Here's to you, Fischer

[Guest guest]

Hi WTO, Yesterday night for some reason I decided to watch Postcards from the

Edge. This is a 1990 movie and I had not seen it since I was a teenager, waaay

before I knew about BPD--and it was made before there was a real comprehension

of BPD and the 'trends' and traits in the disorder. It will be a little long,

my apologies, but I need to write a BPD analysis of one of the scenes in the

movie.

It is probably one of the best accounts, if not the best ever, of the

high-functioning, subtle Queen-nada. Shirley Maclaine nailed that character to

the floor, and then nailed it some more. She was amazing--and Princess Leia's

writing even more so. It was DEAD ON.

Which means that to the untrained eye, it can be very confusing. And Meryl

Street didn't play the daughter very well, because she had no *hate* for her

mother underneath the surface--in real life, she is probably not a KO. There

was also a brutal scene, SO brutal, where Gene Hackman told the daughter to just

grow up, just let her mother go--as if it was all *her* failing, *her* fault,

when instead she was being attacked on a constant basis by a merging Queen with

destructive narcissist tendencies! So I really need to SAY this. F, if

you're out there, this one's for you!!

The nada was a very high functioning Queen with a waif wing. Being a Queen, she

had a bit of the destructive side in her as well, and was, with the hand behind

her back, trying to destroy her daughter's acting career. (While with the other

hand trying to force her daughter to excell at it, under attack.) She had the

child split both black and white at once. Being a famous movie star, there was

also all of that in the mix--but suprisingly the dynamic was almost totally

similar to my own nada, who is NOT famous...(but just thinks she is)

The most striking scene for me was a party that Shirley Maclaine threw for the

daughter, who just got out of rehab, and was 'forced' to move back home by her

agent, who told her the movie studio could not get her insured if she didn't

move home. (The agent was a flying monkey for the nada.) The mother of course

had not ASKED her daughter if she wanted a party, because the party was not FOR

her, was not sincerely to make her feel good. She told her about it as they were

driving up--back from the rehab place. This assured that the daughter would not

be properly dressed for it, so the mother could look better. The party was

supposed to be in 'honor' of the daughter--an overexaggerated public worship of

her rehab recovery, in front of dozens of people. The excuse for the party was

a masked insult--the nada got to emphasize her daughter's drug addiction, while

pretending to be 'celebrating' her recovery. (Birthdays, retirements,

graduations--wedding anniversaries--who throws a party for rehab release? A

nada, that's who.) Remember nadas always have a theme or two that they need to

project onto their black sheeps--this nada needed to project her own alcoholism,

it was a life theme of hers and she did it well.

The way nada was getting her jollies at this party was a very complex dynamic.

First of all, it was an opportunity to pose as a good mother overall in front of

all the people there. She posed as 'worshipping' her daughter--there was a

cake, with her FACE ON IT. (My nada once did a similar thing to me once, making

a bizarre pictoral tribute to me at a birthday party, when she had never even

given me cards or gifts or cakes for my birthday once in my life. So I totally

related.)

It was also an opportunity for the nada to steal from her daughter what she

needed to steal, in public, in a way that would make the daughter trapped.

Remember she made her attend JUST out of rehab, without an opportunity to get

dressed properly or prepare--and this was an actress!! Appearances are very

important to them. Then, the nada made the daughter sing a number--only so that

she could upstage her by singing a BETTER one, afterwards. There was no way for

the daughter to try and explain this to anyone present. She would have looked

hostile, ungracious, jealous, petty--all the things, suprise, that her NADA was!

It was a prime opportunity for nada to 'accidentally' prove she was prettier and

a better entertainer than her daughter--and to get all the attention at a public

event.

Say she was not stealing, but just insulting...This was also a grand opportunity

for nada to issue masked insults. When nada make her daughter sing, she

'pretended' like she was the best singer in the world. However, she was

actually being condescending to her daughter, the real meaning of her statements

was that her daughter *sucked* at performing; the real meaning of the cake was

that her daughter was so *messed up...but to try and object would have been

impossible, it would not have been believed by anyone there, it would only have

made the daughter look ungrateful and malicious.

This was *wrenching* to watch.

There were also the characteristic confrontations on the stairs--God, my nada

loved to walk half way up the stairs, then turn around and start confronting me

some more. And there were the forced, out of the blue conversations, endless,

about the 'relationship' and why do you hate me, why do you think I'm a bad

mother, etc etc....

I wonder if this movie character has received the press that she deserves--she

needs to be 'outed' as a pure borderline.

Thanks for letting me rant everyone!! I just felt so awful that everyone blamed

poor Fischer 100% for what was going on.

--Charlie