more about me, history, current challenges-sorry long post

[Guest guest]

hi all,

i'm new and this is my second post...i'm shy so it's a little scary for me.

my history: i started with eating disorderd behavior(counting calories,

exercising to burn calories) when i was 9. i had full blown anorexia by the time

i was 17. my parents refused therapy and back then(1977) there weren't a lot of

resources anyway. the family doctor didn't have a clue.

i'm not sure how i survived that but i did and did start eating on my own after

i left home at 19 years old.

at that point i would say i evolved into being in cycles restrictive eating and

eating more, tho not ever really binge eating, (i would say eating mindlessy and

some for comfort or distraction), then back to restricting.

as with other dieters, each time i regained more weight. thes cycles have lasted

basically to the present even tho i have been trying to incorporate IE

principles as i now undertand them since my early 20s when i first read the

books by Geneen Roth. it's been a long journey and i'm still in it.

the last restrictive stage was triggered about 6 years ago when a wholistic

doctor suggested a " cleansing " diet which was supposed to be healthy and solve a

lot of my problems. i lost a lot of weight and got very phobic about eating

again.

i started to come out of this cycle probably about 2 years ago, partly because i

was so hungry and partly because of pressure from my sister who was convinced i

could easily die from an eating disorder.

because of my other anxiety disorders, this un-restricting phase has been a

tough one. i'm still afraid to eat, i'm afraid not to eat and i have a generally

very high anxiety level with agoraphobia and ongoing PTSD symptoms as well. i am

in therapy and take medications under the care of a psychiatric nurse practioner

so i'm well cared for.

this what i see as my current challenges and why i hope this group and it's

resources will be helpful for me:

1. learning to truly accept and love myself and my body as is

2. letting go of calorie counting and measuring food

3. letting go of notions of " bad food " versus " good food " and learning to really

enjoy food and eating

4. stop weighing myself

there are more challenges i know and i know there's more to IE. but i'm starting

where i can.

i don't know as i can discern either hunger or fullness very well but i need to

at least start some where. it's only been since this past sunday that i stopped

recording all my calories and put the scale away. it's been difficult for me...

so that's the eating part of my story.

i love singing and volunteer for a hospice singing group.

i love painting and keep a visual journal and scrapbook, mainly for therapeutic

use.

i love animals and am working on getting a psychiatric service dog to help with

the PTSD and agoraphobia.

thanks to everyone for listening...i think this is a great group.

jennifer (or jen)