mom reaching out to MILs to prove me wrong - so annoying!

[Guest guest]

Okay, I don't know why this bugged me so much, but it does.

My in-laws, who have strong NPD traits, have a long, long history of selfish

neglect towards my hubby.

Dear hubby just had two major life-threatening surgeries. They didn't bother to

come visit. I never expected them to - it's kind of par for the course.

They didn't show up for his brother's wedding, for hubby's last major surgery,

for the time his skull was beaten in by a criminal, etc. They never bothered to

inquire why he dropped out of colleges (lack of funds, since they never helped

him and only a couple of years ago asked him casually why he had " flunked out " ).

They waited eight months- EIGHT MONTHS!- to ask him whether or not his tests for

cancer were positive. (with big self-congratulatory smiles on their faces, like

" See what great parents we are! We CARE! " )

They always talk a big game about how UPSET they are and how much THEY CARE, for

about two minutes before diverting back to the fascinating subject of their own

lives.

Bitter much? Yes, I guess I am.

So my mom (in denial about BPD dad and bro, with strong NPD traits herself) has

gotten it into her head that the reason they didn't visit is that I wasn't

WELCOMING enough for them.

She went so far as to research accommodations for them at the hospital.

I told her not to bother, as they'd never show up.

So my mom called them up herself, after the fact, and reported to me

triumphantly that they said they were " very worried about my hubby, and were

depressed for three weeks before his surgery " .

As in " Ah ha! these are wonderful parents who you have totally misconstrued! "

Has anyone else had a parent do this kind of thing - try to justify other bad

parent's actions?

It's so crazy making.

Like yep, you've talked to these people three or four times, I've dealt with

them for 11 years and seen how they've hurt the man I love, but I guess you know

best.

Letty

[Guest guest]

yes it's typical. the crazies seem to hone in on each other to prop each other

up. So sorry about what your husband has been through at the hands of narcs and

you at the hands of nada. Hugs.

>

> Okay, I don't know why this bugged me so much, but it does.

>

> My in-laws, who have strong NPD traits, have a long, long history of selfish

neglect towards my hubby.

>

> Dear hubby just had two major life-threatening surgeries. They didn't bother

to come visit. I never expected them to - it's kind of par for the course.

>

> They didn't show up for his brother's wedding, for hubby's last major surgery,

for the time his skull was beaten in by a criminal, etc. They never bothered to

inquire why he dropped out of colleges (lack of funds, since they never helped

him and only a couple of years ago asked him casually why he had " flunked out " ).

They waited eight months- EIGHT MONTHS!- to ask him whether or not his tests for

cancer were positive. (with big self-congratulatory smiles on their faces, like

" See what great parents we are! We CARE! " )

>

> They always talk a big game about how UPSET they are and how much THEY CARE,

for about two minutes before diverting back to the fascinating subject of their

own lives.

>

> Bitter much? Yes, I guess I am.

>

> So my mom (in denial about BPD dad and bro, with strong NPD traits herself)

has gotten it into her head that the reason they didn't visit is that I wasn't

WELCOMING enough for them.

>

> She went so far as to research accommodations for them at the hospital.

>

> I told her not to bother, as they'd never show up.

>

> So my mom called them up herself, after the fact, and reported to me

triumphantly that they said they were " very worried about my hubby, and were

depressed for three weeks before his surgery " .

>

> As in " Ah ha! these are wonderful parents who you have totally misconstrued! "

>

> Has anyone else had a parent do this kind of thing - try to justify other bad

parent's actions?

>

> It's so crazy making.

>

> Like yep, you've talked to these people three or four times, I've dealt with

them for 11 years and seen how they've hurt the man I love, but I guess you know

best.

>

> Letty

>

[Guest guest]

yes it's typical. the crazies seem to hone in on each other to prop each other

up. So sorry about what your husband has been through at the hands of narcs and

you at the hands of nada. Hugs.

>

> Okay, I don't know why this bugged me so much, but it does.

>

> My in-laws, who have strong NPD traits, have a long, long history of selfish

neglect towards my hubby.

>

> Dear hubby just had two major life-threatening surgeries. They didn't bother

to come visit. I never expected them to - it's kind of par for the course.

>

> They didn't show up for his brother's wedding, for hubby's last major surgery,

for the time his skull was beaten in by a criminal, etc. They never bothered to

inquire why he dropped out of colleges (lack of funds, since they never helped

him and only a couple of years ago asked him casually why he had " flunked out " ).

They waited eight months- EIGHT MONTHS!- to ask him whether or not his tests for

cancer were positive. (with big self-congratulatory smiles on their faces, like

" See what great parents we are! We CARE! " )

>

> They always talk a big game about how UPSET they are and how much THEY CARE,

for about two minutes before diverting back to the fascinating subject of their

own lives.

>

> Bitter much? Yes, I guess I am.

>

> So my mom (in denial about BPD dad and bro, with strong NPD traits herself)

has gotten it into her head that the reason they didn't visit is that I wasn't

WELCOMING enough for them.

>

> She went so far as to research accommodations for them at the hospital.

>

> I told her not to bother, as they'd never show up.

>

> So my mom called them up herself, after the fact, and reported to me

triumphantly that they said they were " very worried about my hubby, and were

depressed for three weeks before his surgery " .

>

> As in " Ah ha! these are wonderful parents who you have totally misconstrued! "

>

> Has anyone else had a parent do this kind of thing - try to justify other bad

parent's actions?

>

> It's so crazy making.

>

> Like yep, you've talked to these people three or four times, I've dealt with

them for 11 years and seen how they've hurt the man I love, but I guess you know

best.

>

> Letty

>