a step back to move forward

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I had a really 'bad' afternoon yesterday. It started at noon, I ate my normal

lunch & then was watching tv while my grandson was napping & I just started to

MINDLESSLY eat taco chips & chocolate. I couldn't stop. It was like some

'monster' had control of me. It lasted 3 hours & then it miraculously stopped.

When I looked back to try to figure out what was going on for me. I realized

that Monday from 12:30 - 4 my mom used to come over & visit me. She passed

suddenly this May & obviously, I'm still really missing her. lots of times I

don't know what day it is & then I feel the emptiness in my body & it is one of

the 3 days that she used to be here.

Once, I had figured out why I had reached so unconsciously for the food I

realized that NO amount of food will ever fill that space so I hope that next

time I will remember THAT instead of reaching mindlessly to fill up what cannot

be filled up with food. I need to FEEL the pain of losing my mom right at that

time & know that NOTHING else will satisfy the emptiness that I feel.

The journey to IE IS long & winding path with many twists & turns BUT somehow,

my emotions seem to provide some sort of map for getting to where I am going. I

need to listen to them more closely because they are telling me where I need to

turn.

mj