Guest guest Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 - You do what you have to do to keep your kids safe. If you get the chance, and can do so safely, you might try to impart a little of what you've observed to your niece's parents, so they can rethink letting their child be unsupervised with your mother. All the yelling and BPD nuttiness she can throw at you is not enough to make you stop protecting those kids - bottom line. You're doing the right thing - the only thing you can do. Attagirl. (BTDT) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 - You do what you have to do to keep your kids safe. If you get the chance, and can do so safely, you might try to impart a little of what you've observed to your niece's parents, so they can rethink letting their child be unsupervised with your mother. All the yelling and BPD nuttiness she can throw at you is not enough to make you stop protecting those kids - bottom line. You're doing the right thing - the only thing you can do. Attagirl. (BTDT) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 " A reasonable person would realize that even if they don't agree with the parents they must respect their wishes in order to spend time with them. " You hit the nail on the head with this. So, SO my parents' problem. Why yes, I do have a problem with you telling my five year old daughter that she looks horrible, and yes, I do have a problem when you tell me I am " warped " for thinking so. And you don't understand why I don't let you see them because?????? > > Oh my! It is so nice to know I am not crazy or mean or a " bad daughter " . > > * " Kudos to you for accepting that your mother needs to be supervised while > visiting your children, that shows a lot of character and inner strength on > your part. " * > > This was automatic almost. The day I went into labor with my first I became > mama bear. It no longer mattered what others thought I was going to protect > my kid(s). I may compromise on little details but when safety is a concern > it's my way or the highway. > > * " It seems to help a lot of us to read the various books about bpd, > particularly " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , and " Surviving a > Borderline Parent " , and the books by this Group's owner Randi Kreger, " Stop > Walking On Eggshells " and her newer books. " * > > My therapist recommended and I bought all three. That's actually where I > discovered this site. I am working on reading them now. > > * " When I had my last child, she didn't like the name. Grant, she wanted > Blake. I didn't " * > > Wow, maybe we have the same mom? First she kept pushing Cody if it was a > boy but we have a bird named Cody and she could not understand why I > wouldn't name a child after a pet. Then with my second we at first picked > Quinn Lana. My mother played dumb and kept using Quinn Laden claiming she > can't remember. We ended up changing her name to Cora so my mother couldn't > do that. > > * " I was her target. Sounds like you are too! " * > > I have become her only target due to setting boundaries. That is why the > situation with her has escalated so much. I have " ruined her life " (her > words) by keeping her from unlimited access to " her grand-babies " . She, of > course, feels she is in no way responsible for the situation. > > * " It matters more to her that she gets what she wants than she sees the > grandkids on our terms (i.e. under supervision and not at her house). " * > > Once again is this my mom? This is it exactly. A reasonable person would > realize that even if they don't agree with the parents they must respect > their wishes in order to spend time with them. My mother is more concerned > with seeing them on her terms and when not allowed will go without. We > started with no unsupervised time but later had to add the not at her house > part after 2 experiences. First she called before Christmas and demanded > that we change all our plans because it's " her right to have Christmas at > her house with the kids " . We compromised and had a Christmas dinner at her > house the day after. Second, a few months later we went to her house for a > dinner and she demanded " my house my rules " as a way to do what she wanted > with the kids. She even told me I am not allowed to discipline my daughter > in her house. > > * If you get the chance, and can do so safely, you might try to impart a > little of what you've observed to your niece's parents, so they can rethink > letting their child be unsupervised with your mother. > > *We have tried this but my brother falls into the " she's just saying this to > hurt mom " camp. We even considered calling the authorities but realized > they cannot do anything without evidence and there is no evidence. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 " A reasonable person would realize that even if they don't agree with the parents they must respect their wishes in order to spend time with them. " You hit the nail on the head with this. So, SO my parents' problem. Why yes, I do have a problem with you telling my five year old daughter that she looks horrible, and yes, I do have a problem when you tell me I am " warped " for thinking so. And you don't understand why I don't let you see them because?????? > > Oh my! It is so nice to know I am not crazy or mean or a " bad daughter " . > > * " Kudos to you for accepting that your mother needs to be supervised while > visiting your children, that shows a lot of character and inner strength on > your part. " * > > This was automatic almost. The day I went into labor with my first I became > mama bear. It no longer mattered what others thought I was going to protect > my kid(s). I may compromise on little details but when safety is a concern > it's my way or the highway. > > * " It seems to help a lot of us to read the various books about bpd, > particularly " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , and " Surviving a > Borderline Parent " , and the books by this Group's owner Randi Kreger, " Stop > Walking On Eggshells " and her newer books. " * > > My therapist recommended and I bought all three. That's actually where I > discovered this site. I am working on reading them now. > > * " When I had my last child, she didn't like the name. Grant, she wanted > Blake. I didn't " * > > Wow, maybe we have the same mom? First she kept pushing Cody if it was a > boy but we have a bird named Cody and she could not understand why I > wouldn't name a child after a pet. Then with my second we at first picked > Quinn Lana. My mother played dumb and kept using Quinn Laden claiming she > can't remember. We ended up changing her name to Cora so my mother couldn't > do that. > > * " I was her target. Sounds like you are too! " * > > I have become her only target due to setting boundaries. That is why the > situation with her has escalated so much. I have " ruined her life " (her > words) by keeping her from unlimited access to " her grand-babies " . She, of > course, feels she is in no way responsible for the situation. > > * " It matters more to her that she gets what she wants than she sees the > grandkids on our terms (i.e. under supervision and not at her house). " * > > Once again is this my mom? This is it exactly. A reasonable person would > realize that even if they don't agree with the parents they must respect > their wishes in order to spend time with them. My mother is more concerned > with seeing them on her terms and when not allowed will go without. We > started with no unsupervised time but later had to add the not at her house > part after 2 experiences. First she called before Christmas and demanded > that we change all our plans because it's " her right to have Christmas at > her house with the kids " . We compromised and had a Christmas dinner at her > house the day after. Second, a few months later we went to her house for a > dinner and she demanded " my house my rules " as a way to do what she wanted > with the kids. She even told me I am not allowed to discipline my daughter > in her house. > > * If you get the chance, and can do so safely, you might try to impart a > little of what you've observed to your niece's parents, so they can rethink > letting their child be unsupervised with your mother. > > *We have tried this but my brother falls into the " she's just saying this to > hurt mom " camp. We even considered calling the authorities but realized > they cannot do anything without evidence and there is no evidence. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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