Re: did you have an identity separate from your parents?

[Guest guest]

That actually sounds a lot like Narcissism. Those people are more attached to

themselves than anything else on the planet. I recognized a few of the things

you said in my own dad, who also has a bit of NPD. I never resembled anything

close to himself, so I was generally punished all of the time for not being the

way he wanted me to be. He started trying to brainwash me into it at about 3

years of age, but it never worked because I'm his polar opposite. Instead, he

found this guy that he believed was a carbon copy of himself and harassed me

into marrying him. He would go around bragging that " Well, ... You're

basically marrying your dad! " My dad was so attached to this guy that when I

wanted to divorce him, dad told me I was all kinds of awful things and then

started crying like I was cutting off his arms and legs, begging me not to

divorce the guy. My ex was a carbon copy of my father... just as much as an

egotistical prick, self-centered, extremely narcissistic, etc. My ex thought I

was the one with NPD!! hahahaha!

I've read about NPD people that the really sick minded ones will even molest

their children because it's the closest thing they can come to having sex with

themselves. I found it seemed that way when I got married. His offspring

marrying a carbon copy of himself was the closest he could ever get to marrying

himself.

BPD and NPD is a torturous combination... I really empathize with you. Sorry

you had to go through that.

>

> Hello All-

>

> I was thinking over my childhood today, and I remember how much my parents

seemed to over-identify with me. At least, with what they saw as my good traits

(my bad traits were my own evil business).

>

> For example:

>

> If I did well at school, it was " of course, you are smart like me " .

>

> If I won an art contest, it was " of course, I have a lot of artistic talent

and you take after me. I could have been a painter if I wanted to " .

>

> If I wrote a story " this is good. This really shows how well I would have done

if I'd pursued a writing career. "

>

> Maybe to someone not familiar with BPD this might sound complimentary, but it

came across as creepy and invasive.

>

> Sometimes they would catalog out loud what they saw as my personality traits

and assign them to themselves or each other. " Like this you get from me, that

from dad, this from me, that from dad, this from me. "

>

> If I said something like " that's not how I see myself " or " actually, I'm not

really like that " they'd laugh or grow angry. My BPD dad would say over and over

" I know you better than you know yourself " .

>

> My dad told me several times that I was " him, reincarnated " that we " shared

the same soul " .

>

> The thought that I might want my own soul didn't seem to occur to them.

>

> Actually (rueful laughter) it still doesn't.

>

> Did anyone else experience this?

>

> I think I was 18 before I had the epiphany that I wasn't just made up of bits

of my parents.

>

> Letty

>