doesn't it always end in NC/LC?

[Guest guest]

It seems like there's no other way to deal with a BPD parent when one finally

reaches the point where it just costs too damn much to keep your parent in your

life, and when one finally realizes that you can't just let someone continually

mistreat you (Eee-nough already), even when the treatment isn't full on crazy

emotional abuse. You just realize that it is never going to improve, guilt

isn't fatal and your own happiness counts just as much, if not more, than your

mother or father's (they had their chance to be happy and blew it, now it's your

turn). I used to think going N/C was unimaginable (what kind of person does

that?}, now it's like DUH, why would I have EVER have any contact with someone

who actively tries to inflict emotional pain on me (even if they would never

ever recognize that their behavior is intentionally cruel).

anyway, just thinking about how what was once unthinkable now feels pretty darn

ok (most of the time).

-

[Guest guest]

I really admire people who do it. There is no way it is not healthier.

I think someone on here posted something last week about how sometimes the

parent can become *more* functional when the child who is the toxic waste

dumping ground pulls themselves out of the picture and the parent doesn't have

that outlet. It's so hard to face that for some of us we will never be anything

more than the parent's representation of the disowned aspects and experiences of

themselves as children, the parts that are preverbal or unconscious or that they

are just too cowardly to process through. I am this to my father and only ever

will be this to him, and when I do finish school and move away I plan to have

very limited contact with him. I think it can also vary according to what type

the bpd is...my mother is a waif/hermit and it sounds like from reading here

that this type can be sometimes easier to deal with than a witch/queen type.

>

> It seems like there's no other way to deal with a BPD parent when one finally

reaches the point where it just costs too damn much to keep your parent in your

life, and when one finally realizes that you can't just let someone continually

mistreat you (Eee-nough already), even when the treatment isn't full on crazy

emotional abuse. You just realize that it is never going to improve, guilt

isn't fatal and your own happiness counts just as much, if not more, than your

mother or father's (they had their chance to be happy and blew it, now it's your

turn). I used to think going N/C was unimaginable (what kind of person does

that?}, now it's like DUH, why would I have EVER have any contact with someone

who actively tries to inflict emotional pain on me (even if they would never

ever recognize that their behavior is intentionally cruel).

>

> anyway, just thinking about how what was once unthinkable now feels pretty

darn ok (most of the time).

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

I really admire people who do it. There is no way it is not healthier.

I think someone on here posted something last week about how sometimes the

parent can become *more* functional when the child who is the toxic waste

dumping ground pulls themselves out of the picture and the parent doesn't have

that outlet. It's so hard to face that for some of us we will never be anything

more than the parent's representation of the disowned aspects and experiences of

themselves as children, the parts that are preverbal or unconscious or that they

are just too cowardly to process through. I am this to my father and only ever

will be this to him, and when I do finish school and move away I plan to have

very limited contact with him. I think it can also vary according to what type

the bpd is...my mother is a waif/hermit and it sounds like from reading here

that this type can be sometimes easier to deal with than a witch/queen type.

>

> It seems like there's no other way to deal with a BPD parent when one finally

reaches the point where it just costs too damn much to keep your parent in your

life, and when one finally realizes that you can't just let someone continually

mistreat you (Eee-nough already), even when the treatment isn't full on crazy

emotional abuse. You just realize that it is never going to improve, guilt

isn't fatal and your own happiness counts just as much, if not more, than your

mother or father's (they had their chance to be happy and blew it, now it's your

turn). I used to think going N/C was unimaginable (what kind of person does

that?}, now it's like DUH, why would I have EVER have any contact with someone

who actively tries to inflict emotional pain on me (even if they would never

ever recognize that their behavior is intentionally cruel).

>

> anyway, just thinking about how what was once unthinkable now feels pretty

darn ok (most of the time).

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

I really admire people who do it. There is no way it is not healthier.

I think someone on here posted something last week about how sometimes the

parent can become *more* functional when the child who is the toxic waste

dumping ground pulls themselves out of the picture and the parent doesn't have

that outlet. It's so hard to face that for some of us we will never be anything

more than the parent's representation of the disowned aspects and experiences of

themselves as children, the parts that are preverbal or unconscious or that they

are just too cowardly to process through. I am this to my father and only ever

will be this to him, and when I do finish school and move away I plan to have

very limited contact with him. I think it can also vary according to what type

the bpd is...my mother is a waif/hermit and it sounds like from reading here

that this type can be sometimes easier to deal with than a witch/queen type.

>

> It seems like there's no other way to deal with a BPD parent when one finally

reaches the point where it just costs too damn much to keep your parent in your

life, and when one finally realizes that you can't just let someone continually

mistreat you (Eee-nough already), even when the treatment isn't full on crazy

emotional abuse. You just realize that it is never going to improve, guilt

isn't fatal and your own happiness counts just as much, if not more, than your

mother or father's (they had their chance to be happy and blew it, now it's your

turn). I used to think going N/C was unimaginable (what kind of person does

that?}, now it's like DUH, why would I have EVER have any contact with someone

who actively tries to inflict emotional pain on me (even if they would never

ever recognize that their behavior is intentionally cruel).

>

> anyway, just thinking about how what was once unthinkable now feels pretty

darn ok (most of the time).

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

" It seems like there's no other way to deal with a BPD parent when one

finally reaches the point where it just costs too damn much to keep your

parent in your life, and when one finally realizes that you can't just let

someone continually mistreat you "

This is exactly what happened to me. I just thought one day, " why would I

have a relationship with someone who makes me feel so upset. . . . almost

suicidally upset " Yeah and that was the end. I haven't spoken to her since -

maybe saying " Hi " at a family party 2 or 3 times over the course of 7 years,

but not much beyond that. No eye contact and no real conversation. It's been

nice. Really nice. Not to say I haven't been upset or down for other

reasons, but the primary source of my crazy, mad, furious feelings are Bye

bye now. Yeah, its been nice. I don't think I've even felt guilty about it.

It was clearly the right choice for me. My brother's attempts to enforce

guilt trips don't work either. But my dad's did - and guess what - then he

got NC too! Now my brother's new psychopath wife letting me know what she

thinks of me - that didn't make me feel guilty, it made me feel scared. . .

and made me call the cops. . . and reinforced my decision - why would I NOT

be NC with a crazy family that includes 2 psycho bitches?

By the way, I reread the Borderline Mother book yesterday. My mother is a

queen/witch, who reverts to waif when things don't go her way. She LOVES to

play the victim, but really, she spends her time victimizing everyone else.

>

>

> I really admire people who do it. There is no way it is not healthier.

>

> I think someone on here posted something last week about how sometimes the

> parent can become *more* functional when the child who is the toxic waste

> dumping ground pulls themselves out of the picture and the parent doesn't

> have that outlet. It's so hard to face that for some of us we will never be

> anything more than the parent's representation of the disowned aspects and

> experiences of themselves as children, the parts that are preverbal or

> unconscious or that they are just too cowardly to process through. I am this

> to my father and only ever will be this to him, and when I do finish school

> and move away I plan to have very limited contact with him. I think it can

> also vary according to what type the bpd is...my mother is a waif/hermit and

> it sounds like from reading here that this type can be sometimes easier to

> deal with than a witch/queen type.

>

>

>

> >

> > It seems like there's no other way to deal with a BPD parent when one

> finally reaches the point where it just costs too damn much to keep your

> parent in your life, and when one finally realizes that you can't just let

> someone continually mistreat you (Eee-nough already), even when the

> treatment isn't full on crazy emotional abuse. You just realize that it is

> never going to improve, guilt isn't fatal and your own happiness counts just

> as much, if not more, than your mother or father's (they had their chance to

> be happy and blew it, now it's your turn). I used to think going N/C was

> unimaginable (what kind of person does that?}, now it's like DUH, why would

> I have EVER have any contact with someone who actively tries to inflict

> emotional pain on me (even if they would never ever recognize that their

> behavior is intentionally cruel).

> >

> > anyway, just thinking about how what was once unthinkable now feels

> pretty darn ok (most of the time).

> >

> > -

> >

>

>

>