Guest guest Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 Its like you're re-parenting yourself! What normal parents do when they have a little one is to expose the child to different safe, fun experiences so the child has a chance to try this new thing (going down a sliding board, riding a pony, playing with finger-paints, playing with musical instruments, walking up a tall hill and looking at the expanded horizon, etc.) to see if she likes it or not. Just reading about something or watching it on TV isn't the same as actually trying it. Have you ever taken a cooking class? A poetry-writing class? A drawing class? Ever learned to play a musical instrument? Taken a martial arts class? Gone hiking with the Sierra Club? Ever go to museums or art galleries? To a planetarium or a star-gazing party? Have you done much traveling around your country or to foreign countries? There is a whole world of experiences out there to sample; you'll either enjoy this or that particular activity or you won't, but your inner child won't know until you try it. In my opinion, tasting and feeling and hearing and smelling and live-in-person experiences are how you figure out what YOU, personally, like and don't like, what grabs your interest, what thrills and inspires you, what piques your curiosity and where your talents lay. You gradually discover what makes you uniquely you! Go for it! Re-parent the heck out of yourself! -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes me how > > > everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going > > > through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of struggles in > > > their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these struggles are > > > not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for the children > > > of BPD. > > > > > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with everything? > > > For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, have no > > > financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I feel a lot > > > like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when they get out > > > it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. They are so > > > used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. And that is > > > basically where I'm at now. > > > > > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started brainwashing me at > > > only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically > > > abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened when my dad > > > was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school > > > because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role > > > models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less > > > Traveled " . > > > > > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've spent my > > > life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. With their > > > words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am entirely free, > > > I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know anything and is > > > learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic childlike > > > questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like something? " ... > > > " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you like > > > something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that questions. > > > > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is > > > extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess some people > > > would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a child. Anyone > > > else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > > > > - > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 Its like you're re-parenting yourself! What normal parents do when they have a little one is to expose the child to different safe, fun experiences so the child has a chance to try this new thing (going down a sliding board, riding a pony, playing with finger-paints, playing with musical instruments, walking up a tall hill and looking at the expanded horizon, etc.) to see if she likes it or not. Just reading about something or watching it on TV isn't the same as actually trying it. Have you ever taken a cooking class? A poetry-writing class? A drawing class? Ever learned to play a musical instrument? Taken a martial arts class? Gone hiking with the Sierra Club? Ever go to museums or art galleries? To a planetarium or a star-gazing party? Have you done much traveling around your country or to foreign countries? There is a whole world of experiences out there to sample; you'll either enjoy this or that particular activity or you won't, but your inner child won't know until you try it. In my opinion, tasting and feeling and hearing and smelling and live-in-person experiences are how you figure out what YOU, personally, like and don't like, what grabs your interest, what thrills and inspires you, what piques your curiosity and where your talents lay. You gradually discover what makes you uniquely you! Go for it! Re-parent the heck out of yourself! -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes me how > > > everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going > > > through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of struggles in > > > their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these struggles are > > > not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for the children > > > of BPD. > > > > > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with everything? > > > For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, have no > > > financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I feel a lot > > > like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when they get out > > > it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. They are so > > > used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. And that is > > > basically where I'm at now. > > > > > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started brainwashing me at > > > only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically > > > abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened when my dad > > > was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school > > > because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role > > > models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less > > > Traveled " . > > > > > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've spent my > > > life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. With their > > > words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am entirely free, > > > I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know anything and is > > > learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic childlike > > > questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like something? " ... > > > " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you like > > > something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that questions. > > > > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is > > > extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess some people > > > would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a child. Anyone > > > else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > > > > - > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 Its like you're re-parenting yourself! What normal parents do when they have a little one is to expose the child to different safe, fun experiences so the child has a chance to try this new thing (going down a sliding board, riding a pony, playing with finger-paints, playing with musical instruments, walking up a tall hill and looking at the expanded horizon, etc.) to see if she likes it or not. Just reading about something or watching it on TV isn't the same as actually trying it. Have you ever taken a cooking class? A poetry-writing class? A drawing class? Ever learned to play a musical instrument? Taken a martial arts class? Gone hiking with the Sierra Club? Ever go to museums or art galleries? To a planetarium or a star-gazing party? Have you done much traveling around your country or to foreign countries? There is a whole world of experiences out there to sample; you'll either enjoy this or that particular activity or you won't, but your inner child won't know until you try it. In my opinion, tasting and feeling and hearing and smelling and live-in-person experiences are how you figure out what YOU, personally, like and don't like, what grabs your interest, what thrills and inspires you, what piques your curiosity and where your talents lay. You gradually discover what makes you uniquely you! Go for it! Re-parent the heck out of yourself! -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes me how > > > everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going > > > through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of struggles in > > > their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these struggles are > > > not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for the children > > > of BPD. > > > > > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with everything? > > > For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, have no > > > financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I feel a lot > > > like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when they get out > > > it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. They are so > > > used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. And that is > > > basically where I'm at now. > > > > > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started brainwashing me at > > > only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically > > > abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened when my dad > > > was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school > > > because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role > > > models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less > > > Traveled " . > > > > > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've spent my > > > life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. With their > > > words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am entirely free, > > > I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know anything and is > > > learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic childlike > > > questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like something? " ... > > > " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you like > > > something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that questions. > > > > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is > > > extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess some people > > > would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a child. Anyone > > > else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > > > > - > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 Hey there, I know exactly what you mean... I also find myself asking those exact questions, like: " What do I enjoy doing " , " Should I take a break for fun or should I work more " , " How do I get along with this person " etc... I sometimes (a lot of times to be more exact...) call my friends with all of these " basic " questions... They are already used to it... I think an excellent book is " The artists way " by Cameron. It's simply a excellent book, and it helps you to return to your own self. It's a self-work book with assignments and daily exercises. I very very highly recommend it. All the best, I feel very much like you Jack > > > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes me how everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of struggles in their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these struggles are not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for the children of BPD. > > > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with everything? For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, have no financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I feel a lot like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when they get out it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. They are so used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. And that is basically where I'm at now. > > > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started brainwashing me at only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened when my dad was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less Traveled " . > > > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've spent my life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. With their words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am entirely free, I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know anything and is learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic childlike questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like something? " ... " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you like something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that questions. > > > > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess some people would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a child. Anyone else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > > > > - > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 Hey there, I know exactly what you mean... I also find myself asking those exact questions, like: " What do I enjoy doing " , " Should I take a break for fun or should I work more " , " How do I get along with this person " etc... I sometimes (a lot of times to be more exact...) call my friends with all of these " basic " questions... They are already used to it... I think an excellent book is " The artists way " by Cameron. It's simply a excellent book, and it helps you to return to your own self. It's a self-work book with assignments and daily exercises. I very very highly recommend it. All the best, I feel very much like you Jack > > > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes me how everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of struggles in their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these struggles are not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for the children of BPD. > > > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with everything? For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, have no financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I feel a lot like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when they get out it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. They are so used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. And that is basically where I'm at now. > > > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started brainwashing me at only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened when my dad was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less Traveled " . > > > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've spent my life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. With their words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am entirely free, I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know anything and is learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic childlike questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like something? " ... " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you like something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that questions. > > > > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess some people would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a child. Anyone else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > > > > - > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 Hey there, I know exactly what you mean... I also find myself asking those exact questions, like: " What do I enjoy doing " , " Should I take a break for fun or should I work more " , " How do I get along with this person " etc... I sometimes (a lot of times to be more exact...) call my friends with all of these " basic " questions... They are already used to it... I think an excellent book is " The artists way " by Cameron. It's simply a excellent book, and it helps you to return to your own self. It's a self-work book with assignments and daily exercises. I very very highly recommend it. All the best, I feel very much like you Jack > > > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes me how everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of struggles in their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these struggles are not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for the children of BPD. > > > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with everything? For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, have no financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I feel a lot like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when they get out it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. They are so used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. And that is basically where I'm at now. > > > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started brainwashing me at only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened when my dad was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less Traveled " . > > > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've spent my life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. With their words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am entirely free, I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know anything and is learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic childlike questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like something? " ... " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you like something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that questions. > > > > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess some people would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a child. Anyone else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > > > > - > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 Last night, I wrote this extremely long reply to everyone individually... and then the power went out on my laptop. Thank you so much everyone for your replies! I hope it's helped everyone else as much as it's helped me, to know that it's normal for children of BPD to experience these issues. Being reverted back to that child like mind frame is very strange. It's a bit like losing control over your body but still being in complete control at the same time... doing things naturally without thought. Things you didn't even know you could do or forgot you can do. I have begun to accept this state a bit more. It kind of makes you feel guilty at times because it's very different from who everyone gave you permission to be... not to mention confusing! At times it creates a vulnerability because people like to try to push you into their ideals or values, and end up giving you an its either-this-or-that paradigm. Which makes it hard because you feel the trained urge to give into their wishes, but you have to stand your ground no matter what because you know it's not right for you... or that you are still trying to figure out if it's right for you or not. Sometimes I wish life made more sense. lol Thank you everyone again for replying! I was really touched to hear your own stories and replies. > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes me how everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of struggles in their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these struggles are not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for the children of BPD. > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with everything? For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, have no financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I feel a lot like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when they get out it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. They are so used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. And that is basically where I'm at now. > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started brainwashing me at only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened when my dad was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less Traveled " . > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've spent my life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. With their words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am entirely free, I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know anything and is learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic childlike questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like something? " ... " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you like something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that questions. > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess some people would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a child. Anyone else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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