Re: educating friends on BPD - any quick references?

[Guest guest]

I have some of the same issues with my nada. People tend not to understand

that she is capable and willing to call CPS or try and take the children.

Could you put together a short excerpt on the typical behaviors along with a

few real life examples(news stories, legal cases, ect) to show her what

people with BPD are capable of and actually do?

I don't want to sound harsh but if safety of your children is concerned

maybe you need to put your foot down. Possible set a boundary with her.

Like, if you give my mother information about my children I will not be able

to bring them over to play. I don't know the details or severity of your

situation so only you can decide what measures may be necessary.

>

>

> I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other

> resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

> discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC

> with my parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting

> (and enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try

> and get info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to

> give my nada *ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but

> sometimes picks up the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things

> like " the kids are doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter

> all the time " is harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she

> is dealing with an irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is

> looking for any excuse to call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to

> take my kids herself! I'm hoping to find something simple that she can read

> that explains " BPD is a mental illness " in one or two pages since she is a

> busy mom and doesn't want to spend a lot of time (like I have) online

> researching. She is starting to " get it " but I'd like to drive the point

> home :-)

>

> Thanks for your help!

>

> -

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have some of the same issues with my nada. People tend not to understand

that she is capable and willing to call CPS or try and take the children.

Could you put together a short excerpt on the typical behaviors along with a

few real life examples(news stories, legal cases, ect) to show her what

people with BPD are capable of and actually do?

I don't want to sound harsh but if safety of your children is concerned

maybe you need to put your foot down. Possible set a boundary with her.

Like, if you give my mother information about my children I will not be able

to bring them over to play. I don't know the details or severity of your

situation so only you can decide what measures may be necessary.

>

>

> I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other

> resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

> discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC

> with my parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting

> (and enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try

> and get info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to

> give my nada *ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but

> sometimes picks up the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things

> like " the kids are doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter

> all the time " is harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she

> is dealing with an irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is

> looking for any excuse to call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to

> take my kids herself! I'm hoping to find something simple that she can read

> that explains " BPD is a mental illness " in one or two pages since she is a

> busy mom and doesn't want to spend a lot of time (like I have) online

> researching. She is starting to " get it " but I'd like to drive the point

> home :-)

>

> Thanks for your help!

>

> -

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have some of the same issues with my nada. People tend not to understand

that she is capable and willing to call CPS or try and take the children.

Could you put together a short excerpt on the typical behaviors along with a

few real life examples(news stories, legal cases, ect) to show her what

people with BPD are capable of and actually do?

I don't want to sound harsh but if safety of your children is concerned

maybe you need to put your foot down. Possible set a boundary with her.

Like, if you give my mother information about my children I will not be able

to bring them over to play. I don't know the details or severity of your

situation so only you can decide what measures may be necessary.

>

>

> I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other

> resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

> discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC

> with my parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting

> (and enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try

> and get info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to

> give my nada *ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but

> sometimes picks up the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things

> like " the kids are doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter

> all the time " is harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she

> is dealing with an irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is

> looking for any excuse to call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to

> take my kids herself! I'm hoping to find something simple that she can read

> that explains " BPD is a mental illness " in one or two pages since she is a

> busy mom and doesn't want to spend a lot of time (like I have) online

> researching. She is starting to " get it " but I'd like to drive the point

> home :-)

>

> Thanks for your help!

>

> -

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think you need to remember it is not your friends fault that your nada is

calling her. ly, I would just tell my friend that when my nada calls to

talk to you, she must excuse herself and end the conversation. Make it clear to

your friend you know that your mom is using her, not being friendly. Why would

your friend want to talk to her anyway? Your friends loyalty is to you...not

your mom.

Sharing in a few of your stories should do the trick as well. I think the " stop

walking on egg shell " workbook could give you some things to copy and share that

are simple and direct. That was where I shared things with my father from.

>

> >

> >

> > I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other

> > resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

> > discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC

> > with my parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting

> > (and enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try

> > and get info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to

> > give my nada *ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but

> > sometimes picks up the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things

> > like " the kids are doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter

> > all the time " is harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she

> > is dealing with an irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is

> > looking for any excuse to call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to

> > take my kids herself! I'm hoping to find something simple that she can read

> > that explains " BPD is a mental illness " in one or two pages since she is a

> > busy mom and doesn't want to spend a lot of time (like I have) online

> > researching. She is starting to " get it " but I'd like to drive the point

> > home :-)

> >

> > Thanks for your help!

> >

> > -

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think you need to remember it is not your friends fault that your nada is

calling her. ly, I would just tell my friend that when my nada calls to

talk to you, she must excuse herself and end the conversation. Make it clear to

your friend you know that your mom is using her, not being friendly. Why would

your friend want to talk to her anyway? Your friends loyalty is to you...not

your mom.

Sharing in a few of your stories should do the trick as well. I think the " stop

walking on egg shell " workbook could give you some things to copy and share that

are simple and direct. That was where I shared things with my father from.

>

> >

> >

> > I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other

> > resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

> > discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC

> > with my parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting

> > (and enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try

> > and get info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to

> > give my nada *ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but

> > sometimes picks up the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things

> > like " the kids are doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter

> > all the time " is harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she

> > is dealing with an irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is

> > looking for any excuse to call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to

> > take my kids herself! I'm hoping to find something simple that she can read

> > that explains " BPD is a mental illness " in one or two pages since she is a

> > busy mom and doesn't want to spend a lot of time (like I have) online

> > researching. She is starting to " get it " but I'd like to drive the point

> > home :-)

> >

> > Thanks for your help!

> >

> > -

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think you need to remember it is not your friends fault that your nada is

calling her. ly, I would just tell my friend that when my nada calls to

talk to you, she must excuse herself and end the conversation. Make it clear to

your friend you know that your mom is using her, not being friendly. Why would

your friend want to talk to her anyway? Your friends loyalty is to you...not

your mom.

Sharing in a few of your stories should do the trick as well. I think the " stop

walking on egg shell " workbook could give you some things to copy and share that

are simple and direct. That was where I shared things with my father from.

>

> >

> >

> > I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other

> > resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

> > discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC

> > with my parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting

> > (and enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try

> > and get info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to

> > give my nada *ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but

> > sometimes picks up the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things

> > like " the kids are doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter

> > all the time " is harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she

> > is dealing with an irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is

> > looking for any excuse to call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to

> > take my kids herself! I'm hoping to find something simple that she can read

> > that explains " BPD is a mental illness " in one or two pages since she is a

> > busy mom and doesn't want to spend a lot of time (like I have) online

> > researching. She is starting to " get it " but I'd like to drive the point

> > home :-)

> >

> > Thanks for your help!

> >

> > -

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's smart, to use an analogy that your audience can easily relate to. Good

thinking! I bet that will get the point across with your friend, RE that its

important to not share any info about your kids with your nada.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some

other resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC with my

parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting (and

enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try and get

info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to give my nada

*ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but sometimes picks up

the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things like " the kids are

doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter all the time " is

harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she is dealing with an

irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is looking for any excuse to

call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to take my kids herself! I'm

hoping to find something simple that she can read that explains " BPD is a mental

illness " in one or two pages since she is a busy mom and doesn't want to spend a

lot of time (like I have) online researching. She is starting to " get it " but

I'd like to drive the point home :-)

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for your help!

> > > >

> > > > -

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

To be honest, it will likely be very very hard for her to even " get " what is

written on paper. It sounds like she comes from a normal upbringing. It's been

my experience that normal people just don't have a frame of referance whatsoever

to refer back too.

I was with my boyfriend (now husband) for two years, while he heard stories, saw

some of the drama (not a lot) and he STILL thought I was exaggerating how bad it

was. Until he saw her directly in action - and he was part of her little

delusion. THEN all of a sudden it started to click with him.

Beyond giving her a real life experience, I really don't know what to suggest.

>

> I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other

resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC with my

parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting (and

enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try and get

info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to give my nada

*ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but sometimes picks up

the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things like " the kids are

doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter all the time " is

harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she is dealing with an

irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is looking for any excuse to

call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to take my kids herself! I'm

hoping to find something simple that she can read that explains " BPD is a mental

illness " in one or two pages since she is a busy mom and doesn't want to spend a

lot of time (like I have) online researching. She is starting to " get it " but

I'd like to drive the point home :-)

>

> Thanks for your help!

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

To be honest, it will likely be very very hard for her to even " get " what is

written on paper. It sounds like she comes from a normal upbringing. It's been

my experience that normal people just don't have a frame of referance whatsoever

to refer back too.

I was with my boyfriend (now husband) for two years, while he heard stories, saw

some of the drama (not a lot) and he STILL thought I was exaggerating how bad it

was. Until he saw her directly in action - and he was part of her little

delusion. THEN all of a sudden it started to click with him.

Beyond giving her a real life experience, I really don't know what to suggest.

>

> I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other

resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC with my

parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting (and

enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try and get

info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to give my nada

*ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but sometimes picks up

the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things like " the kids are

doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter all the time " is

harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she is dealing with an

irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is looking for any excuse to

call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to take my kids herself! I'm

hoping to find something simple that she can read that explains " BPD is a mental

illness " in one or two pages since she is a busy mom and doesn't want to spend a

lot of time (like I have) online researching. She is starting to " get it " but

I'd like to drive the point home :-)

>

> Thanks for your help!

>

> -

>