A mental struggle I'm having

[Guest guest]

Hey All,Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent (not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected, etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about the here and now? I've only been dealing with

weight issues for 11ish years.While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this, mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom, loneliness, stress. Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead, dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the only thing that stopped me

from buying the ingredients to make it myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors. Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different way to handle stress.Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up When

Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to my distant past either. So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point? Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left struggling.Dawn

[Guest guest]

If you find the answers to bordeom, stress, lonliness and then eating to relieve

them, could you let me know?

What's funny for me is that when my kids were small and my husband worked and

traveled ALOT just like yours, I didn't have food issues. I did watch what I eat

but I excercised alot because my local gym had a day care for the kids. I also

found a day care center where my sons could play and I got two afternoons off a

week. Then one started kindergarten and as soon as they were school age,

everything changed.

Carving out two afternoons a week, might be a good beginning for you to take

some time for yourself. It would be a start on relieving those 3 things,

bordeom, stress and lonliness.

[Guest guest]

I don't think it's a matter of blame, but of learned behaviors, either

positive or negative. For example, if you're a basically honest

person, that's a learned behavior that we look at as good. You note

that your eating under stress is a learned behavior, which you could

label as "bad," but it doesn't mean the people you learned it from are

bad or should be blamed except in the sense that that's where the

behavior stemmed from. No one is perfect--parents do a lot of things

that affect their children, some in negative ways, without intending

to. That's just the way people are. My parents are fine people and

certainly did the best they could, but I can't deny that many of their

attitudes and approaches towards food caused a lot of the issues I face

today. I'm not blaming them, but it is what it is.

So rather than feel like you have to find something to "blame" in your

childhood, just look objectively at lessons you might have learned that

have had an effect on how you look at food today. You don't have to

point fingers at anybody, but it really does help to have some

understand of how your behaviors started.

Sohni

Hey

All,

Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God

and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did

take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and

pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my

childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I

need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent

(not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat

because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected,

etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you

overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about

the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish

years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this,

mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but

none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I

was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If

you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom,

loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My

family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then

feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes

a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead,

dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit

round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and

when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the

only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors.

Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different

way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up

most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny

pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do

them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I

need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the

last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband

travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things

and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get

long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up

When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back

and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I

need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because

I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going

to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without

food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to

my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point?

Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for

eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It

wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left

struggling.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

I don't think it's a matter of blame, but of learned behaviors, either

positive or negative. For example, if you're a basically honest

person, that's a learned behavior that we look at as good. You note

that your eating under stress is a learned behavior, which you could

label as "bad," but it doesn't mean the people you learned it from are

bad or should be blamed except in the sense that that's where the

behavior stemmed from. No one is perfect--parents do a lot of things

that affect their children, some in negative ways, without intending

to. That's just the way people are. My parents are fine people and

certainly did the best they could, but I can't deny that many of their

attitudes and approaches towards food caused a lot of the issues I face

today. I'm not blaming them, but it is what it is.

So rather than feel like you have to find something to "blame" in your

childhood, just look objectively at lessons you might have learned that

have had an effect on how you look at food today. You don't have to

point fingers at anybody, but it really does help to have some

understand of how your behaviors started.

Sohni

Hey

All,

Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God

and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did

take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and

pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my

childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I

need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent

(not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat

because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected,

etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you

overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about

the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish

years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this,

mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but

none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I

was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If

you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom,

loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My

family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then

feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes

a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead,

dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit

round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and

when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the

only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors.

Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different

way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up

most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny

pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do

them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I

need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the

last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband

travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things

and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get

long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up

When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back

and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I

need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because

I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going

to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without

food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to

my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point?

Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for

eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It

wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left

struggling.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

I don't think it's a matter of blame, but of learned behaviors, either

positive or negative. For example, if you're a basically honest

person, that's a learned behavior that we look at as good. You note

that your eating under stress is a learned behavior, which you could

label as "bad," but it doesn't mean the people you learned it from are

bad or should be blamed except in the sense that that's where the

behavior stemmed from. No one is perfect--parents do a lot of things

that affect their children, some in negative ways, without intending

to. That's just the way people are. My parents are fine people and

certainly did the best they could, but I can't deny that many of their

attitudes and approaches towards food caused a lot of the issues I face

today. I'm not blaming them, but it is what it is.

So rather than feel like you have to find something to "blame" in your

childhood, just look objectively at lessons you might have learned that

have had an effect on how you look at food today. You don't have to

point fingers at anybody, but it really does help to have some

understand of how your behaviors started.

Sohni

Hey

All,

Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God

and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did

take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and

pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my

childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I

need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent

(not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat

because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected,

etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you

overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about

the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish

years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this,

mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but

none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I

was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If

you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom,

loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My

family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then

feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes

a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead,

dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit

round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and

when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the

only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors.

Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different

way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up

most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny

pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do

them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I

need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the

last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband

travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things

and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get

long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up

When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back

and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I

need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because

I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going

to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without

food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to

my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point?

Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for

eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It

wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left

struggling.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

Hello, Dawn, I'm a Dawn too! No, it's not blasphemous, you got out of

it what you got out of it. Sounds to me like you had a lovely past but

your family dealt with stress by eating. Nothing horrible and nothing

to blame on anyone. Some people do have food issues having to do with

their childhood, etc., but yours is just a learned behavior. You

learned to cope with stress by eating. Pretty simple. And like you, I

eat when I'm bored, lonely and stressed too. Of course if I get really

miserable I just stop eating entirely. But mothers of young children

without husbands to lean on regularly, who throw themselves into their

children... yeah, been there, done that. And it's very understandable

you'll get lonely and bored. I have no answers for you that you

haven't thought of yourself, but I can offer an understanding ear.

Dawn Burns (I'm new)

Hey

All,

Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God

and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did

take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and

pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my

childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I

need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent

(not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat

because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected,

etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you

overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about

the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish

years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this,

mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but

none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I

was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If

you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom,

loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My

family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then

feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes

a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead,

dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit

round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and

when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the

only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors.

Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different

way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up

most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny

pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do

them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I

need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the

last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband

travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things

and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get

long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up

When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back

and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I

need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because

I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going

to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without

food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to

my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point?

Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for

eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It

wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left

struggling.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

Hello, Dawn, I'm a Dawn too! No, it's not blasphemous, you got out of

it what you got out of it. Sounds to me like you had a lovely past but

your family dealt with stress by eating. Nothing horrible and nothing

to blame on anyone. Some people do have food issues having to do with

their childhood, etc., but yours is just a learned behavior. You

learned to cope with stress by eating. Pretty simple. And like you, I

eat when I'm bored, lonely and stressed too. Of course if I get really

miserable I just stop eating entirely. But mothers of young children

without husbands to lean on regularly, who throw themselves into their

children... yeah, been there, done that. And it's very understandable

you'll get lonely and bored. I have no answers for you that you

haven't thought of yourself, but I can offer an understanding ear.

Dawn Burns (I'm new)

Hey

All,

Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God

and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did

take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and

pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my

childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I

need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent

(not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat

because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected,

etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you

overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about

the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish

years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this,

mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but

none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I

was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If

you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom,

loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My

family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then

feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes

a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead,

dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit

round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and

when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the

only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors.

Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different

way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up

most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny

pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do

them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I

need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the

last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband

travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things

and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get

long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up

When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back

and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I

need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because

I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going

to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without

food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to

my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point?

Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for

eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It

wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left

struggling.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

Of course, if I get the final answer to that figured out, I will shout it from the mountain tops. :)Sigh, and I was so looking forward to starting school. One in regular, the second in preschool and some time for me. I just run into the cost of time to myself. Sitters cost so much and I live just far enough from town that it adds almost another hour if I want to go anywhere. I've looked into the gym, but again, I run into the cost. How much to pay monthly and for childcare. I know, excuses are plentiful, so I'm working on that too.To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, June 22, 2010 4:05:02 PMSubject: Re: A mental struggle I'm having

If you find the answers to bordeom, stress, lonliness and then eating to relieve them, could you let me know?

What's funny for me is that when my kids were small and my husband worked and traveled ALOT just like yours, I didn't have food issues. I did watch what I eat but I excercised alot because my local gym had a day care for the kids. I also found a day care center where my sons could play and I got two afternoons off a week. Then one started kindergarten and as soon as they were school age, everything changed.

Carving out two afternoons a week, might be a good beginning for you to take some time for yourself. It would be a start on relieving those 3 things, bordeom, stress and lonliness.

[Guest guest]

Of course, if I get the final answer to that figured out, I will shout it from the mountain tops. :)Sigh, and I was so looking forward to starting school. One in regular, the second in preschool and some time for me. I just run into the cost of time to myself. Sitters cost so much and I live just far enough from town that it adds almost another hour if I want to go anywhere. I've looked into the gym, but again, I run into the cost. How much to pay monthly and for childcare. I know, excuses are plentiful, so I'm working on that too.To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, June 22, 2010 4:05:02 PMSubject: Re: A mental struggle I'm having

If you find the answers to bordeom, stress, lonliness and then eating to relieve them, could you let me know?

What's funny for me is that when my kids were small and my husband worked and traveled ALOT just like yours, I didn't have food issues. I did watch what I eat but I excercised alot because my local gym had a day care for the kids. I also found a day care center where my sons could play and I got two afternoons off a week. Then one started kindergarten and as soon as they were school age, everything changed.

Carving out two afternoons a week, might be a good beginning for you to take some time for yourself. It would be a start on relieving those 3 things, bordeom, stress and lonliness.

[Guest guest]

Of course, if I get the final answer to that figured out, I will shout it from the mountain tops. :)Sigh, and I was so looking forward to starting school. One in regular, the second in preschool and some time for me. I just run into the cost of time to myself. Sitters cost so much and I live just far enough from town that it adds almost another hour if I want to go anywhere. I've looked into the gym, but again, I run into the cost. How much to pay monthly and for childcare. I know, excuses are plentiful, so I'm working on that too.To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, June 22, 2010 4:05:02 PMSubject: Re: A mental struggle I'm having

If you find the answers to bordeom, stress, lonliness and then eating to relieve them, could you let me know?

What's funny for me is that when my kids were small and my husband worked and traveled ALOT just like yours, I didn't have food issues. I did watch what I eat but I excercised alot because my local gym had a day care for the kids. I also found a day care center where my sons could play and I got two afternoons off a week. Then one started kindergarten and as soon as they were school age, everything changed.

Carving out two afternoons a week, might be a good beginning for you to take some time for yourself. It would be a start on relieving those 3 things, bordeom, stress and lonliness.

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn,Thanks for the ear. I'd noticed the name. Doesn't happen to me too often, and sometimes it throws me to see 'our' name in my inbox. Find myself going, "I didn't send that". :)To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, June 22, 2010 5:42:10

PMSubject: Re: A mental struggle I'm having

Hello, Dawn, I'm a Dawn too! No, it's not blasphemous, you got out of

it what you got out of it. Sounds to me like you had a lovely past but

your family dealt with stress by eating. Nothing horrible and nothing

to blame on anyone. Some people do have food issues having to do with

their childhood, etc., but yours is just a learned behavior. You

learned to cope with stress by eating. Pretty simple. And like you, I

eat when I'm bored, lonely and stressed too. Of course if I get really

miserable I just stop eating entirely. But mothers of young children

without husbands to lean on regularly, who throw themselves into their

children... yeah, been there, done that. And it's very understandable

you'll get lonely and bored. I have no answers for you that you

haven't thought of yourself, but I can offer an understanding ear.

Dawn Burns (I'm new)

Hey

All,

Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God

and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did

take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and

pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my

childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I

need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent

(not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat

because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected,

etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you

overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about

the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish

years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this,

mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but

none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I

was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If

you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom,

loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My

family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then

feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes

a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead,

dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit

round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and

when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the

only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors.

Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different

way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up

most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny

pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do

them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I

need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the

last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband

travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things

and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get

long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up

When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back

and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I

need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because

I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going

to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without

food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to

my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point?

Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for

eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It

wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left

struggling.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn,Thanks for the ear. I'd noticed the name. Doesn't happen to me too often, and sometimes it throws me to see 'our' name in my inbox. Find myself going, "I didn't send that". :)To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, June 22, 2010 5:42:10

PMSubject: Re: A mental struggle I'm having

Hello, Dawn, I'm a Dawn too! No, it's not blasphemous, you got out of

it what you got out of it. Sounds to me like you had a lovely past but

your family dealt with stress by eating. Nothing horrible and nothing

to blame on anyone. Some people do have food issues having to do with

their childhood, etc., but yours is just a learned behavior. You

learned to cope with stress by eating. Pretty simple. And like you, I

eat when I'm bored, lonely and stressed too. Of course if I get really

miserable I just stop eating entirely. But mothers of young children

without husbands to lean on regularly, who throw themselves into their

children... yeah, been there, done that. And it's very understandable

you'll get lonely and bored. I have no answers for you that you

haven't thought of yourself, but I can offer an understanding ear.

Dawn Burns (I'm new)

Hey

All,

Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God

and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did

take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and

pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my

childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I

need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent

(not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat

because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected,

etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you

overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about

the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish

years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this,

mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but

none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I

was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If

you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom,

loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My

family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then

feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes

a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead,

dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit

round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and

when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the

only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors.

Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different

way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up

most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny

pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do

them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I

need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the

last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband

travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things

and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get

long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up

When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back

and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I

need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because

I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going

to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without

food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to

my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point?

Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for

eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It

wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left

struggling.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn,Thanks for the ear. I'd noticed the name. Doesn't happen to me too often, and sometimes it throws me to see 'our' name in my inbox. Find myself going, "I didn't send that". :)To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, June 22, 2010 5:42:10

PMSubject: Re: A mental struggle I'm having

Hello, Dawn, I'm a Dawn too! No, it's not blasphemous, you got out of

it what you got out of it. Sounds to me like you had a lovely past but

your family dealt with stress by eating. Nothing horrible and nothing

to blame on anyone. Some people do have food issues having to do with

their childhood, etc., but yours is just a learned behavior. You

learned to cope with stress by eating. Pretty simple. And like you, I

eat when I'm bored, lonely and stressed too. Of course if I get really

miserable I just stop eating entirely. But mothers of young children

without husbands to lean on regularly, who throw themselves into their

children... yeah, been there, done that. And it's very understandable

you'll get lonely and bored. I have no answers for you that you

haven't thought of yourself, but I can offer an understanding ear.

Dawn Burns (I'm new)

Hey

All,

Okay, this feels blasphemous, but I just finished Women, Food and God

and find myself irritated. I know, many of you love her, and I did

take several good points away from the book, but I also felt pushed and

pressured. I was left feeling like, "There must be something in my

childhood (I'm only 31/32, so almost has to be my childhood) that I

need to find and deal with" But, wait, I thought I had a pretty decent

(not perfect) childhood. I feel like she was saying that you overeat

because you didn't get the love you needed somewhere, or felt rejected,

etc, and that has to exist and be dealt with. That the reasons you

overeat are all in your past. Things you learned long ago. What about

the here and now? I've only been dealing with weight issues for 11ish

years.

While I've spent the last week reading the book, thinking on this,

mulling, discovering. I have discovered some hurts in my past, but

none that seem like the reason I overeat. I have however felt like I

was on a witch hunt, looking for that reason to 'blame' my parents. If

you ask me why I overeat, I'd say on a basic level: boredom,

loneliness, stress.

Now, I can tell you that the stress eating is a learned technique. My

family deals with stress by eating. I have an Aunt who cooks and then

feeds the rest of us stressed people. A local grocery store even makes

a dip that we literally call, "the evil dip" and when someone is dead,

dying or in the hospital, we will grab that and a bag of chips and sit

round the table and jointly stress eat. I live 2000 miles away, and

when they called saying they had my grandmother in the hospital, the

only thing that stopped me from buying the ingredients to make it

myself was a trip to Taco Bell for something with similar flavors.

Still bad for me, but smaller quantities. Yeah, must learn a different

way to handle stress.

Boredom: I have two small children and have found that I have given up

most of my hobbies because they won't let me work on them, have tiny

pieces and/or must be taken out and picked up every time I want to do

them and I don't find it worth it. So, that's the answer to that. I

need to find something to occupy myself besides tv, reading and eating.

Loneliness- I've found myself eating quite a bit because of this in the

last year. I've done this because I've been alone a lot. My husband

travels for work and last year it was 30/52 weeks. I try to do things

and keep in contact with other adults, but the evenings by myself get

long and since I have the kids, I can't easily get away. I picked up

When Food is Love and Love is Food at Target yesterday, read the back

and left it there, because I felt like it was going to tell me that I

need to work on my relationship with my husband if I'm eating because

I'm lonely. Um, it's work, if he's gone and I'm by myself, I'm going

to get lonely sometimes but don't feel that that's a reflection of our

relationship. I need to find ways to get the contact I crave without

food, but I don't feel that my loneliness based eating is connected to

my distant past either.

So, if you've made it this far. Any insights? Did I miss the point?

Has anyone else felt this way or similar? About their reasons for

eating, about the book? I hope I haven't upset anyone too much. It

wasn't my intent, I did find the book worth reading, but was also left

struggling.

Dawn