the checks

> > out like that.

> > >

> > > sigh...

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @...

> > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> > find)

[Guest guest]

Well your fada can make the water, but can he part it? I bet he could if you

asked him to! haha

> > >

> > > there is a big fight I always laugh about. it's not

> > funny at all and I still have a scar but to me it is the

> > perfect illustration of my family.

> > >

> > > I cut my finger opening a can (i.e. the scar I still

> > have) and went to ask nada for bandaids. She screams at me

> > 'how can you be so stupid to cut your finger on a can

> > opener' blah blah blah. Up to that point I'd been brave but

> > then i started bawling, my brother jumped in and started

> > chiding me about 'crying like a baby', then my father was

> > sitting there and told me to put a bandaid on it (not at all

> > out of concern, just annoyance) and when I said we didn't

> > have any, he seized on the opportunity to start an argument

> > since he and my mother were fighting by yelling at the top

> > of his lungs, " what kind of mother wouldn't have any

> > bandaids in a house full of children " and they were off to

> > the races in another argument. Meanwhile I'm standing at the

> > sink bleeding everywhere...I remember my hand shaking and

> > stuff. I don't know why but every time I think about him

> > starting with 'what kind of mother...' I just burst out

> > laughing. it wasn't funny then, but it's so d*mn typical of

> > the emotionally charged insanity I lived in every day of my

> > life. I think I was around 8 or 10 when that happened.

> > >

> > > another time I remember is when nada and fada were

> > having their almost daily fights about money and nada was

> > begging fada to pay the bills and fada finally relented and

> > wrote out all the checks, but he wrote " f*ck you " in the

> > memo section of every one of the checks. apparently that was

> > their last checkbook so nada was forced to send the checks

> > out like that.

> > >

> > > sigh...

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @...

> > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> > find)

[Guest guest]

Well your fada can make the water, but can he part it? I bet he could if you

asked him to! haha

> > >

> > > there is a big fight I always laugh about. it's not

> > funny at all and I still have a scar but to me it is the

> > perfect illustration of my family.

> > >

> > > I cut my finger opening a can (i.e. the scar I still

> > have) and went to ask nada for bandaids. She screams at me

> > 'how can you be so stupid to cut your finger on a can

> > opener' blah blah blah. Up to that point I'd been brave but

> > then i started bawling, my brother jumped in and started

> > chiding me about 'crying like a baby', then my father was

> > sitting there and told me to put a bandaid on it (not at all

> > out of concern, just annoyance) and when I said we didn't

> > have any, he seized on the opportunity to start an argument

> > since he and my mother were fighting by yelling at the top

> > of his lungs, " what kind of mother wouldn't have any

> > bandaids in a house full of children " and they were off to

> > the races in another argument. Meanwhile I'm standing at the

> > sink bleeding everywhere...I remember my hand shaking and

> > stuff. I don't know why but every time I think about him

> > starting with 'what kind of mother...' I just burst out

> > laughing. it wasn't funny then, but it's so d*mn typical of

> > the emotionally charged insanity I lived in every day of my

> > life. I think I was around 8 or 10 when that happened.

> > >

> > > another time I remember is when nada and fada were

> > having their almost daily fights about money and nada was

> > begging fada to pay the bills and fada finally relented and

> > wrote out all the checks, but he wrote " f*ck you " in the

> > memo section of every one of the checks. apparently that was

> > their last checkbook so nada was forced to send the checks

> > out like that.

> > >

> > > sigh...

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @...

> > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> > find)

[Guest guest]

Oh, gosh...it was such drama and disaster, that wedding! Although, technically,

I wasn't even invited.

Calling off my own wedding was actually a good idea...he's not a bad guy, it was

just not a great match, you know? But still a little embarassing and emotional.

Anyway...the long sordid story...

Nada emailed me one night that she was getting engaged to this guy (she met him

online, I'd never actually met him yet but they'd been together for quite some

time). I immediately replied a congratulations, keep me posted on the wedding

date so I can put it on my calendar. She responded back...all angry that they

didn't even have a ring yet, let alone a date blah blah I'm angry at you you

awful daughter blah blah blah. She added that the wedding would be in the fall

sometime. I replied back just keep me posted, that if it made any difference I

was not available Labor Day Weekend because my friends and I had nonrefundable

plane tickets out of town. (My bridesmaids and I were flying out of state to

visit my maid of honor, who they had never met because she lives so far away...a

girls weekend instead of a wedding, it was epic!). Nada replies back with " Our

wedding is on September 4 "

Okay, can I point out that ALL of those emails occured within a 20 minute time

frame. From start to finish? So she went from " we aren't engaged, how dare you

ask about a date " to " This is the day we are absolutely getting married " in

twenty minutes.

Yeah. That was only the beginning.

I was hurt...not so much because that was originally planned to be my day, but

because of how that all went down. I was hurt that she deliberately planned it

for a day she knew I wasn't available and was forcing me to have to choose.

Since I knew, that first evening, that there was NO WAY she had booked the

church, the reception, etc in those few minutes, I re-explained that I wasn't

available and why, that these tickets had been purchased quite some time ago,

and I couldn't send the other women off to stay for a long weekend with someone

they'd never met (let alone expect my other friend to host all these people she

didn't know).

Nada didn't respond to that...instead, I got a flurry of emails and phone calls

from various family members and people. It took me a few contacts to figure out

that nada, in her pre-emptive smear campaign, had contacted these people in

tears and told them that I was throwing a tantrum/hissy fit and " refusing " to

come to her wedding because it was " my " day. WTF? That was really never an

issue for me...any hurt I had was focused on " You knew I wasn't able to come,

and you did this anyway " not at all on " I was supposed to get married that day "

The only person who called that didn't buy nada's story was the woman from our

church...she called me, aghast about the date...she felt really badly about it

and thought it was in terrible taste on nada's part.

I did not get invited to any bridal showers (which she had, greedy that she

is...she didn't need anything and it was second marriage for both of them...but

she really was all about getting new things for free). I was not included in

any of the wedding prep...which was actually really okay with me. I didn't have

much interest in being involved, and on her end it didn't suit her to have me

involved because she wanted everyone to believe I was throwing this bridezilla

like tantrum.

In July, she called me to tell me I had to come the next day to get my things

from her house. Um...okay. I didn't know I had things at her

house...apparently it was all the stuff SHE had saved of mine. There were other

dramas in that, too, but I'll spare you. So I called 2 friends to help me out

and went over there. It was the first time I was to meet her husband-to-be and

it was..well, disastrously funny. My friends were somewhat horrified at his

outlandish " let me tell you how wonderful I am " stories (oh, he was claiming to

have been in the CIA, the DEA, the FBI, all while working for IBM who didn't

know about his other secret affiliations...yada yada yada.) Nada had left out

an invitation sample...my friend asked her if that was her invitation and nada

looked at me and snarked out " Don't think YOU'RE getting one. You already made

it clear you're not coming so I'm not giving you the satisfaction of an

invitation. " Fine by me!

At one point during the day we went to pick up pizza...me, my 2 friends, and

nada. Nada starts talking about the wedding and then says " I need a babysitter

to watch my grandchildren during the wedding and probably the reception, so I'll

let you know what time to come over for them. " Wait. What? Our jaws all

dropped. Granted, I'm a nanny...so babysitting would seem like a natural thing

for me. But...uh, no. I told her, " I already told you, I'm out of town that

weekend. I won't be here. " She got all white lipped and told me it was my

responsibility, then, since I was not willing to be helpful, to find her another

sitter. She included that they were trying to save money (can I mention that

she only saves money when it comes to spending it on others, not when it comes

to things for herself) and that she was sure one of my nanny friends could

volunteer. Well...let's think about this: five small children, whom the sitter

has never met in a hotel or

home that the children...who are here from out of state...are unfamiliar with

PLUS dealing with a time change? Wow. That sounds like fun work to do for free

for someone you don't know. Right. So I calmly told her, " I can send out some

emails and have people contact you, but the pricing is between you and them. I

cannot guarantee that anyone is available or the quality of their care because

the only three people I would actually recommend personally are traveling with

me that weekend. There are some agencies you can use, too. " She was LIVID.

She raged about how " everybody " was doing " something to help " and how

disgraceful and selfish it was of me to not do this task for her. She was

completely stunned that I wasn't willing to do all sorts of legwork to find her

a free babysitter...for her husband's grandchildren. There were comments about

how " I'm sure your friends owe you... " and " I know the reason you don't want

them to help me is because

they'll see that all your lies about me were just lies and then they'll know

the truth about you... "

My two friends were in the backseat of the car, alternating between horror and

pissing themselves with laughter over how completely ludicrous nada was. If any

good came of it, that particular community of friends has never again questioned

my choices about nada or tried to do the " you can work it out " thing. When it

comes up...someone in the group always pipes in with " No, you really don't get

it new person...Ninera's mom is totally batshit mean crazy. "

Anyway...I was definitely on the shit list for not providing the sitter. And I

still went on my girls weekend trip, which was awesome.

There were a few other relatives who refused to attend the wedding...my cousin

and his wife refused to go (though they didn't make that clear to nada, to avoid

the drama) because of several things nada did to hurt them. That cousin's

parents attended (nada's brother and his wife) grudgingly...they flew in and out

on the wedding day, and wore jeans. Which, if you know them...they are fairly

formal and proper and almost never wear jeans. My aunt usually wears dresses,

hardly ever pants even. So it was pretty funny. To cover their asses, they

claimed that their luggage got lost. But anyone with common sense realized that

a day trip doesn't require checked luggage. Nada and her husband still haven't

put that one together!

Not long before the wedding, nada tried claiming that she did everything she

could to have the wedding on a day I could come. She swore that Sept 4 was the

ONLY DAY that the church, reception site, and the priest they wanted were all

available on the same day. Funny thing...when she first set the date, my

friends were all far angrier than I was about it. I actually offered the

suggestion that maybe it was the only date that the church and hall were

available together. So one friend called the church...and found out that there

were openings on every Saturday in September and October. At their prompting, I

called the hall...and found out they had availability every Saturday in

September.

So when she started claiming that, I knew it was a load of bull and I called her

on it. I basically said, " Look, it is your wedding. You have the right to set

the priorities for your wedding as you see fit and I respect that. Let's keep

it honest, though. Both the church and the reception hall were available every

Saturday in September. I know. I checked. Which means that, perhaps, this was

the only Saturday the priest you wanted was available. So, you had a

choice...your daughter in attendance or the priest. You chose the priest.

That's absolutely your right to do...but you need to be honest with yourself and

everyone you're talking to about it what the actual choice was and that you

chose the priest over your daughter. Your choice to make, but you need to own

that choice. "

As you can imagine, that didn't go over well. It prompted another round of nada

calling people to tell them about this hate filled, abusive, threatening email

from her sick and twisted daughter. When I got calls about that, I just cut

them off with " Ask her to see the email. If she doesn't have it, I'm happy to

forward it to you so you can see for yourself what it said. " Nobody took me up

on that, but it stopped them calling me about it.

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: What can you laugh about?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Friday, September 3, 2010, 2:30 AM

> Ninera-

> They took over your wedding reservation?!?

> my how....thrifty.

> Or something.

> Please tell me they didn't expect YOU to be all happy and

> bubbly on their " special day " .

> Did your mum borrow your dress, too?

>

> Unbelievable.

>

> Letty

[Guest guest]

Oh, gosh...it was such drama and disaster, that wedding! Although, technically,

I wasn't even invited.

Calling off my own wedding was actually a good idea...he's not a bad guy, it was

just not a great match, you know? But still a little embarassing and emotional.

Anyway...the long sordid story...

Nada emailed me one night that she was getting engaged to this guy (she met him

online, I'd never actually met him yet but they'd been together for quite some

time). I immediately replied a congratulations, keep me posted on the wedding

date so I can put it on my calendar. She responded back...all angry that they

didn't even have a ring yet, let alone a date blah blah I'm angry at you you

awful daughter blah blah blah. She added that the wedding would be in the fall

sometime. I replied back just keep me posted, that if it made any difference I

was not available Labor Day Weekend because my friends and I had nonrefundable

plane tickets out of town. (My bridesmaids and I were flying out of state to

visit my maid of honor, who they had never met because she lives so far away...a

girls weekend instead of a wedding, it was epic!). Nada replies back with " Our

wedding is on September 4 "

Okay, can I point out that ALL of those emails occured within a 20 minute time

frame. From start to finish? So she went from " we aren't engaged, how dare you

ask about a date " to " This is the day we are absolutely getting married " in

twenty minutes.

Yeah. That was only the beginning.

I was hurt...not so much because that was originally planned to be my day, but

because of how that all went down. I was hurt that she deliberately planned it

for a day she knew I wasn't available and was forcing me to have to choose.

Since I knew, that first evening, that there was NO WAY she had booked the

church, the reception, etc in those few minutes, I re-explained that I wasn't

available and why, that these tickets had been purchased quite some time ago,

and I couldn't send the other women off to stay for a long weekend with someone

they'd never met (let alone expect my other friend to host all these people she

didn't know).

Nada didn't respond to that...instead, I got a flurry of emails and phone calls

from various family members and people. It took me a few contacts to figure out

that nada, in her pre-emptive smear campaign, had contacted these people in

tears and told them that I was throwing a tantrum/hissy fit and " refusing " to

come to her wedding because it was " my " day. WTF? That was really never an

issue for me...any hurt I had was focused on " You knew I wasn't able to come,

and you did this anyway " not at all on " I was supposed to get married that day "

The only person who called that didn't buy nada's story was the woman from our

church...she called me, aghast about the date...she felt really badly about it

and thought it was in terrible taste on nada's part.

I did not get invited to any bridal showers (which she had, greedy that she

is...she didn't need anything and it was second marriage for both of them...but

she really was all about getting new things for free). I was not included in

any of the wedding prep...which was actually really okay with me. I didn't have

much interest in being involved, and on her end it didn't suit her to have me

involved because she wanted everyone to believe I was throwing this bridezilla

like tantrum.

In July, she called me to tell me I had to come the next day to get my things

from her house. Um...okay. I didn't know I had things at her

house...apparently it was all the stuff SHE had saved of mine. There were other

dramas in that, too, but I'll spare you. So I called 2 friends to help me out

and went over there. It was the first time I was to meet her husband-to-be and

it was..well, disastrously funny. My friends were somewhat horrified at his

outlandish " let me tell you how wonderful I am " stories (oh, he was claiming to

have been in the CIA, the DEA, the FBI, all while working for IBM who didn't

know about his other secret affiliations...yada yada yada.) Nada had left out

an invitation sample...my friend asked her if that was her invitation and nada

looked at me and snarked out " Don't think YOU'RE getting one. You already made

it clear you're not coming so I'm not giving you the satisfaction of an

invitation. " Fine by me!

At one point during the day we went to pick up pizza...me, my 2 friends, and

nada. Nada starts talking about the wedding and then says " I need a babysitter

to watch my grandchildren during the wedding and probably the reception, so I'll

let you know what time to come over for them. " Wait. What? Our jaws all

dropped. Granted, I'm a nanny...so babysitting would seem like a natural thing

for me. But...uh, no. I told her, " I already told you, I'm out of town that

weekend. I won't be here. " She got all white lipped and told me it was my

responsibility, then, since I was not willing to be helpful, to find her another

sitter. She included that they were trying to save money (can I mention that

she only saves money when it comes to spending it on others, not when it comes

to things for herself) and that she was sure one of my nanny friends could

volunteer. Well...let's think about this: five small children, whom the sitter

has never met in a hotel or

home that the children...who are here from out of state...are unfamiliar with

PLUS dealing with a time change? Wow. That sounds like fun work to do for free

for someone you don't know. Right. So I calmly told her, " I can send out some

emails and have people contact you, but the pricing is between you and them. I

cannot guarantee that anyone is available or the quality of their care because

the only three people I would actually recommend personally are traveling with

me that weekend. There are some agencies you can use, too. " She was LIVID.

She raged about how " everybody " was doing " something to help " and how

disgraceful and selfish it was of me to not do this task for her. She was

completely stunned that I wasn't willing to do all sorts of legwork to find her

a free babysitter...for her husband's grandchildren. There were comments about

how " I'm sure your friends owe you... " and " I know the reason you don't want

them to help me is because

they'll see that all your lies about me were just lies and then they'll know

the truth about you... "

My two friends were in the backseat of the car, alternating between horror and

pissing themselves with laughter over how completely ludicrous nada was. If any

good came of it, that particular community of friends has never again questioned

my choices about nada or tried to do the " you can work it out " thing. When it

comes up...someone in the group always pipes in with " No, you really don't get

it new person...Ninera's mom is totally batshit mean crazy. "

Anyway...I was definitely on the shit list for not providing the sitter. And I

still went on my girls weekend trip, which was awesome.

There were a few other relatives who refused to attend the wedding...my cousin

and his wife refused to go (though they didn't make that clear to nada, to avoid

the drama) because of several things nada did to hurt them. That cousin's

parents attended (nada's brother and his wife) grudgingly...they flew in and out

on the wedding day, and wore jeans. Which, if you know them...they are fairly

formal and proper and almost never wear jeans. My aunt usually wears dresses,

hardly ever pants even. So it was pretty funny. To cover their asses, they

claimed that their luggage got lost. But anyone with common sense realized that

a day trip doesn't require checked luggage. Nada and her husband still haven't

put that one together!

Not long before the wedding, nada tried claiming that she did everything she

could to have the wedding on a day I could come. She swore that Sept 4 was the

ONLY DAY that the church, reception site, and the priest they wanted were all

available on the same day. Funny thing...when she first set the date, my

friends were all far angrier than I was about it. I actually offered the

suggestion that maybe it was the only date that the church and hall were

available together. So one friend called the church...and found out that there

were openings on every Saturday in September and October. At their prompting, I

called the hall...and found out they had availability every Saturday in

September.

So when she started claiming that, I knew it was a load of bull and I called her

on it. I basically said, " Look, it is your wedding. You have the right to set

the priorities for your wedding as you see fit and I respect that. Let's keep

it honest, though. Both the church and the reception hall were available every

Saturday in September. I know. I checked. Which means that, perhaps, this was

the only Saturday the priest you wanted was available. So, you had a

choice...your daughter in attendance or the priest. You chose the priest.

That's absolutely your right to do...but you need to be honest with yourself and

everyone you're talking to about it what the actual choice was and that you

chose the priest over your daughter. Your choice to make, but you need to own

that choice. "

As you can imagine, that didn't go over well. It prompted another round of nada

calling people to tell them about this hate filled, abusive, threatening email

from her sick and twisted daughter. When I got calls about that, I just cut

them off with " Ask her to see the email. If she doesn't have it, I'm happy to

forward it to you so you can see for yourself what it said. " Nobody took me up

on that, but it stopped them calling me about it.

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: What can you laugh about?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Friday, September 3, 2010, 2:30 AM

> Ninera-

> They took over your wedding reservation?!?

> my how....thrifty.

> Or something.

> Please tell me they didn't expect YOU to be all happy and

> bubbly on their " special day " .

> Did your mum borrow your dress, too?

>

> Unbelievable.

>

> Letty

[Guest guest]

Ninera, Wow what a story. Sounds so nadaish a series of inconsistent emails

within a matter of minutes! Ha! I love that your friends got a front row seat

on the trip to crazy town. Now they know and support you 100%! Good for you to

have such good friendships. LB

>

> >

> > Subject: Re: What can you laugh about?

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Date: Friday, September 3, 2010, 2:30 AM

> > Ninera-

> > They took over your wedding reservation?!?

> > my how....thrifty.

> > Or something.

> > Please tell me they didn't expect YOU to be all happy and

> > bubbly on their " special day " .

> > Did your mum borrow your dress, too?

> >

> > Unbelievable.

> >

> > Letty

>

[Guest guest]

Wow.

And again, Wow.

So glad in a weird way that your friends got to see that.

Oh, the poor long suffering nada!

I love, love, love the 20 minute thing.

My mom too loves to tell long stories of my cruelty to family, friends, and

relations. She keeps the best for my private ear, though.

My favorite is how I lost her job for her. Apparently she hit a kid who reminded

her of me.

Yes, my evil controls her from 2000 miles away!

God bless them all.

Letty

>

> >

> > Subject: Re: What can you laugh about?

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Date: Friday, September 3, 2010, 2:30 AM

> > Ninera-

> > They took over your wedding reservation?!?

> > my how....thrifty.

> > Or something.

> > Please tell me they didn't expect YOU to be all happy and

> > bubbly on their " special day " .

> > Did your mum borrow your dress, too?

> >

> > Unbelievable.

> >

> > Letty

>

[Guest guest]

Wow.

And again, Wow.

So glad in a weird way that your friends got to see that.

Oh, the poor long suffering nada!

I love, love, love the 20 minute thing.

My mom too loves to tell long stories of my cruelty to family, friends, and

relations. She keeps the best for my private ear, though.

My favorite is how I lost her job for her. Apparently she hit a kid who reminded

her of me.

Yes, my evil controls her from 2000 miles away!

God bless them all.

Letty

>

> >

> > Subject: Re: What can you laugh about?

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Date: Friday, September 3, 2010, 2:30 AM

> > Ninera-

> > They took over your wedding reservation?!?

> > my how....thrifty.

> > Or something.

> > Please tell me they didn't expect YOU to be all happy and

> > bubbly on their " special day " .

> > Did your mum borrow your dress, too?

> >

> > Unbelievable.

> >

> > Letty

>

[Guest guest]

Wow.

And again, Wow.

So glad in a weird way that your friends got to see that.

Oh, the poor long suffering nada!

I love, love, love the 20 minute thing.

My mom too loves to tell long stories of my cruelty to family, friends, and

relations. She keeps the best for my private ear, though.

My favorite is how I lost her job for her. Apparently she hit a kid who reminded

her of me.

Yes, my evil controls her from 2000 miles away!

God bless them all.

Letty

>

> >

> > Subject: Re: What can you laugh about?

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Date: Friday, September 3, 2010, 2:30 AM

> > Ninera-

> > They took over your wedding reservation?!?

> > my how....thrifty.

> > Or something.

> > Please tell me they didn't expect YOU to be all happy and

> > bubbly on their " special day " .

> > Did your mum borrow your dress, too?

> >

> > Unbelievable.

> >

> > Letty

>