Re: Re: Abandonment issues

[Guest guest]

Hmmmm, maybe reframe? Abandonment by nada = gift?

Don't know if that helps with present day, but I'd start there.

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> I was an only child too. My upbringing sounds much the same. Except she

> tried to kill me, and made it my fault.

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> There is a definate disconnect between the emotional damage and the

> reality. I can talk and talk and talk about it until it becomes " old hat "

> but it does nothing to take away the pain or the knee jerk reaction I get.

> Even now, when I hear a friend went out with their friend....I feel like

> there is something wrong with me. Why didn't they want me there?

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> >

> > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a

> adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the

> issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with

> abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out

> the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her

> on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to

> " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I

> was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she

> found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would

> inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same

> thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She

> completely cut me off from the world.

> >

> > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends

> and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not

> enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its

> me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and

> it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to

> see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces

> will graduate from high school when I see them again.

> >

> > Does anyone else go through this?

> >

> > AJ

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