Re: Re: NC and suicide threats

[Guest guest]

Thank you Annie That's kind of a cool thought of you going back in time and

saving us:)

But the truth is I would have told you that everything was fine and nothing

was going wrong..Just like I did with everyone else. I would skip gym class

because my bruises or bites would show..I would lie and say I have nothing

to change into. I was afraid that my brother would be separated from

me..and as insane as it sounds I loved my mother..and believed it was my

fault for being such a bad kid..I didn't want others to know how " bad " I

was. Plus I was (and probably still am) very protective of my mother I

didn't want her to get in trouble. It's like that identifying with the

kidnapper thing victims do

Stefanie

On Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 12:35 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> Good Lord. (((((((((Stefanie))))))) You poor children. You truly were

> hostages. I'm so sorry you had to grow up in such terror of your own mother.

> That is beyond comprehension to me that nobody would see or hear how you

> were being traumatized and abused and do something about it. Holy freaking

> cow. If I had a magic wand I would go back in time and rescue you two. No

> child should have to endure that kind of ongoing daily trauma. You must have

> a core of steel, I think that would have turned me into a basket case.

>

> My mother made me terrified of her just using her voice, her hands and a

> belt on me, but if she'd threatened me with a knife too I think I'd have

> fled out of my body from pure animal terror and remained in a permanent

> catatonic state.

>

> Truly, some people are too disturbed to be parents.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > This though for me to write..becouse I feel people will not belive me.

> But

> > you guys have heard it all..so here goes:

> >

> > The earliest memmory I have of this is sitting on my mothers lap she

> would

> > feed me and have a butcher knife on the side between her leg and the

> > chair..If I didn't eat all my food and quickly she would pull out this

> huge

> > knife put it to my throat and tell me she would kill me...(And I wonder

> why

> > I'm so overweight) As I got older the knife came out for everything....I

> was

> > better behaved then my little brother he saw it alot.

> >

> > I remember one incident that was so terrible for me. She wanted him to

> pull

> > his tooth out..it was his first tooth so he was afraid to pull it...she

> > pulled out the butcher knife..grabbed him and locked herself and my

> little

> > brother in the bathroom...I kept hearing screaming and blood curdling

> > screaming (I really belived she was stabbing him by the way he was

> > screaming) I remember jumping up and down screaming for someone to help

> > me..I ran to the windows and screamed to the street people to help me..no

> > one came. My and mother exited the bathroom mom victorious with tooth in

> > hand and my brother crying and bleeding fom his mouth.

> >

> > Other times she would say..tell your brother to do what I say or I will

> stab

> > him..and I would beg my brother..Please ..do as she says.. and he would.

> > This is what worked for her.

> >

> > When we got older..she turned the knife on her self if we didn't do what

> we

> > wanted she would threaten to stab herself she would bite herself over and

> > over again... pull out her hair...and beat herself..the pills came later.

> > Now she mostly threatnets to take pills or burn down the house. This

> > happens a least 2 times a year. It is so emotionally draining..it seems

> to

> > kill me a little bit everytime she does it.

> >

> > I'm at the point (I'm sorry to say) that if she dies at least I'll be in

> > peace...I live with guilt whiles she is alive anyway..so whats the

> diffrence

> > if I feel guilt from her dieing

> >

> > Stefanie

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Casey,

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Really sorry. But I can't help it.

Jumping of a ferry? Ha ha ha, that just doesn't sound like a very well

thought out plan. It sounds like a silly plan. Like something a little kid

would say. Like, how long do you think the ferry people, who are probably

all life guards are going to let her stay in there before they pull her out.

I just don't follow her logic. Wait, she's BPD. She doesn't understand

logic.

And killing yourself over moving to Utah. . . well Utah. . . ha ha, that's

where I'm from and I've thought of killing myself for staying put. But I

fell in love - with a house, a tree, a walking trail, a neighborhood, a

community, and it became my life, and here I sit. Not suicidal over it. .

sometimes questioning it.

Okay, maybe I make light over something serious. But if my nada told me she

was going to jump off a ferry, I'm afraid I'd say " I dare you. Do it. I'm

taping it on my I phone. Can't wait to see how this ends up - with you wet

and cold and even more pissed off. . . and embarrassed. And me laughing. "

From the dark side I guess. . . girlscout

On Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 7:22 PM, slingshot2hell wrote:

>

>

> Wow I totally jinxed myself with this. Not an hour after I wrote that I

> hadn't gotten any suicide threats in so long from my nada, she called me up

> threatening to jump overboard the ferry she is on!

>

> This time it's not because of something I did, but my brother. She's

> totally convinced he's moving to Utah where his girlfriend's family lives,

> even though he says he's not. She even told me he quit his job and is moving

> there, which is also not true. He called me up all upset because he thinks

> he ruined my parent's anniversary (it's today) by calling her because now

> she's cutting herself. She's fucking crazy. I told him it probably doesn't

> matter what he did or didn't do she'd find a reason to be miserable and that

> it wasn't his fault.

>

> Normally he can just ignore her shit but he's going through some stress

> with his girlfriend right now who has just been diagnosed bipolar or

> something and he has been staying in Utah with her while she recovers from a

> nervous breakdown. I've honestly never had him call me up for support

> before! He is in the same place I have been in (he's younger), feeling

> responsible for her actions, feeling like it's HIS fault she ruined her date

> with my father. He said he shouldn't have called, but I said if he DIDN'T

> she would have been mad at that! He called to say he was coming here this

> weekend, not sure how she took that NEGATIVELY. She turned it all around to

> mean he was moving to Utah permanently. She even told me he quit his job! He

> said that was all bullshit, he's working from his laptop and said he's just

> going to stay there for a month or so. (Even if he was moving there, it's

> HIS FUCKING LIFE, he's an adult, and that's what adults do - leave their

> parents.)

>

> She's very good with her guilt trips. Even though I won't talk to her when

> she's like this, I know through my brother how she's hurting herself and I

> get all stressed out worrying about her. It's like an automatic reaction,

> though - unlike my brother I have GIVEN UP on my mother. I think even if she

> kills herself it would only be her own fault, and I've realized it really

> doesn't matter at all what I do or don't do she's going to always be

> miserable. I'm not even sure how much I would care if she died. (I feel

> guilty about it, but sometimes I wish she just would already.) But deep down

> I guess I still haven't completely cut the emotional ties - I feel sorry for

> her just like my brother and my father, and that's why I haven't been able

> to go NC....

>

> Excuse my french... I hate family drama

>

> Casey

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Just a topic for discussion... My mom was always one who threatened

> suicide when I " disappointed " her. Even as an adult with my own family I

> find myself worrying that if I do not try my hardest to be what she needs

> she will kill herself.... In Feb. of this year she (for the first time)

> attempted suicide... It was a poor attempt but still an attempt. And as I am

> sure you can guess what some of the first things she said about the attempt

> was that she moved several states to live close to me and I am not making

> her happy. So, in summary she trys to blame me for her suicidal desires...

> > > >

> > > > As a child I remember sitting at home in complete shock and fear as

> she would tell me that I disappointed her so much that she would leave the

> house and tell me she was going to go run her car head on into a semi...

> Pretty tough on a little one.... I totally understand the concept of

> " walking on eggshells " ... I think this makes NC seem impossible because of

> what might happen if that is what I chose...

> > > >

> > > > She also refuses any sort of help (counseling...etc) and gets angry

> if it is suggested.

> > > >

> > > > Anyone else have experiences like this?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Casey,

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Really sorry. But I can't help it.

Jumping of a ferry? Ha ha ha, that just doesn't sound like a very well

thought out plan. It sounds like a silly plan. Like something a little kid

would say. Like, how long do you think the ferry people, who are probably

all life guards are going to let her stay in there before they pull her out.

I just don't follow her logic. Wait, she's BPD. She doesn't understand

logic.

And killing yourself over moving to Utah. . . well Utah. . . ha ha, that's

where I'm from and I've thought of killing myself for staying put. But I

fell in love - with a house, a tree, a walking trail, a neighborhood, a

community, and it became my life, and here I sit. Not suicidal over it. .

sometimes questioning it.

Okay, maybe I make light over something serious. But if my nada told me she

was going to jump off a ferry, I'm afraid I'd say " I dare you. Do it. I'm

taping it on my I phone. Can't wait to see how this ends up - with you wet

and cold and even more pissed off. . . and embarrassed. And me laughing. "

From the dark side I guess. . . girlscout

On Tue, Aug 31, 2010 at 7:22 PM, slingshot2hell wrote:

>

>

> Wow I totally jinxed myself with this. Not an hour after I wrote that I

> hadn't gotten any suicide threats in so long from my nada, she called me up

> threatening to jump overboard the ferry she is on!

>

> This time it's not because of something I did, but my brother. She's

> totally convinced he's moving to Utah where his girlfriend's family lives,

> even though he says he's not. She even told me he quit his job and is moving

> there, which is also not true. He called me up all upset because he thinks

> he ruined my parent's anniversary (it's today) by calling her because now

> she's cutting herself. She's fucking crazy. I told him it probably doesn't

> matter what he did or didn't do she'd find a reason to be miserable and that

> it wasn't his fault.

>

> Normally he can just ignore her shit but he's going through some stress

> with his girlfriend right now who has just been diagnosed bipolar or

> something and he has been staying in Utah with her while she recovers from a

> nervous breakdown. I've honestly never had him call me up for support

> before! He is in the same place I have been in (he's younger), feeling

> responsible for her actions, feeling like it's HIS fault she ruined her date

> with my father. He said he shouldn't have called, but I said if he DIDN'T

> she would have been mad at that! He called to say he was coming here this

> weekend, not sure how she took that NEGATIVELY. She turned it all around to

> mean he was moving to Utah permanently. She even told me he quit his job! He

> said that was all bullshit, he's working from his laptop and said he's just

> going to stay there for a month or so. (Even if he was moving there, it's

> HIS FUCKING LIFE, he's an adult, and that's what adults do - leave their

> parents.)

>

> She's very good with her guilt trips. Even though I won't talk to her when

> she's like this, I know through my brother how she's hurting herself and I

> get all stressed out worrying about her. It's like an automatic reaction,

> though - unlike my brother I have GIVEN UP on my mother. I think even if she

> kills herself it would only be her own fault, and I've realized it really

> doesn't matter at all what I do or don't do she's going to always be

> miserable. I'm not even sure how much I would care if she died. (I feel

> guilty about it, but sometimes I wish she just would already.) But deep down

> I guess I still haven't completely cut the emotional ties - I feel sorry for

> her just like my brother and my father, and that's why I haven't been able

> to go NC....

>

> Excuse my french... I hate family drama

>

> Casey

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Just a topic for discussion... My mom was always one who threatened

> suicide when I " disappointed " her. Even as an adult with my own family I

> find myself worrying that if I do not try my hardest to be what she needs

> she will kill herself.... In Feb. of this year she (for the first time)

> attempted suicide... It was a poor attempt but still an attempt. And as I am

> sure you can guess what some of the first things she said about the attempt

> was that she moved several states to live close to me and I am not making

> her happy. So, in summary she trys to blame me for her suicidal desires...

> > > >

> > > > As a child I remember sitting at home in complete shock and fear as

> she would tell me that I disappointed her so much that she would leave the

> house and tell me she was going to go run her car head on into a semi...

> Pretty tough on a little one.... I totally understand the concept of

> " walking on eggshells " ... I think this makes NC seem impossible because of

> what might happen if that is what I chose...

> > > >

> > > > She also refuses any sort of help (counseling...etc) and gets angry

> if it is suggested.

> > > >

> > > > Anyone else have experiences like this?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Date: Wednesday, September 1, 2010, 5:17 AM

> If someone made a suicide threat to

> me, I think my first reaction would be to say, " I am not

> qualified to deal with this. I want to help, but I

> can't: I have no training at all in this area. All I

> can do is call 911; they are trained and qualified to help

> you. "

Well, and that's the thing. We let ourselves get sucked into it for whatever

our reasons are. I had a friend in high school who regularly threatened suicide

and it was always big drama in our group of friends. I finally got to the point

where I thought " Hell, *we* aren't helping her, maybe the school counselor can "

and reported it. I lost a lot of friends, but that girl had some serious

depression issues and she got treatment for them after that.

It's funny, too, how just telling *some* people that you won't engage in the

drama will alter things. I have a professional " peer " (and I put peer in

quotations because I really think she sucks at our job and shouldn't ever be

near children) who is definitely dealing with some sort of personality disorder,

though I'm not sure BPD is her game. NPD, possibly. Either way, when she moved

to my area and contacted me, other people in our profession from around the

country gave me warnings and some stories of this woman. (For instance, she had

friends who were going to the Grand Canyon...she wanted to go. The friends

explained that they were going, as a married couple, with other married couples

that she did not know and it wasn't their place to extend an invitation. She

showed up there anyway and expected to be welcomed in...she was not. So then

she spent hours threatening to throw herself off the cliff into the canyon...)

Anyway, she often made " jokes " ...comments about " if this or that happens or

continues I'll have to kill myself " I didn't find it funny AT ALL, considering

that in the year prior I had attended THREE funerals for people who had

committed suicide. On one occasion, she was upset with me for something and

started heading in the " I'll kill myself " direction. I stopped her and said,

" You need to know something. I don't take ANY comment about suicide as a joke

or as unintentional. I will not take it lightly. I am not qualified to handle

the situation so know this: if you tell me you are thinking about it, bring it

up as a possibility or threat you had better mean it because my first and only

response is going to be to call 911 and report it. I will turn it immediately

over to the professionals who are trained and willing to help you. I will not

take responsibility for the way it affects or potentially ruins your career. "

She stopped bringing it up...I guess she realized that it wasn't something she

could use to manipulate me and she wasn't willing to risk her career over that

kind of game.

It was good practice...I got to do a lot of healthy boundary drawing with her.

It wasn't a relationship I cared much about, and it wasn't hurtful (the way it

can be with a parent) when she withdrew from the friendship. It really helped

me to clarify and solidify some of my feelings with regard to nada and to assert

myself more effectively with other family members who are still in contact with

nada.

Ninera