Re: overdeveloped sense of responsibility for others?

[Guest guest]

I am this way and I have wasted alot of my life rescuing people and trying to

act on their behalf instead of letting them solve their own problems. It's sad

she is this young and so codependent already but I'm sure she had no choice.

As far as the work goes my SIL is like this and it's disgusting. Everyone around

her is supposed to be her slave, nothing you do is appreciated, and as soon as

her kids are old enough I am sure she will turn them into slaves as well.

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

I am this way and I have wasted alot of my life rescuing people and trying to

act on their behalf instead of letting them solve their own problems. It's sad

she is this young and so codependent already but I'm sure she had no choice.

As far as the work goes my SIL is like this and it's disgusting. Everyone around

her is supposed to be her slave, nothing you do is appreciated, and as soon as

her kids are old enough I am sure she will turn them into slaves as well.

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

I am this way and I have wasted alot of my life rescuing people and trying to

act on their behalf instead of letting them solve their own problems. It's sad

she is this young and so codependent already but I'm sure she had no choice.

As far as the work goes my SIL is like this and it's disgusting. Everyone around

her is supposed to be her slave, nothing you do is appreciated, and as soon as

her kids are old enough I am sure she will turn them into slaves as well.

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

This kind of behavior is not uncommon in children of BPD's, alcoholics, drug

addicts, and other non functioning parents. It's really sad, but you are

totally doing the right thing. Poor baby

>

>

> I am this way and I have wasted alot of my life rescuing people and trying

> to act on their behalf instead of letting them solve their own problems.

> It's sad she is this young and so codependent already but I'm sure she had

> no choice.

>

> As far as the work goes my SIL is like this and it's disgusting. Everyone

> around her is supposed to be her slave, nothing you do is appreciated, and

> as soon as her kids are old enough I am sure she will turn them into slaves

> as well.

>

>

>

> >

> > Hello All-

> >

> > Writing again about our foster child, .

> >

> > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and

> watches my face like a hawk.

> >

> > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across

> the room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> >

> > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing

> but life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO

> WORRY ABOUT ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> >

> > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she

> considers herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> >

> > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> >

> > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> >

> > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

> cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

> expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> >

> > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

> about?

> >

> > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

> someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take

> the cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her

> hands.

> >

> > Letty.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

This kind of behavior is not uncommon in children of BPD's, alcoholics, drug

addicts, and other non functioning parents. It's really sad, but you are

totally doing the right thing. Poor baby

>

>

> I am this way and I have wasted alot of my life rescuing people and trying

> to act on their behalf instead of letting them solve their own problems.

> It's sad she is this young and so codependent already but I'm sure she had

> no choice.

>

> As far as the work goes my SIL is like this and it's disgusting. Everyone

> around her is supposed to be her slave, nothing you do is appreciated, and

> as soon as her kids are old enough I am sure she will turn them into slaves

> as well.

>

>

>

> >

> > Hello All-

> >

> > Writing again about our foster child, .

> >

> > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and

> watches my face like a hawk.

> >

> > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across

> the room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> >

> > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing

> but life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO

> WORRY ABOUT ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> >

> > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she

> considers herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> >

> > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> >

> > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> >

> > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

> cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

> expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> >

> > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

> about?

> >

> > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

> someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take

> the cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her

> hands.

> >

> > Letty.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I love the phrase 'non-functioning parent', that is so apt. It is great to see a

grouping like that too, when I was in AA initially it was really hard for people

to understand and validate that I could have such dysfunction in my family and

not have had drug addicted or alcoholic parents. They just had other issues and

addictions but were just as crazy. They are genetic donors without being

parents, or the catch is that as children you are made to parent them back, so

you don't get to develop normally.

> > >

> > > Hello All-

> > >

> > > Writing again about our foster child, .

> > >

> > > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and

> > watches my face like a hawk.

> > >

> > > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across

> > the room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> > >

> > > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing

> > but life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO

> > WORRY ABOUT ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> > >

> > > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she

> > considers herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> > >

> > > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> > >

> > > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> > >

> > > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

> > cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

> > expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> > >

> > > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

> > about?

> > >

> > > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

> > someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take

> > the cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her

> > hands.

> > >

> > > Letty.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I love the phrase 'non-functioning parent', that is so apt. It is great to see a

grouping like that too, when I was in AA initially it was really hard for people

to understand and validate that I could have such dysfunction in my family and

not have had drug addicted or alcoholic parents. They just had other issues and

addictions but were just as crazy. They are genetic donors without being

parents, or the catch is that as children you are made to parent them back, so

you don't get to develop normally.

> > >

> > > Hello All-

> > >

> > > Writing again about our foster child, .

> > >

> > > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and

> > watches my face like a hawk.

> > >

> > > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across

> > the room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> > >

> > > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing

> > but life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO

> > WORRY ABOUT ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> > >

> > > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she

> > considers herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> > >

> > > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> > >

> > > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> > >

> > > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

> > cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

> > expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> > >

> > > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

> > about?

> > >

> > > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

> > someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take

> > the cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her

> > hands.

> > >

> > > Letty.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I love the phrase 'non-functioning parent', that is so apt. It is great to see a

grouping like that too, when I was in AA initially it was really hard for people

to understand and validate that I could have such dysfunction in my family and

not have had drug addicted or alcoholic parents. They just had other issues and

addictions but were just as crazy. They are genetic donors without being

parents, or the catch is that as children you are made to parent them back, so

you don't get to develop normally.

> > >

> > > Hello All-

> > >

> > > Writing again about our foster child, .

> > >

> > > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and

> > watches my face like a hawk.

> > >

> > > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across

> > the room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> > >

> > > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing

> > but life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO

> > WORRY ABOUT ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> > >

> > > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she

> > considers herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> > >

> > > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> > >

> > > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> > >

> > > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

> > cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

> > expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> > >

> > > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

> > about?

> > >

> > > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

> > someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take

> > the cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her

> > hands.

> > >

> > > Letty.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

--- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " lettydale "

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

I love this! You are awesome Letty. It just thrills me to think of some little

girl, named (lol), getting her Cinderella wish come true. Turns out she

wasn't supposed to be on her knees scrubbing things while her nada was fancy

free after all. Even if by some horrible circumstance she gets back with her

nada the lessons you are teaching her now will stick with her. When I was 20 I

saw a counselor for the first time about my upset over boyfriend trouble - I had

no idea what my real problems were back then. She pointed out to me that my

mother was using guilt to manipulate me re some incident I related that I had

thought was trivial. I was STUNNED because I had literally never seen it before

and I bet that revelation is happening for your every day living with you.

And oh yes I was a little servant girl child too. If the house got vacuumed it

was because I did it. If the mirrors got cleaned it was because I did it, etc,

etc, etc...

[Guest guest]

--- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " lettydale "

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

I love this! You are awesome Letty. It just thrills me to think of some little

girl, named (lol), getting her Cinderella wish come true. Turns out she

wasn't supposed to be on her knees scrubbing things while her nada was fancy

free after all. Even if by some horrible circumstance she gets back with her

nada the lessons you are teaching her now will stick with her. When I was 20 I

saw a counselor for the first time about my upset over boyfriend trouble - I had

no idea what my real problems were back then. She pointed out to me that my

mother was using guilt to manipulate me re some incident I related that I had

thought was trivial. I was STUNNED because I had literally never seen it before

and I bet that revelation is happening for your every day living with you.

And oh yes I was a little servant girl child too. If the house got vacuumed it

was because I did it. If the mirrors got cleaned it was because I did it, etc,

etc, etc...

[Guest guest]

Sounds familliar to me. It took me a long time to stop trying to rescue people

and bend overbackwards for everyone else.

I was really proud and shocked at myself the other day. A friend had a problem

that I could have " helped " with, but I actively chose not too. Not because I'm a

bad friend, but because it was not convienient for me.

That's huge for me.

I still have a problem with not accepting help from people though, have a really

hard time with that.

d

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds familliar to me. It took me a long time to stop trying to rescue people

and bend overbackwards for everyone else.

I was really proud and shocked at myself the other day. A friend had a problem

that I could have " helped " with, but I actively chose not too. Not because I'm a

bad friend, but because it was not convienient for me.

That's huge for me.

I still have a problem with not accepting help from people though, have a really

hard time with that.

d

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds familliar to me. It took me a long time to stop trying to rescue people

and bend overbackwards for everyone else.

I was really proud and shocked at myself the other day. A friend had a problem

that I could have " helped " with, but I actively chose not too. Not because I'm a

bad friend, but because it was not convienient for me.

That's huge for me.

I still have a problem with not accepting help from people though, have a really

hard time with that.

d

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes yes yes!!!! This describes me to a TEE!

Except for the part that if I touched anything of Nada's when I cleaned, she

would full on freak out rage at me. Freak out!!!

>

>

> Sounds familliar to me. It took me a long time to stop trying to rescue

> people and bend overbackwards for everyone else.

>

> I was really proud and shocked at myself the other day. A friend had a

> problem that I could have " helped " with, but I actively chose not too. Not

> because I'm a bad friend, but because it was not convienient for me.

>

> That's huge for me.

>

> I still have a problem with not accepting help from people though, have a

> really hard time with that.

>

> d

>

>

> >

> > Hello All-

> >

> > Writing again about our foster child, .

> >

> > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and

> watches my face like a hawk.

> >

> > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across

> the room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> >

> > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing

> but life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO

> WORRY ABOUT ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> >

> > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she

> considers herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> >

> > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> >

> > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> >

> > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

> cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

> expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> >

> > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

> about?

> >

> > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

> someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take

> the cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her

> hands.

> >

> > Letty.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes yes yes!!!! This describes me to a TEE!

Except for the part that if I touched anything of Nada's when I cleaned, she

would full on freak out rage at me. Freak out!!!

>

>

> Sounds familliar to me. It took me a long time to stop trying to rescue

> people and bend overbackwards for everyone else.

>

> I was really proud and shocked at myself the other day. A friend had a

> problem that I could have " helped " with, but I actively chose not too. Not

> because I'm a bad friend, but because it was not convienient for me.

>

> That's huge for me.

>

> I still have a problem with not accepting help from people though, have a

> really hard time with that.

>

> d

>

>

> >

> > Hello All-

> >

> > Writing again about our foster child, .

> >

> > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and

> watches my face like a hawk.

> >

> > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across

> the room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> >

> > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing

> but life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO

> WORRY ABOUT ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> >

> > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she

> considers herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> >

> > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> >

> > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> >

> > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

> cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

> expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> >

> > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

> about?

> >

> > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

> someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take

> the cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her

> hands.

> >

> > Letty.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes yes yes!!!! This describes me to a TEE!

Except for the part that if I touched anything of Nada's when I cleaned, she

would full on freak out rage at me. Freak out!!!

>

>

> Sounds familliar to me. It took me a long time to stop trying to rescue

> people and bend overbackwards for everyone else.

>

> I was really proud and shocked at myself the other day. A friend had a

> problem that I could have " helped " with, but I actively chose not too. Not

> because I'm a bad friend, but because it was not convienient for me.

>

> That's huge for me.

>

> I still have a problem with not accepting help from people though, have a

> really hard time with that.

>

> d

>

>

> >

> > Hello All-

> >

> > Writing again about our foster child, .

> >

> > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and

> watches my face like a hawk.

> >

> > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across

> the room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> >

> > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing

> but life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO

> WORRY ABOUT ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> >

> > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she

> considers herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> >

> > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> >

> > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> >

> > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

> cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

> expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> >

> > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

> about?

> >

> > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

> someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take

> the cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her

> hands.

> >

> > Letty.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada has a check list when I was 5 years old that was posted on the pantry

door. Under my name was a list of chores (vaccum, wash dishes, clean room, etc.)

and the top had the days of the week. Every time I completed a chore, I got a

star and if I got a star for the whole week, I would get a treat (which my nada

took away because she told me it was getting too expensive, so I was basically

free labor).

My grandma (fada's mom and " normal " ) saw this one day and was super angry! I

remember her getting upset at my nada for putting too much responsibility on a

little girl and said to her " When she grows up, she is going to hate you! "

Granted, not the best thing to say to a parent, but she was right on.

AJ

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

My nada has a check list when I was 5 years old that was posted on the pantry

door. Under my name was a list of chores (vaccum, wash dishes, clean room, etc.)

and the top had the days of the week. Every time I completed a chore, I got a

star and if I got a star for the whole week, I would get a treat (which my nada

took away because she told me it was getting too expensive, so I was basically

free labor).

My grandma (fada's mom and " normal " ) saw this one day and was super angry! I

remember her getting upset at my nada for putting too much responsibility on a

little girl and said to her " When she grows up, she is going to hate you! "

Granted, not the best thing to say to a parent, but she was right on.

AJ

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

My nada has a check list when I was 5 years old that was posted on the pantry

door. Under my name was a list of chores (vaccum, wash dishes, clean room, etc.)

and the top had the days of the week. Every time I completed a chore, I got a

star and if I got a star for the whole week, I would get a treat (which my nada

took away because she told me it was getting too expensive, so I was basically

free labor).

My grandma (fada's mom and " normal " ) saw this one day and was super angry! I

remember her getting upset at my nada for putting too much responsibility on a

little girl and said to her " When she grows up, she is going to hate you! "

Granted, not the best thing to say to a parent, but she was right on.

AJ

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

I have a question for you - How did this kid become one of the lucky ones to get

into foster care? It seems that it is almost impossible for kids to get out of

these kinds of environments, as it isnt taken as " bad enough " to look into it,

let alone take the child somewhere safe.

How much effort did it take for the department to give a crap about this kid?

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

I have a question for you - How did this kid become one of the lucky ones to get

into foster care? It seems that it is almost impossible for kids to get out of

these kinds of environments, as it isnt taken as " bad enough " to look into it,

let alone take the child somewhere safe.

How much effort did it take for the department to give a crap about this kid?

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

I have a question for you - How did this kid become one of the lucky ones to get

into foster care? It seems that it is almost impossible for kids to get out of

these kinds of environments, as it isnt taken as " bad enough " to look into it,

let alone take the child somewhere safe.

How much effort did it take for the department to give a crap about this kid?

>

> Hello All-

>

> Writing again about our foster child, .

>

> I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches my

face like a hawk.

>

> If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

>

> I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

>

> Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

>

> I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

>

> Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

>

> Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

>

> Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged about?

>

> I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

>

> Letty.

>

[Guest guest]

It is a hard situation, and I speak as one who wishes anyone would have

rescued me. But unless our bruises are on the outside, the department

is so overloaded with kids taken from a crack house, or meth lab, where

2 year olds play on the floor while mom and BF cook meth, or kids burned

with an iron to teach them not to leave their clothes on the floor, and

has so few foster homes to go around, that sadly, KO s are left to fend

for themselves.

Not that no one cares, but limited resources and a lot of craziness.

And yea, I m 54, and all the BP conditioning is still lots of therapy

from leaving us.

Just keep loving her Letty, and telling her over and over, I don t just

love you when you do something for me. I don t just love you when you

are perfect. I CHOOSE, to love, YOU. Just because of who you are. That

will never change, dirty undies on the floor, bad grade on a paper, mom

having a bad day, I STILL will LOVE YOU.

That s what she needs to hear, over and over. How do I know? Cause it s

what all of us needed to hear.

Blessings

Doug

-

[Guest guest]

Our foster daughter was " lucky " in that mom was so low-functioning and let so

many crazies into her life that a couple of incidents made it onto the state's

radar screen.

Also, she is truly lucky in being an exceptionally bright, stand-out student

with endearing manners, so adults took a keen interest in her. One teacher and

tutor filed most of the complaints. Those people also found us.

So she had some guardian angels.

Wish we all had had one!

Letty

> >

> > Hello All-

> >

> > Writing again about our foster child, .

> >

> > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches

my face like a hawk.

> >

> > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> >

> > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> >

> > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> >

> > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> >

> > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> >

> > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> >

> > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

about?

> >

> > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

> >

> > Letty.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Our foster daughter was " lucky " in that mom was so low-functioning and let so

many crazies into her life that a couple of incidents made it onto the state's

radar screen.

Also, she is truly lucky in being an exceptionally bright, stand-out student

with endearing manners, so adults took a keen interest in her. One teacher and

tutor filed most of the complaints. Those people also found us.

So she had some guardian angels.

Wish we all had had one!

Letty

> >

> > Hello All-

> >

> > Writing again about our foster child, .

> >

> > I've noticed that she's extremely attuned to other's feelings, and watches

my face like a hawk.

> >

> > If I ever feel sad or vexed about something, she'll come flying across the

room start rubbing my shoulders and asking if I'm okay.

> >

> > I keep telling her that A) I'm COMPLETELY FINE and experiencing nothing but

life's little arrows and since she's the kid SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

ME. Note: I don't actually shout this.

> >

> > Perhaps it'll sink in some day, but I find it interesting that she considers

herself responsible for my moods and feelings.

> >

> > I remember feeling the same way about my BPD dad and NPD mom.

> >

> > Do you all remember doing this? Doing it still?

> >

> > Also, she came here expecting to do all the housework, help with all the

cooking, carry all the groceries, etc. And I do mean ALL the groceries,

expecting me to just walk along hands-free, la-di-da while she struggled!

> >

> > Was anyone else expected to do all the work while their BPD mom lounged

about?

> >

> > I think I've finally convinced her what an appropriate amount of work for

someone her age looks like, but I had to spell it out very clearly and take the

cooking spoon, laundry basket, broom and grocery bags right out of her hands.

> >

> > Letty.

> >

>