Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Seriously, do these people have a script for being the victim that they share with one another? Cause that letter reads SO familiar! > > I decided to post " the letter " . This is the one my momster delivered the > day after I came home from the hospital with DD2. It was the first and only > time she has seen DD2. I have been told that there is nothing wrong with > the letter, it is not hurtful, it is not nasty, it is not abusive, and I am > overreacting. Here it is: > > It's time I have a talk with you. I'm writing because I don't want any > screaming or yelling. I can't take it anymore. I just have to get this off > my chest. Please don't get me wrong, I am not blaming everything on you and > (hubby), I am just letting you know what is bothering me. (me), you only > get one mother in this world. I am sorry you got stuck with me.I don't know > what I did to you in life that makes you so hateful towards me. If you > would like to talk about it I am here for you. I always will be. I have > been a worry wart all my life, It drove me nuts when you kids were little. > I can't change, you will just have to accept it. I accept the way you are. > There are things I don't agree with you about. But I don't yell at you like > you do me. You and (hubby) both treat me like shit. I have to walk on > eggshells every time I come to your house. I am so afraid of saying or > doing something wrong. In fear that you will yell at me. That's not the > way it's supposed to be. You are my daughter, I should feel very > comfortable in your house. And the fact that you won't let me watch your > kids, just puts a knife right through my heart. I have been watching > (neice) since she was born. And I do a hell of a job with her. It gives us > time to bond together. You won't give me that chance to bond with (DD1) and > I'm sure the same with (DD2). What does (hubby)'s mother have that I > don't? She gets to keep (DD1) overnight every week. Why can't I? You have > never given me an honest answer. I really need to know. And the fact that > you called me 20 minutes before (DD2) was born, is just proof you did not > want me there. A very important moment in my life, to be there when my > granddaughter was born, you took that away from me. But I see (best friend) > was there. You must have called me last. Another stab in the heart. > Honey, I don't want to go on like this, I want us all to get along. (me), > this is the hardest thing I ever had to do in life, but I have to do it. > Until you and (hubby) start treating me with respect, I can no longer come > to your house. However, I hope you can find it in your heart to bring the > kids over to see me. I love all three of my grand babies more than life > itself > > Mom > > First, " if you would like to talk about it I am here for you " --I tried when > I called her to discuss boundaries and how she has hurt me. She screamed > over me and would not listen. > > " I don't yell at you like you do me " --most times she doesn't yell but has > other family gang up on me or pushes something over and over until I cave. > She does scream at the top of her lungs at times. > > As for me yelling at her it has only been 4 times in 18 months. 1)DD1's > first Christmas when I spent all day cooking and she showed up and demanded > I leave the meal to sit and get cold because she wanted to see my 4 month > old open gifts. She freaked out and I yelled at her to leave. 2) DD2's > second Christmas when she called 2 weeks before and demanded I abandon all > my plans so she could have her " right " to have Christmas at her house. > 3)The day I went into labor with DD2 when she ignored my request to stop > interfering with DD1 5 TIMES in less than an hour. 4) When I was in late > labor and about to deliver she whined to me about all the ways I could die > in the hospital. > > " The fact that you won't let me watch your kids... " --This is because with my > niece she leaves her alone with 2 mean dogs, refuses to use a safe and > properly installed carseat, and smokes in a closed car with her and then > asks people not to tell my brother. > > " You have never given me an honest answer " --We have discussed it several > times. > > " You won't give me the chance to bond with DD1--She was at our house for > hours one a week and often invited herself over without asking other times. > > That I did not want her at the birth was true but also she told me she did > not want to be there and I called her all night and her phone was out of > order. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 *What stands out to me about this letter is her complete lack of regret or self-examination. She's just soooo clueless about what she might have done wrong. The bit about how you would just have to " accept it " - whatever she might have done while worrying too much when you were little* Yes! That stood out to me from the beginning. The just accept it defense is common with her, she claims she CANNOT change. As for the worrying too much that was just attention seeking behavior on her part. One time she rushed my brother to the ER for a scratch and argued with the doctor about giving him a tetanus shot he didn't need. When I was vomitting every 20 minutes for 4 days and needed to go to the ER she had my teenage BF take me because she was at work. They could not treat me unless it was life or death or they had her permission so I had to wait hours for her to get off work and arrive to get IV fluids. Another time, I was at the doctor for a knee injury. My knee was barely movable. She knows that I have always had a bad reaction to tetanus vaccine (my shoulder swells to the point I can't move it for 3 days without severe pain) but decided to have me get the booster that day because it was too inconvenient to come back another day. She could not see any problem with me having a bad right knee and a bad left shoulder at the same time. Then she dropped my off at my father's because she didn't want to deal with me in pain. In the letter she was referring to an incident a few days before when I became angry after she kept following me around insisting that my DDs food was too hot, not cut small enough ect. She did this all the way until I put the plate in front of DD and DD refused to eat because grandma was telling her it was hot. Once again, I start typing a small response and end up with a novel. It seems that I somehow want to get this all out. Is that normal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 *What stands out to me about this letter is her complete lack of regret or self-examination. She's just soooo clueless about what she might have done wrong. The bit about how you would just have to " accept it " - whatever she might have done while worrying too much when you were little* Yes! That stood out to me from the beginning. The just accept it defense is common with her, she claims she CANNOT change. As for the worrying too much that was just attention seeking behavior on her part. One time she rushed my brother to the ER for a scratch and argued with the doctor about giving him a tetanus shot he didn't need. When I was vomitting every 20 minutes for 4 days and needed to go to the ER she had my teenage BF take me because she was at work. They could not treat me unless it was life or death or they had her permission so I had to wait hours for her to get off work and arrive to get IV fluids. Another time, I was at the doctor for a knee injury. My knee was barely movable. She knows that I have always had a bad reaction to tetanus vaccine (my shoulder swells to the point I can't move it for 3 days without severe pain) but decided to have me get the booster that day because it was too inconvenient to come back another day. She could not see any problem with me having a bad right knee and a bad left shoulder at the same time. Then she dropped my off at my father's because she didn't want to deal with me in pain. In the letter she was referring to an incident a few days before when I became angry after she kept following me around insisting that my DDs food was too hot, not cut small enough ect. She did this all the way until I put the plate in front of DD and DD refused to eat because grandma was telling her it was hot. Once again, I start typing a small response and end up with a novel. It seems that I somehow want to get this all out. Is that normal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 No worries , there's not any limits on how long our posts can be here and right now you are needing to share these things, so share them! There are certain stories we all need to tell I think somewhere where they won't be discounted. And yes, that story about your nada and DD's food shows her undermining of you in the role of mother while when she was acting as mother you being in pain and in the hospital was barely worth her attention sounds like. The hypocrisy must make you furious. Keep speaking your truth! > > *What stands out to me about this letter is her complete lack of regret or > self-examination. She's just soooo clueless about what she might have done > wrong. The bit about how you would just have to " accept it " - whatever she > might have done while worrying too much when you were little* > > Yes! That stood out to me from the beginning. The just accept it defense > is common with her, she claims she CANNOT change. As for the worrying too > much that was just attention seeking behavior on her part. One time she > rushed my brother to the ER for a scratch and argued with the doctor about > giving him a tetanus shot he didn't need. When I was vomitting every 20 > minutes for 4 days and needed to go to the ER she had my teenage BF take me > because she was at work. They could not treat me unless it was life or > death or they had her permission so I had to wait hours for her to get off > work and arrive to get IV fluids. Another time, I was at the doctor for a > knee injury. My knee was barely movable. She knows that I have always had > a bad reaction to tetanus vaccine (my shoulder swells to the point I can't > move it for 3 days without severe pain) but decided to have me get the > booster that day because it was too inconvenient to come back another day. > She could not see any problem with me having a bad right knee and a bad left > shoulder at the same time. Then she dropped my off at my father's because > she didn't want to deal with me in pain. > > In the letter she was referring to an incident a few days before when I > became angry after she kept following me around insisting that my DDs food > was too hot, not cut small enough ect. She did this all the way until I put > the plate in front of DD and DD refused to eat because grandma was telling > her it was hot. > > Once again, I start typing a small response and end up with a novel. It > seems that I somehow want to get this all out. Is that normal? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 No worries , there's not any limits on how long our posts can be here and right now you are needing to share these things, so share them! There are certain stories we all need to tell I think somewhere where they won't be discounted. And yes, that story about your nada and DD's food shows her undermining of you in the role of mother while when she was acting as mother you being in pain and in the hospital was barely worth her attention sounds like. The hypocrisy must make you furious. Keep speaking your truth! > > *What stands out to me about this letter is her complete lack of regret or > self-examination. She's just soooo clueless about what she might have done > wrong. The bit about how you would just have to " accept it " - whatever she > might have done while worrying too much when you were little* > > Yes! That stood out to me from the beginning. The just accept it defense > is common with her, she claims she CANNOT change. As for the worrying too > much that was just attention seeking behavior on her part. One time she > rushed my brother to the ER for a scratch and argued with the doctor about > giving him a tetanus shot he didn't need. When I was vomitting every 20 > minutes for 4 days and needed to go to the ER she had my teenage BF take me > because she was at work. They could not treat me unless it was life or > death or they had her permission so I had to wait hours for her to get off > work and arrive to get IV fluids. Another time, I was at the doctor for a > knee injury. My knee was barely movable. She knows that I have always had > a bad reaction to tetanus vaccine (my shoulder swells to the point I can't > move it for 3 days without severe pain) but decided to have me get the > booster that day because it was too inconvenient to come back another day. > She could not see any problem with me having a bad right knee and a bad left > shoulder at the same time. Then she dropped my off at my father's because > she didn't want to deal with me in pain. > > In the letter she was referring to an incident a few days before when I > became angry after she kept following me around insisting that my DDs food > was too hot, not cut small enough ect. She did this all the way until I put > the plate in front of DD and DD refused to eat because grandma was telling > her it was hot. > > Once again, I start typing a small response and end up with a novel. It > seems that I somehow want to get this all out. Is that normal? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Wow! My dad could have written this very same Letter! Actually wrote something VERY similar! Freaky how Most BPD parents sound so much alike! Sent from my iPhone > > Seriously, do these people have a script for being the victim that > they share with one another? Cause that letter reads SO familiar! > > > > > > I decided to post " the letter " . This is the one my momster > delivered the > > day after I came home from the hospital with DD2. It was the first > and only > > time she has seen DD2. I have been told that there is nothing > wrong with > > the letter, it is not hurtful, it is not nasty, it is not abusive, > and I am > > overreacting. Here it is: > > > > It's time I have a talk with you. I'm writing because I don't want > any > > screaming or yelling. I can't take it anymore. I just have to get > this off > > my chest. Please don't get me wrong, I am not blaming everything > on you and > > (hubby), I am just letting you know what is bothering me. (me), > you only > > get one mother in this world. I am sorry you got stuck with me.I > don't know > > what I did to you in life that makes you so hateful towards me. If > you > > would like to talk about it I am here for you. I always will be. I > have > > been a worry wart all my life, It drove me nuts when you kids were > little. > > I can't change, you will just have to accept it. I accept the way > you are. > > There are things I don't agree with you about. But I don't yell at > you like > > you do me. You and (hubby) both treat me like shit. I have to walk > on > > eggshells every time I come to your house. I am so afraid of > saying or > > doing something wrong. In fear that you will yell at me. That's > not the > > way it's supposed to be. You are my daughter, I should feel very > > comfortable in your house. And the fact that you won't let me > watch your > > kids, just puts a knife right through my heart. I have been watching > > (neice) since she was born. And I do a hell of a job with her. It > gives us > > time to bond together. You won't give me that chance to bond with > (DD1) and > > I'm sure the same with (DD2). What does (hubby)'s mother have that I > > don't? She gets to keep (DD1) overnight every week. Why can't I? > You have > > never given me an honest answer. I really need to know. And the > fact that > > you called me 20 minutes before (DD2) was born, is just proof you > did not > > want me there. A very important moment in my life, to be there > when my > > granddaughter was born, you took that away from me. But I see > (best friend) > > was there. You must have called me last. Another stab in the heart. > > Honey, I don't want to go on like this, I want us all to get > along. (me), > > this is the hardest thing I ever had to do in life, but I have to > do it. > > Until you and (hubby) start treating me with respect, I can no > longer come > > to your house. However, I hope you can find it in your heart to > bring the > > kids over to see me. I love all three of my grand babies more than > life > > itself > > > > Mom > > > > First, " if you would like to talk about it I am here for you " --I > tried when > > I called her to discuss boundaries and how she has hurt me. She > screamed > > over me and would not listen. > > > > " I don't yell at you like you do me " --most times she doesn't yell > but has > > other family gang up on me or pushes something over and over until > I cave. > > She does scream at the top of her lungs at times. > > > > As for me yelling at her it has only been 4 times in 18 months. 1) > DD1's > > first Christmas when I spent all day cooking and she showed up and > demanded > > I leave the meal to sit and get cold because she wanted to see my > 4 month > > old open gifts. She freaked out and I yelled at her to leave. 2) > DD2's > > second Christmas when she called 2 weeks before and demanded I > abandon all > > my plans so she could have her " right " to have Christmas at her > house. > > 3)The day I went into labor with DD2 when she ignored my request > to stop > > interfering with DD1 5 TIMES in less than an hour. 4) When I was > in late > > labor and about to deliver she whined to me about all the ways I > could die > > in the hospital. > > > > " The fact that you won't let me watch your kids... " --This is > because with my > > niece she leaves her alone with 2 mean dogs, refuses to use a safe > and > > properly installed carseat, and smokes in a closed car with her > and then > > asks people not to tell my brother. > > > > " You have never given me an honest answer " --We have discussed it > several > > times. > > > > " You won't give me the chance to bond with DD1--She was at our > house for > > hours one a week and often invited herself over without asking > other times. > > > > That I did not want her at the birth was true but also she told me > she did > > not want to be there and I called her all night and her phone was > out of > > order. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 Wow. Passive/aggression. Projection. Blame-shifting. Jealousy. Entitlement. Attempted enmeshment. Manipulation. Bizarre accusations. Claiming victim. Delusional " I'm here for you. " Narcissistic " you took away a very important thing in MY life. " (HELLO!! YOU WERE GIVING BIRTH!! Her preference was NOT the most important concern!!) And let's not forget the timing: the one day that should have been about your comfort and your family is the one day she has to act out and claim your attention. This is one of the most pure forms of a BPD's toxic brew I've ever seen. Sorry you had to go through this. You owe her no reasons, and you are clearly not the crazy/hateful/mean/screaming/selfish one here. And I would sooner pull a stranger off the street than have her watch my kids. Even without the smoking, and that's saying something. Sheesh. What's a girl gotta do to get a break. Twins? No, that wouldn't do it .. . .I'll keep thinking. Blessings, Karla > > I decided to post " the letter " . This is the one my momster delivered the > day after I came home from the hospital with DD2. It was the first and only > time she has seen DD2. I have been told that there is nothing wrong with > the letter, it is not hurtful, it is not nasty, it is not abusive, and I am > overreacting. Here it is: > > It's time I have a talk with you. I'm writing because I don't want any > screaming or yelling. I can't take it anymore. I just have to get this off > my chest. Please don't get me wrong, I am not blaming everything on you and > (hubby), I am just letting you know what is bothering me. (me), you only > get one mother in this world. I am sorry you got stuck with me.I don't know > what I did to you in life that makes you so hateful towards me. If you > would like to talk about it I am here for you. I always will be. I have > been a worry wart all my life, It drove me nuts when you kids were little. > I can't change, you will just have to accept it. I accept the way you are. > There are things I don't agree with you about. But I don't yell at you like > you do me. You and (hubby) both treat me like shit. I have to walk on > eggshells every time I come to your house. I am so afraid of saying or > doing something wrong. In fear that you will yell at me. That's not the > way it's supposed to be. You are my daughter, I should feel very > comfortable in your house. And the fact that you won't let me watch your > kids, just puts a knife right through my heart. I have been watching > (neice) since she was born. And I do a hell of a job with her. It gives us > time to bond together. You won't give me that chance to bond with (DD1) and > I'm sure the same with (DD2). What does (hubby)'s mother have that I > don't? She gets to keep (DD1) overnight every week. Why can't I? You have > never given me an honest answer. I really need to know. And the fact that > you called me 20 minutes before (DD2) was born, is just proof you did not > want me there. A very important moment in my life, to be there when my > granddaughter was born, you took that away from me. But I see (best friend) > was there. You must have called me last. Another stab in the heart. > Honey, I don't want to go on like this, I want us all to get along. (me), > this is the hardest thing I ever had to do in life, but I have to do it. > Until you and (hubby) start treating me with respect, I can no longer come > to your house. However, I hope you can find it in your heart to bring the > kids over to see me. I love all three of my grand babies more than life > itself > > Mom > > First, " if you would like to talk about it I am here for you " --I tried when > I called her to discuss boundaries and how she has hurt me. She screamed > over me and would not listen. > > " I don't yell at you like you do me " --most times she doesn't yell but has > other family gang up on me or pushes something over and over until I cave. > She does scream at the top of her lungs at times. > > As for me yelling at her it has only been 4 times in 18 months. 1)DD1's > first Christmas when I spent all day cooking and she showed up and demanded > I leave the meal to sit and get cold because she wanted to see my 4 month > old open gifts. She freaked out and I yelled at her to leave. 2) DD2's > second Christmas when she called 2 weeks before and demanded I abandon all > my plans so she could have her " right " to have Christmas at her house. > 3)The day I went into labor with DD2 when she ignored my request to stop > interfering with DD1 5 TIMES in less than an hour. 4) When I was in late > labor and about to deliver she whined to me about all the ways I could die > in the hospital. > > " The fact that you won't let me watch your kids... " --This is because with my > niece she leaves her alone with 2 mean dogs, refuses to use a safe and > properly installed carseat, and smokes in a closed car with her and then > asks people not to tell my brother. > > " You have never given me an honest answer " --We have discussed it several > times. > > " You won't give me the chance to bond with DD1--She was at our house for > hours one a week and often invited herself over without asking other times. > > That I did not want her at the birth was true but also she told me she did > not want to be there and I called her all night and her phone was out of > order. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 Wow , how infuriating! So much of this distortion of the truth and language are familiar to me. I have been trying to set boundaries lately too and like you am unwilling to compromise and allow the cycle to continue. Some of the lines that stood out to me were: I can't change, you will just have to accept it. I accept the way you are. - My mother has always said stuff like this- " I am me and I'm not going to change. I reckon I'm pretty beautiful etc. I love how she infused this with her being so reasonable and understanding. She can accept, why can't you??!! I'm writing because I don't want any screaming or yelling. I can't take it any more. - My mother has turned around everything that I have tried to calmly and rationally say to her (I am guessing she has done all the screaming and yelling!) for example,telling me that my phone messages have been so unpredictable this last year after I told her that her sms's were unpredictable (My reasoning for requesting no phone contact). In fear that you will yell at me. That's not the way it's supposed to be. You are my daughter, you took that away from me. - My mother keeps saying that she can't handle being scolded by me and I am forever taking away her " rights " as a mother. She even said that my daughter was hers. She frequently refers to her rights and thinks that she somehow owns me. My mother also thought I had told her last when I shared the news of my pregnancy with her. She also has massive jealousy of my best friend, who I asked to have at the birth. They basically can't stand any criticism- perceived or real. Because of their black and white thinking, if they sense criticism, then they fear their whole being is flawed and so start their projecting etc. Thus all of the behaviours they are " accused " of are suddenly imparted on the " accuser " as being the rightful owners of this behaviour. Also, they have a massive fear of abandonment and so if they sense you are pulling away, they will get in first- ie. this is the hardest thing I ever had to do in life, but I have to do it. > Until you and (hubby) start treating me with respect, I can no longer come to your house. My mother used to come to my house frequently unannounced and always at a really inconvenient time- when we were settling the baby etc. I swear she did it on purpose. I would open the door and she would say " Hi, I just came because I need a cuddle. You said I could come over any time " . She would stare intently at me and my partner for a reaction. Then I would be irritable and each time she left I would feel bad because I didn't make my own mother comfortable in my own house!! My mother has also offered the " understanding mother " tactics amidst the verbal abuse and offered to be there for me if I needed anything. I even had brief moments of vain hopes that she might take on what I requested and try and change some of her behaviour because she seemed so reasonable at fleeting moments. " Fleeting " being the operative word! It's tiring isn't it. I hope it helps even just a little to know that others are going through very similar stuff. It sounds like you are coping amazingly well. Stay strong in your boundary setting. I wish you all the best with this. With warmth, Lynda > > I decided to post " the letter " . This is the one my momster delivered the > day after I came home from the hospital with DD2. It was the first and only > time she has seen DD2. I have been told that there is nothing wrong with > the letter, it is not hurtful, it is not nasty, it is not abusive, and I am > overreacting. Here it is: > > It's time I have a talk with you. I'm writing because I don't want any > screaming or yelling. I can't take it anymore. I just have to get this off > my chest. Please don't get me wrong, I am not blaming everything on you and > (hubby), I am just letting you know what is bothering me. (me), you only > get one mother in this world. I am sorry you got stuck with me.I don't know > what I did to you in life that makes you so hateful towards me. If you > would like to talk about it I am here for you. I always will be. I have > been a worry wart all my life, It drove me nuts when you kids were little. > I can't change, you will just have to accept it. I accept the way you are. > There are things I don't agree with you about. But I don't yell at you like > you do me. You and (hubby) both treat me like shit. I have to walk on > eggshells every time I come to your house. I am so afraid of saying or > doing something wrong. In fear that you will yell at me. That's not the > way it's supposed to be. You are my daughter, I should feel very > comfortable in your house. And the fact that you won't let me watch your > kids, just puts a knife right through my heart. I have been watching > (neice) since she was born. And I do a hell of a job with her. It gives us > time to bond together. You won't give me that chance to bond with (DD1) and > I'm sure the same with (DD2). What does (hubby)'s mother have that I > don't? She gets to keep (DD1) overnight every week. Why can't I? You have > never given me an honest answer. I really need to know. And the fact that > you called me 20 minutes before (DD2) was born, is just proof you did not > want me there. A very important moment in my life, to be there when my > granddaughter was born, you took that away from me. But I see (best friend) > was there. You must have called me last. Another stab in the heart. > Honey, I don't want to go on like this, I want us all to get along. (me), > this is the hardest thing I ever had to do in life, but I have to do it. > Until you and (hubby) start treating me with respect, I can no longer come > to your house. However, I hope you can find it in your heart to bring the > kids over to see me. I love all three of my grand babies more than life > itself > > Mom > > First, " if you would like to talk about it I am here for you " --I tried when > I called her to discuss boundaries and how she has hurt me. She screamed > over me and would not listen. > > " I don't yell at you like you do me " --most times she doesn't yell but has > other family gang up on me or pushes something over and over until I cave. > She does scream at the top of her lungs at times. > > As for me yelling at her it has only been 4 times in 18 months. 1)DD1's > first Christmas when I spent all day cooking and she showed up and demanded > I leave the meal to sit and get cold because she wanted to see my 4 month > old open gifts. She freaked out and I yelled at her to leave. 2) DD2's > second Christmas when she called 2 weeks before and demanded I abandon all > my plans so she could have her " right " to have Christmas at her house. > 3)The day I went into labor with DD2 when she ignored my request to stop > interfering with DD1 5 TIMES in less than an hour. 4) When I was in late > labor and about to deliver she whined to me about all the ways I could die > in the hospital. > > " The fact that you won't let me watch your kids... " --This is because with my > niece she leaves her alone with 2 mean dogs, refuses to use a safe and > properly installed carseat, and smokes in a closed car with her and then > asks people not to tell my brother. > > " You have never given me an honest answer " --We have discussed it several > times. > > " You won't give me the chance to bond with DD1--She was at our house for > hours one a week and often invited herself over without asking other times. > > That I did not want her at the birth was true but also she told me she did > not want to be there and I called her all night and her phone was out of > order. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 I am still finding myself in shock that other mothers so the same things. *I am forever taking away her " rights " as a mother. She even said that my daughter was hers. She frequently refers to her rights and thinks that she somehow owns me.* My mother does this but it is her rights as a grandmother that she pushes. She claims it is her right to have the kids unsupervised, to violate boundaries and rules, to have her way with holidays, to interfere with parenting decisions, and be at the birth. She never outright called my kids hers but she always does the MY granddaughter stuff. The tone implies that they are property not people. *My mother also thought I had told her last when I shared the news of my pregnancy with her. She also has massive jealousy of my best friend, who I asked to have at the birth.* I never considered she might be jealous of my best friend. It now makes sense though with many things she has done when best friend was involved. With my first pregnancy my best friend was the first to ask to plan a shower. I agreed. Then my mother insisted that she should be involved being the mother. I explained that BFF was working on it and they can do it together BUT BFF has been promised to be involved. Momster refused to answer calls or return messages from BFF then cried to me that BFF never called her. Momster then handed the whole thing off to my aunt. I had 4 requests regarding the shower 1) BFF involved. 2) Not close to my due date. 3) Location somewhere close to my home because hubbby's grandma was undergoing chemo and could not travel hours to get there. 4) Keep the sex of the baby a secret. Hubby's family has a tradition of not finding out until the birth. We knew but kept it from all but MIL and my family. Can you guess what happened? Shower was 3 weeks before my due date, an hour away from my home(2 hours for hubby's grandma so she was unable to attend), BFF was kept out, and they sent pink invites with IT " S A GIRL at the top. *My mother used to come to my house frequently unannounced and always at a really inconvenient time* Mine always called but refused to give a time. She would say just a day and tell me not to worry if she arrived and I wasn't home she would wait. Outside in 20 degree weather, possible for hours if we were shopping. Yeah, because I'm really gonna leave knowing that might happen. When I got laid off it got worse. She called me and said " Hey now your home all the time I can come over during the week " . She would then give me three days with no time or specific day. Leaving me with 4 days out of a week that I cannot do anything because I never knew when she would show up. And the fact that she took the loss of my job and turned it into a good thing for her, never said she was sorry or showed any concern for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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