Re: just saw nada tonight !

[Guest guest]

omg, so sorry for you Stefanie...that is a scene just out of my worst

nightmares with my fada and family. Had another nightmare like that a few

days ago, where I saw my siblings, and told each of them that I loved them,

and managed not to be too scared of my fada and told my mom that she needs

to stand up to him.

::hugs:: Makes me glad I live in another city two states away, now.

Holly

On Sat, Sep 4, 2010 at 10:47 PM, Stefanie Low wrote:

>

>

> I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

> My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

> distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

> the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

> old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

> went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

> would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

> and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

> and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

> usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

> me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

> scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

> total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

> did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

> refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

> in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

> families food order so I couldn't.

>

> She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

> (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

> lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

> because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

> you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

> hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

> acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

> started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

> " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

> called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

> there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

> though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

> whole thing but what a freakin witch

>

> I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

> around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

> inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

> still am terrified of her.

>

> By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

> raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

> talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

> can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

> happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

> want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

> won't.

>

> So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

> tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

> has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

> confrontation.

>

> Stefanie

>

>

[Guest guest]

omg, so sorry for you Stefanie...that is a scene just out of my worst

nightmares with my fada and family. Had another nightmare like that a few

days ago, where I saw my siblings, and told each of them that I loved them,

and managed not to be too scared of my fada and told my mom that she needs

to stand up to him.

::hugs:: Makes me glad I live in another city two states away, now.

Holly

On Sat, Sep 4, 2010 at 10:47 PM, Stefanie Low wrote:

>

>

> I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

> My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

> distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

> the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

> old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

> went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

> would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

> and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

> and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

> usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

> me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

> scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

> total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

> did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

> refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

> in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

> families food order so I couldn't.

>

> She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

> (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

> lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

> because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

> you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

> hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

> acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

> started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

> " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

> called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

> there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

> though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

> whole thing but what a freakin witch

>

> I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

> around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

> inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

> still am terrified of her.

>

> By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

> raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

> talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

> can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

> happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

> want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

> won't.

>

> So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

> tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

> has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

> confrontation.

>

> Stefanie

>

>

[Guest guest]

omg, so sorry for you Stefanie...that is a scene just out of my worst

nightmares with my fada and family. Had another nightmare like that a few

days ago, where I saw my siblings, and told each of them that I loved them,

and managed not to be too scared of my fada and told my mom that she needs

to stand up to him.

::hugs:: Makes me glad I live in another city two states away, now.

Holly

On Sat, Sep 4, 2010 at 10:47 PM, Stefanie Low wrote:

>

>

> I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

> My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

> distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

> the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

> old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

> went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

> would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

> and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

> and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

> usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

> me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

> scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

> total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

> did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

> refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

> in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

> families food order so I couldn't.

>

> She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

> (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

> lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

> because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

> you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

> hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

> acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

> started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

> " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

> called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

> there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

> though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

> whole thing but what a freakin witch

>

> I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

> around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

> inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

> still am terrified of her.

>

> By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

> raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

> talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

> can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

> happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

> want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

> won't.

>

> So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

> tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

> has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

> confrontation.

>

> Stefanie

>

>

[Guest guest]

Stefanie,

First of all I am so sorry for you, and for your aunt. My nada had a one night

stand with my dad's uncle once at his brothers wedding and it has caused so much

drama for the whole family, and she had affairs with people outside of the

family. But I can only imagine the pain your family must be in considering it

was an affair within the family. That must have been very hard for both of you

to see her yesterday.

I am not sure if you remember or not, but earlier in the summer I had the exact

same problem as you, where I very unexpectedly bumped into my nada. I was out

shopping, and saw her, but I didn't recognize her at first. I did not talk to

her, I just left the store with my children and let my husband finish up and pay

the bill.

I know it is hard when you are unprepared but it was a good learning experience

for me to kind of just be ready for it. It might happen while I am at the store

shopping for food or out with friend, I might be with my kids, I don't know. So

rather than live in fear, I just need to know this is a possibility and mentally

prepare myself. That's why I said it was a good learning experience for me. The

first few days after I was freaked out and in a funk, but soon after I thought

about it with a clear mind and realized it was good that it happened, it made me

stronger and mentally sharp and ready.

We are adults now, we can walk away. If we need to we can legally take our

children and protect them too. So what if nada causes a scene, that was my worry

too when I saw mine cuz mine started to get teary eyed, I thought she was going

to have a melt down in the store. But you know what I don't care, let her. I'm

over it.

I hope you are able to feel more strength from this incident with time. I hope

that you see, you came out of it okay, she has no power over you! You cannot

stop her from acting out, and that's okay too. As long as you are living your

life in peace, in the end all that matters that you did the right thing! And you

are doing the right thing, I am proud of you! LB

>

> I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

> My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

> distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

> the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

> old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

> went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

> would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

> and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

> and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

> usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

> me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

> scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

> total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

> did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

> refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

> in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

> families food order so I couldn't.

>

> She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

> (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

> lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

> because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

> you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

> hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

> acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

> started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

> " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

> called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

> there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

> though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

> whole thing but what a freakin witch

>

> I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

> around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

> inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

> still am terrified of her.

>

> By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

> raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

> talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

> can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

> happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

> want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

> won't.

>

> So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

> tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

> has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

> confrontation.

>

> Stefanie

>

[Guest guest]

Stefanie,

First of all I am so sorry for you, and for your aunt. My nada had a one night

stand with my dad's uncle once at his brothers wedding and it has caused so much

drama for the whole family, and she had affairs with people outside of the

family. But I can only imagine the pain your family must be in considering it

was an affair within the family. That must have been very hard for both of you

to see her yesterday.

I am not sure if you remember or not, but earlier in the summer I had the exact

same problem as you, where I very unexpectedly bumped into my nada. I was out

shopping, and saw her, but I didn't recognize her at first. I did not talk to

her, I just left the store with my children and let my husband finish up and pay

the bill.

I know it is hard when you are unprepared but it was a good learning experience

for me to kind of just be ready for it. It might happen while I am at the store

shopping for food or out with friend, I might be with my kids, I don't know. So

rather than live in fear, I just need to know this is a possibility and mentally

prepare myself. That's why I said it was a good learning experience for me. The

first few days after I was freaked out and in a funk, but soon after I thought

about it with a clear mind and realized it was good that it happened, it made me

stronger and mentally sharp and ready.

We are adults now, we can walk away. If we need to we can legally take our

children and protect them too. So what if nada causes a scene, that was my worry

too when I saw mine cuz mine started to get teary eyed, I thought she was going

to have a melt down in the store. But you know what I don't care, let her. I'm

over it.

I hope you are able to feel more strength from this incident with time. I hope

that you see, you came out of it okay, she has no power over you! You cannot

stop her from acting out, and that's okay too. As long as you are living your

life in peace, in the end all that matters that you did the right thing! And you

are doing the right thing, I am proud of you! LB

>

> I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

> My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

> distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

> the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

> old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

> went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

> would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

> and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

> and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

> usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

> me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

> scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

> total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

> did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

> refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

> in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

> families food order so I couldn't.

>

> She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

> (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

> lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

> because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

> you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

> hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

> acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

> started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

> " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

> called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

> there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

> though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

> whole thing but what a freakin witch

>

> I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

> around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

> inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

> still am terrified of her.

>

> By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

> raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

> talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

> can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

> happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

> want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

> won't.

>

> So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

> tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

> has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

> confrontation.

>

> Stefanie

>

[Guest guest]

Stefanie,

First of all I am so sorry for you, and for your aunt. My nada had a one night

stand with my dad's uncle once at his brothers wedding and it has caused so much

drama for the whole family, and she had affairs with people outside of the

family. But I can only imagine the pain your family must be in considering it

was an affair within the family. That must have been very hard for both of you

to see her yesterday.

I am not sure if you remember or not, but earlier in the summer I had the exact

same problem as you, where I very unexpectedly bumped into my nada. I was out

shopping, and saw her, but I didn't recognize her at first. I did not talk to

her, I just left the store with my children and let my husband finish up and pay

the bill.

I know it is hard when you are unprepared but it was a good learning experience

for me to kind of just be ready for it. It might happen while I am at the store

shopping for food or out with friend, I might be with my kids, I don't know. So

rather than live in fear, I just need to know this is a possibility and mentally

prepare myself. That's why I said it was a good learning experience for me. The

first few days after I was freaked out and in a funk, but soon after I thought

about it with a clear mind and realized it was good that it happened, it made me

stronger and mentally sharp and ready.

We are adults now, we can walk away. If we need to we can legally take our

children and protect them too. So what if nada causes a scene, that was my worry

too when I saw mine cuz mine started to get teary eyed, I thought she was going

to have a melt down in the store. But you know what I don't care, let her. I'm

over it.

I hope you are able to feel more strength from this incident with time. I hope

that you see, you came out of it okay, she has no power over you! You cannot

stop her from acting out, and that's okay too. As long as you are living your

life in peace, in the end all that matters that you did the right thing! And you

are doing the right thing, I am proud of you! LB

>

> I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

> My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

> distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

> the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

> old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

> went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

> would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

> and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

> and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

> usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

> me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

> scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

> total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

> did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

> refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

> in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

> families food order so I couldn't.

>

> She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

> (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

> lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

> because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

> you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

> hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

> acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

> started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

> " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

> called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

> there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

> though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

> whole thing but what a freakin witch

>

> I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

> around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

> inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

> still am terrified of her.

>

> By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

> raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

> talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

> can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

> happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

> want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

> won't.

>

> So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

> tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

> has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

> confrontation.

>

> Stefanie

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I saw my mom and brother at this huge special art gallery show two

years ago now,but I'm still haunted. I was there with my entire office,

celebrating a birthday. I saw them first and I walked away. My brother saw

me, but didn't chase me. Later I got a follow up e-mail from him ordering me

to interact with him, explaing that I had too because the city we live in is

too small not too. I just ignored it. And I flipped off the computer screen.

Who is he to tell me who I have to talk to - interact with - share my life

with? I'll decide that for myself, thank you very much! He e-mails me to

tell me what to do, how to behave, where to go, and when. And I ignore it. I

save the messages for the restraining orders.

The best was when boyfriend saw brother up the canyon with a girl and she

was trying to wipe shit off her shoe. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, wipe harder honey,

he's still there.

>

>

> Stefanie,

> First of all I am so sorry for you, and for your aunt. My nada had a one

> night stand with my dad's uncle once at his brothers wedding and it has

> caused so much drama for the whole family, and she had affairs with people

> outside of the family. But I can oney imagine the pain your family must be

> in considering it was an affair within the family. That must have been very

> hard for both of you to see her yesterday.

>

> I am not sure if you remember or not, but earlier in the summer I had the

> exact same problem as you, where I very unexpectedly bumped into my nada. I

> was out shopping, and saw her, but I didn't recognize her at first. I did

> not talk to her, I just left the store with my children and let my husband

> finish up and pay the bill.

>

> I know it is hard when you are unprepared but it was a good learning

> experience for me to kind of just be ready for it. It might happen while I

> am at the store shopping for food or out with friend, I might be with my

> kids, I don't know. So rather than live in fear, I just need to know this is

> a possibility and mentally prepare myself. That's why I said it was a good

> learning experience for me. The first few days after I was freaked out and

> in a funk, but soon after I thought about it with a clear mind and realized

> it was good that it happened, it made me stronger and mentally sharp and

> ready.

>

> We are adults now, we can walk away. If we need to we can legally take our

> children and protect them too. So what if nada causes a scene, that was my

> worry too when I saw mine cuz mine started to get teary eyed, I thought she

> was going to have a melt down in the store. But you know what I don't care,

> let her. I'm over it.

>

> I hope you are able to feel more strength from this incident with time. I

> hope that you see, you came out of it okay, she has no power over you! You

> cannot stop her from acting out, and that's okay too. As long as you are

> living your life in peace, in the end all that matters that you did the

> right thing! And you are doing the right thing, I am proud of you! LB

>

>

>

> >

> > I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

> > My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

> > distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

> > the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

> > old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

> > went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

> > would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

> > and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

> > and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

> > usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

> > me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

> > scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

> > total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

> > did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

> > refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

> > in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

> > families food order so I couldn't.

> >

> > She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

> > (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

> > lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

> > because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

> > you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

> > hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

> > acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

> > started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

> > " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

> > called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

> > there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

> > though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

> > whole thing but what a freakin witch

> >

> > I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

> > around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

> > inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

> > still am terrified of her.

> >

> > By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

> > raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

> > talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

> > can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

> > happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

> > want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

> > won't.

> >

> > So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

> > tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

> > has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

> > confrontation.

> >

> > Stefanie

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your feed back. I can't believe these women (our

nadas) can have such a fearful effect on us even from a distance. My

Nada strikes a fear in me where I freeze and can't move..the only

thing that works at that time is my mind which runs a million miles a

min. You think I'll ever get to the point where I won't be so fearful

Girlscout..I love your self talk.( " who is anyone to tell me what I

have to do " ).that's what makes you so strong in your no contact .I

wish I could think that first..but for me I go thru the guilt ant then

eventually reach that train of thought.

Stefanie

On Sun, Sep 5, 2010 at 9:51 AM, Girlscout Cowboy

wrote:

> Yeah, I saw my mom and brother at this huge special art gallery show two

> years ago now,but I'm still haunted. I was there with my entire office,

> celebrating a birthday. I saw them first and I walked away. My brother saw

> me, but didn't chase me. Later I got a follow up e-mail from him ordering me

> to interact with him, explaing that I had too because the city we live in is

> too small not too. I just ignored it. And I flipped off the computer screen.

> Who is he to tell me who I have to talk to - interact with - share my life

> with? I'll decide that for myself, thank you very much! He e-mails me to

> tell me what to do, how to behave, where to go, and when. And I ignore it. I

> save the messages for the restraining orders.

>

> The best was when boyfriend saw brother up the canyon with a girl and she

> was trying to wipe shit off her shoe. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, wipe harder honey,

> he's still there.

>

>

>

>

>>

>>

>> Stefanie,

>> First of all I am so sorry for you, and for your aunt. My nada had a one

>> night stand with my dad's uncle once at his brothers wedding and it has

>> caused so much drama for the whole family, and she had affairs with people

>> outside of the family. But I can oney imagine the pain your family must be

>> in considering it was an affair within the family. That must have been very

>> hard for both of you to see her yesterday.

>>

>> I am not sure if you remember or not, but earlier in the summer I had the

>> exact same problem as you, where I very unexpectedly bumped into my nada. I

>> was out shopping, and saw her, but I didn't recognize her at first. I did

>> not talk to her, I just left the store with my children and let my husband

>> finish up and pay the bill.

>>

>> I know it is hard when you are unprepared but it was a good learning

>> experience for me to kind of just be ready for it. It might happen while I

>> am at the store shopping for food or out with friend, I might be with my

>> kids, I don't know. So rather than live in fear, I just need to know this is

>> a possibility and mentally prepare myself. That's why I said it was a good

>> learning experience for me. The first few days after I was freaked out and

>> in a funk, but soon after I thought about it with a clear mind and realized

>> it was good that it happened, it made me stronger and mentally sharp and

>> ready.

>>

>> We are adults now, we can walk away. If we need to we can legally take our

>> children and protect them too. So what if nada causes a scene, that was my

>> worry too when I saw mine cuz mine started to get teary eyed, I thought she

>> was going to have a melt down in the store. But you know what I don't care,

>> let her. I'm over it.

>>

>> I hope you are able to feel more strength from this incident with time. I

>> hope that you see, you came out of it okay, she has no power over you! You

>> cannot stop her from acting out, and that's okay too. As long as you are

>> living your life in peace, in the end all that matters that you did the

>> right thing! And you are doing the right thing, I am proud of you! LB

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> > I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

>> > My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

>> > distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

>> > the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

>> > old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

>> > went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

>> > would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

>> > and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

>> > and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

>> > usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

>> > me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

>> > scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

>> > total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

>> > did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

>> > refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

>> > in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

>> > families food order so I couldn't.

>> >

>> > She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

>> > (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

>> > lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

>> > because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

>> > you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

>> > hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

>> > acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

>> > started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

>> > " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

>> > called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

>> > there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

>> > though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

>> > whole thing but what a freakin witch

>> >

>> > I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

>> > around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

>> > inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

>> > still am terrified of her.

>> >

>> > By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

>> > raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

>> > talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

>> > can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

>> > happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

>> > want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

>> > won't.

>> >

>> > So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

>> > tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

>> > has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

>> > confrontation.

>> >

>> > Stefanie

>> >

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your feed back. I can't believe these women (our

nadas) can have such a fearful effect on us even from a distance. My

Nada strikes a fear in me where I freeze and can't move..the only

thing that works at that time is my mind which runs a million miles a

min. You think I'll ever get to the point where I won't be so fearful

Girlscout..I love your self talk.( " who is anyone to tell me what I

have to do " ).that's what makes you so strong in your no contact .I

wish I could think that first..but for me I go thru the guilt ant then

eventually reach that train of thought.

Stefanie

On Sun, Sep 5, 2010 at 9:51 AM, Girlscout Cowboy

wrote:

> Yeah, I saw my mom and brother at this huge special art gallery show two

> years ago now,but I'm still haunted. I was there with my entire office,

> celebrating a birthday. I saw them first and I walked away. My brother saw

> me, but didn't chase me. Later I got a follow up e-mail from him ordering me

> to interact with him, explaing that I had too because the city we live in is

> too small not too. I just ignored it. And I flipped off the computer screen.

> Who is he to tell me who I have to talk to - interact with - share my life

> with? I'll decide that for myself, thank you very much! He e-mails me to

> tell me what to do, how to behave, where to go, and when. And I ignore it. I

> save the messages for the restraining orders.

>

> The best was when boyfriend saw brother up the canyon with a girl and she

> was trying to wipe shit off her shoe. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, wipe harder honey,

> he's still there.

>

>

>

>

>>

>>

>> Stefanie,

>> First of all I am so sorry for you, and for your aunt. My nada had a one

>> night stand with my dad's uncle once at his brothers wedding and it has

>> caused so much drama for the whole family, and she had affairs with people

>> outside of the family. But I can oney imagine the pain your family must be

>> in considering it was an affair within the family. That must have been very

>> hard for both of you to see her yesterday.

>>

>> I am not sure if you remember or not, but earlier in the summer I had the

>> exact same problem as you, where I very unexpectedly bumped into my nada. I

>> was out shopping, and saw her, but I didn't recognize her at first. I did

>> not talk to her, I just left the store with my children and let my husband

>> finish up and pay the bill.

>>

>> I know it is hard when you are unprepared but it was a good learning

>> experience for me to kind of just be ready for it. It might happen while I

>> am at the store shopping for food or out with friend, I might be with my

>> kids, I don't know. So rather than live in fear, I just need to know this is

>> a possibility and mentally prepare myself. That's why I said it was a good

>> learning experience for me. The first few days after I was freaked out and

>> in a funk, but soon after I thought about it with a clear mind and realized

>> it was good that it happened, it made me stronger and mentally sharp and

>> ready.

>>

>> We are adults now, we can walk away. If we need to we can legally take our

>> children and protect them too. So what if nada causes a scene, that was my

>> worry too when I saw mine cuz mine started to get teary eyed, I thought she

>> was going to have a melt down in the store. But you know what I don't care,

>> let her. I'm over it.

>>

>> I hope you are able to feel more strength from this incident with time. I

>> hope that you see, you came out of it okay, she has no power over you! You

>> cannot stop her from acting out, and that's okay too. As long as you are

>> living your life in peace, in the end all that matters that you did the

>> right thing! And you are doing the right thing, I am proud of you! LB

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> > I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

>> > My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

>> > distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

>> > the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

>> > old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

>> > went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

>> > would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

>> > and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

>> > and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

>> > usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

>> > me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

>> > scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

>> > total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

>> > did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

>> > refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

>> > in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

>> > families food order so I couldn't.

>> >

>> > She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

>> > (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

>> > lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

>> > because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

>> > you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

>> > hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

>> > acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

>> > started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

>> > " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

>> > called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

>> > there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

>> > though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

>> > whole thing but what a freakin witch

>> >

>> > I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

>> > around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

>> > inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

>> > still am terrified of her.

>> >

>> > By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

>> > raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

>> > talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

>> > can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

>> > happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

>> > want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

>> > won't.

>> >

>> > So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

>> > tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

>> > has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

>> > confrontation.

>> >

>> > Stefanie

>> >

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your feed back. I can't believe these women (our

nadas) can have such a fearful effect on us even from a distance. My

Nada strikes a fear in me where I freeze and can't move..the only

thing that works at that time is my mind which runs a million miles a

min. You think I'll ever get to the point where I won't be so fearful

Girlscout..I love your self talk.( " who is anyone to tell me what I

have to do " ).that's what makes you so strong in your no contact .I

wish I could think that first..but for me I go thru the guilt ant then

eventually reach that train of thought.

Stefanie

On Sun, Sep 5, 2010 at 9:51 AM, Girlscout Cowboy

wrote:

> Yeah, I saw my mom and brother at this huge special art gallery show two

> years ago now,but I'm still haunted. I was there with my entire office,

> celebrating a birthday. I saw them first and I walked away. My brother saw

> me, but didn't chase me. Later I got a follow up e-mail from him ordering me

> to interact with him, explaing that I had too because the city we live in is

> too small not too. I just ignored it. And I flipped off the computer screen.

> Who is he to tell me who I have to talk to - interact with - share my life

> with? I'll decide that for myself, thank you very much! He e-mails me to

> tell me what to do, how to behave, where to go, and when. And I ignore it. I

> save the messages for the restraining orders.

>

> The best was when boyfriend saw brother up the canyon with a girl and she

> was trying to wipe shit off her shoe. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, wipe harder honey,

> he's still there.

>

>

>

>

>>

>>

>> Stefanie,

>> First of all I am so sorry for you, and for your aunt. My nada had a one

>> night stand with my dad's uncle once at his brothers wedding and it has

>> caused so much drama for the whole family, and she had affairs with people

>> outside of the family. But I can oney imagine the pain your family must be

>> in considering it was an affair within the family. That must have been very

>> hard for both of you to see her yesterday.

>>

>> I am not sure if you remember or not, but earlier in the summer I had the

>> exact same problem as you, where I very unexpectedly bumped into my nada. I

>> was out shopping, and saw her, but I didn't recognize her at first. I did

>> not talk to her, I just left the store with my children and let my husband

>> finish up and pay the bill.

>>

>> I know it is hard when you are unprepared but it was a good learning

>> experience for me to kind of just be ready for it. It might happen while I

>> am at the store shopping for food or out with friend, I might be with my

>> kids, I don't know. So rather than live in fear, I just need to know this is

>> a possibility and mentally prepare myself. That's why I said it was a good

>> learning experience for me. The first few days after I was freaked out and

>> in a funk, but soon after I thought about it with a clear mind and realized

>> it was good that it happened, it made me stronger and mentally sharp and

>> ready.

>>

>> We are adults now, we can walk away. If we need to we can legally take our

>> children and protect them too. So what if nada causes a scene, that was my

>> worry too when I saw mine cuz mine started to get teary eyed, I thought she

>> was going to have a melt down in the store. But you know what I don't care,

>> let her. I'm over it.

>>

>> I hope you are able to feel more strength from this incident with time. I

>> hope that you see, you came out of it okay, she has no power over you! You

>> cannot stop her from acting out, and that's okay too. As long as you are

>> living your life in peace, in the end all that matters that you did the

>> right thing! And you are doing the right thing, I am proud of you! LB

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> > I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

>> > My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

>> > distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

>> > the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

>> > old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

>> > went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

>> > would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

>> > and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

>> > and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

>> > usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

>> > me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

>> > scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

>> > total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

>> > did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

>> > refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

>> > in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

>> > families food order so I couldn't.

>> >

>> > She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

>> > (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

>> > lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

>> > because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

>> > you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

>> > hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

>> > acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

>> > started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

>> > " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

>> > called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

>> > there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

>> > though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

>> > whole thing but what a freakin witch

>> >

>> > I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

>> > around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

>> > inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

>> > still am terrified of her.

>> >

>> > By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

>> > raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

>> > talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

>> > can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

>> > happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

>> > want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

>> > won't.

>> >

>> > So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

>> > tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

>> > has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

>> > confrontation.

>> >

>> > Stefanie

>> >

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Stefanie--

I'm just amazed you are so calm and have such strong presence of mind right now.

I have to say--I'd be a pitiful mess if I had just lived through that last

night!!!

I have no advice, other than to say your approach seems balanced and

intelligent. Don't be a victim, and don't pick fights. That's as healthy as it

gets, I believe!

I applaud your strength and your well-balanced approach. And I say

KUDOS to you for keeping nada's crazy in perspective.

Blessings,

Karla

p.s. Way to go with your kids!! What a great mom you are!! Incredible,

considering you're a KO. How wonderful for your family!!!

>

> I went to an Italian fest in my old neighborhood that runs for 3 days.

> My whole family looks forward to it. Once a year I see friends and

> distant family there. I have been doing this just about ever year for

> the past 35 years. All the other Italians do too and it's nice to see

> old faces. I knew nada goes but she doesn't like to be out late so I

> went around 7pm figuring if by chance she was there this night their

> would be less of a chance to see her. I was in line to get some food

> and there is nada..My heart sank and I panicked...but I turned around

> and looked away. I don't know if she saw me...I think she did..she

> usually doesn't miss a thing. I realize that if she said something to

> me I have no idea what I would say....she is known to cause a

> scene..Like my " daughter I miss you and run to hug ans kiss me " or the

> total opposite and call me nasty Italian names. I decided that if she

> did anything I would play dead...not say anything not do anything. I

> refuse to lower myself to making a scene...I would walk away but I was

> in line at this moment and had just paid and was waiting for my

> families food order so I couldn't.

>

> She saw my aunt (her sister) which is also no contact with her

> (because my mother had an affair with her husband). My aunt wasn't

> lucky enough to avoid her. It's hard for me to translate what happen

> because it was in Italian but I'll do my best and either way I'm sure

> you'll get the gist. She walked up to my aunt and said a sarcastic

> hey there gorgeous..It really means the opposite. My aunt didn't

> acknowledge her or say anything she just stayed quiet and my mother

> started following her scream obscenities to her and calling her

> " troia " Pronounce " Troy YA " It means fat female pig...It's what she

> called me my whole life. when my other aunts and uncles that were

> there told me this..I said she called her troia...how dare she I

> though that was her pet name for me:)...I tried to make light of the

> whole thing but what a freakin witch

>

> I don't know if I could just let her say those things to me in public

> around my friends.....I think a confrontation is at some point

> inevitable...what should I do..I need to be prepared and I'm not I

> still am terrified of her.

>

> By the way..my kids saw her ran to her and kissed her. They have been

> raised that way...to be polite to family. I will not tell them not to

> talk to there grand mother or put my feelings for her on them....they

> can choose to see her or not. They know she is hurtful to me and are

> happy she's out of my life. They are young teens and I still do not

> want to tell them everything..when they get older I will or maybe I

> won't.

>

> So guys what do I do..if I have a confrontation?..I'm angry I wanna

> tell her off...I know it will get me no where. but sometime my mouth

> has a mind of it's own. I would appreciate any advice for dealing with

> confrontation.

>

> Stefanie

>