Sister Getting Married

[Guest guest]

Hi All, Just another day in drama land. About 2 weeks ago my little sister

announced her engagement. Of course she acted like I was one of the first to

know, but she has no clue that I have secretly been talking to a cousin now for

about 2 years, and I know the whole family found out before me. I just faked my

OMG joy even thought this whole debacle has been going on for about 2 years now

and was very much planned/forced.

Anyway little sis asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which is awkward to say the

least since I have been n/c w/ the foo for 8 1/2 years will be nearly 10 by the

time of her wedding. I sincerely want to be there for her, but I get the feeling

that she wants me there for the foo, and is using her wedding as tool of

manipulation. I know I mean nothing more than a scandalous photo op to the foo.

It will just be a " See we won we were right " moment; they don't care about my

sister getting married. I on the other hand care very much about my sister, and

I will not let her, or myself be hurt by them.

My sister is a tad narcissistic to boot which makes thing a bit trickier. She is

worried they will talk to me or spend time with me, not her on the day of her

wedding, since I am something of a novelty in her mind as I have not been around

for about a decade. But the thing is I don't want their attention, I just want

to live my normal life and support my sister, 2 things that won't be possible

when they are around. Her other concern is that they will attack me and I will

feel uncomfortable. WELL DUH!

I invited sis and her fiancé over on the weekend of their choice to talk about

this over dinner, but her excess was " the weekends are all about them now " which

was as vain of answer I ever heard. So I told her if she can't give me 2 hours

to talk and eat together than I didn't think I should be in her wedding. Of

course changed her mind, but I almost wish she didn't because it really showed

me how she feels. Basically this whole thing she has been a poop.

She wants me to jump through hoops of fire for her, but she is unwilling to

compromise, and she keeps telling me " you have to be willing to compromise " well

that's the pot calling kettle black.

I told her don't your remember Mom falsely accused me of stealing her money,

credit cards, gold, cell phones, don't you remember? She told me, Yeah mom

couldn't find them. I said So she blamed me? I never took them! But she told

everybody I did! I lost all my friends; they thought I was a thief! Then she

told everybody I joined a cult! My sister said, yeah because you stopped talking

to her. I said So she told people I joined a cult! Maybe I stopped talking to

her because of the way she was acting! Then I said to my sister Mom falsely

accused my husband In the Court of Law of beating me and my children! She said

yeah but she didn't know. EXACTLY I said, she didn't know! It was NOT true! But

she told everybody it was, we lost all our friends and family, almost lost our

children and none of it was true, she never said sorry, I am not going back!

Now they blame me, they are mad at me for my mom's pain, but she caused the pain

for herself and for us and they say I do not compromise! WHAT?! Then my sister

said " what if mom stands in front of everybody at the wedding and tells that it

was all a lie " I just think to myself, too little too late, and she would Never

do that anyway. Plus I don't want my sisters wedding ruined the way my life was

ruined.

I have to make up my mind if her wedding is something I can do or not. If I go

it will have to be with a screw the world protect my sister attitude. I will

only have 1 cousin there who will be on my side, but that has to be kept secret

or they will disown her too and I would never want that for her. I won't know

anybody and it will be like walking into a lions den and cuffed. I am not sure I

can do it, I am not sure my sister really wants me there. A week ago I would

have said yes I am going, but as events unfold, I am leaning towards no, because

of my sisters vain attitude. And she doesn't really care for me the way I care

for her. Maybe if my mom gets hit by a bus, then I will go, but otherwise, I

don't know if it is possible.

DH told me, don't answer her right away, he said a lot can happen in 1 year he

said maybe they will have a blow up and my sister will need me. But I feel like

I need to make a choice. I can't be emotional over this and tear myself up over

a wedding. I need to know what my next step will be and stick to it one way or

another. Normally I am fairly emotional, but when it comes to my mom, I need to

use rational thoughts only; emotion gets me nowhere but trouble.

I am sorry for my sister, even though I know she is naive and narcissistic. I

still want to be there for her. But I can't throw myself under the bus. I need

to help myself too. It's just so hard!! Why is it so hard to help yourself but

not somebody else? Thanks for listening. LB