Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 It's taken me a long time to feel ready to take this step, but I finally called CPS for my 4 littlest siblings. I first emailed the Boys Town hotline for youth in troubled situations, and they highly encouraged me to call CPS. It was a long call, and between my hard of hearing and the connection keeping cutting out, kind of stressful, too. But the lady on the other end was very patient, and I thanked her for that. It's hard to prove abuse when it's only emotional abuse, when the house is clean, the kids are properly clothed and fed, and since my dad has a PhD in education, and puts on a pretty good show, I'm hoping they can see through that. Dad always equates " stuff " with love, too. My sisters go see Hannah Montana and Jo Bros a lot with Dad. But that doesn't take away from the eggshells and fear. A family friend who saw them recently said they still looked afraid of my dad. I don't know, perhaps I was hopeful that things were getting better for them. I don't know when or whether they will ever investigate, but I just hope that it won't make it worse or more stressful for my siblings. I also told her about borderline personality disorder. Though my dad has never been formally diagnosed, I told her that his behavior matches the DSM description very well, and she said that's good to know. I also told her that I write as a therapeutic act, and can send them some of my writings about my dad. She said that was really good I write, and they will email me at some point so I can email them the documents. A lot had changed recently, including Brother #1 getting married and moving out. (He's younger than me). The family friend says that he was more like himself, but he still acts like my dad. That is, he still sides with him. Maybe eventually he and I will reconcile--we were best friends for ages, before he disowned me as a sister. My four littlest siblings Sis #1 (12), Bro #2 (11), Sis #2 (9) and Bro #3 (8), are still at home. At least Bro #1 isn't bullying them around anymore. The family friend said that Sis #1 still thinks of me. While getting her hair done before my brother's wedding, she accidentally told the hairstylist that I was getting married soon, too. She was afraid that Mom would get mad at her, but thankfully Mom didn't say anything. If Dad was there, he would berate her. My heart still aches, and I hope that I can be in contact with them soon. Sorry I'm kinda in and out with the group emails--sometimes I don't think I can handle it, so I just ignore the emails for a while. Usually every time I do, I get a nightmare about my dad. But thought everyone may like an update. Holly BTW, my wedding went quite well. My mom, dad, and siblings weren't invited (though the family friend says she wishes she could have picked the little ones up and brought them to my wedding, but was afraid of upsetting my dad.) The day was much nicer because of the lack of my dad and mom, quite frankly. I had a loving group of other family and friends there, and it was a really nice day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Thank you thank you thank you for reporting it!! I'm so glad your wedding went well. I bet it was beautiful. I have dreams too - nightmares all the time too about my nada, bada and the house I grew up in. Just thinking of that house makes me feel claustrophic, invaded, codependent. . . . On Fri, Aug 13, 2010 at 6:48 PM, Simpson wrote: > Good for you. I wished many times in my life that someone would have the > courage that you did. > > On Fri, Aug 13, 2010 at 8:40 PM, Holly > wrote: > > > > > > > It's taken me a long time to feel ready to take this step, but I finally > > called CPS for my 4 littlest siblings. I first emailed the Boys Town > hotline > > for youth in troubled situations, and they highly encouraged me to call > CPS. > > > > > > It was a long call, and between my hard of hearing and the connection > > keeping cutting out, kind of stressful, too. But the lady on the other > end > > was very patient, and I thanked her for that. > > > > It's hard to prove abuse when it's only emotional abuse, when the house > is > > clean, the kids are properly clothed and fed, and since my dad has a PhD > in > > education, and puts on a pretty good show, I'm hoping they can see > through > > that. Dad always equates " stuff " with love, too. My sisters go see Hannah > > Montana and Jo Bros a lot with Dad. But that doesn't take away from the > > eggshells and fear. > > > > A family friend who saw them recently said they still looked afraid of my > > dad. I don't know, perhaps I was hopeful that things were getting better > for > > them. > > > > I don't know when or whether they will ever investigate, but I just hope > > that it won't make it worse or more stressful for my siblings. > > > > I also told her about borderline personality disorder. Though my dad has > > never been formally diagnosed, I told her that his behavior matches the > DSM > > description very well, and she said that's good to know. I also told her > > that I write as a therapeutic act, and can send them some of my writings > > about my dad. She said that was really good I write, and they will email > me > > at some point so I can email them the documents. > > > > A lot had changed recently, including Brother #1 getting married and > moving > > out. (He's younger than me). The family friend says that he was more like > > himself, but he still acts like my dad. That is, he still sides with him. > > Maybe eventually he and I will reconcile--we were best friends for ages, > > before he disowned me as a sister. > > > > My four littlest siblings Sis #1 (12), Bro #2 (11), Sis #2 (9) and Bro #3 > > (8), are still at home. At least Bro #1 isn't bullying them around > anymore. > > > > The family friend said that Sis #1 still thinks of me. While getting her > > hair done before my brother's wedding, she accidentally told the > hairstylist > > that I was getting married soon, too. She was afraid that Mom would get > mad > > at her, but thankfully Mom didn't say anything. If Dad was there, he > would > > berate her. > > > > My heart still aches, and I hope that I can be in contact with them soon. > > > > Sorry I'm kinda in and out with the group emails--sometimes I don't think > I > > can handle it, so I just ignore the emails for a while. Usually every > time I > > do, I get a nightmare about my dad. But thought everyone may like an > update. > > > > > > Holly > > > > BTW, my wedding went quite well. My mom, dad, and siblings weren't > invited > > (though the family friend says she wishes she could have picked the > little > > ones up and brought them to my wedding, but was afraid of upsetting my > dad.) > > The day was much nicer because of the lack of my dad and mom, quite > frankly. > > I had a loving group of other family and friends there, and it was a > really > > nice day! > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 I am glad your wedding went well and you had a supportive group of people around you, that is what matters. I am glad you had a good experience calling CPS, I hope they will keep the family under scrutiny. When I called to talk to them about my bpd SIL they just basically sided with her, I felt, and said that in my state her not cleaning is doesn't qualify for neglect. I didn't mention that she has characteristics of bpd though, maybe if I call them again at some point I will. When I called I ended up very discouraged and bummed out so I am glad someone somewhere is getting some help from them. > > It's taken me a long time to feel ready to take this step, but I finally called CPS for my 4 littlest siblings. I first emailed the Boys Town hotline for youth in troubled situations, and they highly encouraged me to call CPS. > > It was a long call, and between my hard of hearing and the connection keeping cutting out, kind of stressful, too. But the lady on the other end was very patient, and I thanked her for that. > > It's hard to prove abuse when it's only emotional abuse, when the house is clean, the kids are properly clothed and fed, and since my dad has a PhD in education, and puts on a pretty good show, I'm hoping they can see through that. Dad always equates " stuff " with love, too. My sisters go see Hannah Montana and Jo Bros a lot with Dad. But that doesn't take away from the eggshells and fear. > > A family friend who saw them recently said they still looked afraid of my dad. I don't know, perhaps I was hopeful that things were getting better for them. > > I don't know when or whether they will ever investigate, but I just hope that it won't make it worse or more stressful for my siblings. > > I also told her about borderline personality disorder. Though my dad has never been formally diagnosed, I told her that his behavior matches the DSM description very well, and she said that's good to know. I also told her that I write as a therapeutic act, and can send them some of my writings about my dad. She said that was really good I write, and they will email me at some point so I can email them the documents. > > A lot had changed recently, including Brother #1 getting married and moving out. (He's younger than me). The family friend says that he was more like himself, but he still acts like my dad. That is, he still sides with him. Maybe eventually he and I will reconcile--we were best friends for ages, before he disowned me as a sister. > > My four littlest siblings Sis #1 (12), Bro #2 (11), Sis #2 (9) and Bro #3 (8), are still at home. At least Bro #1 isn't bullying them around anymore. > > The family friend said that Sis #1 still thinks of me. While getting her hair done before my brother's wedding, she accidentally told the hairstylist that I was getting married soon, too. She was afraid that Mom would get mad at her, but thankfully Mom didn't say anything. If Dad was there, he would berate her. > > My heart still aches, and I hope that I can be in contact with them soon. > > Sorry I'm kinda in and out with the group emails--sometimes I don't think I can handle it, so I just ignore the emails for a while. Usually every time I do, I get a nightmare about my dad. But thought everyone may like an update. > > Holly > > BTW, my wedding went quite well. My mom, dad, and siblings weren't invited (though the family friend says she wishes she could have picked the little ones up and brought them to my wedding, but was afraid of upsetting my dad.) The day was much nicer because of the lack of my dad and mom, quite frankly. I had a loving group of other family and friends there, and it was a really nice day! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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