Re: the first time I have really discussed my BPD mother.

[Guest guest]

It's always so nice to see I wasn't the only person with a delusional nutcase

for a mother.

Sorry, reading that exhausted me and brought back some stuff I'd sooner leave

buried.

>

> Trying to put together a concise, clear description of what it was like for me

to grow up with a mother like mine is incredibly hard. So many things, its so

hard to know where to start – or even more difficult – to know where to stop. I

feel like I could write forever about it all.

> Ive never really gone into a lot of detail about my mother to people. When I

do, people kinda freak out and I stop. I feel that they are going to think that

because she was mentally ill, I will be too. Particularly partners. I get the

feeling that once they know about her, they will watch to see if I have the same

characteristics – I know I would! I believe my mother is BPD with a very liberal

dose of paranoid delusions.

>

> When it comes to children she is violent, abusive, manipulative and she has an

obsession with thinking everyone is guilty of sexual abuse (despite never having

been abused herself).

>

> Growing up it was a constant battle to know when she would go off the deep

end, trying to " be good " all the time. Strangers used to tell her that she had

raised such perfectly mannered children, which I think vindicated her behaviour

in her eyes. We were terrified of making her mad. She was an artist at

physically assaulting you without leaving a mark. If you got a bruise from

playing outside she would fly into rages – paranoid that people would find out

that she beat us. We got raged at for not getting good enough marks, not getting

marks the same as eachother, enjoying anything we did get good marks at, having

different friends, having any friends, getting sick, etc.

>

> Imagine being 5 years old, having an enraged woman pulling you close by the

neck of your shirt, eyes flickering back and forth, spitting as she ferociously

told you exactly what a rapist would do to you if he got you alone in a public

toilet, in graphic detail. She made sure that we thought EVERYONE was a child

molester or rapist, even our own stepdad. We were terrified to be alone with him

at times.

> If you ever argued back she would threaten to leave us at an orphanage, or put

us into foster care, where, you guessed it, someone would rape us. She gave us

boys haricuts but would dress us up in ridiculous frilly outfits. It was

bizarre.

>

> She got a bit better as we got older and began to fight back somewhat. She

only ever really went to town on small defenceless kids – the reason I try to

tell my siblings to never leave their children alone with her. Not to say she

wasn't totally irrational when we were older, but she knows that adults talk,

children can be scared into silence. Looking at my school records, for the first

few years we were absent from school for at least 1/3 of the year – no doubt she

didn't like the fact that we enjoyed it and were away from her.

>

> The delusions would get worse every now and then. Once she told me that the

devil had sent her to rule the world. She went through a period when I was in

primary school, where she was convinced that my sister wasn't able to walk (and

convinced my sister, who was rather suggestible). She paraded her around in a

wheelchair, and when doctors told her that there was nothing wrong with her, she

became convinced that the government was out to get her, took us kids out of

school and we had to go into hiding. My sister " miraculously " recovered when my

mother decided the cause was that she had too many teeth, and had 4 removed. As

my sister apparently recovered after this, she went on TV to say that she had

discovered the cure to almost everything. She had 8 of my teeth removed (for no

reason), and I recall being in the dentist chair, holding my breath as the

dentist and Mum argued over me about taking all my teeth out. She insisted that

I could eat through a straw and get false teeth when I was an adult. I was 13.

He refused, and Mum went on to buy her own dental pliers, and planned to take

out our teeth herself. Thankfully she never got around to it.

>

> She still thinks that teeth (as well as olive oil) are the cause of everything

wrong with a person. All us siblings tell new partners who meet mum for the

first time " don't mention teeth or olive oil.. actually, just talk about the

weather " . Otherwise she will get into a fervour and lecture you, and as soon as

you look like you don't believe her, a rage. Once she decides she doesnt like

your partner, she makes life hell trying to break you up.

>

> More to come later...

>

[Guest guest]

You guys are great - its so nice to finally communicate with people who

understand what it was like!!! My family doesnt talk about it really, everyone

is too busy trying to forget.

Mum would tell us that she didnt love her older kids, that they werent really

family, even making us call them to say that we didnt like them, etc etc, but

whenever she could she would brag about being the parent of two sets of twins.

For her, kids were simply an achievement to show people how great she was. There

was never any real caring there - I dont ever remember hugs or kisses other than

the oligatory ones you give when you visit. One of the biggest crimes you could

do as a small child was cry in public - we knew as soon as we were out of

earshot of people we would be beaten for embarressing her.

Its funny that mentioning all this for the first time is helping me remember

stuff that, til now, I hadnt really recognised as crazy behaviour - I guess over

time you just file it away in your head as something that was unpleasant,

without thinking " that is incredibly NUTS and shouldnt have happened " . Bah.

Im glad you have a happy life now! So do I, and I guard it jealously - she will

never be a big part of my life again.

> >

> > Trying to put together a concise, clear description of what it was like for

me to grow up with a mother like mine is incredibly hard. So many things, its so

hard to know where to start – or even more difficult – to know where to stop. I

feel like I could write forever about it all.

> > Ive never really gone into a lot of detail about my mother to people. When I

do, people kinda freak out and I stop. I feel that they are going to think that

because she was mentally ill, I will be too. Particularly partners. I get the

feeling that once they know about her, they will watch to see if I have the same

characteristics – I know I would! I believe my mother is BPD with a very liberal

dose of paranoid delusions.

> >

> > When it comes to children she is violent, abusive, manipulative and she has

an obsession with thinking everyone is guilty of sexual abuse (despite never

having been abused herself).

> >

> > Growing up it was a constant battle to know when she would go off the deep

end, trying to " be good " all the time. Strangers used to tell her that she had

raised such perfectly mannered children, which I think vindicated her behaviour

in her eyes. We were terrified of making her mad. She was an artist at

physically assaulting you without leaving a mark. If you got a bruise from

playing outside she would fly into rages – paranoid that people would find out

that she beat us. We got raged at for not getting good enough marks, not getting

marks the same as eachother, enjoying anything we did get good marks at, having

different friends, having any friends, getting sick, etc.

> >

> > Imagine being 5 years old, having an enraged woman pulling you close by the

neck of your shirt, eyes flickering back and forth, spitting as she ferociously

told you exactly what a rapist would do to you if he got you alone in a public

toilet, in graphic detail. She made sure that we thought EVERYONE was a child

molester or rapist, even our own stepdad. We were terrified to be alone with him

at times.

> > If you ever argued back she would threaten to leave us at an orphanage, or

put us into foster care, where, you guessed it, someone would rape us. She gave

us boys haricuts but would dress us up in ridiculous frilly outfits. It was

bizarre.

> >

> > She got a bit better as we got older and began to fight back somewhat. She

only ever really went to town on small defenceless kids – the reason I try to

tell my siblings to never leave their children alone with her. Not to say she

wasn't totally irrational when we were older, but she knows that adults talk,

children can be scared into silence. Looking at my school records, for the first

few years we were absent from school for at least 1/3 of the year – no doubt she

didn't like the fact that we enjoyed it and were away from her.

> >

> > The delusions would get worse every now and then. Once she told me that the

devil had sent her to rule the world. She went through a period when I was in

primary school, where she was convinced that my sister wasn't able to walk (and

convinced my sister, who was rather suggestible). She paraded her around in a

wheelchair, and when doctors told her that there was nothing wrong with her, she

became convinced that the government was out to get her, took us kids out of

school and we had to go into hiding. My sister " miraculously " recovered when my

mother decided the cause was that she had too many teeth, and had 4 removed. As

my sister apparently recovered after this, she went on TV to say that she had

discovered the cure to almost everything. She had 8 of my teeth removed (for no

reason), and I recall being in the dentist chair, holding my breath as the

dentist and Mum argued over me about taking all my teeth out. She insisted that

I could eat through a straw and get false teeth when I was an adult. I was 13.

He refused, and Mum went on to buy her own dental pliers, and planned to take

out our teeth herself. Thankfully she never got around to it.

> >

> > She still thinks that teeth (as well as olive oil) are the cause of

everything wrong with a person. All us siblings tell new partners who meet mum

for the first time " don't mention teeth or olive oil.. actually, just talk about

the weather " . Otherwise she will get into a fervour and lecture you, and as soon

as you look like you don't believe her, a rage. Once she decides she doesnt like

your partner, she makes life hell trying to break you up.

> >

> > More to come later...

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I know exactly what you mean. Up til now I havent wanted to really tell anyone

what it was like. Its was just tooo... embaressing? Shameful? Unbelieveable?

Horrid...

Im sorry if I have stirred things up for you, but Im so glad to hear that you

also know what it was like. I always felt so alone as a kid dealing with this.

>

>

> It's always so nice to see I wasn't the only person with a delusional nutcase

for a mother.

>

> Sorry, reading that exhausted me and brought back some stuff I'd sooner leave

buried.

>

[Guest guest]

I know exactly what you mean. Up til now I havent wanted to really tell anyone

what it was like. Its was just tooo... embaressing? Shameful? Unbelieveable?

Horrid...

Im sorry if I have stirred things up for you, but Im so glad to hear that you

also know what it was like. I always felt so alone as a kid dealing with this.

>

>

> It's always so nice to see I wasn't the only person with a delusional nutcase

for a mother.

>

> Sorry, reading that exhausted me and brought back some stuff I'd sooner leave

buried.

>

[Guest guest]

I know exactly what you mean. Up til now I havent wanted to really tell anyone

what it was like. Its was just tooo... embaressing? Shameful? Unbelieveable?

Horrid...

Im sorry if I have stirred things up for you, but Im so glad to hear that you

also know what it was like. I always felt so alone as a kid dealing with this.

>

>

> It's always so nice to see I wasn't the only person with a delusional nutcase

for a mother.

>

> Sorry, reading that exhausted me and brought back some stuff I'd sooner leave

buried.

>

[Guest guest]

My mother had a caring Catholic family with 4 siblings, of which she was the

oldest. As far as I know there was never any abuse, certainly not from family

members. A old firend of my mothers said that she starting behaving strangely

around the time of puberty. She married young, and had one son, and two twin

daughters. After walking out on them many times, her family and her husband had

her declared unfit to have custody.

She remarried and had myself and my twin sister. My father is a mentally

disabled man who required caring. Apparently she chose him because she thought

he had significant compensation money – turns out he didn't, and she left him

shortly after. She created havoc in his family through lawsuits etc.

Taking us two kids, she remarried a man in a small country town – who we came to

call Dad (and who I suspect she cheated on throughout their marriage). Mum

attributes the success of that marriage to the fact that she " finally met a man

she could train " .

Every job she ever held she would start thinking it was the best thing in the

world - " these people cant survive without me, Im the best in the world, they

were going to go broke if I hadn't arrived " and would end shortly after with mum

accusing them of illegal activities, or raging at someone from some imagined

slight. Im amazed she ever got jobs in the first place, she had no resume other

than invented jobs.

When the other siblings would visit for holidays, it would be a week or so of

constant misery. Mum would scream and scream for hours, usually about their

father, or how horrible they were. I have so many memories of watching them

crying uncontrollably, wanting to make her stop hurting them. She would pin one

of my older sisters down, to pick at her acne for hours, telling her how

disgusting she was.

When she would finish screaming and finally walk off you would sit there,

holding your breath, for the inevitable footsteps rushing back with " AND

ANOTHER THING!... " .etc. She did that every time. Whenever I hear the phrase " and

another thing " now my hackles raise instinctively. She would hit and punch – but

only if you were on your own.

Recently one of my older sisters sent her 14 yr old child to go stay with mum. I

told them all that it was a BAD BAD idea, but this particular sister couldnt

pass up the opportunity to have time off from her (extremely badly behaved)

child. So she was sent to spend 2 months with mum. The rest of us had bets as to

how long it would last. I won, I guessed 2 days. Actually, they didnt make it to

mums house from the airport before she blew up and went nuts. My niece tries the

patience of most people, but I knew with mum her behaviour would trigger

unbelieveable rages and violence - it had done since she was small. Within 2

days my mother had the kid on the floor in a headlock, all because the kid didnt

want to wear the cardigan mum picked out for her. Thankfully Mum sent her back

that weekend.

I planned my own suicide when I was about 8 years old. I was going to wait for

her to go out, then Id take all the sleeping pills and painkillers in the

medicine cabinet and kill myself before she got home again. Thankfully it was

only when I was little that I thought that way. Mum was never suicidal herself,

and I think if she had tried to threaten us with it, we would have been secretly

delighted. God, that is horrible to admit. When she used to threaten to send us

away we would hope and pray that someday it would actually happen.

When I think of my mother, I cant differentiate between her and her illness. I

have only ever known her to be like this. Although she has her moments where she

can be funny, and relatively normal, they only last a few minutes. The paranoia

triggers the actions of others that fuel the rages.

A few years ago the delusions began to get worse again. She started seeing

" bodies " in the shapes of hills, and thinks that there are fossilised remains of

giants everywhere she looks. She started telling people that evolution is really

when aliens had sex with animals and produced humans. We used to be able to hide

her craziness, but statements like that are hard to explain away.

The hardest moments for me now are the rare time she travels over here to visit.

She looks at how successful I have become and how I have a great life, and tells

me that it is due to her wonderful mothering skills. She truely thinks she was

the perfect mother, and expects me to attribute everything I have achieved to

her. It makes my blood boil. I have dreamed of sitting her down and telling her

exactly what I think of her, but I cant. There is no point as she would never

understand.

I find that I cant not stand people yelling - it makes me very upset. I also

cant stand my mothers voice - the tone, particularly when she has that frantic ,

critical, ramming her point home, insistant tone - it makes my skin crawl. Its

even worse if she is actually in front of me, her eyes start to dart around and

she leans closer - I just want to run. If its on the phone I hold it away from

my ear and stop listening.

Since leaving school, one sister became a drug addict, and now appears to either

have BPD herself or has some major behavioral problems. Another sister has

schizophrenia and has been in and out of hospital many times, another sister and

my brother are somewhat OCD, and myself (probably the most " normal " of the

bunch) joined a cult for several years and had an abusive husband. Ive now got

myself out of all that rubbish, have a great career and a very happy life -

thankfully. It could have gone in very different directions.

>

> Trying to put together a concise, clear description of what it was like for me

to grow up with a mother like mine is incredibly hard. So many things, its so

hard to know where to start – or even more difficult – to know where to stop. I

feel like I could write forever about it all.

> Ive never really gone into a lot of detail about my mother to people. When I

do, people kinda freak out and I stop. I feel that they are going to think that

because she was mentally ill, I will be too. Particularly partners. I get the

feeling that once they know about her, they will watch to see if I have the same

characteristics – I know I would! I believe my mother is BPD with a very liberal

dose of paranoid delusions.

>

> When it comes to children she is violent, abusive, manipulative and she has an

obsession with thinking everyone is guilty of sexual abuse (despite never having

been abused herself).

>

> Growing up it was a constant battle to know when she would go off the deep

end, trying to " be good " all the time. Strangers used to tell her that she had

raised such perfectly mannered children, which I think vindicated her behaviour

in her eyes. We were terrified of making her mad. She was an artist at

physically assaulting you without leaving a mark. If you got a bruise from

playing outside she would fly into rages – paranoid that people would find out

that she beat us. We got raged at for not getting good enough marks, not getting

marks the same as eachother, enjoying anything we did get good marks at, having

different friends, having any friends, getting sick, etc.

>

> Imagine being 5 years old, having an enraged woman pulling you close by the

neck of your shirt, eyes flickering back and forth, spitting as she ferociously

told you exactly what a rapist would do to you if he got you alone in a public

toilet, in graphic detail. She made sure that we thought EVERYONE was a child

molester or rapist, even our own stepdad. We were terrified to be alone with him

at times.

> If you ever argued back she would threaten to leave us at an orphanage, or put

us into foster care, where, you guessed it, someone would rape us. She gave us

boys haricuts but would dress us up in ridiculous frilly outfits. It was

bizarre.

>

> She got a bit better as we got older and began to fight back somewhat. She

only ever really went to town on small defenceless kids – the reason I try to

tell my siblings to never leave their children alone with her. Not to say she

wasn't totally irrational when we were older, but she knows that adults talk,

children can be scared into silence. Looking at my school records, for the first

few years we were absent from school for at least 1/3 of the year – no doubt she

didn't like the fact that we enjoyed it and were away from her.

>

> The delusions would get worse every now and then. Once she told me that the

devil had sent her to rule the world. She went through a period when I was in

primary school, where she was convinced that my sister wasn't able to walk (and

convinced my sister, who was rather suggestible). She paraded her around in a

wheelchair, and when doctors told her that there was nothing wrong with her, she

became convinced that the government was out to get her, took us kids out of

school and we had to go into hiding. My sister " miraculously " recovered when my

mother decided the cause was that she had too many teeth, and had 4 removed. As

my sister apparently recovered after this, she went on TV to say that she had

discovered the cure to almost everything. She had 8 of my teeth removed (for no

reason), and I recall being in the dentist chair, holding my breath as the

dentist and Mum argued over me about taking all my teeth out. She insisted that

I could eat through a straw and get false teeth when I was an adult. I was 13.

He refused, and Mum went on to buy her own dental pliers, and planned to take

out our teeth herself. Thankfully she never got around to it.

>

> She still thinks that teeth (as well as olive oil) are the cause of everything

wrong with a person. All us siblings tell new partners who meet mum for the

first time " don't mention teeth or olive oil.. actually, just talk about the

weather " . Otherwise she will get into a fervour and lecture you, and as soon as

you look like you don't believe her, a rage. Once she decides she doesnt like

your partner, she makes life hell trying to break you up.

>

> More to come later...

>

[Guest guest]

My mother had a caring Catholic family with 4 siblings, of which she was the

oldest. As far as I know there was never any abuse, certainly not from family

members. A old firend of my mothers said that she starting behaving strangely

around the time of puberty. She married young, and had one son, and two twin

daughters. After walking out on them many times, her family and her husband had

her declared unfit to have custody.

She remarried and had myself and my twin sister. My father is a mentally

disabled man who required caring. Apparently she chose him because she thought

he had significant compensation money – turns out he didn't, and she left him

shortly after. She created havoc in his family through lawsuits etc.

Taking us two kids, she remarried a man in a small country town – who we came to

call Dad (and who I suspect she cheated on throughout their marriage). Mum

attributes the success of that marriage to the fact that she " finally met a man

she could train " .

Every job she ever held she would start thinking it was the best thing in the

world - " these people cant survive without me, Im the best in the world, they

were going to go broke if I hadn't arrived " and would end shortly after with mum

accusing them of illegal activities, or raging at someone from some imagined

slight. Im amazed she ever got jobs in the first place, she had no resume other

than invented jobs.

When the other siblings would visit for holidays, it would be a week or so of

constant misery. Mum would scream and scream for hours, usually about their

father, or how horrible they were. I have so many memories of watching them

crying uncontrollably, wanting to make her stop hurting them. She would pin one

of my older sisters down, to pick at her acne for hours, telling her how

disgusting she was.

When she would finish screaming and finally walk off you would sit there,

holding your breath, for the inevitable footsteps rushing back with " AND

ANOTHER THING!... " .etc. She did that every time. Whenever I hear the phrase " and

another thing " now my hackles raise instinctively. She would hit and punch – but

only if you were on your own.

Recently one of my older sisters sent her 14 yr old child to go stay with mum. I

told them all that it was a BAD BAD idea, but this particular sister couldnt

pass up the opportunity to have time off from her (extremely badly behaved)

child. So she was sent to spend 2 months with mum. The rest of us had bets as to

how long it would last. I won, I guessed 2 days. Actually, they didnt make it to

mums house from the airport before she blew up and went nuts. My niece tries the

patience of most people, but I knew with mum her behaviour would trigger

unbelieveable rages and violence - it had done since she was small. Within 2

days my mother had the kid on the floor in a headlock, all because the kid didnt

want to wear the cardigan mum picked out for her. Thankfully Mum sent her back

that weekend.

I planned my own suicide when I was about 8 years old. I was going to wait for

her to go out, then Id take all the sleeping pills and painkillers in the

medicine cabinet and kill myself before she got home again. Thankfully it was

only when I was little that I thought that way. Mum was never suicidal herself,

and I think if she had tried to threaten us with it, we would have been secretly

delighted. God, that is horrible to admit. When she used to threaten to send us

away we would hope and pray that someday it would actually happen.

When I think of my mother, I cant differentiate between her and her illness. I

have only ever known her to be like this. Although she has her moments where she

can be funny, and relatively normal, they only last a few minutes. The paranoia

triggers the actions of others that fuel the rages.

A few years ago the delusions began to get worse again. She started seeing

" bodies " in the shapes of hills, and thinks that there are fossilised remains of

giants everywhere she looks. She started telling people that evolution is really

when aliens had sex with animals and produced humans. We used to be able to hide

her craziness, but statements like that are hard to explain away.

The hardest moments for me now are the rare time she travels over here to visit.

She looks at how successful I have become and how I have a great life, and tells

me that it is due to her wonderful mothering skills. She truely thinks she was

the perfect mother, and expects me to attribute everything I have achieved to

her. It makes my blood boil. I have dreamed of sitting her down and telling her

exactly what I think of her, but I cant. There is no point as she would never

understand.

I find that I cant not stand people yelling - it makes me very upset. I also

cant stand my mothers voice - the tone, particularly when she has that frantic ,

critical, ramming her point home, insistant tone - it makes my skin crawl. Its

even worse if she is actually in front of me, her eyes start to dart around and

she leans closer - I just want to run. If its on the phone I hold it away from

my ear and stop listening.

Since leaving school, one sister became a drug addict, and now appears to either

have BPD herself or has some major behavioral problems. Another sister has

schizophrenia and has been in and out of hospital many times, another sister and

my brother are somewhat OCD, and myself (probably the most " normal " of the

bunch) joined a cult for several years and had an abusive husband. Ive now got

myself out of all that rubbish, have a great career and a very happy life -

thankfully. It could have gone in very different directions.

>

> Trying to put together a concise, clear description of what it was like for me

to grow up with a mother like mine is incredibly hard. So many things, its so

hard to know where to start – or even more difficult – to know where to stop. I

feel like I could write forever about it all.

> Ive never really gone into a lot of detail about my mother to people. When I

do, people kinda freak out and I stop. I feel that they are going to think that

because she was mentally ill, I will be too. Particularly partners. I get the

feeling that once they know about her, they will watch to see if I have the same

characteristics – I know I would! I believe my mother is BPD with a very liberal

dose of paranoid delusions.

>

> When it comes to children she is violent, abusive, manipulative and she has an

obsession with thinking everyone is guilty of sexual abuse (despite never having

been abused herself).

>

> Growing up it was a constant battle to know when she would go off the deep

end, trying to " be good " all the time. Strangers used to tell her that she had

raised such perfectly mannered children, which I think vindicated her behaviour

in her eyes. We were terrified of making her mad. She was an artist at

physically assaulting you without leaving a mark. If you got a bruise from

playing outside she would fly into rages – paranoid that people would find out

that she beat us. We got raged at for not getting good enough marks, not getting

marks the same as eachother, enjoying anything we did get good marks at, having

different friends, having any friends, getting sick, etc.

>

> Imagine being 5 years old, having an enraged woman pulling you close by the

neck of your shirt, eyes flickering back and forth, spitting as she ferociously

told you exactly what a rapist would do to you if he got you alone in a public

toilet, in graphic detail. She made sure that we thought EVERYONE was a child

molester or rapist, even our own stepdad. We were terrified to be alone with him

at times.

> If you ever argued back she would threaten to leave us at an orphanage, or put

us into foster care, where, you guessed it, someone would rape us. She gave us

boys haricuts but would dress us up in ridiculous frilly outfits. It was

bizarre.

>

> She got a bit better as we got older and began to fight back somewhat. She

only ever really went to town on small defenceless kids – the reason I try to

tell my siblings to never leave their children alone with her. Not to say she

wasn't totally irrational when we were older, but she knows that adults talk,

children can be scared into silence. Looking at my school records, for the first

few years we were absent from school for at least 1/3 of the year – no doubt she

didn't like the fact that we enjoyed it and were away from her.

>

> The delusions would get worse every now and then. Once she told me that the

devil had sent her to rule the world. She went through a period when I was in

primary school, where she was convinced that my sister wasn't able to walk (and

convinced my sister, who was rather suggestible). She paraded her around in a

wheelchair, and when doctors told her that there was nothing wrong with her, she

became convinced that the government was out to get her, took us kids out of

school and we had to go into hiding. My sister " miraculously " recovered when my

mother decided the cause was that she had too many teeth, and had 4 removed. As

my sister apparently recovered after this, she went on TV to say that she had

discovered the cure to almost everything. She had 8 of my teeth removed (for no

reason), and I recall being in the dentist chair, holding my breath as the

dentist and Mum argued over me about taking all my teeth out. She insisted that

I could eat through a straw and get false teeth when I was an adult. I was 13.

He refused, and Mum went on to buy her own dental pliers, and planned to take

out our teeth herself. Thankfully she never got around to it.

>

> She still thinks that teeth (as well as olive oil) are the cause of everything

wrong with a person. All us siblings tell new partners who meet mum for the

first time " don't mention teeth or olive oil.. actually, just talk about the

weather " . Otherwise she will get into a fervour and lecture you, and as soon as

you look like you don't believe her, a rage. Once she decides she doesnt like

your partner, she makes life hell trying to break you up.

>

> More to come later...

>

[Guest guest]

My mother had a caring Catholic family with 4 siblings, of which she was the

oldest. As far as I know there was never any abuse, certainly not from family

members. A old firend of my mothers said that she starting behaving strangely

around the time of puberty. She married young, and had one son, and two twin

daughters. After walking out on them many times, her family and her husband had

her declared unfit to have custody.

She remarried and had myself and my twin sister. My father is a mentally

disabled man who required caring. Apparently she chose him because she thought

he had significant compensation money – turns out he didn't, and she left him

shortly after. She created havoc in his family through lawsuits etc.

Taking us two kids, she remarried a man in a small country town – who we came to

call Dad (and who I suspect she cheated on throughout their marriage). Mum

attributes the success of that marriage to the fact that she " finally met a man

she could train " .

Every job she ever held she would start thinking it was the best thing in the

world - " these people cant survive without me, Im the best in the world, they

were going to go broke if I hadn't arrived " and would end shortly after with mum

accusing them of illegal activities, or raging at someone from some imagined

slight. Im amazed she ever got jobs in the first place, she had no resume other

than invented jobs.

When the other siblings would visit for holidays, it would be a week or so of

constant misery. Mum would scream and scream for hours, usually about their

father, or how horrible they were. I have so many memories of watching them

crying uncontrollably, wanting to make her stop hurting them. She would pin one

of my older sisters down, to pick at her acne for hours, telling her how

disgusting she was.

When she would finish screaming and finally walk off you would sit there,

holding your breath, for the inevitable footsteps rushing back with " AND

ANOTHER THING!... " .etc. She did that every time. Whenever I hear the phrase " and

another thing " now my hackles raise instinctively. She would hit and punch – but

only if you were on your own.

Recently one of my older sisters sent her 14 yr old child to go stay with mum. I

told them all that it was a BAD BAD idea, but this particular sister couldnt

pass up the opportunity to have time off from her (extremely badly behaved)

child. So she was sent to spend 2 months with mum. The rest of us had bets as to

how long it would last. I won, I guessed 2 days. Actually, they didnt make it to

mums house from the airport before she blew up and went nuts. My niece tries the

patience of most people, but I knew with mum her behaviour would trigger

unbelieveable rages and violence - it had done since she was small. Within 2

days my mother had the kid on the floor in a headlock, all because the kid didnt

want to wear the cardigan mum picked out for her. Thankfully Mum sent her back

that weekend.

I planned my own suicide when I was about 8 years old. I was going to wait for

her to go out, then Id take all the sleeping pills and painkillers in the

medicine cabinet and kill myself before she got home again. Thankfully it was

only when I was little that I thought that way. Mum was never suicidal herself,

and I think if she had tried to threaten us with it, we would have been secretly

delighted. God, that is horrible to admit. When she used to threaten to send us

away we would hope and pray that someday it would actually happen.

When I think of my mother, I cant differentiate between her and her illness. I

have only ever known her to be like this. Although she has her moments where she

can be funny, and relatively normal, they only last a few minutes. The paranoia

triggers the actions of others that fuel the rages.

A few years ago the delusions began to get worse again. She started seeing

" bodies " in the shapes of hills, and thinks that there are fossilised remains of

giants everywhere she looks. She started telling people that evolution is really

when aliens had sex with animals and produced humans. We used to be able to hide

her craziness, but statements like that are hard to explain away.

The hardest moments for me now are the rare time she travels over here to visit.

She looks at how successful I have become and how I have a great life, and tells

me that it is due to her wonderful mothering skills. She truely thinks she was

the perfect mother, and expects me to attribute everything I have achieved to

her. It makes my blood boil. I have dreamed of sitting her down and telling her

exactly what I think of her, but I cant. There is no point as she would never

understand.

I find that I cant not stand people yelling - it makes me very upset. I also

cant stand my mothers voice - the tone, particularly when she has that frantic ,

critical, ramming her point home, insistant tone - it makes my skin crawl. Its

even worse if she is actually in front of me, her eyes start to dart around and

she leans closer - I just want to run. If its on the phone I hold it away from

my ear and stop listening.

Since leaving school, one sister became a drug addict, and now appears to either

have BPD herself or has some major behavioral problems. Another sister has

schizophrenia and has been in and out of hospital many times, another sister and

my brother are somewhat OCD, and myself (probably the most " normal " of the

bunch) joined a cult for several years and had an abusive husband. Ive now got

myself out of all that rubbish, have a great career and a very happy life -

thankfully. It could have gone in very different directions.

>

> Trying to put together a concise, clear description of what it was like for me

to grow up with a mother like mine is incredibly hard. So many things, its so

hard to know where to start – or even more difficult – to know where to stop. I

feel like I could write forever about it all.

> Ive never really gone into a lot of detail about my mother to people. When I

do, people kinda freak out and I stop. I feel that they are going to think that

because she was mentally ill, I will be too. Particularly partners. I get the

feeling that once they know about her, they will watch to see if I have the same

characteristics – I know I would! I believe my mother is BPD with a very liberal

dose of paranoid delusions.

>

> When it comes to children she is violent, abusive, manipulative and she has an

obsession with thinking everyone is guilty of sexual abuse (despite never having

been abused herself).

>

> Growing up it was a constant battle to know when she would go off the deep

end, trying to " be good " all the time. Strangers used to tell her that she had

raised such perfectly mannered children, which I think vindicated her behaviour

in her eyes. We were terrified of making her mad. She was an artist at

physically assaulting you without leaving a mark. If you got a bruise from

playing outside she would fly into rages – paranoid that people would find out

that she beat us. We got raged at for not getting good enough marks, not getting

marks the same as eachother, enjoying anything we did get good marks at, having

different friends, having any friends, getting sick, etc.

>

> Imagine being 5 years old, having an enraged woman pulling you close by the

neck of your shirt, eyes flickering back and forth, spitting as she ferociously

told you exactly what a rapist would do to you if he got you alone in a public

toilet, in graphic detail. She made sure that we thought EVERYONE was a child

molester or rapist, even our own stepdad. We were terrified to be alone with him

at times.

> If you ever argued back she would threaten to leave us at an orphanage, or put

us into foster care, where, you guessed it, someone would rape us. She gave us

boys haricuts but would dress us up in ridiculous frilly outfits. It was

bizarre.

>

> She got a bit better as we got older and began to fight back somewhat. She

only ever really went to town on small defenceless kids – the reason I try to

tell my siblings to never leave their children alone with her. Not to say she

wasn't totally irrational when we were older, but she knows that adults talk,

children can be scared into silence. Looking at my school records, for the first

few years we were absent from school for at least 1/3 of the year – no doubt she

didn't like the fact that we enjoyed it and were away from her.

>

> The delusions would get worse every now and then. Once she told me that the

devil had sent her to rule the world. She went through a period when I was in

primary school, where she was convinced that my sister wasn't able to walk (and

convinced my sister, who was rather suggestible). She paraded her around in a

wheelchair, and when doctors told her that there was nothing wrong with her, she

became convinced that the government was out to get her, took us kids out of

school and we had to go into hiding. My sister " miraculously " recovered when my

mother decided the cause was that she had too many teeth, and had 4 removed. As

my sister apparently recovered after this, she went on TV to say that she had

discovered the cure to almost everything. She had 8 of my teeth removed (for no

reason), and I recall being in the dentist chair, holding my breath as the

dentist and Mum argued over me about taking all my teeth out. She insisted that

I could eat through a straw and get false teeth when I was an adult. I was 13.

He refused, and Mum went on to buy her own dental pliers, and planned to take

out our teeth herself. Thankfully she never got around to it.

>

> She still thinks that teeth (as well as olive oil) are the cause of everything

wrong with a person. All us siblings tell new partners who meet mum for the

first time " don't mention teeth or olive oil.. actually, just talk about the

weather " . Otherwise she will get into a fervour and lecture you, and as soon as

you look like you don't believe her, a rage. Once she decides she doesnt like

your partner, she makes life hell trying to break you up.

>

> More to come later...

>

[Guest guest]

Some people are just way, way too damages to be around little kids. They hurt

little kids. They shouldn't be allowed to do that, is not OK to hurt little

kids. Never Ok to do that. Somebody please has to help the kids.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Trying to put together a concise, clear description of what it was like

for me to grow up with a mother like mine is incredibly hard. So many things,

its so hard to know where to start – or even more difficult – to know where to

stop. I feel like I could write forever about it all.

> > > Ive never really gone into a lot of detail about my mother to people. When

I do, people kinda freak out and I stop. I feel that they are going to think

that because she was mentally ill, I will be too. Particularly partners. I get

the feeling that once they know about her, they will watch to see if I have the

same characteristics – I know I would! I believe my mother is BPD with a very

liberal dose of paranoid delusions.

> > >

> > > When it comes to children she is violent, abusive, manipulative and she

has an obsession with thinking everyone is guilty of sexual abuse (despite never

having been abused herself).

> > >

> > > Growing up it was a constant battle to know when she would go off the deep

end, trying to " be good " all the time. Strangers used to tell her that she had

raised such perfectly mannered children, which I think vindicated her behaviour

in her eyes. We were terrified of making her mad. She was an artist at

physically assaulting you without leaving a mark. If you got a bruise from

playing outside she would fly into rages – paranoid that people would find out

that she beat us. We got raged at for not getting good enough marks, not getting

marks the same as eachother, enjoying anything we did get good marks at, having

different friends, having any friends, getting sick, etc.

> > >

> > > Imagine being 5 years old, having an enraged woman pulling you close by

the neck of your shirt, eyes flickering back and forth, spitting as she

ferociously told you exactly what a rapist would do to you if he got you alone

in a public toilet, in graphic detail. She made sure that we thought EVERYONE

was a child molester or rapist, even our own stepdad. We were terrified to be

alone with him at times.

> > > If you ever argued back she would threaten to leave us at an orphanage, or

put us into foster care, where, you guessed it, someone would rape us. She gave

us boys haricuts but would dress us up in ridiculous frilly outfits. It was

bizarre.

> > >

> > > She got a bit better as we got older and began to fight back somewhat. She

only ever really went to town on small defenceless kids – the reason I try to

tell my siblings to never leave their children alone with her. Not to say she

wasn't totally irrational when we were older, but she knows that adults talk,

children can be scared into silence. Looking at my school records, for the first

few years we were absent from school for at least 1/3 of the year – no doubt she

didn't like the fact that we enjoyed it and were away from her.

> > >

> > > The delusions would get worse every now and then. Once she told me that

the devil had sent her to rule the world. She went through a period when I was

in primary school, where she was convinced that my sister wasn't able to walk

(and convinced my sister, who was rather suggestible). She paraded her around in

a wheelchair, and when doctors told her that there was nothing wrong with her,

she became convinced that the government was out to get her, took us kids out of

school and we had to go into hiding. My sister " miraculously " recovered when my

mother decided the cause was that she had too many teeth, and had 4 removed. As

my sister apparently recovered after this, she went on TV to say that she had

discovered the cure to almost everything. She had 8 of my teeth removed (for no

reason), and I recall being in the dentist chair, holding my breath as the

dentist and Mum argued over me about taking all my teeth out. She insisted that

I could eat through a straw and get false teeth when I was an adult. I was 13.

He refused, and Mum went on to buy her own dental pliers, and planned to take

out our teeth herself. Thankfully she never got around to it.

> > >

> > > She still thinks that teeth (as well as olive oil) are the cause of

everything wrong with a person. All us siblings tell new partners who meet mum

for the first time " don't mention teeth or olive oil.. actually, just talk about

the weather " . Otherwise she will get into a fervour and lecture you, and as soon

as you look like you don't believe her, a rage. Once she decides she doesnt like

your partner, she makes life hell trying to break you up.

> > >

> > > More to come later...

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Some people are just way, way too damages to be around little kids. They hurt

little kids. They shouldn't be allowed to do that, is not OK to hurt little

kids. Never Ok to do that. Somebody please has to help the kids.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Trying to put together a concise, clear description of what it was like

for me to grow up with a mother like mine is incredibly hard. So many things,

its so hard to know where to start – or even more difficult – to know where to

stop. I feel like I could write forever about it all.

> > > Ive never really gone into a lot of detail about my mother to people. When

I do, people kinda freak out and I stop. I feel that they are going to think

that because she was mentally ill, I will be too. Particularly partners. I get

the feeling that once they know about her, they will watch to see if I have the

same characteristics – I know I would! I believe my mother is BPD with a very

liberal dose of paranoid delusions.

> > >

> > > When it comes to children she is violent, abusive, manipulative and she

has an obsession with thinking everyone is guilty of sexual abuse (despite never

having been abused herself).

> > >

> > > Growing up it was a constant battle to know when she would go off the deep

end, trying to " be good " all the time. Strangers used to tell her that she had

raised such perfectly mannered children, which I think vindicated her behaviour

in her eyes. We were terrified of making her mad. She was an artist at

physically assaulting you without leaving a mark. If you got a bruise from

playing outside she would fly into rages – paranoid that people would find out

that she beat us. We got raged at for not getting good enough marks, not getting

marks the same as eachother, enjoying anything we did get good marks at, having

different friends, having any friends, getting sick, etc.

> > >

> > > Imagine being 5 years old, having an enraged woman pulling you close by

the neck of your shirt, eyes flickering back and forth, spitting as she

ferociously told you exactly what a rapist would do to you if he got you alone

in a public toilet, in graphic detail. She made sure that we thought EVERYONE

was a child molester or rapist, even our own stepdad. We were terrified to be

alone with him at times.

> > > If you ever argued back she would threaten to leave us at an orphanage, or

put us into foster care, where, you guessed it, someone would rape us. She gave

us boys haricuts but would dress us up in ridiculous frilly outfits. It was

bizarre.

> > >

> > > She got a bit better as we got older and began to fight back somewhat. She

only ever really went to town on small defenceless kids – the reason I try to

tell my siblings to never leave their children alone with her. Not to say she

wasn't totally irrational when we were older, but she knows that adults talk,

children can be scared into silence. Looking at my school records, for the first

few years we were absent from school for at least 1/3 of the year – no doubt she

didn't like the fact that we enjoyed it and were away from her.

> > >

> > > The delusions would get worse every now and then. Once she told me that

the devil had sent her to rule the world. She went through a period when I was

in primary school, where she was convinced that my sister wasn't able to walk

(and convinced my sister, who was rather suggestible). She paraded her around in

a wheelchair, and when doctors told her that there was nothing wrong with her,

she became convinced that the government was out to get her, took us kids out of

school and we had to go into hiding. My sister " miraculously " recovered when my

mother decided the cause was that she had too many teeth, and had 4 removed. As

my sister apparently recovered after this, she went on TV to say that she had

discovered the cure to almost everything. She had 8 of my teeth removed (for no

reason), and I recall being in the dentist chair, holding my breath as the

dentist and Mum argued over me about taking all my teeth out. She insisted that

I could eat through a straw and get false teeth when I was an adult. I was 13.

He refused, and Mum went on to buy her own dental pliers, and planned to take

out our teeth herself. Thankfully she never got around to it.

> > >

> > > She still thinks that teeth (as well as olive oil) are the cause of

everything wrong with a person. All us siblings tell new partners who meet mum

for the first time " don't mention teeth or olive oil.. actually, just talk about

the weather " . Otherwise she will get into a fervour and lecture you, and as soon

as you look like you don't believe her, a rage. Once she decides she doesnt like

your partner, she makes life hell trying to break you up.

> > >

> > > More to come later...

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Some people are just way, way too damages to be around little kids. They hurt

little kids. They shouldn't be allowed to do that, is not OK to hurt little

kids. Never Ok to do that. Somebody please has to help the kids.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Trying to put together a concise, clear description of what it was like

for me to grow up with a mother like mine is incredibly hard. So many things,

its so hard to know where to start – or even more difficult – to know where to

stop. I feel like I could write forever about it all.

> > > Ive never really gone into a lot of detail about my mother to people. When

I do, people kinda freak out and I stop. I feel that they are going to think

that because she was mentally ill, I will be too. Particularly partners. I get

the feeling that once they know about her, they will watch to see if I have the

same characteristics – I know I would! I believe my mother is BPD with a very

liberal dose of paranoid delusions.

> > >

> > > When it comes to children she is violent, abusive, manipulative and she

has an obsession with thinking everyone is guilty of sexual abuse (despite never

having been abused herself).

> > >

> > > Growing up it was a constant battle to know when she would go off the deep

end, trying to " be good " all the time. Strangers used to tell her that she had

raised such perfectly mannered children, which I think vindicated her behaviour

in her eyes. We were terrified of making her mad. She was an artist at

physically assaulting you without leaving a mark. If you got a bruise from

playing outside she would fly into rages – paranoid that people would find out

that she beat us. We got raged at for not getting good enough marks, not getting

marks the same as eachother, enjoying anything we did get good marks at, having

different friends, having any friends, getting sick, etc.

> > >

> > > Imagine being 5 years old, having an enraged woman pulling you close by

the neck of your shirt, eyes flickering back and forth, spitting as she

ferociously told you exactly what a rapist would do to you if he got you alone

in a public toilet, in graphic detail. She made sure that we thought EVERYONE

was a child molester or rapist, even our own stepdad. We were terrified to be

alone with him at times.

> > > If you ever argued back she would threaten to leave us at an orphanage, or

put us into foster care, where, you guessed it, someone would rape us. She gave

us boys haricuts but would dress us up in ridiculous frilly outfits. It was

bizarre.

> > >

> > > She got a bit better as we got older and began to fight back somewhat. She

only ever really went to town on small defenceless kids – the reason I try to

tell my siblings to never leave their children alone with her. Not to say she

wasn't totally irrational when we were older, but she knows that adults talk,

children can be scared into silence. Looking at my school records, for the first

few years we were absent from school for at least 1/3 of the year – no doubt she

didn't like the fact that we enjoyed it and were away from her.

> > >

> > > The delusions would get worse every now and then. Once she told me that

the devil had sent her to rule the world. She went through a period when I was

in primary school, where she was convinced that my sister wasn't able to walk

(and convinced my sister, who was rather suggestible). She paraded her around in

a wheelchair, and when doctors told her that there was nothing wrong with her,

she became convinced that the government was out to get her, took us kids out of

school and we had to go into hiding. My sister " miraculously " recovered when my

mother decided the cause was that she had too many teeth, and had 4 removed. As

my sister apparently recovered after this, she went on TV to say that she had

discovered the cure to almost everything. She had 8 of my teeth removed (for no

reason), and I recall being in the dentist chair, holding my breath as the

dentist and Mum argued over me about taking all my teeth out. She insisted that

I could eat through a straw and get false teeth when I was an adult. I was 13.

He refused, and Mum went on to buy her own dental pliers, and planned to take

out our teeth herself. Thankfully she never got around to it.

> > >

> > > She still thinks that teeth (as well as olive oil) are the cause of

everything wrong with a person. All us siblings tell new partners who meet mum

for the first time " don't mention teeth or olive oil.. actually, just talk about

the weather " . Otherwise she will get into a fervour and lecture you, and as soon

as you look like you don't believe her, a rage. Once she decides she doesnt like

your partner, she makes life hell trying to break you up.

> > >

> > > More to come later...

> > >

> >

>