Guest guest Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 Well said, Annie. resented competitor, enemy, clutching, punishing for existing. Extreme mess - but she still had a right and wrong way to fold. She was very weird about the laundry. It was the only thing she would do herself, and she would always put my clothes on the bottom, so I had dirty clothes for school day after day. Ugh. . . . On Thu, Sep 2, 2010 at 3:36 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > The common factor seems to be extremism: that bpd " black or white " > thinking, that " all or nothing " kind of thinking. No gray areas, no middle > ground. Either its extreme mess and disorganization to the point of living > in filth, or extreme hyper-organization and hospital-operating-room > cleanliness to the point that folding the towels " wrong " will get the child > punished. > > And in relationships: over-controlling, domineering and intrusive, or > negligent and abandoning, or exploitative. Nothing just normal and balanced. > Treating her child like an extension of her own body, her third arm or like > a kind of inanimate doll that doesn't have any will of its own, or like an > enemy or a resented competitor. > > That happy nurturing mixture that normal parents have of guidance, empathy > and validation, mixed with the willingness to step back when the time is > right for each level of independence that encourages a child and young > person to feel self-confident and willing to take chances and try things and > learn and grow... all that seems to be just missing with the bpd parent. > > Instead the bpd parent either clutches the child to herself in a grip of > cold fear, or torments and punishes her child for merely existing, or > actively pushes her child away, rejecting her altogether, or exploits her > child, using the child for her own gratification. > > No middle, happy ground for the kids of the personality disordered; instead > its one horrible extreme or another. > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > This article has me thinking and stewing a bit I'm > > > > > > > > curious to see others reactions to it. I'm fighting a > > > > > > > > bit of internal FOGgging. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/09/01/my_mother_deathbed/index.html > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > And do any of you get the feeling that the author had > > > > > > > > an unhappy relationship with the mother and was an > > > > > > > > involuntary caregiver? I worry about the social > > > > > > > > pressure on me to do the same when the time comes. I > > > > > > > > hope to do most everything to manage her care long distance, > > > > > > > > but...it produces lots of conflicting emotions. My > > > > > > > > mother never beat me or tried to kill me or even attempted > > > > > > > > suicide. Sometimes I wonder if I belong on this board > > > > > > > > even, but my therapists say she's BPD, and she still managed > > > > > > > > to completely eff me up with emotionally anyway. Yet a > > > > > > > > little voice says what she did wasn't extreme *enough* for > > > > > > > > me to leave her to die " alone " . Yet for me to live > > > > > > > > close enough to her for that not to be the case, I'd live > > > > > > > > close enough for her to make me insane - possibly for years > > > > > > > > - before she got to her end of life. So I > > > > > > > > still stand by my choices living far away, making phone > > > > > > > > calls, but I feel a storm is coming and I'm not sure I'm > > > > > > > > ready. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Anybody else in this boat? Do you worry that > > > > > > > > it's a big enough boat? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new > > > > > > > > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality > > > > > > > > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, > > > > > > > > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @ > > > <%40BPDCentral.com> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > . > > > > > > > > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to > > > > > > > WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe <WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe%40ya\ hoogroups.com> > <WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe%40yahoogroups.com> > > > <WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe%40yahoogroups.com> > > > > > <WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe%40yahoogroups.com> > > > > > > > > > > > > . > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline > > > > > > > > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to > > > > > > > > find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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