Re: talking yourself down off of the ledge

[Guest guest]

this is exactly how I felt tonight, 'how dare you', over and over again at work

I am so sorry for what you went through as a child. that breaks my heart to

think about, you being beaten that way. God bless.

> >

> > I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves

back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake

over and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent

because they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

> >

> > Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

> >

> > The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her

garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom,

despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She

honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm

here all day with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she

does. Plus I am in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes

because of this, and every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which

literally makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally by this

situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I literally want to

backhand her every time she starts whining right now. Because I am the only one

confronting and getting info about this situation and talking to outside

authorities (about my nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I

tell her to stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

> >

> > I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what

goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just

went on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I

need all the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments

about being as LC as possible.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

this is exactly how I felt tonight, 'how dare you', over and over again at work

I am so sorry for what you went through as a child. that breaks my heart to

think about, you being beaten that way. God bless.

> >

> > I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves

back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake

over and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent

because they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

> >

> > Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

> >

> > The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her

garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom,

despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She

honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm

here all day with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she

does. Plus I am in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes

because of this, and every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which

literally makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally by this

situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I literally want to

backhand her every time she starts whining right now. Because I am the only one

confronting and getting info about this situation and talking to outside

authorities (about my nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I

tell her to stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

> >

> > I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what

goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just

went on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I

need all the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments

about being as LC as possible.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

this is exactly how I felt tonight, 'how dare you', over and over again at work

I am so sorry for what you went through as a child. that breaks my heart to

think about, you being beaten that way. God bless.

> >

> > I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves

back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake

over and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent

because they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

> >

> > Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

> >

> > The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her

garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom,

despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She

honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm

here all day with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she

does. Plus I am in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes

because of this, and every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which

literally makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally by this

situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I literally want to

backhand her every time she starts whining right now. Because I am the only one

confronting and getting info about this situation and talking to outside

authorities (about my nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I

tell her to stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

> >

> > I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what

goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just

went on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I

need all the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments

about being as LC as possible.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

wow, thanks so much, that was so heartening to read. that is what a real parent

is, it's amazing that from such a lack of parenting comes someone who can still

have the resolve to do the right thing for their child.

I so relate to that whole scenario of the one parental specimen saying 'oh you

are hurting (specimen #2's name here) so bad', and all the great moaning and

gnashing of teeth. it really struck a chord with me.

Hugs.

>

> > I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling

> > themselves back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep

> > making the same mistake over and over, I can't even afford to have

> > conversations with either parent because they are so stressed and so

> > both are acting out of their own personality disorders even more

> > than usual.

> >

> > Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of

> > that keeps you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or

> > mantra that keeps you sane when you are contacted by them in some

> > way whether mail or text or phone call? or if you are NC what are

> > the things you say to yourself in your head to keep you from taking

> > a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental ward

> > scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my

> > crazy moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at'

> > when I am getting weak. I can only have small talk with them right

> > now, everything else is just a free fall into psych ops. I started

> > smoking again a couple days ago.

> >

> > The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump

> > her garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would

> > be 'gloom, despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive

> > misery...etc'. She honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of

> > my own apparently, plus I'm here all day with the kids so I see alot

> > more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am in school full

> > time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

> > every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally

> > makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

> > that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally

> > by this situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I

> > literally want to backhand her every time she starts whining right

> > now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info about

> > this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my

> > nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I tel l her to

> > stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

> >

> > I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments,

> > what goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the

> > light bulb just went on and you got clarity, or it can be a

> > medidation or quote or mantra. I need all the help I can get, I

> > would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about being as LC

> > as possible.

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

wow, thanks so much, that was so heartening to read. that is what a real parent

is, it's amazing that from such a lack of parenting comes someone who can still

have the resolve to do the right thing for their child.

I so relate to that whole scenario of the one parental specimen saying 'oh you

are hurting (specimen #2's name here) so bad', and all the great moaning and

gnashing of teeth. it really struck a chord with me.

Hugs.

>

> > I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling

> > themselves back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep

> > making the same mistake over and over, I can't even afford to have

> > conversations with either parent because they are so stressed and so

> > both are acting out of their own personality disorders even more

> > than usual.

> >

> > Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of

> > that keeps you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or

> > mantra that keeps you sane when you are contacted by them in some

> > way whether mail or text or phone call? or if you are NC what are

> > the things you say to yourself in your head to keep you from taking

> > a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental ward

> > scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my

> > crazy moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at'

> > when I am getting weak. I can only have small talk with them right

> > now, everything else is just a free fall into psych ops. I started

> > smoking again a couple days ago.

> >

> > The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump

> > her garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would

> > be 'gloom, despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive

> > misery...etc'. She honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of

> > my own apparently, plus I'm here all day with the kids so I see alot

> > more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am in school full

> > time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

> > every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally

> > makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

> > that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally

> > by this situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I

> > literally want to backhand her every time she starts whining right

> > now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info about

> > this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my

> > nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I tel l her to

> > stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

> >

> > I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments,

> > what goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the

> > light bulb just went on and you got clarity, or it can be a

> > medidation or quote or mantra. I need all the help I can get, I

> > would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about being as LC

> > as possible.

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

wow, thanks so much, that was so heartening to read. that is what a real parent

is, it's amazing that from such a lack of parenting comes someone who can still

have the resolve to do the right thing for their child.

I so relate to that whole scenario of the one parental specimen saying 'oh you

are hurting (specimen #2's name here) so bad', and all the great moaning and

gnashing of teeth. it really struck a chord with me.

Hugs.

>

> > I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling

> > themselves back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep

> > making the same mistake over and over, I can't even afford to have

> > conversations with either parent because they are so stressed and so

> > both are acting out of their own personality disorders even more

> > than usual.

> >

> > Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of

> > that keeps you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or

> > mantra that keeps you sane when you are contacted by them in some

> > way whether mail or text or phone call? or if you are NC what are

> > the things you say to yourself in your head to keep you from taking

> > a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental ward

> > scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my

> > crazy moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at'

> > when I am getting weak. I can only have small talk with them right

> > now, everything else is just a free fall into psych ops. I started

> > smoking again a couple days ago.

> >

> > The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump

> > her garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would

> > be 'gloom, despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive

> > misery...etc'. She honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of

> > my own apparently, plus I'm here all day with the kids so I see alot

> > more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am in school full

> > time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

> > every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally

> > makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

> > that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally

> > by this situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I

> > literally want to backhand her every time she starts whining right

> > now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info about

> > this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my

> > nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I tel l her to

> > stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

> >

> > I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments,

> > what goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the

> > light bulb just went on and you got clarity, or it can be a

> > medidation or quote or mantra. I need all the help I can get, I

> > would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about being as LC

> > as possible.

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with the others - you remember a particularly bad time or times when you

were sucked into the tears and guilt and then stabbed in the back emotionally. I

only recently learned what was going on with my nada. All these years she's

jerked me around emotionally and I would just cry. Then a counselor explained

what was going on, I read the Eggshells book and I've been learning a lot about

her personality and about myself.

Most recently my husband and I found out that she was telling her doctor's staff

that we were taking advantage of her financially. That was not even close to

being the truth; we've done all we can to protect her, get her finances in order

after my Dad died and make sure she understood where all her money is and how

much she has. We have no contact with it at all now. But because of her

accusations, the adult protection services were brought into the whole mess.

Every time I think of that, I get angry all over again. Yes, we go over and do

errands for her since she's now alone and 82 yo. But there's no way I can trust

her, no matter how nice or helpless or pathetic she acts. BTW - she never did

deny saying those things when we confronted her with the accusations. All she

wanted to know was who said that to us. Then she started listing people she

thought it might be. OMG, how many people did she say that to? Whatever. . . .

..

>

> I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves back

from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake over

and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent because

they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

>

> Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

>

> The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her garbage

on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom, despair, and

agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She honest to go

thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm here all day

with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am

in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally makes me

want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me that she thinks that

she is the only one being affected emotionally by this situation. She has done

this to me all her life, and I literally want to backhand her every time she

starts whining right now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info

about this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my nephews). She

just enables and whines, and then when I tell her to stop enabling and whining,

she plays the victim even more.

>

> I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what goes

through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just went

on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I need all

the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about

being as LC as possible.

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with the others - you remember a particularly bad time or times when you

were sucked into the tears and guilt and then stabbed in the back emotionally. I

only recently learned what was going on with my nada. All these years she's

jerked me around emotionally and I would just cry. Then a counselor explained

what was going on, I read the Eggshells book and I've been learning a lot about

her personality and about myself.

Most recently my husband and I found out that she was telling her doctor's staff

that we were taking advantage of her financially. That was not even close to

being the truth; we've done all we can to protect her, get her finances in order

after my Dad died and make sure she understood where all her money is and how

much she has. We have no contact with it at all now. But because of her

accusations, the adult protection services were brought into the whole mess.

Every time I think of that, I get angry all over again. Yes, we go over and do

errands for her since she's now alone and 82 yo. But there's no way I can trust

her, no matter how nice or helpless or pathetic she acts. BTW - she never did

deny saying those things when we confronted her with the accusations. All she

wanted to know was who said that to us. Then she started listing people she

thought it might be. OMG, how many people did she say that to? Whatever. . . .

..

>

> I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves back

from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake over

and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent because

they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

>

> Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

>

> The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her garbage

on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom, despair, and

agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She honest to go

thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm here all day

with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am

in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally makes me

want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me that she thinks that

she is the only one being affected emotionally by this situation. She has done

this to me all her life, and I literally want to backhand her every time she

starts whining right now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info

about this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my nephews). She

just enables and whines, and then when I tell her to stop enabling and whining,

she plays the victim even more.

>

> I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what goes

through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just went

on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I need all

the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about

being as LC as possible.

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with the others - you remember a particularly bad time or times when you

were sucked into the tears and guilt and then stabbed in the back emotionally. I

only recently learned what was going on with my nada. All these years she's

jerked me around emotionally and I would just cry. Then a counselor explained

what was going on, I read the Eggshells book and I've been learning a lot about

her personality and about myself.

Most recently my husband and I found out that she was telling her doctor's staff

that we were taking advantage of her financially. That was not even close to

being the truth; we've done all we can to protect her, get her finances in order

after my Dad died and make sure she understood where all her money is and how

much she has. We have no contact with it at all now. But because of her

accusations, the adult protection services were brought into the whole mess.

Every time I think of that, I get angry all over again. Yes, we go over and do

errands for her since she's now alone and 82 yo. But there's no way I can trust

her, no matter how nice or helpless or pathetic she acts. BTW - she never did

deny saying those things when we confronted her with the accusations. All she

wanted to know was who said that to us. Then she started listing people she

thought it might be. OMG, how many people did she say that to? Whatever. . . .

..

>

> I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves back

from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake over

and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent because

they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

>

> Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

>

> The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her garbage

on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom, despair, and

agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She honest to go

thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm here all day

with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am

in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally makes me

want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me that she thinks that

she is the only one being affected emotionally by this situation. She has done

this to me all her life, and I literally want to backhand her every time she

starts whining right now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info

about this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my nephews). She

just enables and whines, and then when I tell her to stop enabling and whining,

she plays the victim even more.

>

> I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what goes

through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just went

on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I need all

the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about

being as LC as possible.

>

[Guest guest]

That must be absolutely infuriating!

And then the thought that she would lie about it. Grrr...that one would

definitely drive me nuts. My father lies like that too, he literally couldn't

tell the truth if his life depended on it. Well, if she's pretending it wasn't

her that reported you then she'll understand your needed receipts and

documentation of any help you do give her. Sigh...

> >

> > I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves

back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake

over and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent

because they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

> >

> > Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

> >

> > The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her

garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom,

despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She

honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm

here all day with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she

does. Plus I am in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes

because of this, and every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which

literally makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally by this

situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I literally want to

backhand her every time she starts whining right now. Because I am the only one

confronting and getting info about this situation and talking to outside

authorities (about my nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I

tell her to stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

> >

> > I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what

goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just

went on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I

need all the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments

about being as LC as possible.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am probably the wrong person to give any insight because I do interact with

my mother- with that said- I too can feel like you on the ledge- many times.

Of course remembering the moments that you know are not healthy for you- will

help you not want to go back to the craziness. Also though remember- how good it

feels to be healthy and be in a place where you can keep growing in your

clarity. It is so hard to learn to accept and knowledge it is ok to want what is

best for us- even when that means LC and NC. Keep cultivating the seeds of

self-love that are planted in your heart- focus on the importance of what you

want your life to look like- and try each day to ease up on your own personal

FOG- knowing that the FOG only distorts the wonderful clarity you are

developing.

Sometimes for me- the thing I do- is waste way too much energy on nada- and

all that I can't change- instead of building on who I can keep changing- me. So

get off the ledge by reaching out to you- and know this is a process that will

have its highs and low- but you can do this.

Also as for mantras- Two years ago I went to the Caron House for a 5 day

codependence treatment program- and we were encouraged to develop personal

mantras- mine was- to give myself- " Unconditional love " and I would repeat that

mantra- to help me remember that was a gift I could give myself everyday.

I also was told to give myself feelings check- which I continue to do. What is

great about those feelings check is it helps me to focus on me and only what I

am feeling- not nada or anyone else in my life. Once I can acknowledge those

feelings- I can deal with them. It helps me to further develop a stronger sense

of self.

So I hope all the posts help you in getting yourself down off your ledge-

take care.

Malinda

[Guest guest]

thanks so much for that post. I like the idea of mantras. i was thinking about

this at work last night and realized that if I could narrow what I need down to

one word it would be 'validation'. This is what I never get from them, both of

them do everything in their power to invalidate me, it feels like sometimes, and

pretty much always have from what I can remember. I wrote it on my hand last

night...I was kind of stunned that there is a word that contains it. I don't

need to be validated when I am in the wrong but I pretty much know, at least

eventually, when that is the case.

I am making a committment to work on my codependency since that is my biggest

issue of all my addictive behaviors. It's scary because it means going into that

really dark place where I felt the absence of love as a child. And I know on an

intellectual level to feel that you are not loved as a child, is terrifying

because it is life or death. It is not just an emotional thing for a child, it

is a thing of physical survival. I have been avoiding feeling those feelings all

my life, with codependent relationships and food and chemical addiction. Even

when i was free from drinking etc, which is most of the last 18 years minus a

few months of relapse last year and a day in 2001, I still was either messed up

with food or exercise or in abusive relationships or whatever.

>

>

> I am probably the wrong person to give any insight because I do interact with

my mother- with that said- I too can feel like you on the ledge- many times.

>

> Of course remembering the moments that you know are not healthy for you-

will help you not want to go back to the craziness. Also though remember- how

good it feels to be healthy and be in a place where you can keep growing in your

clarity. It is so hard to learn to accept and knowledge it is ok to want what is

best for us- even when that means LC and NC. Keep cultivating the seeds of

self-love that are planted in your heart- focus on the importance of what you

want your life to look like- and try each day to ease up on your own personal

FOG- knowing that the FOG only distorts the wonderful clarity you are

developing.

>

> Sometimes for me- the thing I do- is waste way too much energy on nada-

and all that I can't change- instead of building on who I can keep changing- me.

So get off the ledge by reaching out to you- and know this is a process that

will have its highs and low- but you can do this.

>

> Also as for mantras- Two years ago I went to the Caron House for a 5 day

codependence treatment program- and we were encouraged to develop personal

mantras- mine was- to give myself- " Unconditional love " and I would repeat that

mantra- to help me remember that was a gift I could give myself everyday.

>

> I also was told to give myself feelings check- which I continue to do. What

is great about those feelings check is it helps me to focus on me and only what

I am feeling- not nada or anyone else in my life. Once I can acknowledge those

feelings- I can deal with them. It helps me to further develop a stronger sense

of self.

>

> So I hope all the posts help you in getting yourself down off your ledge-

take care.

>

> Malinda

>

[Guest guest]

thanks so much for that post. I like the idea of mantras. i was thinking about

this at work last night and realized that if I could narrow what I need down to

one word it would be 'validation'. This is what I never get from them, both of

them do everything in their power to invalidate me, it feels like sometimes, and

pretty much always have from what I can remember. I wrote it on my hand last

night...I was kind of stunned that there is a word that contains it. I don't

need to be validated when I am in the wrong but I pretty much know, at least

eventually, when that is the case.

I am making a committment to work on my codependency since that is my biggest

issue of all my addictive behaviors. It's scary because it means going into that

really dark place where I felt the absence of love as a child. And I know on an

intellectual level to feel that you are not loved as a child, is terrifying

because it is life or death. It is not just an emotional thing for a child, it

is a thing of physical survival. I have been avoiding feeling those feelings all

my life, with codependent relationships and food and chemical addiction. Even

when i was free from drinking etc, which is most of the last 18 years minus a

few months of relapse last year and a day in 2001, I still was either messed up

with food or exercise or in abusive relationships or whatever.

>

>

> I am probably the wrong person to give any insight because I do interact with

my mother- with that said- I too can feel like you on the ledge- many times.

>

> Of course remembering the moments that you know are not healthy for you-

will help you not want to go back to the craziness. Also though remember- how

good it feels to be healthy and be in a place where you can keep growing in your

clarity. It is so hard to learn to accept and knowledge it is ok to want what is

best for us- even when that means LC and NC. Keep cultivating the seeds of

self-love that are planted in your heart- focus on the importance of what you

want your life to look like- and try each day to ease up on your own personal

FOG- knowing that the FOG only distorts the wonderful clarity you are

developing.

>

> Sometimes for me- the thing I do- is waste way too much energy on nada-

and all that I can't change- instead of building on who I can keep changing- me.

So get off the ledge by reaching out to you- and know this is a process that

will have its highs and low- but you can do this.

>

> Also as for mantras- Two years ago I went to the Caron House for a 5 day

codependence treatment program- and we were encouraged to develop personal

mantras- mine was- to give myself- " Unconditional love " and I would repeat that

mantra- to help me remember that was a gift I could give myself everyday.

>

> I also was told to give myself feelings check- which I continue to do. What

is great about those feelings check is it helps me to focus on me and only what

I am feeling- not nada or anyone else in my life. Once I can acknowledge those

feelings- I can deal with them. It helps me to further develop a stronger sense

of self.

>

> So I hope all the posts help you in getting yourself down off your ledge-

take care.

>

> Malinda

>