Guest guest Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 Hey, fruit baskets from a fruit basket!! Cant help it, that really cracked me up.... :] For my birthday this year (in May), my mother sent me a lotto ticket that had " Dear Mum, Merry Christmas, love (sister) " written on it. It used to be a big joke in my family when mum first moved away, to see what we would all get for Christmas - she only sent gifts for the first couple of years, she doesnt bother anymore - thankgoodness!! I remember the year we all got the same top, in different bright colours - all four sisters. We are all VERY different shapes... We had a hoot, all trying to figure out how to put them on (some wierd halter cowl-neck teenager-type stretchy thing), and fell around on the floor crying with laughter at how rediculous they were. They must have cost $5 each. We donated them to the Good Samaritans the next day. > > I have to share this one with people who will get it, and might even have a good laugh. > > So, I've been NC with nada and (dishrag) dad for over a year. I have two kids, and my nada keeps trying all sorts of strange ways to get some sort of contact from them. My kids now understand why we are NC (my parents hurt us financially last year and cut off payment for my daughter's school tuition because we were going to shorten our visit to them by half a day - some of you may remember the story). > > Anyhow, my oldest daughter just celebrated her 10th birthday! A few weeks before her birthday, my dad (who does ALL nada's dirty work) emailed me saying " they would like to re-establish a relationship " with me. Well, being NC, I didn't respond. He then started emailing me asking me what he could do to make my daughter's birthday " special " . OH, the responses I wanted to send were WAY too numerous and humorous, but following the NC rule, I didn't respond. Another email, asking what my daughter wanted for her birthday and stating " We are also eager to hear your suggestions as to how we might go about resuming our relationship. " After talking it over with my therapist, I decided I was strong enough to send them a 1-sentence reply: " Sorry, I am not ready to re-establish a relationship at this time. " End of discussion. > > So, on my daughter's 10th birthday, a large fruit basket was delivered to my house. My daughter was all excited because it had a " happy birthday " balloon attached to it. When we opened the card and discovered it was from my parents, it was too late to throw it in the trash (she was already eating an apple). So naturally, my daughter knows that when someone sends you a gift, you send them a thank-you note. So she sent them a very nice, very benign thank you note, and that was it. > > Think the story ends there? Of course not! > > My other daughter just started 2nd grade last week. On the second day of school, her teacher calls me (right after school) to tell me that " a lovely and very large fruit basket " was delivered to the school for my daughter and was sitting in the school office! The card says it is from her grandparents and that she is supposed to share it with her class. It also has a very large balloon attached to it that says " miss you " . The teacher was a bit puzzled and asked if she should cut up the fruit and make a fruit salad? After I briefly explained to her the in-appropriateness of the gift, and that there were some issues with my parents, I quickly drove over to the school and picked the damn thing up. My daughter never saw it (she was at her friends' house when it was delivered after school). After contemplating the idea of letting the fruit rot for a few weeks, then shipping it back to nada in a box, I ended up anonymously leaving the fruit back to the staff lounge at my daughter's school the next day. I hope they enjoyed it. No thank you note this time. > > Who the heck sends a 10-year-old a fruit basket for their birthday???? And who the f#@* sends a 7 year old a fruit basket at school???? > > Nadas do, of course :-) > > *sigh* > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 Hey, fruit baskets from a fruit basket!! Cant help it, that really cracked me up.... :] For my birthday this year (in May), my mother sent me a lotto ticket that had " Dear Mum, Merry Christmas, love (sister) " written on it. It used to be a big joke in my family when mum first moved away, to see what we would all get for Christmas - she only sent gifts for the first couple of years, she doesnt bother anymore - thankgoodness!! I remember the year we all got the same top, in different bright colours - all four sisters. We are all VERY different shapes... We had a hoot, all trying to figure out how to put them on (some wierd halter cowl-neck teenager-type stretchy thing), and fell around on the floor crying with laughter at how rediculous they were. They must have cost $5 each. We donated them to the Good Samaritans the next day. > > I have to share this one with people who will get it, and might even have a good laugh. > > So, I've been NC with nada and (dishrag) dad for over a year. I have two kids, and my nada keeps trying all sorts of strange ways to get some sort of contact from them. My kids now understand why we are NC (my parents hurt us financially last year and cut off payment for my daughter's school tuition because we were going to shorten our visit to them by half a day - some of you may remember the story). > > Anyhow, my oldest daughter just celebrated her 10th birthday! A few weeks before her birthday, my dad (who does ALL nada's dirty work) emailed me saying " they would like to re-establish a relationship " with me. Well, being NC, I didn't respond. He then started emailing me asking me what he could do to make my daughter's birthday " special " . OH, the responses I wanted to send were WAY too numerous and humorous, but following the NC rule, I didn't respond. Another email, asking what my daughter wanted for her birthday and stating " We are also eager to hear your suggestions as to how we might go about resuming our relationship. " After talking it over with my therapist, I decided I was strong enough to send them a 1-sentence reply: " Sorry, I am not ready to re-establish a relationship at this time. " End of discussion. > > So, on my daughter's 10th birthday, a large fruit basket was delivered to my house. My daughter was all excited because it had a " happy birthday " balloon attached to it. When we opened the card and discovered it was from my parents, it was too late to throw it in the trash (she was already eating an apple). So naturally, my daughter knows that when someone sends you a gift, you send them a thank-you note. So she sent them a very nice, very benign thank you note, and that was it. > > Think the story ends there? Of course not! > > My other daughter just started 2nd grade last week. On the second day of school, her teacher calls me (right after school) to tell me that " a lovely and very large fruit basket " was delivered to the school for my daughter and was sitting in the school office! The card says it is from her grandparents and that she is supposed to share it with her class. It also has a very large balloon attached to it that says " miss you " . The teacher was a bit puzzled and asked if she should cut up the fruit and make a fruit salad? After I briefly explained to her the in-appropriateness of the gift, and that there were some issues with my parents, I quickly drove over to the school and picked the damn thing up. My daughter never saw it (she was at her friends' house when it was delivered after school). After contemplating the idea of letting the fruit rot for a few weeks, then shipping it back to nada in a box, I ended up anonymously leaving the fruit back to the staff lounge at my daughter's school the next day. I hope they enjoyed it. No thank you note this time. > > Who the heck sends a 10-year-old a fruit basket for their birthday???? And who the f#@* sends a 7 year old a fruit basket at school???? > > Nadas do, of course :-) > > *sigh* > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 They're just relentless, aren't they! They found something that worked (only due to the surprise factor, the first time) so they try it again. Its like the original Terminator movie and you think the thing got blown up or melted, but it just keeps reforming and coming after the protagonists again. Sheesh! Our bpd/npd parents truly do not respect our wishes or decisions and try to do an end run around us. -Annie > > I have to share this one with people who will get it, and might even have a good laugh. > > So, I've been NC with nada and (dishrag) dad for over a year. I have two kids, and my nada keeps trying all sorts of strange ways to get some sort of contact from them. My kids now understand why we are NC (my parents hurt us financially last year and cut off payment for my daughter's school tuition because we were going to shorten our visit to them by half a day - some of you may remember the story). > > Anyhow, my oldest daughter just celebrated her 10th birthday! A few weeks before her birthday, my dad (who does ALL nada's dirty work) emailed me saying " they would like to re-establish a relationship " with me. Well, being NC, I didn't respond. He then started emailing me asking me what he could do to make my daughter's birthday " special " . OH, the responses I wanted to send were WAY too numerous and humorous, but following the NC rule, I didn't respond. Another email, asking what my daughter wanted for her birthday and stating " We are also eager to hear your suggestions as to how we might go about resuming our relationship. " After talking it over with my therapist, I decided I was strong enough to send them a 1-sentence reply: " Sorry, I am not ready to re-establish a relationship at this time. " End of discussion. > > So, on my daughter's 10th birthday, a large fruit basket was delivered to my house. My daughter was all excited because it had a " happy birthday " balloon attached to it. When we opened the card and discovered it was from my parents, it was too late to throw it in the trash (she was already eating an apple). So naturally, my daughter knows that when someone sends you a gift, you send them a thank-you note. So she sent them a very nice, very benign thank you note, and that was it. > > Think the story ends there? Of course not! > > My other daughter just started 2nd grade last week. On the second day of school, her teacher calls me (right after school) to tell me that " a lovely and very large fruit basket " was delivered to the school for my daughter and was sitting in the school office! The card says it is from her grandparents and that she is supposed to share it with her class. It also has a very large balloon attached to it that says " miss you " . The teacher was a bit puzzled and asked if she should cut up the fruit and make a fruit salad? After I briefly explained to her the in-appropriateness of the gift, and that there were some issues with my parents, I quickly drove over to the school and picked the damn thing up. My daughter never saw it (she was at her friends' house when it was delivered after school). After contemplating the idea of letting the fruit rot for a few weeks, then shipping it back to nada in a box, I ended up anonymously leaving the fruit back to the staff lounge at my daughter's school the next day. I hope they enjoyed it. No thank you note this time. > > Who the heck sends a 10-year-old a fruit basket for their birthday???? And who the f#@* sends a 7 year old a fruit basket at school???? > > Nadas do, of course :-) > > *sigh* > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 They're just relentless, aren't they! They found something that worked (only due to the surprise factor, the first time) so they try it again. Its like the original Terminator movie and you think the thing got blown up or melted, but it just keeps reforming and coming after the protagonists again. Sheesh! Our bpd/npd parents truly do not respect our wishes or decisions and try to do an end run around us. -Annie > > I have to share this one with people who will get it, and might even have a good laugh. > > So, I've been NC with nada and (dishrag) dad for over a year. I have two kids, and my nada keeps trying all sorts of strange ways to get some sort of contact from them. My kids now understand why we are NC (my parents hurt us financially last year and cut off payment for my daughter's school tuition because we were going to shorten our visit to them by half a day - some of you may remember the story). > > Anyhow, my oldest daughter just celebrated her 10th birthday! A few weeks before her birthday, my dad (who does ALL nada's dirty work) emailed me saying " they would like to re-establish a relationship " with me. Well, being NC, I didn't respond. He then started emailing me asking me what he could do to make my daughter's birthday " special " . OH, the responses I wanted to send were WAY too numerous and humorous, but following the NC rule, I didn't respond. Another email, asking what my daughter wanted for her birthday and stating " We are also eager to hear your suggestions as to how we might go about resuming our relationship. " After talking it over with my therapist, I decided I was strong enough to send them a 1-sentence reply: " Sorry, I am not ready to re-establish a relationship at this time. " End of discussion. > > So, on my daughter's 10th birthday, a large fruit basket was delivered to my house. My daughter was all excited because it had a " happy birthday " balloon attached to it. When we opened the card and discovered it was from my parents, it was too late to throw it in the trash (she was already eating an apple). So naturally, my daughter knows that when someone sends you a gift, you send them a thank-you note. So she sent them a very nice, very benign thank you note, and that was it. > > Think the story ends there? Of course not! > > My other daughter just started 2nd grade last week. On the second day of school, her teacher calls me (right after school) to tell me that " a lovely and very large fruit basket " was delivered to the school for my daughter and was sitting in the school office! The card says it is from her grandparents and that she is supposed to share it with her class. It also has a very large balloon attached to it that says " miss you " . The teacher was a bit puzzled and asked if she should cut up the fruit and make a fruit salad? After I briefly explained to her the in-appropriateness of the gift, and that there were some issues with my parents, I quickly drove over to the school and picked the damn thing up. My daughter never saw it (she was at her friends' house when it was delivered after school). After contemplating the idea of letting the fruit rot for a few weeks, then shipping it back to nada in a box, I ended up anonymously leaving the fruit back to the staff lounge at my daughter's school the next day. I hope they enjoyed it. No thank you note this time. > > Who the heck sends a 10-year-old a fruit basket for their birthday???? And who the f#@* sends a 7 year old a fruit basket at school???? > > Nadas do, of course :-) > > *sigh* > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2010 Report Share Posted September 8, 2010 Weird Junk I have Received from my Nada: Fishnet Hose (when I was in junior high school - granted, they were " in " at the time, but I still looked like a hooker, and they hurt my feet, too. She insisted I wear them to school, nonetheless.) A flourescent-orange and shocking-pink houndstooth ensemble (skirt and vest) for my first real date. I looked like an emergency road cone. Flannel footie pajamas (when I was in my 20's and living with my boyfriend) Her used clothes she's pulled out of her closet - pants that are much too short for me, but that she insists I can wear. Denim " Nashville " style outfits with sparkles and beads, which would be fine if I was singing backup for Dolly Parton. But I'm not... A battery-powered " karaoke " microphone for my 4-year-old son - just what we needed, something to make him LOUDER. Produce-ripening bags. (Ummm, that happens by itself, given a few days...) An electric towel-warming rack for my son when he was 12. More tacky jewelry and odd household stuff from QVC than I can recall. A foot massaging device that shorted out one entire circuit in my house when I plugged it in. Too bad, that would have been a keeper, if it had worked! Outdated lotions and facial cleansers - she bought into one of those " work from home " schemes, was unable to sell the stuff, so guess what I got for my birthday for a couple of years? Yep, old lotion! Also, collections of eye shadows from the same company - 20 or 30 colors, just in case I decide to join the circus. A massive silver and turquoise squash blossom necklace she'd bought for herself, gave to me, then a year later asked for it back. Oh, well. > > > > > > > > > > I have to share this one with people who will get it, and might even > > have > > > > a good laugh. > > > > > > > > > > So, I've been NC with nada and (dishrag) dad for over a year. I have > > two > > > > kids, and my nada keeps trying all sorts of strange ways to get some > > sort of > > > > contact from them. My kids now understand why we are NC (my parents > > hurt us > > > > financially last year and cut off payment for my daughter's school > > tuition > > > > because we were going to shorten our visit to them by half a day - some > > of > > > > you may remember the story). > > > > > > > > > > Anyhow, my oldest daughter just celebrated her 10th birthday! A few > > weeks > > > > before her birthday, my dad (who does ALL nada's dirty work) emailed me > > > > saying " they would like to re-establish a relationship " with me. Well, > > being > > > > NC, I didn't respond. He then started emailing me asking me what he > > could do > > > > to make my daughter's birthday " special " . OH, the responses I wanted to > > send > > > > were WAY too numerous and humorous, but following the NC rule, I didn't > > > > respond. Another email, asking what my daughter wanted for her birthday > > and > > > > stating " We are also eager to hear your suggestions as to how we might > > go > > > > about resuming our relationship. " After talking it over with my > > therapist, I > > > > decided I was strong enough to send them a 1-sentence reply: " Sorry, I > > am > > > > not ready to re-establish a relationship at this time. " End of > > discussion. > > > > > > > > > > So, on my daughter's 10th birthday, a large fruit basket was > > delivered to > > > > my house. My daughter was all excited because it had a " happy birthday " > > > > balloon attached to it. When we opened the card and discovered it was > > from > > > > my parents, it was too late to throw it in the trash (she was already > > eating > > > > an apple). So naturally, my daughter knows that when someone sends you > > a > > > > gift, you send them a thank-you note. So she sent them a very nice, > > very > > > > benign thank you note, and that was it. > > > > > > > > > > Think the story ends there? Of course not! > > > > > > > > > > My other daughter just started 2nd grade last week. On the second day > > of > > > > school, her teacher calls me (right after school) to tell me that " a > > lovely > > > > and very large fruit basket " was delivered to the school for my > > daughter and > > > > was sitting in the school office! The card says it is from her > > grandparents > > > > and that she is supposed to share it with her class. It also has a very > > > > large balloon attached to it that says " miss you " . The teacher was a > > bit > > > > puzzled and asked if she should cut up the fruit and make a fruit > > salad? > > > > After I briefly explained to her the in-appropriateness of the gift, > > and > > > > that there were some issues with my parents, I quickly drove over to > > the > > > > school and picked the damn thing up. My daughter never saw it (she was > > at > > > > her friends' house when it was delivered after school). After > > contemplating > > > > the idea of letting the fruit rot for a few weeks, then shipping it > > back to > > > > nada in a box, I ended up anonymously leaving the fruit back to the > > staff > > > > lounge at my daughter's school the next day. I hope they enjoyed it. No > > > > thank you note this time. > > > > > > > > > > Who the heck sends a 10-year-old a fruit basket for their > > birthday???? > > > > And who the f#@* sends a 7 year old a fruit basket at school???? > > > > > > > > > > Nadas do, of course :-) > > > > > > > > > > *sigh* > > > > > - > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2010 Report Share Posted September 8, 2010 I can't remember where I read it now, I think it might have been at the page called " The Harpy's Child " which is a list of the traits of narcissistic pd mothers, but somewhere I read that " narcissists are notoriously bad gift-givers. " They can't be bothered to take the time to get to know you well enough to understand what you like and don't like, and besides... they don't care. They consider their own taste to be exquisite and superior to yours, and anyone should be thrilled with whatever the narcissist chooses to gift them. Since the hapless recipient is either too polite or too afraid to speak the truth, the narcissist gets thanked for the " nice " gift. At another Group I belong to we were discussing this very thing, the weird gifts that we've all gotten from our personality-disordered parents. I noticed that the gifts seemed to fall into categories: The " Me! " gift: the bpd/npd buys you something to her own taste that has nothing to do with you or your taste, like clothes in her size and from her favorite designer, or a huge framed picture of herself. The " Veiled Insult " gift: the bpd/npd buys you a bucket of housecleaning products as a wedding gift, or a book on dieting, signs you up for cooking lessons, or gives you clothes that are way too large or way too small for you. Or, s/he gives you used, broken, dirty items that normally would be thrown away (message: " you are garbage " .) If the npd/bpd gives your sibling a really nice gift at the same time, it just highlights that you got the insult gift. The " Hostile " gift: the bpd/npd buys you something that can actually harm you or even kill you, like buying a case of liquor for an alcoholic, or preparing gift foods with hidden ingredients that are known to induce anaphylactic shock in the recipient. A huge box of chocolate sugar candy for the diabetic, etc. The " Inappropriate " gift: the bpd/npd buys a sexually provocative gift for their own barely-pubescent child, such as sexy lingeree or crotchless panties, or gives liquor to a minor child, or gives a toy that is for older children or not for children at all to a very young child. Some gifts can be in more than one category at the same time, such a a member who reported being given running clothes (not workout clothes, not exercise clothes: items meant specifically for running) and a walkman when she is unable to even walk without pain (permanently, after a bad accident) and must use a cane. The gifts were both insulting and inappropriate, intended to hurt her feelings, given to her by a nasty sister in law. So, yes, pretty much anything can be weaponized by a bpd/npd individual, even gifts. Here's the link to " The Harpy's Child " page, if you haven't read it, its pretty fascinating. I found a lot of my own nada's behaviors there: http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/ PS: I've received gifts in all these categories from nada AND dad, along with some actually nice gifts, sometimes. I guess it depended on whether " Dr. Jekyll " or " Mr. Hyde " was buying it for me. -Annie > > > > > > I have to share this one with people who will get it, and might even have a good laugh. > > > > > > So, I've been NC with nada and (dishrag) dad for over a year. I have two kids, and my nada keeps trying all sorts of strange ways to get some sort of contact from them. My kids now understand why we are NC (my parents hurt us financially last year and cut off payment for my daughter's school tuition because we were going to shorten our visit to them by half a day - some of you may remember the story). > > > > > > Anyhow, my oldest daughter just celebrated her 10th birthday! A few weeks before her birthday, my dad (who does ALL nada's dirty work) emailed me saying " they would like to re-establish a relationship " with me. Well, being NC, I didn't respond. He then started emailing me asking me what he could do to make my daughter's birthday " special " . OH, the responses I wanted to send were WAY too numerous and humorous, but following the NC rule, I didn't respond. Another email, asking what my daughter wanted for her birthday and stating " We are also eager to hear your suggestions as to how we might go about resuming our relationship. " After talking it over with my therapist, I decided I was strong enough to send them a 1-sentence reply: " Sorry, I am not ready to re-establish a relationship at this time. " End of discussion. > > > > > > So, on my daughter's 10th birthday, a large fruit basket was delivered to my house. My daughter was all excited because it had a " happy birthday " balloon attached to it. When we opened the card and discovered it was from my parents, it was too late to throw it in the trash (she was already eating an apple). So naturally, my daughter knows that when someone sends you a gift, you send them a thank-you note. So she sent them a very nice, very benign thank you note, and that was it. > > > > > > Think the story ends there? Of course not! > > > > > > My other daughter just started 2nd grade last week. On the second day of school, her teacher calls me (right after school) to tell me that " a lovely and very large fruit basket " was delivered to the school for my daughter and was sitting in the school office! The card says it is from her grandparents and that she is supposed to share it with her class. It also has a very large balloon attached to it that says " miss you " . The teacher was a bit puzzled and asked if she should cut up the fruit and make a fruit salad? After I briefly explained to her the in-appropriateness of the gift, and that there were some issues with my parents, I quickly drove over to the school and picked the damn thing up. My daughter never saw it (she was at her friends' house when it was delivered after school). After contemplating the idea of letting the fruit rot for a few weeks, then shipping it back to nada in a box, I ended up anonymously leaving the fruit back to the staff lounge at my daughter's school the next day. I hope they enjoyed it. No thank you note this time. > > > > > > Who the heck sends a 10-year-old a fruit basket for their birthday???? And who the f#@* sends a 7 year old a fruit basket at school???? > > > > > > Nadas do, of course :-) > > > > > > *sigh* > > > - > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2010 Report Share Posted September 8, 2010 The gifts are so weird! Weirder still, nada tried to give my brother's childhood artwork to my boyfriend the first time they met - What? Why? And she saves manilla envelopes and stuffs them with junk compulsively. Maybe pages ripped out from catalogues of things you should like, maybe 5 lbbs of candy that you vaguely mentioned you llike once (even though you are a health nut and only try it once or twice a year). Stuffed with shit. I guess this falls into the " you are trash " category. On Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 9:00 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > I can't remember where I read it now, I think it might have been at the > page called " The Harpy's Child " which is a list of the traits of > narcissistic pd mothers, but somewhere I read that " narcissists are > notoriously bad gift-givers. " They can't be bothered to take the time to get > to know you well enough to understand what you like and don't like, and > besides... they don't care. They consider their own taste to be exquisite > and superior to yours, and anyone should be thrilled with whatever the > narcissist chooses to gift them. Since the hapless recipient is either too > polite or too afraid to speak the truth, the narcissist gets thanked for the > " nice " gift. > > At another Group I belong to we were discussing this very thing, the weird > gifts that we've all gotten from our personality-disordered parents. I > noticed that the gifts seemed to fall into categories: > > The " Me! " gift: the bpd/npd buys you something to her own taste that has > nothing to do with you or your taste, like clothes in her size and from her > favorite designer, or a huge framed picture of herself. > > The " Veiled Insult " gift: the bpd/npd buys you a bucket of housecleaning > products as a wedding gift, or a book on dieting, signs you up for cooking > lessons, or gives you clothes that are way too large or way too small for > you. Or, s/he gives you used, broken, dirty items that normally would be > thrown away (message: " you are garbage " .) If the npd/bpd gives your sibling > a really nice gift at the same time, it just highlights that you got the > insult gift. > > The " Hostile " gift: the bpd/npd buys you something that can actually harm > you or even kill you, like buying a case of liquor for an alcoholic, or > preparing gift foods with hidden ingredients that are known to induce > anaphylactic shock in the recipient. A huge box of chocolate sugar candy for > the diabetic, etc. > > The " Inappropriate " gift: the bpd/npd buys a sexually provocative gift for > their own barely-pubescent child, such as sexy lingeree or crotchless > panties, or gives liquor to a minor child, or gives a toy that is for older > children or not for children at all to a very young child. > > Some gifts can be in more than one category at the same time, such a a > member who reported being given running clothes (not workout clothes, not > exercise clothes: items meant specifically for running) and a walkman when > she is unable to even walk without pain (permanently, after a bad accident) > and must use a cane. The gifts were both insulting and inappropriate, > intended to hurt her feelings, given to her by a nasty sister in law. > > So, yes, pretty much anything can be weaponized by a bpd/npd individual, > even gifts. > > Here's the link to " The Harpy's Child " page, if you haven't read it, its > pretty fascinating. I found a lot of my own nada's behaviors there: > > http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/ > > PS: I've received gifts in all these categories from nada AND dad, along > with some actually nice gifts, sometimes. I guess it depended on whether > " Dr. Jekyll " or " Mr. Hyde " was buying it for me. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > I have to share this one with people who will get it, and might even > have a good laugh. > > > > > > > > So, I've been NC with nada and (dishrag) dad for over a year. I have > two kids, and my nada keeps trying all sorts of strange ways to get some > sort of contact from them. My kids now understand why we are NC (my parents > hurt us financially last year and cut off payment for my daughter's school > tuition because we were going to shorten our visit to them by half a day - > some of you may remember the story). > > > > > > > > Anyhow, my oldest daughter just celebrated her 10th birthday! A few > weeks before her birthday, my dad (who does ALL nada's dirty work) emailed > me saying " they would like to re-establish a relationship " with me. Well, > being NC, I didn't respond. He then started emailing me asking me what he > could do to make my daughter's birthday " special " . OH, the responses I > wanted to send were WAY too numerous and humorous, but following the NC > rule, I didn't respond. Another email, asking what my daughter wanted for > her birthday and stating " We are also eager to hear your suggestions as to > how we might go about resuming our relationship. " After talking it over with > my therapist, I decided I was strong enough to send them a 1-sentence reply: > " Sorry, I am not ready to re-establish a relationship at this time. " End of > discussion. > > > > > > > > So, on my daughter's 10th birthday, a large fruit basket was > delivered to my house. My daughter was all excited because it had a " happy > birthday " balloon attached to it. When we opened the card and discovered it > was from my parents, it was too late to throw it in the trash (she was > already eating an apple). So naturally, my daughter knows that when someone > sends you a gift, you send them a thank-you note. So she sent them a very > nice, very benign thank you note, and that was it. > > > > > > > > Think the story ends there? Of course not! > > > > > > > > My other daughter just started 2nd grade last week. On the second day > of school, her teacher calls me (right after school) to tell me that " a > lovely and very large fruit basket " was delivered to the school for my > daughter and was sitting in the school office! The card says it is from her > grandparents and that she is supposed to share it with her class. It also > has a very large balloon attached to it that says " miss you " . The teacher > was a bit puzzled and asked if she should cut up the fruit and make a fruit > salad? After I briefly explained to her the in-appropriateness of the gift, > and that there were some issues with my parents, I quickly drove over to the > school and picked the damn thing up. My daughter never saw it (she was at > her friends' house when it was delivered after school). After contemplating > the idea of letting the fruit rot for a few weeks, then shipping it back to > nada in a box, I ended up anonymously leaving the fruit back to the staff > lounge at my daughter's school the next day. I hope they enjoyed it. No > thank you note this time. > > > > > > > > Who the heck sends a 10-year-old a fruit basket for their > birthday???? And who the f#@* sends a 7 year old a fruit basket at > school???? > > > > > > > > Nadas do, of course :-) > > > > > > > > *sigh* > > > > - > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2010 Report Share Posted September 8, 2010 The gifts are so weird! Weirder still, nada tried to give my brother's childhood artwork to my boyfriend the first time they met - What? Why? And she saves manilla envelopes and stuffs them with junk compulsively. Maybe pages ripped out from catalogues of things you should like, maybe 5 lbbs of candy that you vaguely mentioned you llike once (even though you are a health nut and only try it once or twice a year). Stuffed with shit. I guess this falls into the " you are trash " category. On Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 9:00 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > I can't remember where I read it now, I think it might have been at the > page called " The Harpy's Child " which is a list of the traits of > narcissistic pd mothers, but somewhere I read that " narcissists are > notoriously bad gift-givers. " They can't be bothered to take the time to get > to know you well enough to understand what you like and don't like, and > besides... they don't care. They consider their own taste to be exquisite > and superior to yours, and anyone should be thrilled with whatever the > narcissist chooses to gift them. Since the hapless recipient is either too > polite or too afraid to speak the truth, the narcissist gets thanked for the > " nice " gift. > > At another Group I belong to we were discussing this very thing, the weird > gifts that we've all gotten from our personality-disordered parents. I > noticed that the gifts seemed to fall into categories: > > The " Me! " gift: the bpd/npd buys you something to her own taste that has > nothing to do with you or your taste, like clothes in her size and from her > favorite designer, or a huge framed picture of herself. > > The " Veiled Insult " gift: the bpd/npd buys you a bucket of housecleaning > products as a wedding gift, or a book on dieting, signs you up for cooking > lessons, or gives you clothes that are way too large or way too small for > you. Or, s/he gives you used, broken, dirty items that normally would be > thrown away (message: " you are garbage " .) If the npd/bpd gives your sibling > a really nice gift at the same time, it just highlights that you got the > insult gift. > > The " Hostile " gift: the bpd/npd buys you something that can actually harm > you or even kill you, like buying a case of liquor for an alcoholic, or > preparing gift foods with hidden ingredients that are known to induce > anaphylactic shock in the recipient. A huge box of chocolate sugar candy for > the diabetic, etc. > > The " Inappropriate " gift: the bpd/npd buys a sexually provocative gift for > their own barely-pubescent child, such as sexy lingeree or crotchless > panties, or gives liquor to a minor child, or gives a toy that is for older > children or not for children at all to a very young child. > > Some gifts can be in more than one category at the same time, such a a > member who reported being given running clothes (not workout clothes, not > exercise clothes: items meant specifically for running) and a walkman when > she is unable to even walk without pain (permanently, after a bad accident) > and must use a cane. The gifts were both insulting and inappropriate, > intended to hurt her feelings, given to her by a nasty sister in law. > > So, yes, pretty much anything can be weaponized by a bpd/npd individual, > even gifts. > > Here's the link to " The Harpy's Child " page, if you haven't read it, its > pretty fascinating. I found a lot of my own nada's behaviors there: > > http://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/ > > PS: I've received gifts in all these categories from nada AND dad, along > with some actually nice gifts, sometimes. I guess it depended on whether > " Dr. Jekyll " or " Mr. Hyde " was buying it for me. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > I have to share this one with people who will get it, and might even > have a good laugh. > > > > > > > > So, I've been NC with nada and (dishrag) dad for over a year. I have > two kids, and my nada keeps trying all sorts of strange ways to get some > sort of contact from them. My kids now understand why we are NC (my parents > hurt us financially last year and cut off payment for my daughter's school > tuition because we were going to shorten our visit to them by half a day - > some of you may remember the story). > > > > > > > > Anyhow, my oldest daughter just celebrated her 10th birthday! A few > weeks before her birthday, my dad (who does ALL nada's dirty work) emailed > me saying " they would like to re-establish a relationship " with me. Well, > being NC, I didn't respond. He then started emailing me asking me what he > could do to make my daughter's birthday " special " . OH, the responses I > wanted to send were WAY too numerous and humorous, but following the NC > rule, I didn't respond. Another email, asking what my daughter wanted for > her birthday and stating " We are also eager to hear your suggestions as to > how we might go about resuming our relationship. " After talking it over with > my therapist, I decided I was strong enough to send them a 1-sentence reply: > " Sorry, I am not ready to re-establish a relationship at this time. " End of > discussion. > > > > > > > > So, on my daughter's 10th birthday, a large fruit basket was > delivered to my house. My daughter was all excited because it had a " happy > birthday " balloon attached to it. When we opened the card and discovered it > was from my parents, it was too late to throw it in the trash (she was > already eating an apple). So naturally, my daughter knows that when someone > sends you a gift, you send them a thank-you note. So she sent them a very > nice, very benign thank you note, and that was it. > > > > > > > > Think the story ends there? Of course not! > > > > > > > > My other daughter just started 2nd grade last week. On the second day > of school, her teacher calls me (right after school) to tell me that " a > lovely and very large fruit basket " was delivered to the school for my > daughter and was sitting in the school office! The card says it is from her > grandparents and that she is supposed to share it with her class. It also > has a very large balloon attached to it that says " miss you " . The teacher > was a bit puzzled and asked if she should cut up the fruit and make a fruit > salad? After I briefly explained to her the in-appropriateness of the gift, > and that there were some issues with my parents, I quickly drove over to the > school and picked the damn thing up. My daughter never saw it (she was at > her friends' house when it was delivered after school). After contemplating > the idea of letting the fruit rot for a few weeks, then shipping it back to > nada in a box, I ended up anonymously leaving the fruit back to the staff > lounge at my daughter's school the next day. I hope they enjoyed it. No > thank you note this time. > > > > > > > > Who the heck sends a 10-year-old a fruit basket for their > birthday???? And who the f#@* sends a 7 year old a fruit basket at > school???? > > > > > > > > Nadas do, of course :-) > > > > > > > > *sigh* > > > > - > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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