Re: New Here, Just began reading Stop Walking on Eggshells

September 7, 2010

Hi all!

Its been rough and many times I thought my mother might hurt my sister or I very

badly... I never wanted to call child services because she always told me if I

did I would be separated from my sister if I did. I live with my boyfriend now,

and my sister lives with hers so we are out of the situation and with people who

really love and care about us. But I have continuos contact with my mother, she

will call me a minimum of 15 times a day.

I feel guilty just saying bad things about her, because it was very hit or miss

with her. Some days she was so sweet, and the next minute you had to run for

cover. I heard that was a very common trait with BPD, or do you guys think she

has something different?

Some days she would be nice and would want to hang out go to lunch and watch

movies with me, but if I happened to say or do something she didnt agree with

all hell would break loose. She made my sister and I great dinners at night, and

went to every dance or band concert we had, took us to friends or school events,

bought us nice clothes, comforted us when we were upset and crying... so its

times like that I think about that makes me think she was a great mother... but

then its like I said before, she would smother us, or hold knives to us, or pull

our hair out, or destroy our items, or just verbal abuse. She calls me a C***

now when she gets mad at me, or a worthless piece of shit, or she will call me a

slut for living with my boyfriend and say very vulgar things, or she will drive

by where I live now and key my car.... its really stupid and immature.

Some days its so hard for me, I get so stressed out and scared. I feel like im

always going to be judged for who I am, I over think everything I do and

somedays im just so exhausted because of all the fighting.

How does every one here handle it? How did you go NC? (I'm VERY high contact and

feel bad and guilty for leaving my mom all alone at home, and she guilt trips me

for moving out and leaving her alone...telling me she might slip in the shower

and die and no one would be there to help her... blah blah blah.... so my guilt

is so high I feel I have to answer every phone call or email from her, I get SO

STRESSED if I leave my phone upstairs when im downstairs incase I miss her call,

half because she used to scream at the top of her lungs if I didnt answer her

phone calls and part because I feel bad if I dont...its like her and my cell

phone control my life....)

Sorry for rambling!

Im so happy I found this place! You are all so strong!

-

> >

> > Good Evening Everyone,

> >

> > I am new here and just recently was able to put a name with my mothers

actions and emotions, I began seeing a counselor with my boyfriend due to excess

fighting because of major outside influences on our relationship and doubts that

I have due to things my mother says about his and my relationship. I am 21 years

old and she has always had a temper and been verbally and physically abusive to

my older sister of (23 years) and I.

> >

> > When I began going to the counselor I told her a little about my mothers

behavior and actions and she said it sounded like my mother has BPD, and told me

to read Stop Walking on Eggshells which I just picked up at the bookstore this

morning. It has helped immensely in the few hours I have been reading it! My

mother fits eight of the signs of BPD and is *DEFIANTLY* an Invisible BPD.

> >

> > I have been with my boyfriend almost three years and my mother and I always

fight because she has been abusive ever since I can remember (seemingly more

after my father passed away when I was 8 years old) she has raging fits and

tempers and will be destructive to anything, usually things she knows I care

about or enjoy... like ruining my favorite book, or kicking in a painting my

great grandmother painted or worse.... smothering my sister and I with a pillow,

or holding knives to me, or pulling my hair out..... I have become very

hyper-vigilant and insecure with myself and not trusting of anyone.... (ex:

Issues with my boyfriend)

> >

> > Glad to see im not alone, and I hope to be able to talk and have someone to

listen!

> >

> > Good luck to you all!

> >

>

September 7, 2010

,

Your nada is showing all the BPD traits and her behaviour sounds very familiar.

This constant going back and forth from a 'nice, normal' to rages, name calling,

belittling is all, unfortunately, very typical.

I think I really understood the black hole of the BPD madness when I became a

mother myself in my late 20's. All of the sudden you realize that it is NOT

normal to be loving and caring with your kids one minute and then, a minute

later, turn into a screaming, insulting, shouting profanities monster to your

own children.

A mother does not verbally and physically attack her children like that. Kids

will make you loose your temper, but, I never, NEVER, felt the urge to rage or

get angry at my kids like she did with me. I love going shopping, or bringing

them to their sport practices, or their school performances. It is normal for

every mother, really. I do not insult or call my kids names even if I get angry

at them. I do not pull knives, pull their hair, or beat them. My nada used to

(not the knives, even though she got to the point of biting me on the face!) and

her excuse was always that: " All mothers get angry at times " . The abusive

behaviour of a BPD is really pathological, dangerous and unacceptable. There is

a very big difference between beating and abusing your kids and `reprimand' or

give them healthy time outs!

My nada could change her 'mood' within seconds. I remember inviting her, many

years ago, to a theater show (because, of course, she was complaining that she

was alone - their biggest fear - that I was never spending enough time with her

and blah, blah, blah). It was a lovely comedy and she truly enjoyed it, she

actually was having a good time. After the performance, we went to a cafe'. I

ordered a cup of tea and - horror - put one teaspoon of SUGAR in it. Within

seconds, completely out of the blue, she started raging, insulting me calling me

a fat slut, a fat whore and 'how could my boyfriend sleep with such a disgusting

fatso' etc. etc. Does this sound normal? No, it isn't. As you said, ONE word

or ONE action can set a BPD off. Trust your feelings, your mother is BPD and

there is very little you can do.

Please learn not to feel guilty. It is not up to you to be a `Mother to your

mother', to be responsible for your mother happiness. Also, kids eventually

leave home! Please don't feel bad or guilty for " leaving your mom all alone at

home " , She is an adult and cannot pretend or demand to have her daughters at

home or in constant, daily contact with her for the rest of her life. It is

emotional blackmail.

And, for your own sanity, feel free to switch off the phone when you want.

Everybody has the right to privacy, peace and quiet. You cannot be available

24/7.

Good luck to you!

>

> Hi all!

>

> Its been rough and many times I thought my mother might hurt my sister or I

very badly... I never wanted to call child services because she always told me

if I did I would be separated from my sister if I did. I live with my boyfriend

now, and my sister lives with hers so we are out of the situation and with

people who really love and care about us. But I have continuos contact with my

mother, she will call me a minimum of 15 times a day.

>

> I feel guilty just saying bad things about her, because it was very hit or

miss with her. Some days she was so sweet, and the next minute you had to run

for cover. I heard that was a very common trait with BPD, or do you guys think

she has something different?

>

> Some days she would be nice and would want to hang out go to lunch and watch