Am I crazy??!!

[Guest guest]

I'm seeing her tomorrow and I'm wondering if I'm totally crazy?!?!!

The last month has been incredibly emotionally draining as I have been trying to

navigate my way through setting boundaries with my mother.

I have been reading some great posts on this issue of boundary setting and the

difficult question of communicating these to Nadas or not and I have received

some fantastic support from you lovely folk here as I have been fumbling through

this process.

I have attempted L.C which has been met with some pretty strong resistance on

her part, resulting in volatile behaviour, from more raging, insults and attacks

to over the top praise, proclamations of love etc. Consequently I have been

contemplating N.C and feeling fairly relieved at the prospect I must say!

Nothing has seemed to work thus far and I have felt at a loss.

I have tried to implement a weekly catch up with her, but without telling her my

intentions and it was quite disastrous. I can tell she hasn't liked her control

being taken away and has been desperately trying to work out the " new rules " . So

much so that she messaged me to ask whether she could sms me sometimes to say

nigh nigh or that she loved me. I must say that was just as infuriating as

receiving a message full of insults!

I stuck to my guns and said I would rather no sms contact (I have already told

her this is because I don't know what to expect from her), but that I would be

willing to meet her once a week for a coffee. My best friend who has known me

and my mother forever suggested I do this - make a set time each week to see

her. That way if she " misbehaves " I can withdraw and she might have incentive to

behave if I don't put up with any crappy behaviour and refuse to see her.

Well that is the reasoning anyway, but I'm wondering if this could actually

work?? If setting up a routine with clear " rules " will help her behave. Or am I

totally crazy to think this could work? I feel like she will try and sabotage

any attempts on my part to gain control in the relationship.

I am also worried that she will keep pushing and pushing- Can I just come over

and see my grand daughter? Can I just message you sometimes etc etc

There are a couple of factors that make me think it's possible:

1. I no longer feel responsible for her happiness/behaviour/well-being.

2. I could easily walk away if I don't like her behaviour and not feel guilty

about not seeing her.

I guess I just want to explore a few different options so that if I do decide

it's necessary to go N.C, I can live with my decision knowing I have tried my

hardest to do the fair and decent thing by her.

I would love any thoughts, ideas about this.

Dear God this is like preparing for combat. Sigh!

With warmth,

Lynda