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Posted

You're so right ! My mother does baby my brother..good grief she still

does his laundry! She has definitely hindered his growth and sense of

responsibility. And because she does nothing for me..I have learned to work

harder and be more responsible with what I have..She has done me a favor in

way...I never thought of it that way! That is really a nice thought:)

You must be very perceptive because you are so right on about my brother

coming to me when mom turns him down for anything. That's how the fight

with my mother started last month..(for me it was really the perfect

opportunity to go NC) but I was sticking up for my brother. As far as I'm

concerned she has made him this way and she can take care of him. I stopped

providing for him years ago.

Stefanie

On Fri, Sep 3, 2010 at 6:13 PM, shirleyspawn wrote:

>

>

> Agreed, agreed, agreed. Standing on your own two feet and living life with

> what YOU earn and amass is a lot more rewarding than groveling to Nada for

> her leftovers. And you know that your brother's behavior is probably at

> least partially due to his mommy handing him everything he asks for. She's

> crippled him, and that may be worse than what you got - at least you can

> live independently, come good times or bad.

>

> If you can remain friendly with Bro, that's nice, I guess - but I'd bet

> that when and if Mom stops enabling him, he's going to look around for

> somebody else to wipe his... nose... for him. Don't be that person.

>

> And once she's dead (sorry, I just can't be that sentimental about these

> soul-killing parents), challenge probate and sue him for your half, if you

> have to. I'm betting he'll be too lazy to go through her junk, so if you can

> stand the mess, maybe you can sell it and get some money that way.

>

> And in the mean time, let her get herself to the airport. You're busy

> working to buy the dishes and furniture you need, remember?

>

>

>

>

>

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Hi all.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > > > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made

> up

> > > > > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > > > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak

> with

> > > > > > her.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry

> with

> > > her

> > > > > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > > > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her

> in

> > > > > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control.

> Once

> > > > > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her

> with

> > > > > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets

> of

> > > > > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought

> those

> > > for

> > > > > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have

> dinner

> > > > > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at

> home..she

> > > > > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so

> I

> > > > > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > > > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and

> went

> > > > > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just

> her

> > > > > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she

> > > never

> > > > > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > > > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > > > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over

> the

> > > > > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for

> the

> > > > > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived

> with a

> > > > > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have

> ever

> > > > > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to

> mention..she

> > > > > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and

> pick

> > > > > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2

> knee

> > > > > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > > > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be

> with

> > > > > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the

> airport.

> > > > > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a

> wheel

> > > > > > chair for me.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get

> it.

> > > > > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his

> needs

> > > > > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help

> him

> > > > > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why

> she

> > > > > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs

> me

> > > > > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money

> and I

> > > > > > scrounge and save.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother

> moved

> > > > > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > > > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > > > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She

> gave

> > > > > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I

> had

> > > > > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and

> sells

> > > > > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the

> stuff

> > > > > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to

> him

> > > > > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much

> for

> > > > > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in

> over

> > > > > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the

> thought

> > > > > > horrifies me!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > > > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would

> like or

> > > > > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting

> moment I

> > > > > > was to call her.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I'm so confused...

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know

> but

> > > I

> > > > > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > > > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the

> bank..when

> > > my

> > > > > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Stefanie

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

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Posted
Posted

You're so right ! My mother does baby my brother..good grief she still

does his laundry! She has definitely hindered his growth and sense of

responsibility. And because she does nothing for me..I have learned to work

harder and be more responsible with what I have..She has done me a favor in

way...I never thought of it that way! That is really a nice thought:)

You must be very perceptive because you are so right on about my brother

coming to me when mom turns him down for anything. That's how the fight

with my mother started last month..(for me it was really the perfect

opportunity to go NC) but I was sticking up for my brother. As far as I'm

concerned she has made him this way and she can take care of him. I stopped

providing for him years ago.

Stefanie

On Fri, Sep 3, 2010 at 6:13 PM, shirleyspawn wrote:

>

>

> Agreed, agreed, agreed. Standing on your own two feet and living life with

> what YOU earn and amass is a lot more rewarding than groveling to Nada for

> her leftovers. And you know that your brother's behavior is probably at

> least partially due to his mommy handing him everything he asks for. She's

> crippled him, and that may be worse than what you got - at least you can

> live independently, come good times or bad.

>

> If you can remain friendly with Bro, that's nice, I guess - but I'd bet

> that when and if Mom stops enabling him, he's going to look around for

> somebody else to wipe his... nose... for him. Don't be that person.

>

> And once she's dead (sorry, I just can't be that sentimental about these

> soul-killing parents), challenge probate and sue him for your half, if you

> have to. I'm betting he'll be too lazy to go through her junk, so if you can

> stand the mess, maybe you can sell it and get some money that way.

>

> And in the mean time, let her get herself to the airport. You're busy

> working to buy the dishes and furniture you need, remember?

>

>

>

>

>

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Hi all.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > > > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made

> up

> > > > > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > > > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak

> with

> > > > > > her.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry

> with

> > > her

> > > > > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > > > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her

> in

> > > > > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control.

> Once

> > > > > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her

> with

> > > > > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets

> of

> > > > > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought

> those

> > > for

> > > > > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have

> dinner

> > > > > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at

> home..she

> > > > > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so

> I

> > > > > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > > > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and

> went

> > > > > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just

> her

> > > > > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she

> > > never

> > > > > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > > > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > > > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over

> the

> > > > > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for

> the

> > > > > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived

> with a

> > > > > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have

> ever

> > > > > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to

> mention..she

> > > > > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and

> pick

> > > > > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2

> knee

> > > > > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > > > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be

> with

> > > > > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the

> airport.

> > > > > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a

> wheel

> > > > > > chair for me.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get

> it.

> > > > > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his

> needs

> > > > > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help

> him

> > > > > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why

> she

> > > > > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs

> me

> > > > > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money

> and I

> > > > > > scrounge and save.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother

> moved

> > > > > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > > > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > > > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She

> gave

> > > > > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I

> had

> > > > > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and

> sells

> > > > > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the

> stuff

> > > > > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to

> him

> > > > > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much

> for

> > > > > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in

> over

> > > > > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the

> thought

> > > > > > horrifies me!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > > > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would

> like or

> > > > > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting

> moment I

> > > > > > was to call her.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I'm so confused...

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know

> but

> > > I

> > > > > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > > > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the

> bank..when

> > > my

> > > > > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Stefanie

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

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Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

You're so right ! My mother does baby my brother..good grief she still

does his laundry! She has definitely hindered his growth and sense of

responsibility. And because she does nothing for me..I have learned to work

harder and be more responsible with what I have..She has done me a favor in

way...I never thought of it that way! That is really a nice thought:)

You must be very perceptive because you are so right on about my brother

coming to me when mom turns him down for anything. That's how the fight

with my mother started last month..(for me it was really the perfect

opportunity to go NC) but I was sticking up for my brother. As far as I'm

concerned she has made him this way and she can take care of him. I stopped

providing for him years ago.

Stefanie

On Fri, Sep 3, 2010 at 6:13 PM, shirleyspawn wrote:

>

>

> Agreed, agreed, agreed. Standing on your own two feet and living life with

> what YOU earn and amass is a lot more rewarding than groveling to Nada for

> her leftovers. And you know that your brother's behavior is probably at

> least partially due to his mommy handing him everything he asks for. She's

> crippled him, and that may be worse than what you got - at least you can

> live independently, come good times or bad.

>

> If you can remain friendly with Bro, that's nice, I guess - but I'd bet

> that when and if Mom stops enabling him, he's going to look around for

> somebody else to wipe his... nose... for him. Don't be that person.

>

> And once she's dead (sorry, I just can't be that sentimental about these

> soul-killing parents), challenge probate and sue him for your half, if you

> have to. I'm betting he'll be too lazy to go through her junk, so if you can

> stand the mess, maybe you can sell it and get some money that way.

>

> And in the mean time, let her get herself to the airport. You're busy

> working to buy the dishes and furniture you need, remember?

>

>

>

>

>

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Hi all.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > > > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made

> up

> > > > > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > > > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak

> with

> > > > > > her.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry

> with

> > > her

> > > > > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > > > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her

> in

> > > > > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control.

> Once

> > > > > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her

> with

> > > > > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets

> of

> > > > > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought

> those

> > > for

> > > > > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have

> dinner

> > > > > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at

> home..she

> > > > > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so

> I

> > > > > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > > > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and

> went

> > > > > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just

> her

> > > > > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she

> > > never

> > > > > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > > > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > > > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over

> the

> > > > > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for

> the

> > > > > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived

> with a

> > > > > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have

> ever

> > > > > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to

> mention..she

> > > > > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and

> pick

> > > > > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2

> knee

> > > > > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > > > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be

> with

> > > > > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the

> airport.

> > > > > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a

> wheel

> > > > > > chair for me.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get

> it.

> > > > > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his

> needs

> > > > > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help

> him

> > > > > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why

> she

> > > > > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs

> me

> > > > > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money

> and I

> > > > > > scrounge and save.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother

> moved

> > > > > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > > > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > > > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She

> gave

> > > > > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I

> had

> > > > > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and

> sells

> > > > > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the

> stuff

> > > > > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to

> him

> > > > > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much

> for

> > > > > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in

> over

> > > > > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the

> thought

> > > > > > horrifies me!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > > > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would

> like or

> > > > > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting

> moment I

> > > > > > was to call her.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I'm so confused...

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know

> but

> > > I

> > > > > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > > > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the

> bank..when

> > > my

> > > > > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Stefanie

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

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Guest guest

Posted
Posted

Joe- I can see incestuous tendencies. The thing her and my brother fight

about most is his girlfriend. He can't bring any girl to my moms house with

out her talking about how she is no good..none of the girls are.

My Mom is always in competition with me..with everything from the appliances

I buy..to the house I live in....she makes is VERY blatantly obvious that

she is prettier then me.

One day we were out going to yard sales and the lady said to me. Wow you

have such beautiful eyes...my mom comes over and says. " You think they are

beautiful now you should have seen them when she was born..They we even more

beautiful Blue...Blue..Blue....like mine. (disappointed shrug) And

now..she look like this " And makes a but what can you do body gesture.

Other times she says.. " Is the reason you hate me because you are not as

beautiful as me..is it because you turned out like that " It's not my fault

you know... I still don't understand what " like that " means but I think it

refers to the fact that I'm short I'm 4'11 and she is 5'2. My dad was 4'10

and his family were all short (proportioned body wise but short).

even growing up.. " Because your a girl " was a very common answer. He got

better gifts... to go to things I couldn't go to..and to do things I

couldn't do..Because I was a girl. She didn't even want me to go to

school. because I was a girl and it was not necessary. it backfired on her

because it just made me more of a tomboy..and she wanted a pretty little

girl with fancy poofy dresses.

Thank God I have not repeated these stereo types with my kids..My son when

he was very young had a Barbie doll...he wanted it..so why not. My

daughter had remote cars. I have taught my son to sew, cook, do laundry and

take care himself. I have taught my daughter she can do anything..We work

with tools and make things. At the same time my son works masonry work he

enjoyed physical labor and sports. My daughter is very feminine and loves

way too much cloths and shoes :)

Stefanie

>

>

> My mother has the same thing going with my brothers. Honestly with female

> borderlines I think there is a bit of an incestuous thing going on with

> their sons. It's gross. As a female they just see you as competition to take

> their male attention away. If they have been a survivor of sexual abuse,

> which a whole lot of female borderlines have, they sometimes have more of a

> tendency to be sexualized and see the world this way. And then their is the

> whole triangle with their own mother who may have known what was going on

> and treated them with the same contempt, as competition, that they treat

> their own daughters. She pretends not to know, but on some level she knows,

> and on that level the daughter is competition. Even if that scenario isn't

> the case the sons still don't give them any self-doubt or remind them of

> their own aging process or anything like that. I think alot of borderlines

> who are mothers of daughters are just so bankrupt that they are almost

> incapable of feeling any love at all for a daughter.

>

>

> >

> > Hi all.

> >

> > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> >

> > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made up

> > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak with

> > her.

> >

> > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with her

> > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her in

> > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her with

> > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those for

> > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have dinner

> > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at home..she

> > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and went

> > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she never

> > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with a

> > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have ever

> > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to mention..she

> > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and pick

> > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2 knee

> > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be with

> > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a wheel

> > chair for me.

> >

> >

> > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get it.

> > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his needs

> > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why she

> > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and I

> > scrounge and save.

> >

> > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I had

> > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > usually ends up with the girl.

> >

> > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> >

> > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to him

> > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> >

> > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in over

> > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > horrifies me!

> >

> > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like or

> > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment I

> > was to call her.

> >

> > I'm so confused...

> >

> > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know but I

> > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when my

> > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> >

> > Stefanie

> >

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

typical.. good for you, you have made your own good fortune. they are able to

give nothing to you, so you have given to yourself, by yourself, with the help

of others, i imagine, your husband and good friends.. i have had this similar

experience.ann

Subject: Re: Trying to process things and feeling I don't

understand

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, September 4, 2010, 6:55 PM

 

Stefanie-

I can totally understand why you want something from her. It would be so

natural, wouldn't it, to get some bit of material history passed down, like

someone in a normal family?

My mom has this weird thing of giving me exactly what I don't want. Weird,

trashy stuff that she saved up for me. Dolls I never played with because they

creeped me out. A worthless cotton rug someone gave her years ago. Stuff that

belonged to her mom, whom I never liked much. Big, awkward stuff that my mom had

no use for.

But if I ask for something, like family photos, I'm always turned down. I've had

to steal a few childhood photos of myself, though she's happy to give me

xeroxes, or " funny " ones in which I look ugly or am doing something

embarrassing.

A couple of years ago they were talking about what to do with their stuff when I

died. I said look, I'll make it easy on you. Give my bro more than half of your

money, give him your house, give him all your stuff. I'm married, he's not, and

I have savings, he doesn't. He's screwed up and has trouble keeping a job, I run

my own business and save my money.

In terms of material items, I'd like X and Y. I named two things of little

value, that meant nothing to anyone but me. X she refused to part with (though

she didn't even remember what it WAS until I described it 5 or 6 times), Y she

immediately consulted my BPD bro about.

He of course, decided he wanted it, though he too had to be reminded of its

existence. Then they both decided that I should STORE this item at my house,

" until he bought a house someday " . with the caveat that I could never touch it,

use it, or open the box, but must keep it carefully set aside for him.

WTF!

Of course, I refused and was then accused of bitchiness.

To make it up to me, mom sent me a broken, ugly, far less valuable version of

the coveted item, and suggested that I repair it.

I've learned to want nothing, expect nothing.

Letty

> > >

> > > Hi all.

> > >

> > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > >

> > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made up

> > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak with

> > > her.

> > >

> > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with her

> > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her in

> > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her with

> > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those for

> > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have dinner

> > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at home..she

> > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and went

> > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she never

> > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with a

> > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have ever

> > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to mention..she

> > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and pick

> > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2 knee

> > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be with

> > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a wheel

> > > chair for me.

> > >

> > >

> > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get it.

> > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his needs

> > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why she

> > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and I

> > > scrounge and save.

> > >

> > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I had

> > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > >

> > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > >

> > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to him

> > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > >

> > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in over

> > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > > horrifies me!

> > >

> > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like or

> > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment I

> > > was to call her.

> > >

> > > I'm so confused...

> > >

> > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know but I

> > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when my

> > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > >

> > > Stefanie

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

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Posted
Posted

typical.. good for you, you have made your own good fortune. they are able to

give nothing to you, so you have given to yourself, by yourself, with the help

of others, i imagine, your husband and good friends.. i have had this similar

experience.ann

Subject: Re: Trying to process things and feeling I don't

understand

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, September 4, 2010, 6:55 PM

 

Stefanie-

I can totally understand why you want something from her. It would be so

natural, wouldn't it, to get some bit of material history passed down, like

someone in a normal family?

My mom has this weird thing of giving me exactly what I don't want. Weird,

trashy stuff that she saved up for me. Dolls I never played with because they

creeped me out. A worthless cotton rug someone gave her years ago. Stuff that

belonged to her mom, whom I never liked much. Big, awkward stuff that my mom had

no use for.

But if I ask for something, like family photos, I'm always turned down. I've had

to steal a few childhood photos of myself, though she's happy to give me

xeroxes, or " funny " ones in which I look ugly or am doing something

embarrassing.

A couple of years ago they were talking about what to do with their stuff when I

died. I said look, I'll make it easy on you. Give my bro more than half of your

money, give him your house, give him all your stuff. I'm married, he's not, and

I have savings, he doesn't. He's screwed up and has trouble keeping a job, I run

my own business and save my money.

In terms of material items, I'd like X and Y. I named two things of little

value, that meant nothing to anyone but me. X she refused to part with (though

she didn't even remember what it WAS until I described it 5 or 6 times), Y she

immediately consulted my BPD bro about.

He of course, decided he wanted it, though he too had to be reminded of its

existence. Then they both decided that I should STORE this item at my house,

" until he bought a house someday " . with the caveat that I could never touch it,

use it, or open the box, but must keep it carefully set aside for him.

WTF!

Of course, I refused and was then accused of bitchiness.

To make it up to me, mom sent me a broken, ugly, far less valuable version of

the coveted item, and suggested that I repair it.

I've learned to want nothing, expect nothing.

Letty

> > >

> > > Hi all.

> > >

> > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > >

> > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made up

> > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak with

> > > her.

> > >

> > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with her

> > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her in

> > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her with

> > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those for

> > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have dinner

> > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at home..she

> > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and went

> > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she never

> > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with a

> > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have ever

> > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to mention..she

> > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and pick

> > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2 knee

> > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be with

> > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a wheel

> > > chair for me.

> > >

> > >

> > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get it.

> > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his needs

> > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why she

> > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and I

> > > scrounge and save.

> > >

> > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I had

> > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > >

> > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > >

> > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to him

> > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > >

> > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in over

> > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > > horrifies me!

> > >

> > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like or

> > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment I

> > > was to call her.

> > >

> > > I'm so confused...

> > >

> > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know but I

> > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when my

> > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > >

> > > Stefanie

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
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Posted
Posted

typical.. good for you, you have made your own good fortune. they are able to

give nothing to you, so you have given to yourself, by yourself, with the help

of others, i imagine, your husband and good friends.. i have had this similar

experience.ann

Subject: Re: Trying to process things and feeling I don't

understand

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, September 4, 2010, 6:55 PM

 

Stefanie-

I can totally understand why you want something from her. It would be so

natural, wouldn't it, to get some bit of material history passed down, like

someone in a normal family?

My mom has this weird thing of giving me exactly what I don't want. Weird,

trashy stuff that she saved up for me. Dolls I never played with because they

creeped me out. A worthless cotton rug someone gave her years ago. Stuff that

belonged to her mom, whom I never liked much. Big, awkward stuff that my mom had

no use for.

But if I ask for something, like family photos, I'm always turned down. I've had

to steal a few childhood photos of myself, though she's happy to give me

xeroxes, or " funny " ones in which I look ugly or am doing something

embarrassing.

A couple of years ago they were talking about what to do with their stuff when I

died. I said look, I'll make it easy on you. Give my bro more than half of your

money, give him your house, give him all your stuff. I'm married, he's not, and

I have savings, he doesn't. He's screwed up and has trouble keeping a job, I run

my own business and save my money.

In terms of material items, I'd like X and Y. I named two things of little

value, that meant nothing to anyone but me. X she refused to part with (though

she didn't even remember what it WAS until I described it 5 or 6 times), Y she

immediately consulted my BPD bro about.

He of course, decided he wanted it, though he too had to be reminded of its

existence. Then they both decided that I should STORE this item at my house,

" until he bought a house someday " . with the caveat that I could never touch it,

use it, or open the box, but must keep it carefully set aside for him.

WTF!

Of course, I refused and was then accused of bitchiness.

To make it up to me, mom sent me a broken, ugly, far less valuable version of

the coveted item, and suggested that I repair it.

I've learned to want nothing, expect nothing.

Letty

> > >

> > > Hi all.

> > >

> > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > >

> > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made up

> > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak with

> > > her.

> > >

> > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with her

> > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her in

> > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her with

> > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those for

> > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have dinner

> > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at home..she

> > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and went

> > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she never

> > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with a

> > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have ever

> > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to mention..she

> > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and pick

> > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2 knee

> > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be with

> > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a wheel

> > > chair for me.

> > >

> > >

> > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get it.

> > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his needs

> > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why she

> > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and I

> > > scrounge and save.

> > >

> > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I had

> > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > >

> > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > >

> > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to him

> > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > >

> > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in over

> > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > > horrifies me!

> > >

> > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like or

> > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment I

> > > was to call her.

> > >

> > > I'm so confused...

> > >

> > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know but I

> > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when my

> > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > >

> > > Stefanie

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

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Share on other sites
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Posted
Posted

My mom would do something like that too. She can't even remember what it

is but I can't have it. I really don't want much of anything I want a

beauro and my grandmother's ring...and my half of the money she has in the

bank..I have been told my whole life that this money was to be split between

me and my brother. It's my inheritance. If my brother got the house, cars,

gold, jewels and everything else...I wouldn't care.

I know this sounds crazy but everything else is crap she bought. Her taste

and mine are so opposite. But the money is my dads sweat and hard work..He

always talked about the pride of leaving his kids take cared of...I feel I

need to honor his plans. It not even allot of money if you knew the amount

I'm stressing about you'd tell me it's not worth the effort...but for some

reason it's important to me...even if it was $5.

Though God has always taken very good care of me... I trust he will continue

to..what else can I do

Stefanie

>

>

> Stefanie-

>

> I can totally understand why you want something from her. It would be so

> natural, wouldn't it, to get some bit of material history passed down, like

> someone in a normal family?

>

> My mom has this weird thing of giving me exactly what I don't want. Weird,

> trashy stuff that she saved up for me. Dolls I never played with because

> they creeped me out. A worthless cotton rug someone gave her years ago.

> Stuff that belonged to her mom, whom I never liked much. Big, awkward stuff

> that my mom had no use for.

>

> But if I ask for something, like family photos, I'm always turned down.

> I've had to steal a few childhood photos of myself, though she's happy to

> give me xeroxes, or " funny " ones in which I look ugly or am doing something

> embarrassing.

>

> A couple of years ago they were talking about what to do with their stuff

> when I died. I said look, I'll make it easy on you. Give my bro more than

> half of your money, give him your house, give him all your stuff. I'm

> married, he's not, and I have savings, he doesn't. He's screwed up and has

> trouble keeping a job, I run my own business and save my money.

>

> In terms of material items, I'd like X and Y. I named two things of little

> value, that meant nothing to anyone but me. X she refused to part with

> (though she didn't even remember what it WAS until I described it 5 or 6

> times), Y she immediately consulted my BPD bro about.

>

> He of course, decided he wanted it, though he too had to be reminded of its

> existence. Then they both decided that I should STORE this item at my house,

> " until he bought a house someday " . with the caveat that I could never touch

> it, use it, or open the box, but must keep it carefully set aside for him.

>

> WTF!

>

> Of course, I refused and was then accused of bitchiness.

>

> To make it up to me, mom sent me a broken, ugly, far less valuable version

> of the coveted item, and suggested that I repair it.

>

> I've learned to want nothing, expect nothing.

>

> Letty

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Hi all.

> > > >

> > > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > > >

> > > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made up

> > > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak with

> > > > her.

> > > >

> > > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with

> her

> > > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her in

> > > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her with

> > > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those

> for

> > > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have dinner

> > > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at home..she

> > > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and went

> > > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she

> never

> > > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with a

> > > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have ever

> > > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to mention..she

> > > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and pick

> > > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2 knee

> > > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be with

> > > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a wheel

> > > > chair for me.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get it.

> > > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his needs

> > > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why she

> > > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and I

> > > > scrounge and save.

> > > >

> > > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I had

> > > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > > >

> > > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > > >

> > > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to him

> > > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > > >

> > > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in over

> > > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > > > horrifies me!

> > > >

> > > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like or

> > > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment I

> > > > was to call her.

> > > >

> > > > I'm so confused...

> > > >

> > > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know but

> I

> > > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when

> my

> > > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > > >

> > > > Stefanie

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

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Posted
Posted

My mom would do something like that too. She can't even remember what it

is but I can't have it. I really don't want much of anything I want a

beauro and my grandmother's ring...and my half of the money she has in the

bank..I have been told my whole life that this money was to be split between

me and my brother. It's my inheritance. If my brother got the house, cars,

gold, jewels and everything else...I wouldn't care.

I know this sounds crazy but everything else is crap she bought. Her taste

and mine are so opposite. But the money is my dads sweat and hard work..He

always talked about the pride of leaving his kids take cared of...I feel I

need to honor his plans. It not even allot of money if you knew the amount

I'm stressing about you'd tell me it's not worth the effort...but for some

reason it's important to me...even if it was $5.

Though God has always taken very good care of me... I trust he will continue

to..what else can I do

Stefanie

>

>

> Stefanie-

>

> I can totally understand why you want something from her. It would be so

> natural, wouldn't it, to get some bit of material history passed down, like

> someone in a normal family?

>

> My mom has this weird thing of giving me exactly what I don't want. Weird,

> trashy stuff that she saved up for me. Dolls I never played with because

> they creeped me out. A worthless cotton rug someone gave her years ago.

> Stuff that belonged to her mom, whom I never liked much. Big, awkward stuff

> that my mom had no use for.

>

> But if I ask for something, like family photos, I'm always turned down.

> I've had to steal a few childhood photos of myself, though she's happy to

> give me xeroxes, or " funny " ones in which I look ugly or am doing something

> embarrassing.

>

> A couple of years ago they were talking about what to do with their stuff

> when I died. I said look, I'll make it easy on you. Give my bro more than

> half of your money, give him your house, give him all your stuff. I'm

> married, he's not, and I have savings, he doesn't. He's screwed up and has

> trouble keeping a job, I run my own business and save my money.

>

> In terms of material items, I'd like X and Y. I named two things of little

> value, that meant nothing to anyone but me. X she refused to part with

> (though she didn't even remember what it WAS until I described it 5 or 6

> times), Y she immediately consulted my BPD bro about.

>

> He of course, decided he wanted it, though he too had to be reminded of its

> existence. Then they both decided that I should STORE this item at my house,

> " until he bought a house someday " . with the caveat that I could never touch

> it, use it, or open the box, but must keep it carefully set aside for him.

>

> WTF!

>

> Of course, I refused and was then accused of bitchiness.

>

> To make it up to me, mom sent me a broken, ugly, far less valuable version

> of the coveted item, and suggested that I repair it.

>

> I've learned to want nothing, expect nothing.

>

> Letty

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Hi all.

> > > >

> > > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > > >

> > > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made up

> > > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak with

> > > > her.

> > > >

> > > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with

> her

> > > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her in

> > > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her with

> > > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those

> for

> > > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have dinner

> > > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at home..she

> > > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and went

> > > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she

> never

> > > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with a

> > > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have ever

> > > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to mention..she

> > > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and pick

> > > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2 knee

> > > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be with

> > > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a wheel

> > > > chair for me.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get it.

> > > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his needs

> > > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why she

> > > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and I

> > > > scrounge and save.

> > > >

> > > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I had

> > > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > > >

> > > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > > >

> > > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to him

> > > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > > >

> > > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in over

> > > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > > > horrifies me!

> > > >

> > > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like or

> > > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment I

> > > > was to call her.

> > > >

> > > > I'm so confused...

> > > >

> > > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know but

> I

> > > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when

> my

> > > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > > >

> > > > Stefanie

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

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Posted
Posted

My mom would do something like that too. She can't even remember what it

is but I can't have it. I really don't want much of anything I want a

beauro and my grandmother's ring...and my half of the money she has in the

bank..I have been told my whole life that this money was to be split between

me and my brother. It's my inheritance. If my brother got the house, cars,

gold, jewels and everything else...I wouldn't care.

I know this sounds crazy but everything else is crap she bought. Her taste

and mine are so opposite. But the money is my dads sweat and hard work..He

always talked about the pride of leaving his kids take cared of...I feel I

need to honor his plans. It not even allot of money if you knew the amount

I'm stressing about you'd tell me it's not worth the effort...but for some

reason it's important to me...even if it was $5.

Though God has always taken very good care of me... I trust he will continue

to..what else can I do

Stefanie

>

>

> Stefanie-

>

> I can totally understand why you want something from her. It would be so

> natural, wouldn't it, to get some bit of material history passed down, like

> someone in a normal family?

>

> My mom has this weird thing of giving me exactly what I don't want. Weird,

> trashy stuff that she saved up for me. Dolls I never played with because

> they creeped me out. A worthless cotton rug someone gave her years ago.

> Stuff that belonged to her mom, whom I never liked much. Big, awkward stuff

> that my mom had no use for.

>

> But if I ask for something, like family photos, I'm always turned down.

> I've had to steal a few childhood photos of myself, though she's happy to

> give me xeroxes, or " funny " ones in which I look ugly or am doing something

> embarrassing.

>

> A couple of years ago they were talking about what to do with their stuff

> when I died. I said look, I'll make it easy on you. Give my bro more than

> half of your money, give him your house, give him all your stuff. I'm

> married, he's not, and I have savings, he doesn't. He's screwed up and has

> trouble keeping a job, I run my own business and save my money.

>

> In terms of material items, I'd like X and Y. I named two things of little

> value, that meant nothing to anyone but me. X she refused to part with

> (though she didn't even remember what it WAS until I described it 5 or 6

> times), Y she immediately consulted my BPD bro about.

>

> He of course, decided he wanted it, though he too had to be reminded of its

> existence. Then they both decided that I should STORE this item at my house,

> " until he bought a house someday " . with the caveat that I could never touch

> it, use it, or open the box, but must keep it carefully set aside for him.

>

> WTF!

>

> Of course, I refused and was then accused of bitchiness.

>

> To make it up to me, mom sent me a broken, ugly, far less valuable version

> of the coveted item, and suggested that I repair it.

>

> I've learned to want nothing, expect nothing.

>

> Letty

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Hi all.

> > > >

> > > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > > >

> > > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made up

> > > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak with

> > > > her.

> > > >

> > > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with

> her

> > > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her in

> > > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her with

> > > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those

> for

> > > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have dinner

> > > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at home..she

> > > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and went

> > > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she

> never

> > > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with a

> > > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have ever

> > > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to mention..she

> > > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and pick

> > > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2 knee

> > > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be with

> > > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a wheel

> > > > chair for me.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get it.

> > > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his needs

> > > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why she

> > > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and I

> > > > scrounge and save.

> > > >

> > > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I had

> > > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > > >

> > > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > > >

> > > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to him

> > > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > > >

> > > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in over

> > > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > > > horrifies me!

> > > >

> > > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like or

> > > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment I

> > > > was to call her.

> > > >

> > > > I'm so confused...

> > > >

> > > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know but

> I

> > > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when

> my

> > > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > > >

> > > > Stefanie

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

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Posted
Posted

It always seems to me that the female BPD is basically a rude 5 year old

girl whose parent's havent taught her right and wrong, to share, to be kind

etc. . . I just want to scream, " GROW UP!!! "

Okay I feel better. Sorry for the outburst. Sorry that your moms are such

bitches. i'd like to slap them all right across the face. But it is better

if we just turn our backs and go about our business of creating lives for

ourselves without their interference. My secret is to want nothing that she

has or can control.

On Sat, Sep 4, 2010 at 9:09 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> After my father died I requested to be given an item that had belonged to

> him, that he had made himself, and that my nada had never particularly

> liked. She'd not only said so, She'd chosen not to display it for decades

> before he died. But after I asked for it, my nada decided to keep this item

> and display it herself instead of giving it to me.

>

> It seems clearer and clearer to me as I have experienced these things,

> these acts intended to hurt me or dismiss me, the deliberateness of the

> acts, these acts intended to ignore my feelings and requests... it becomes

> more and more clear to me that a person doesn't behave this way toward

> someone they love.

>

> My nada does not love me.

>

> She instead delights in tormenting me. When I was still in contact with

> her, she would go out of her way to say mean, cruel things to me intended to

> insult me and hurt my feelings. That isn't love. Its quite the opposite.

>

> As children we are incapable of perceiving that we are not loved but merely

> tolerated, or that we're being cared for with thinly-disguised resentment.

> We as children have no objectivity and no experience, we are abjectly

> innocent and trusting, and out of sheer survival instinct we are hardwired

> to believe that the person who gave birth to us and feeds us loves us and

> cares for us, no matter that she also treats us like a piece of garbage,

> frightens us, terrorizes us, shames us, humiliates us, ignores us, beats us,

> abandons us, or uses and exploits us.

>

> How we are treated as children by our mothers becomes our definition of

> what " love " is, seemingly. Or it seems to us that this pale, ghostlike,

> ephemeral, occasional attention and affection is all we deserve.

>

> But as an adult I have come to understand and experience that friends

> (including my Sister) who actually do care for me go out of their way to

> *not* hurt my feelings. My friends care about how I feel. They try to cheer

> me up or make me feel better about things, about myself. They hug me, they

> tell me to believe in myself, and they tell me to have hope. And its without

> strings!

>

> I have come to understand that these selfless acts of kindness and support

> are actually what love is. I appreciate their heartfelt, true caring more

> than I can say. And when I do the same for them, its not out of obligation,

> it is not done with the object of gaining some kind of advantage over them

> that they are obliged to pay back, its simply because I want to help them

> and make them happy. Its because I love my friends.

>

> How my own mother treats me is not what love is. God only knows what it

> actually is, but its sure as hell is not love.

>

> Instead, I'm guessing its some kind of feeling of obligation or duty, or

> maybe she feels that I am her possession, or that I am just an extension of

> herself, or some kind of investment that is supposed to pay off. She

> intermittently acts in ways that appear loving on the surface, but there is

> always a price tag attached to these acts. In return I am supposed to bring

> her status, or bragging rights, or something. Who knows? Maybe I am supposed

> to pay off, like a slot machine.

>

> That's not love.

>

> " Love is patient, love is kind.

> It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

> It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps

> no record of wrongs.

> Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

> It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

> Love never fails. "

>

> 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi all.

> > > > >

> > > > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > > > >

> > > > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made

> up

> > > > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak

> with

> > > > > her.

> > > > >

> > > > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with

> her

> > > > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her

> in

> > > > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > > > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her

> with

> > > > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > > > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those

> for

> > > > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have

> dinner

> > > > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at

> home..she

> > > > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > > > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and

> went

> > > > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > > > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she

> never

> > > > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > > > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > > > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with

> a

> > > > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have

> ever

> > > > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to

> mention..she

> > > > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and

> pick

> > > > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2

> knee

> > > > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be

> with

> > > > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > > > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a

> wheel

> > > > > chair for me.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get

> it.

> > > > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his

> needs

> > > > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > > > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why

> she

> > > > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > > > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and

> I

> > > > > scrounge and save.

> > > > >

> > > > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > > > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > > > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I

> had

> > > > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > > > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > > > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > > > >

> > > > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > > > >

> > > > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to

> him

> > > > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > > > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > > > >

> > > > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in

> over

> > > > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > > > > horrifies me!

> > > > >

> > > > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like

> or

> > > > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment

> I

> > > > > was to call her.

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm so confused...

> > > > >

> > > > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know

> but I

> > > > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when

> my

> > > > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > > > >

> > > > > Stefanie

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

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Posted
Posted

It always seems to me that the female BPD is basically a rude 5 year old

girl whose parent's havent taught her right and wrong, to share, to be kind

etc. . . I just want to scream, " GROW UP!!! "

Okay I feel better. Sorry for the outburst. Sorry that your moms are such

bitches. i'd like to slap them all right across the face. But it is better

if we just turn our backs and go about our business of creating lives for

ourselves without their interference. My secret is to want nothing that she

has or can control.

On Sat, Sep 4, 2010 at 9:09 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> After my father died I requested to be given an item that had belonged to

> him, that he had made himself, and that my nada had never particularly

> liked. She'd not only said so, She'd chosen not to display it for decades

> before he died. But after I asked for it, my nada decided to keep this item

> and display it herself instead of giving it to me.

>

> It seems clearer and clearer to me as I have experienced these things,

> these acts intended to hurt me or dismiss me, the deliberateness of the

> acts, these acts intended to ignore my feelings and requests... it becomes

> more and more clear to me that a person doesn't behave this way toward

> someone they love.

>

> My nada does not love me.

>

> She instead delights in tormenting me. When I was still in contact with

> her, she would go out of her way to say mean, cruel things to me intended to

> insult me and hurt my feelings. That isn't love. Its quite the opposite.

>

> As children we are incapable of perceiving that we are not loved but merely

> tolerated, or that we're being cared for with thinly-disguised resentment.

> We as children have no objectivity and no experience, we are abjectly

> innocent and trusting, and out of sheer survival instinct we are hardwired

> to believe that the person who gave birth to us and feeds us loves us and

> cares for us, no matter that she also treats us like a piece of garbage,

> frightens us, terrorizes us, shames us, humiliates us, ignores us, beats us,

> abandons us, or uses and exploits us.

>

> How we are treated as children by our mothers becomes our definition of

> what " love " is, seemingly. Or it seems to us that this pale, ghostlike,

> ephemeral, occasional attention and affection is all we deserve.

>

> But as an adult I have come to understand and experience that friends

> (including my Sister) who actually do care for me go out of their way to

> *not* hurt my feelings. My friends care about how I feel. They try to cheer

> me up or make me feel better about things, about myself. They hug me, they

> tell me to believe in myself, and they tell me to have hope. And its without

> strings!

>

> I have come to understand that these selfless acts of kindness and support

> are actually what love is. I appreciate their heartfelt, true caring more

> than I can say. And when I do the same for them, its not out of obligation,

> it is not done with the object of gaining some kind of advantage over them

> that they are obliged to pay back, its simply because I want to help them

> and make them happy. Its because I love my friends.

>

> How my own mother treats me is not what love is. God only knows what it

> actually is, but its sure as hell is not love.

>

> Instead, I'm guessing its some kind of feeling of obligation or duty, or

> maybe she feels that I am her possession, or that I am just an extension of

> herself, or some kind of investment that is supposed to pay off. She

> intermittently acts in ways that appear loving on the surface, but there is

> always a price tag attached to these acts. In return I am supposed to bring

> her status, or bragging rights, or something. Who knows? Maybe I am supposed

> to pay off, like a slot machine.

>

> That's not love.

>

> " Love is patient, love is kind.

> It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

> It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps

> no record of wrongs.

> Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

> It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

> Love never fails. "

>

> 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi all.

> > > > >

> > > > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > > > >

> > > > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made

> up

> > > > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak

> with

> > > > > her.

> > > > >

> > > > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with

> her

> > > > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her

> in

> > > > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > > > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her

> with

> > > > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > > > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those

> for

> > > > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have

> dinner

> > > > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at

> home..she

> > > > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > > > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and

> went

> > > > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > > > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she

> never

> > > > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > > > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > > > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with

> a

> > > > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have

> ever

> > > > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to

> mention..she

> > > > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and

> pick

> > > > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2

> knee

> > > > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be

> with

> > > > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > > > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a

> wheel

> > > > > chair for me.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get

> it.

> > > > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his

> needs

> > > > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > > > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why

> she

> > > > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > > > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and

> I

> > > > > scrounge and save.

> > > > >

> > > > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > > > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > > > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I

> had

> > > > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > > > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > > > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > > > >

> > > > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > > > >

> > > > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to

> him

> > > > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > > > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > > > >

> > > > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in

> over

> > > > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > > > > horrifies me!

> > > > >

> > > > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like

> or

> > > > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment

> I

> > > > > was to call her.

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm so confused...

> > > > >

> > > > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know

> but I

> > > > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when

> my

> > > > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > > > >

> > > > > Stefanie

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

It always seems to me that the female BPD is basically a rude 5 year old

girl whose parent's havent taught her right and wrong, to share, to be kind

etc. . . I just want to scream, " GROW UP!!! "

Okay I feel better. Sorry for the outburst. Sorry that your moms are such

bitches. i'd like to slap them all right across the face. But it is better

if we just turn our backs and go about our business of creating lives for

ourselves without their interference. My secret is to want nothing that she

has or can control.

On Sat, Sep 4, 2010 at 9:09 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> After my father died I requested to be given an item that had belonged to

> him, that he had made himself, and that my nada had never particularly

> liked. She'd not only said so, She'd chosen not to display it for decades

> before he died. But after I asked for it, my nada decided to keep this item

> and display it herself instead of giving it to me.

>

> It seems clearer and clearer to me as I have experienced these things,

> these acts intended to hurt me or dismiss me, the deliberateness of the

> acts, these acts intended to ignore my feelings and requests... it becomes

> more and more clear to me that a person doesn't behave this way toward

> someone they love.

>

> My nada does not love me.

>

> She instead delights in tormenting me. When I was still in contact with

> her, she would go out of her way to say mean, cruel things to me intended to

> insult me and hurt my feelings. That isn't love. Its quite the opposite.

>

> As children we are incapable of perceiving that we are not loved but merely

> tolerated, or that we're being cared for with thinly-disguised resentment.

> We as children have no objectivity and no experience, we are abjectly

> innocent and trusting, and out of sheer survival instinct we are hardwired

> to believe that the person who gave birth to us and feeds us loves us and

> cares for us, no matter that she also treats us like a piece of garbage,

> frightens us, terrorizes us, shames us, humiliates us, ignores us, beats us,

> abandons us, or uses and exploits us.

>

> How we are treated as children by our mothers becomes our definition of

> what " love " is, seemingly. Or it seems to us that this pale, ghostlike,

> ephemeral, occasional attention and affection is all we deserve.

>

> But as an adult I have come to understand and experience that friends

> (including my Sister) who actually do care for me go out of their way to

> *not* hurt my feelings. My friends care about how I feel. They try to cheer

> me up or make me feel better about things, about myself. They hug me, they

> tell me to believe in myself, and they tell me to have hope. And its without

> strings!

>

> I have come to understand that these selfless acts of kindness and support

> are actually what love is. I appreciate their heartfelt, true caring more

> than I can say. And when I do the same for them, its not out of obligation,

> it is not done with the object of gaining some kind of advantage over them

> that they are obliged to pay back, its simply because I want to help them

> and make them happy. Its because I love my friends.

>

> How my own mother treats me is not what love is. God only knows what it

> actually is, but its sure as hell is not love.

>

> Instead, I'm guessing its some kind of feeling of obligation or duty, or

> maybe she feels that I am her possession, or that I am just an extension of

> herself, or some kind of investment that is supposed to pay off. She

> intermittently acts in ways that appear loving on the surface, but there is

> always a price tag attached to these acts. In return I am supposed to bring

> her status, or bragging rights, or something. Who knows? Maybe I am supposed

> to pay off, like a slot machine.

>

> That's not love.

>

> " Love is patient, love is kind.

> It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

> It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps

> no record of wrongs.

> Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

> It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

> Love never fails. "

>

> 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi all.

> > > > >

> > > > > I have been no contact now for a little over a month. It's been

> > > > > peaceful..my heart hasn't felt that panicky jump she gives me.

> > > > >

> > > > > My brother was angry with my mother last month but they have made

> up

> > > > > and and he loves his mother again. He understands that she is

> > > > > different with me and understands why I have chosen not to speak

> with

> > > > > her.

> > > > >

> > > > > Last month when my brother and her where fighting I was angry with

> her

> > > > > because she has the means to help us but never does. That was the

> > > > > gist of the argument. For me I have asked for few things from her

> in

> > > > > my life because it always comes with a huge price of control. Once

> > > > > when I was building my home I borrowed $2000. I returned to her

> with

> > > > > in 7 months. Then I asked her if I could have one of the 2 sets of

> > > > > dishes she has in storage for many years..she said " I bought those

> for

> > > > > me not you..they are a set of 16 plate setting for when I have

> dinner

> > > > > party " I remember these plates since I was a teen living at

> home..she

> > > > > never had that many people that would go to her dinner party. so I

> > > > > bought my own. Then when I lost my job 2 years ago we had a power

> > > > > failure and for some reason my tv in the family room sparked and

> went

> > > > > out for good. She has 3 giant size TVs in her house..(it's just her

> > > > > and her boyfriend..in my dads house..he worked to pay for it she

> never

> > > > > worked) I asked to borrow the 8 year old one till I could get my

> > > > > unemployment checks and get another one. She said no because she

> > > > > would have no where to put her nick knacks she hoards all over the

> > > > > house..I told her my husband would put something else there for the

> > > > > nick knacks she said she couldn't do it. So hubby and I lived with

> a

> > > > > tiny TV for months until we could afford one. THIS IS ALL I have

> ever

> > > > > asked of my mother and she always turns me down. Not to

> mention..she

> > > > > has never come to my house I always have to go to her house and

> pick

> > > > > her up 45 min away. She never watched my children. I have had 2

> knee

> > > > > surgeries and she has never been there for me. On one of the

> > > > > surgeries she flew out to Florida 2 days before so she could be

> with

> > > > > her boyfriend...and I in crutches has to escort her to the airport.

> > > > > When the airport attendant saw me struggling he brought over a

> wheel

> > > > > chair for me.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Now she gives my brother everything he asks for! I just don't get

> it.

> > > > > I don't think I'm feeling envious because I love my brother his

> needs

> > > > > are bigger then mine and I want and believe my mom should help him

> > > > > since she has the money and items to help him. When I ask her why

> she

> > > > > treats him different she says he is different then you he needs me

> > > > > more. What that really means is he party's and drinks his money and

> I

> > > > > scrounge and save.

> > > > >

> > > > > So the things that have been bothering me is that my brother moved

> > > > > into his new apartment and she let him have all the furniture he

> > > > > wanted from her storage (she has at least 2 of everything you can

> > > > > image..she is a huge hoarder but also clean and organized) She gave

> > > > > him things I loved some antique things I really wanted someday..I

> had

> > > > > told her this in the past. My brother takes these things and sells

> > > > > them so he will have money..or when his relationships end the stuff

> > > > > usually ends up with the girl.

> > > > >

> > > > > So Why do I care..if I don't care about her?

> > > > >

> > > > > The other thing is I am feeling if she can be somewhat decent to

> him

> > > > > why does she have to be so nasty to me..I have done SOOOOO much for

> > > > > this women. I have scarifies my very " self "

> > > > >

> > > > > Why am I mad that she hasn't even made an attempt to reach me in

> over

> > > > > a month?..but at the same time I pray she never does...the thought

> > > > > horrifies me!

> > > > >

> > > > > My feelings are so contrary all at the same time I have moments I

> > > > > forget the bad things and miss her. I see something she would like

> or

> > > > > I have news I think would make her happy and for a fleeting moment

> I

> > > > > was to call her.

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm so confused...

> > > > >

> > > > > The other thing I feel and this maybe wrong to feel I don't know

> but I

> > > > > want to acknowledge it anyway. My father left my mother well off.

> > > > > The house is paid for and she has some good money in the bank..when

> my

> > > > > mother passes away someday I WANT MY Share! I freaken' earned it!

> > > > >

> > > > > Stefanie

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

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