Re: New Here, Just began reading Stop Walking on Eggshells

[Guest guest]

Hi all!

Its been rough and many times I thought my mother might hurt my sister or I very

badly... I never wanted to call child services because she always told me if I

did I would be separated from my sister if I did. I live with my boyfriend now,

and my sister lives with hers so we are out of the situation and with people who

really love and care about us. But I have continuos contact with my mother, she

will call me a minimum of 15 times a day.

I feel guilty just saying bad things about her, because it was very hit or miss

with her. Some days she was so sweet, and the next minute you had to run for

cover. I heard that was a very common trait with BPD, or do you guys think she

has something different?

Some days she would be nice and would want to hang out go to lunch and watch

movies with me, but if I happened to say or do something she didnt agree with

all hell would break loose. She made my sister and I great dinners at night, and

went to every dance or band concert we had, took us to friends or school events,

bought us nice clothes, comforted us when we were upset and crying... so its

times like that I think about that makes me think she was a great mother... but

then its like I said before, she would smother us, or hold knives to us, or pull

our hair out, or destroy our items, or just verbal abuse. She calls me a C***

now when she gets mad at me, or a worthless piece of shit, or she will call me a

slut for living with my boyfriend and say very vulgar things, or she will drive

by where I live now and key my car.... its really stupid and immature.

Some days its so hard for me, I get so stressed out and scared. I feel like im

always going to be judged for who I am, I over think everything I do and

somedays im just so exhausted because of all the fighting.

How does every one here handle it? How did you go NC? (I'm VERY high contact and

feel bad and guilty for leaving my mom all alone at home, and she guilt trips me

for moving out and leaving her alone...telling me she might slip in the shower

and die and no one would be there to help her... blah blah blah.... so my guilt

is so high I feel I have to answer every phone call or email from her, I get SO

STRESSED if I leave my phone upstairs when im downstairs incase I miss her call,

half because she used to scream at the top of her lungs if I didnt answer her

phone calls and part because I feel bad if I dont...its like her and my cell

phone control my life....)

Sorry for rambling!

Im so happy I found this place! You are all so strong!

-

> >

> > Good Evening Everyone,

> >

> > I am new here and just recently was able to put a name with my mothers

actions and emotions, I began seeing a counselor with my boyfriend due to excess

fighting because of major outside influences on our relationship and doubts that

I have due to things my mother says about his and my relationship. I am 21 years

old and she has always had a temper and been verbally and physically abusive to

my older sister of (23 years) and I.

> >

> > When I began going to the counselor I told her a little about my mothers

behavior and actions and she said it sounded like my mother has BPD, and told me

to read Stop Walking on Eggshells which I just picked up at the bookstore this

morning. It has helped immensely in the few hours I have been reading it! My

mother fits eight of the signs of BPD and is *DEFIANTLY* an Invisible BPD.

> >

> > I have been with my boyfriend almost three years and my mother and I always

fight because she has been abusive ever since I can remember (seemingly more

after my father passed away when I was 8 years old) she has raging fits and

tempers and will be destructive to anything, usually things she knows I care

about or enjoy... like ruining my favorite book, or kicking in a painting my

great grandmother painted or worse.... smothering my sister and I with a pillow,

or holding knives to me, or pulling my hair out..... I have become very

hyper-vigilant and insecure with myself and not trusting of anyone.... (ex:

Issues with my boyfriend)

> >

> > Glad to see im not alone, and I hope to be able to talk and have someone to

listen!

> >

> > Good luck to you all!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Here's a quote I read today or yesterday. I can't remember what book but a

psychiatrist said it:

I'm a healthy person and so I don't plan my life around whether other people

like me or not.

I want to embroider that on a pillow!!!

On Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 10:26 AM, Simpson wrote:

>

>

> *It makes me even more bitter because I feel like I am a burden to

> everyone,

>

> and that everyone just " puts up with me " to be nice, I get stressed out

> when

> people raise their voice or when I get suggestive criticism, I feel like

> every choice I make is wrong or not good enough and Im finally seeing Im

> this way because of the environment I grew up in. *

>

> I know the feeling. It sucks because I desperately used to want some

> kindness in my life but then when people were kind I thought they were just

> putting up with me. I used to have a very hard time with jobs because I

> just broke down when I got criticism(once on a quality score I got 7/10 as

> a

> brand new hire and broke into tears). I also always over analyzed every

> choice I made and determined I should have made the other one.

>

> Myself I am in therapy and coming to terms with these negitave thoughts.

> Hang in there. You are not alone in these feelings and recognizing that it

> is a product of environment and not you is a great step.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Here's a quote I read today or yesterday. I can't remember what book but a

psychiatrist said it:

I'm a healthy person and so I don't plan my life around whether other people

like me or not.

I want to embroider that on a pillow!!!

On Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 10:26 AM, Simpson wrote:

>

>

> *It makes me even more bitter because I feel like I am a burden to

> everyone,

>

> and that everyone just " puts up with me " to be nice, I get stressed out

> when

> people raise their voice or when I get suggestive criticism, I feel like

> every choice I make is wrong or not good enough and Im finally seeing Im

> this way because of the environment I grew up in. *

>

> I know the feeling. It sucks because I desperately used to want some

> kindness in my life but then when people were kind I thought they were just

> putting up with me. I used to have a very hard time with jobs because I

> just broke down when I got criticism(once on a quality score I got 7/10 as

> a

> brand new hire and broke into tears). I also always over analyzed every

> choice I made and determined I should have made the other one.

>

> Myself I am in therapy and coming to terms with these negitave thoughts.

> Hang in there. You are not alone in these feelings and recognizing that it

> is a product of environment and not you is a great step.

>

>

>

>

>