Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

[Guest guest]

Hey!

I joined the Adult Children of Narcissists board after someone on here

recommended it... it doesn't address my experiences with Nada as much as I

thought it would, but every now and then a post strikes a cord. There was one

about jumping to the worst conclusion at any sign of illness as a symptom of

being a KO. I was wondering if anyone else had similar experiences...

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By default, I " know " what the worst possibility is, but I *don't* actually

believe it. The reason I do this instinctually is because my NM/Nada ALWAYS

jumps to the worst conclusions--it can't just be pneumonia again, it MUST be

some terrible lung condition that HAS to be seen by a specialist! Y'all know

what I'm talking about *rolls eyes*

She overreacts to the slightest things in herself and especially in me (since

I'm just an appendage to her). Her BPD kicks in when she thinks that if I'm sick

she can " come up " to take care of me or she'll insist I " come down " to stay with

her so she can " take care " of me or make sure I see a doctor. Grrr... she always

thinks of some reason to say " you need me (or I need you), so come home NOW or

else. "

Adding insult to injury with the whole " you're sick and need me to take care of

you " ploy... She hasn't " taken care " of me since g-d knows when: maybe early

elementary school (?). I'm the one taking care of her when she's sick: taking

her temperature, making her food, being at her beck and call, giving up my bed

if she likes it better, not sleeping in the bed if we shared one, calling or

taking her to the doctor if she got really bad.

The last time *I* was really sick at home, I had a stomach ache SO bad that I

could barely sit up, and couldn't walk or leave the house. It lasted at least a

week, and she just yelled at me for being " lazy " and not wanting to help HER.

She also wouldn't give me back the lower bunk (which I had loaned her a couple

weeks earlier because her back hurt and she had a headache). She *finally* took

me to a doctor... I had a nasty case of gastritis, and they gave me some

prescription that made it better after a day or two. I could have been saved all

that pain if she had just believed me and taken me to a doctor.

Better yet, the *last *time I was sick, she insisted I come home despite the

long drive (she was driving and it was thanksgiving break, and it was safer to

let her have her way than risk her staying at my place). I had a headache that

made it really hard for me to focus on anything small, so reading (even

homework) was out of the question. My NM/Nada insisted I read over her college

essay anyways, and got testy when I started to protest. So I went over it for

her (my eyes teared up and it took me forEVER). My comments were critical, but

kind... I worked as a writing tutor so I've gotten quite good at making

constructive criticism and acknowledging the GOOD as well as the areas needing

improvement.

Nada didn't like my comments, so she yelled and yelled and yelled even though I

begged her not to (splitting headache). She then tried to throw me out (I was in

my nightie trying to get some sick-sleep). I got on clothes and had my bag ready

to go... she calmed down enough to let me stay a little longer (6-hour busride

when sick? No thanks), then she decided that if my headache was too bad to read

then maybe I shouldn't go back to college at all (um... headaches don't last

forever). She calmed down enough eventually, and I hightailed it out of there as

soon as a reasonably could without arousing suspicion.

Ugh... I'm SO glad I went NC. It really sucked to have to pretend I wasn't sick

or hadn't injured myself--which happens a lot, sadly--just to keep her calm. I

didn't tell her I had swine flu until the school made all the arrangements for

me to be in " isolation " (stay in your room, someone will check in on you daily,

here's a flu kit). The only reason I told her was because it would buy me a

couple extra days at school. When my eating disorder came back, I didn't tell

her. I was out of school for weeks, and " faked " being there on our almost-daily

calls (she did most of the talking, so it was easy).

So yes, that was my rant... wow, I forgot how difficult she was about illness

and injury. Everything is B & W: it's the most devastating thing in the world or

" you're making it up! " but never the middle ground.

-Frances