mom reaching out to MILs to prove me wrong - so annoying!

[Guest guest]

Okay, I don't know why this bugged me so much, but it does.

My in-laws, who have strong NPD traits, have a long, long history of selfish

neglect towards my hubby.

Dear hubby just had two major life-threatening surgeries. They didn't bother to

come visit. I never expected them to - it's kind of par for the course.

They didn't show up for his brother's wedding, for hubby's last major surgery,

for the time his skull was beaten in by a criminal, etc. They never bothered to

inquire why he dropped out of colleges (lack of funds, since they never helped

him and only a couple of years ago asked him casually why he had " flunked out " ).

They waited eight months- EIGHT MONTHS!- to ask him whether or not his tests for

cancer were positive. (with big self-congratulatory smiles on their faces, like

" See what great parents we are! We CARE! " )

They always talk a big game about how UPSET they are and how much THEY CARE, for

about two minutes before diverting back to the fascinating subject of their own

lives.

Bitter much? Yes, I guess I am.

So my mom (in denial about BPD dad and bro, with strong NPD traits herself) has

gotten it into her head that the reason they didn't visit is that I wasn't

WELCOMING enough for them.

She went so far as to research accommodations for them at the hospital.

I told her not to bother, as they'd never show up.

So my mom called them up herself, after the fact, and reported to me

triumphantly that they said they were " very worried about my hubby, and were

depressed for three weeks before his surgery " .

As in " Ah ha! these are wonderful parents who you have totally misconstrued! "

Has anyone else had a parent do this kind of thing - try to justify other bad

parent's actions?

It's so crazy making.

Like yep, you've talked to these people three or four times, I've dealt with

them for 11 years and seen how they've hurt the man I love, but I guess you know

best.

Letty

[Guest guest]

yes it's typical. the crazies seem to hone in on each other to prop each other

up. So sorry about what your husband has been through at the hands of narcs and

you at the hands of nada. Hugs.

>

> Okay, I don't know why this bugged me so much, but it does.

>

> My in-laws, who have strong NPD traits, have a long, long history of selfish

neglect towards my hubby.

>

> Dear hubby just had two major life-threatening surgeries. They didn't bother

to come visit. I never expected them to - it's kind of par for the course.

>

> They didn't show up for his brother's wedding, for hubby's last major surgery,

for the time his skull was beaten in by a criminal, etc. They never bothered to

inquire why he dropped out of colleges (lack of funds, since they never helped

him and only a couple of years ago asked him casually why he had " flunked out " ).

They waited eight months- EIGHT MONTHS!- to ask him whether or not his tests for

cancer were positive. (with big self-congratulatory smiles on their faces, like

" See what great parents we are! We CARE! " )

>

> They always talk a big game about how UPSET they are and how much THEY CARE,

for about two minutes before diverting back to the fascinating subject of their

own lives.

>

> Bitter much? Yes, I guess I am.

>

> So my mom (in denial about BPD dad and bro, with strong NPD traits herself)

has gotten it into her head that the reason they didn't visit is that I wasn't

WELCOMING enough for them.

>

> She went so far as to research accommodations for them at the hospital.

>

> I told her not to bother, as they'd never show up.

>

> So my mom called them up herself, after the fact, and reported to me

triumphantly that they said they were " very worried about my hubby, and were

depressed for three weeks before his surgery " .

>

> As in " Ah ha! these are wonderful parents who you have totally misconstrued! "

>

> Has anyone else had a parent do this kind of thing - try to justify other bad

parent's actions?

>

> It's so crazy making.

>

> Like yep, you've talked to these people three or four times, I've dealt with

them for 11 years and seen how they've hurt the man I love, but I guess you know

best.

>

> Letty

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah I know what you mean I have the same problem with my nada making friends

with ALL my friends, in-laws, pastors, you name it she did did it. When I was in

high school she would give my friends smokes, something I did not like to do,

like the smell of it burned my eyes so she knew I would stay away. She would

give them alcohol too. Big hands down they would want to hang with her because

she was " cool " and I was lame just wanting to do regular high school things like

go to movies or beach or whatever while they drank and smoked with a 40

something year old. HA!

Later when I went n/c she tried everything to take everybody out of my circle

she went to far as calling my in-laws and trying to tell them dh and I went

crazy. She even got some if dh's friends to take her side to (and they were

living on the other side of the ocean, and about 20 years younger) the one guys

parents were so worried they called my in-laws crying saying they thought their

son joined a cult in America because he changed so much. Really he was just

spending extended periods of time with my nada.

She even got a pastor to turn against me, she had convinced him I was evil and

she was innocent in all this using the verses she knows by heart but they have

no meaning to her. She maintained a friendship with him for the last 7-8 years

(a record for her). She did tons of " free " services for their family and the

church stupidly he accepted, not knowing the string that was attached would soon

be hanging his own neck. We tried to warn him in the beginning. And I knew him

before my mom did from youth stuff, but he was more worried about what he could

get than doing the right thing. Well now that my sister is getting married, nada

wants her payback, pastor won't do want nada wants, nada is mad and sadly

started to spread lies about him. Some how this feels like he got what he had

coming and I don't really feel bad for him after what he put my family and

grandparents through.

It has taken time, but the winds are changing and nada is getting her payback,

so are some of the people who she alied with. Some of the people are smart

though and catch onto her before they get burned, and they have tried to

reetablish friendships with me. LB

> >

> > Okay, I don't know why this bugged me so much, but it does.

> >

> > My in-laws, who have strong NPD traits, have a long, long history of selfish

neglect towards my hubby.

> >

> > Dear hubby just had two major life-threatening surgeries. They didn't bother

to come visit. I never expected them to - it's kind of par for the course.

> >

> > They didn't show up for his brother's wedding, for hubby's last major

surgery, for the time his skull was beaten in by a criminal, etc. They never

bothered to inquire why he dropped out of colleges (lack of funds, since they

never helped him and only a couple of years ago asked him casually why he had

" flunked out " ). They waited eight months- EIGHT MONTHS!- to ask him whether or

not his tests for cancer were positive. (with big self-congratulatory smiles on

their faces, like " See what great parents we are! We CARE! " )

> >

> > They always talk a big game about how UPSET they are and how much THEY CARE,

for about two minutes before diverting back to the fascinating subject of their

own lives.

> >

> > Bitter much? Yes, I guess I am.

> >

> > So my mom (in denial about BPD dad and bro, with strong NPD traits herself)

has gotten it into her head that the reason they didn't visit is that I wasn't

WELCOMING enough for them.

> >

> > She went so far as to research accommodations for them at the hospital.

> >

> > I told her not to bother, as they'd never show up.

> >

> > So my mom called them up herself, after the fact, and reported to me

triumphantly that they said they were " very worried about my hubby, and were

depressed for three weeks before his surgery " .

> >

> > As in " Ah ha! these are wonderful parents who you have totally

misconstrued! "

> >

> > Has anyone else had a parent do this kind of thing - try to justify other

bad parent's actions?

> >

> > It's so crazy making.

> >

> > Like yep, you've talked to these people three or four times, I've dealt with

them for 11 years and seen how they've hurt the man I love, but I guess you know

best.

> >

> > Letty

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah I know what you mean I have the same problem with my nada making friends

with ALL my friends, in-laws, pastors, you name it she did did it. When I was in

high school she would give my friends smokes, something I did not like to do,

like the smell of it burned my eyes so she knew I would stay away. She would

give them alcohol too. Big hands down they would want to hang with her because

she was " cool " and I was lame just wanting to do regular high school things like

go to movies or beach or whatever while they drank and smoked with a 40

something year old. HA!

Later when I went n/c she tried everything to take everybody out of my circle

she went to far as calling my in-laws and trying to tell them dh and I went

crazy. She even got some if dh's friends to take her side to (and they were

living on the other side of the ocean, and about 20 years younger) the one guys

parents were so worried they called my in-laws crying saying they thought their

son joined a cult in America because he changed so much. Really he was just

spending extended periods of time with my nada.

She even got a pastor to turn against me, she had convinced him I was evil and

she was innocent in all this using the verses she knows by heart but they have

no meaning to her. She maintained a friendship with him for the last 7-8 years

(a record for her). She did tons of " free " services for their family and the

church stupidly he accepted, not knowing the string that was attached would soon

be hanging his own neck. We tried to warn him in the beginning. And I knew him

before my mom did from youth stuff, but he was more worried about what he could

get than doing the right thing. Well now that my sister is getting married, nada

wants her payback, pastor won't do want nada wants, nada is mad and sadly

started to spread lies about him. Some how this feels like he got what he had

coming and I don't really feel bad for him after what he put my family and

grandparents through.

It has taken time, but the winds are changing and nada is getting her payback,

so are some of the people who she alied with. Some of the people are smart

though and catch onto her before they get burned, and they have tried to

reetablish friendships with me. LB

> >

> > Okay, I don't know why this bugged me so much, but it does.

> >

> > My in-laws, who have strong NPD traits, have a long, long history of selfish

neglect towards my hubby.

> >

> > Dear hubby just had two major life-threatening surgeries. They didn't bother

to come visit. I never expected them to - it's kind of par for the course.

> >

> > They didn't show up for his brother's wedding, for hubby's last major

surgery, for the time his skull was beaten in by a criminal, etc. They never

bothered to inquire why he dropped out of colleges (lack of funds, since they

never helped him and only a couple of years ago asked him casually why he had

" flunked out " ). They waited eight months- EIGHT MONTHS!- to ask him whether or

not his tests for cancer were positive. (with big self-congratulatory smiles on

their faces, like " See what great parents we are! We CARE! " )

> >

> > They always talk a big game about how UPSET they are and how much THEY CARE,

for about two minutes before diverting back to the fascinating subject of their

own lives.

> >

> > Bitter much? Yes, I guess I am.

> >

> > So my mom (in denial about BPD dad and bro, with strong NPD traits herself)

has gotten it into her head that the reason they didn't visit is that I wasn't

WELCOMING enough for them.

> >

> > She went so far as to research accommodations for them at the hospital.

> >

> > I told her not to bother, as they'd never show up.

> >

> > So my mom called them up herself, after the fact, and reported to me

triumphantly that they said they were " very worried about my hubby, and were

depressed for three weeks before his surgery " .

> >

> > As in " Ah ha! these are wonderful parents who you have totally

misconstrued! "

> >

> > Has anyone else had a parent do this kind of thing - try to justify other

bad parent's actions?

> >

> > It's so crazy making.

> >

> > Like yep, you've talked to these people three or four times, I've dealt with

them for 11 years and seen how they've hurt the man I love, but I guess you know

best.

> >

> > Letty

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah I know what you mean I have the same problem with my nada making friends

with ALL my friends, in-laws, pastors, you name it she did did it. When I was in

high school she would give my friends smokes, something I did not like to do,

like the smell of it burned my eyes so she knew I would stay away. She would

give them alcohol too. Big hands down they would want to hang with her because

she was " cool " and I was lame just wanting to do regular high school things like

go to movies or beach or whatever while they drank and smoked with a 40

something year old. HA!

Later when I went n/c she tried everything to take everybody out of my circle

she went to far as calling my in-laws and trying to tell them dh and I went

crazy. She even got some if dh's friends to take her side to (and they were

living on the other side of the ocean, and about 20 years younger) the one guys

parents were so worried they called my in-laws crying saying they thought their

son joined a cult in America because he changed so much. Really he was just

spending extended periods of time with my nada.

She even got a pastor to turn against me, she had convinced him I was evil and

she was innocent in all this using the verses she knows by heart but they have

no meaning to her. She maintained a friendship with him for the last 7-8 years

(a record for her). She did tons of " free " services for their family and the

church stupidly he accepted, not knowing the string that was attached would soon

be hanging his own neck. We tried to warn him in the beginning. And I knew him

before my mom did from youth stuff, but he was more worried about what he could

get than doing the right thing. Well now that my sister is getting married, nada

wants her payback, pastor won't do want nada wants, nada is mad and sadly

started to spread lies about him. Some how this feels like he got what he had

coming and I don't really feel bad for him after what he put my family and

grandparents through.

It has taken time, but the winds are changing and nada is getting her payback,

so are some of the people who she alied with. Some of the people are smart

though and catch onto her before they get burned, and they have tried to

reetablish friendships with me. LB

> >

> > Okay, I don't know why this bugged me so much, but it does.

> >

> > My in-laws, who have strong NPD traits, have a long, long history of selfish

neglect towards my hubby.

> >

> > Dear hubby just had two major life-threatening surgeries. They didn't bother

to come visit. I never expected them to - it's kind of par for the course.

> >

> > They didn't show up for his brother's wedding, for hubby's last major

surgery, for the time his skull was beaten in by a criminal, etc. They never

bothered to inquire why he dropped out of colleges (lack of funds, since they

never helped him and only a couple of years ago asked him casually why he had

" flunked out " ). They waited eight months- EIGHT MONTHS!- to ask him whether or

not his tests for cancer were positive. (with big self-congratulatory smiles on

their faces, like " See what great parents we are! We CARE! " )

> >

> > They always talk a big game about how UPSET they are and how much THEY CARE,

for about two minutes before diverting back to the fascinating subject of their

own lives.

> >

> > Bitter much? Yes, I guess I am.

> >

> > So my mom (in denial about BPD dad and bro, with strong NPD traits herself)

has gotten it into her head that the reason they didn't visit is that I wasn't

WELCOMING enough for them.

> >

> > She went so far as to research accommodations for them at the hospital.

> >

> > I told her not to bother, as they'd never show up.

> >

> > So my mom called them up herself, after the fact, and reported to me

triumphantly that they said they were " very worried about my hubby, and were

depressed for three weeks before his surgery " .

> >

> > As in " Ah ha! these are wonderful parents who you have totally

misconstrued! "

> >

> > Has anyone else had a parent do this kind of thing - try to justify other

bad parent's actions?

> >

> > It's so crazy making.

> >

> > Like yep, you've talked to these people three or four times, I've dealt with

them for 11 years and seen how they've hurt the man I love, but I guess you know

best.

> >

> > Letty

> >

>