Guest guest Posted August 15, 2010 Report Share Posted August 15, 2010 Right! And a baby's " no " is showing his/her attempts to be independent from the parent. Totally natural. My mom's favorite word must have been " no " to me, for me to use it so much (in her eyes) I made sure that I said the words " no " to my son when he was a baby as little as possible; read from a book, so that he'd have more possitive reactions to his activities. And of course I used distractions, and baby proofed so I didn't have to say no. T-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I always liked redirecting my kids more than saying " no " all the time. Even if the end result is " no, " I've learned to answer it in other ways. Like, " Can Maddy spend the night? " came from my daughter this weekend. And lord have mercy, if we have one free weekend with no extra kids I think I'll have a party. So I said, " H, you had a friend spend the night last weekend and the weekend before that you spent the night with Maddy, so let's have a family weekend. " See, I said no, but didn't have to use the words. And we spent the weekend painting her room (bought a new car too...fun!). One thing I think that sets us apart from our BPD parents is that we're not lazy. It's so easy to just say " no " or as my mother would say, " stop nagging the hell out of me, " but it actually takes communicating with your kids and being interested in them and caring how they feel to be a good parent, in my opinion. My mother was just a freaking lazy parent. It was NO because SHE SAID SO. It was NO because I WAS NAGGING HER. It was NO because SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED. And yep...I baby proofed everything too. My mother used to laugh and tell the story about how I'd crawl around sticking my tongue in the light sockets and " that must be what's wrong with you. " Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Right! And a baby's " no " is showing his/her attempts to be independent from the parent. Totally natural. My mom's favorite word must have been " no " to me, for me to use it so much (in her eyes) I made sure that I said the words " no " to my son when he was a baby as little as possible; read from a book, so that he'd have more possitive reactions to his activities. And of course I used distractions, and baby proofed so I didn't have to say no. T-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I always liked redirecting my kids more than saying " no " all the time. Even if the end result is " no, " I've learned to answer it in other ways. Like, " Can Maddy spend the night? " came from my daughter this weekend. And lord have mercy, if we have one free weekend with no extra kids I think I'll have a party. So I said, " H, you had a friend spend the night last weekend and the weekend before that you spent the night with Maddy, so let's have a family weekend. " See, I said no, but didn't have to use the words. And we spent the weekend painting her room (bought a new car too...fun!). One thing I think that sets us apart from our BPD parents is that we're not lazy. It's so easy to just say " no " or as my mother would say, " stop nagging the hell out of me, " but it actually takes communicating with your kids and being interested in them and caring how they feel to be a good parent, in my opinion. My mother was just a freaking lazy parent. It was NO because SHE SAID SO. It was NO because I WAS NAGGING HER. It was NO because SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED. And yep...I baby proofed everything too. My mother used to laugh and tell the story about how I'd crawl around sticking my tongue in the light sockets and " that must be what's wrong with you. " Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Right! And a baby's " no " is showing his/her attempts to be independent from the parent. Totally natural. My mom's favorite word must have been " no " to me, for me to use it so much (in her eyes) I made sure that I said the words " no " to my son when he was a baby as little as possible; read from a book, so that he'd have more possitive reactions to his activities. And of course I used distractions, and baby proofed so I didn't have to say no. T-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I remember visiting friends' houses as a child, and being delightfully shocked that their parents actually played with their children. My nada sat for endless hours, all of her spare time in fact, reading books upon books in the kitchen whilst chain smoking. There was no engagement with her children other than to hit, scream, or otherwise abuse in hysterics. My nada was prone to endless 'witch' behaviour but now as she ages she seems to be more 'waif' maybe because she can't get away with the abusive witch anymore. > > > > > > I always liked redirecting my kids more than saying " no " all the time. Even if the end result is " no, " I've learned to answer it in other ways. Like, " Can Maddy spend the night? " came from my daughter this weekend. And lord have mercy, if we have one free weekend with no extra kids I think I'll have a party. So I said, " H, you had a friend spend the night last weekend and the weekend before that you spent the night with Maddy, so let's have a family weekend. " See, I said no, but didn't have to use the words. And we spent the weekend painting her room (bought a new car too...fun!). > > > > One thing I think that sets us apart from our BPD parents is that we're not lazy. It's so easy to just say " no " or as my mother would say, " stop nagging the hell out of me, " but it actually takes communicating with your kids and being interested in them and caring how they feel to be a good parent, in my opinion. My mother was just a freaking lazy parent. It was NO because SHE SAID SO. It was NO because I WAS NAGGING HER. It was NO because SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED. > > > > And yep...I baby proofed everything too. My mother used to laugh and tell the story about how I'd crawl around sticking my tongue in the light sockets and " that must be what's wrong with you. " > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2010 Report Share Posted August 16, 2010 I remember visiting friends' houses as a child, and being delightfully shocked that their parents actually played with their children. My nada sat for endless hours, all of her spare time in fact, reading books upon books in the kitchen whilst chain smoking. There was no engagement with her children other than to hit, scream, or otherwise abuse in hysterics. My nada was prone to endless 'witch' behaviour but now as she ages she seems to be more 'waif' maybe because she can't get away with the abusive witch anymore. > > > > > > I always liked redirecting my kids more than saying " no " all the time. Even if the end result is " no, " I've learned to answer it in other ways. Like, " Can Maddy spend the night? " came from my daughter this weekend. And lord have mercy, if we have one free weekend with no extra kids I think I'll have a party. So I said, " H, you had a friend spend the night last weekend and the weekend before that you spent the night with Maddy, so let's have a family weekend. " See, I said no, but didn't have to use the words. And we spent the weekend painting her room (bought a new car too...fun!). > > > > One thing I think that sets us apart from our BPD parents is that we're not lazy. It's so easy to just say " no " or as my mother would say, " stop nagging the hell out of me, " but it actually takes communicating with your kids and being interested in them and caring how they feel to be a good parent, in my opinion. My mother was just a freaking lazy parent. It was NO because SHE SAID SO. It was NO because I WAS NAGGING HER. It was NO because SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED. > > > > And yep...I baby proofed everything too. My mother used to laugh and tell the story about how I'd crawl around sticking my tongue in the light sockets and " that must be what's wrong with you. " > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.