Guest guest Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 I like what tiki said above about forgiveness. Like with LC/NC decisions, I did the best when I allowed myself to decide at my own pace. Sometimes I would be LC, sometimes NC. I think it may be helpful to think of forgiveness is a decision we hold, just like how much contact we decide to have with nada. > > I am curious about how people feel about this. I would like to hear any thoughts you may have on it, whatever pops into your head or something profound from your journey either one. I thought about it too hard and now I can not even define it. I do this sometimes with words, saying them over and over until they sound foreign and strange to me. Since my head is pretty empty of what forgiveness is I would love to hear other people's thoughts on it. Is it necessary? If you have done it has it been helpful? Did it take a long time and a lot of hard work or did it just 'happen' one day? I am not one to believe it is necessary only because of the devastating effect my mother's 'forgiveness' of her father had on my life. I am just saying that to open it up to all points of view. Sometimes even at the mere mention of it I have a tri-fold reaction of guilt, anger, and shame. I think that is what they mean when it says to 'bristle' at the mention of something. I guess as a KO I do more than my share of 'bristling'. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 I like what tiki said above about forgiveness. Like with LC/NC decisions, I did the best when I allowed myself to decide at my own pace. Sometimes I would be LC, sometimes NC. I think it may be helpful to think of forgiveness is a decision we hold, just like how much contact we decide to have with nada. > > I am curious about how people feel about this. I would like to hear any thoughts you may have on it, whatever pops into your head or something profound from your journey either one. I thought about it too hard and now I can not even define it. I do this sometimes with words, saying them over and over until they sound foreign and strange to me. Since my head is pretty empty of what forgiveness is I would love to hear other people's thoughts on it. Is it necessary? If you have done it has it been helpful? Did it take a long time and a lot of hard work or did it just 'happen' one day? I am not one to believe it is necessary only because of the devastating effect my mother's 'forgiveness' of her father had on my life. I am just saying that to open it up to all points of view. Sometimes even at the mere mention of it I have a tri-fold reaction of guilt, anger, and shame. I think that is what they mean when it says to 'bristle' at the mention of something. I guess as a KO I do more than my share of 'bristling'. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2010 Report Share Posted August 1, 2010 yes i have found that the feelings stay for a long, long time too.. slooowly working themselves out with help of forgiveness exercises and prayer, and therapy and self-help groups.. and seminars for women on the subject and sometimes crying a lot with the grief.. it has been a long time with me but it has gotten better.. time and work and energy and support and love of others who understand, all help i think.best wishes , ann Subject: Re: forgiveness To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Saturday, July 24, 2010, 7:48 AM Â phine, I was thinking the same thing last week, mostly as a means of letting go of the bitterness, resentment, and anger I have towards my mother. I feel like I spend so much, TOO much mental/emotional energy and time on what she's done, what she might do, how I can avoid my reactions to her, etc. In the past, I've felt like I have forgiven her, saying it out loud in prayer, writing it out, but the consuming feelings remain. I'm curious to see what others have to say, too. > > I am curious about how people feel about this. I would like to hear any thoughts you may have on it, whatever pops into your head or something profound from your journey either one. I thought about it too hard and now I can not even define it. I do this sometimes with words, saying them over and over until they sound foreign and strange to me. Since my head is pretty empty of what forgiveness is I would love to hear other people's thoughts on it. Is it necessary? If you have done it has it been helpful? Did it take a long time and a lot of hard work or did it just 'happen' one day? I am not one to believe it is necessary only because of the devastating effect my mother's 'forgiveness' of her father had on my life. I am just saying that to open it up to all points of view. Sometimes even at the mere mention of it I have a tri-fold reaction of guilt, anger, and shame. I think that is what they mean when it says to 'bristle' at the mention of something. I guess as a KO I do more than my share of 'bristling'. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2010 Report Share Posted August 1, 2010 yes i have found that the feelings stay for a long, long time too.. slooowly working themselves out with help of forgiveness exercises and prayer, and therapy and self-help groups.. and seminars for women on the subject and sometimes crying a lot with the grief.. it has been a long time with me but it has gotten better.. time and work and energy and support and love of others who understand, all help i think.best wishes , ann Subject: Re: forgiveness To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Saturday, July 24, 2010, 7:48 AM Â phine, I was thinking the same thing last week, mostly as a means of letting go of the bitterness, resentment, and anger I have towards my mother. I feel like I spend so much, TOO much mental/emotional energy and time on what she's done, what she might do, how I can avoid my reactions to her, etc. In the past, I've felt like I have forgiven her, saying it out loud in prayer, writing it out, but the consuming feelings remain. I'm curious to see what others have to say, too. > > I am curious about how people feel about this. I would like to hear any thoughts you may have on it, whatever pops into your head or something profound from your journey either one. I thought about it too hard and now I can not even define it. I do this sometimes with words, saying them over and over until they sound foreign and strange to me. Since my head is pretty empty of what forgiveness is I would love to hear other people's thoughts on it. Is it necessary? If you have done it has it been helpful? Did it take a long time and a lot of hard work or did it just 'happen' one day? I am not one to believe it is necessary only because of the devastating effect my mother's 'forgiveness' of her father had on my life. I am just saying that to open it up to all points of view. Sometimes even at the mere mention of it I have a tri-fold reaction of guilt, anger, and shame. I think that is what they mean when it says to 'bristle' at the mention of something. I guess as a KO I do more than my share of 'bristling'. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2010 Report Share Posted August 2, 2010 I feel similarly to soaringeagle. My nada pulls the same stunt--crying and talking about how she did the best she could and I believe she did. As an undiagnosed, untreated BP married to an enabler I don't see how she could have recognized what she was doing to us. I still feel great pain and sadness about my FOO, but thinking she did the best she could helps me let go some of the anger. > > In a message dated 11/1/01 5:53:49 AM Central Standard Time, > soaringeagle@... writes: > > << In fact, she will cry (literally) and say she did the best she could >> > You know, what I tell myself, is she probably did do the best SHE could. My > mother says that to me all the time, I did the best I knew how. > doesn't make us any better off, necessarily. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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