Re: NC and suicide threats

[Guest guest]

Good Lord. (((((((((Stefanie))))))) You poor children. You truly were

hostages. I'm so sorry you had to grow up in such terror of your own mother.

That is beyond comprehension to me that nobody would see or hear how you were

being traumatized and abused and do something about it. Holy freaking cow. If

I had a magic wand I would go back in time and rescue you two. No child should

have to endure that kind of ongoing daily trauma. You must have a core of

steel, I think that would have turned me into a basket case.

My mother made me terrified of her just using her voice, her hands and a belt on

me, but if she'd threatened me with a knife too I think I'd have fled out of my

body from pure animal terror and remained in a permanent catatonic state.

Truly, some people are too disturbed to be parents.

-Annie

>

> This though for me to write..becouse I feel people will not belive me. But

> you guys have heard it all..so here goes:

>

> The earliest memmory I have of this is sitting on my mothers lap she would

> feed me and have a butcher knife on the side between her leg and the

> chair..If I didn't eat all my food and quickly she would pull out this huge

> knife put it to my throat and tell me she would kill me...(And I wonder why

> I'm so overweight) As I got older the knife came out for everything....I was

> better behaved then my little brother he saw it alot.

>

> I remember one incident that was so terrible for me. She wanted him to pull

> his tooth out..it was his first tooth so he was afraid to pull it...she

> pulled out the butcher knife..grabbed him and locked herself and my little

> brother in the bathroom...I kept hearing screaming and blood curdling

> screaming (I really belived she was stabbing him by the way he was

> screaming) I remember jumping up and down screaming for someone to help

> me..I ran to the windows and screamed to the street people to help me..no

> one came. My and mother exited the bathroom mom victorious with tooth in

> hand and my brother crying and bleeding fom his mouth.

>

> Other times she would say..tell your brother to do what I say or I will stab

> him..and I would beg my brother..Please ..do as she says.. and he would.

> This is what worked for her.

>

> When we got older..she turned the knife on her self if we didn't do what we

> wanted she would threaten to stab herself she would bite herself over and

> over again... pull out her hair...and beat herself..the pills came later.

> Now she mostly threatnets to take pills or burn down the house. This

> happens a least 2 times a year. It is so emotionally draining..it seems to

> kill me a little bit everytime she does it.

>

> I'm at the point (I'm sorry to say) that if she dies at least I'll be in

> peace...I live with guilt whiles she is alive anyway..so whats the diffrence

> if I feel guilt from her dieing

>

> Stefanie

>

[Guest guest]

Good Lord. (((((((((Stefanie))))))) You poor children. You truly were

hostages. I'm so sorry you had to grow up in such terror of your own mother.

That is beyond comprehension to me that nobody would see or hear how you were

being traumatized and abused and do something about it. Holy freaking cow. If

I had a magic wand I would go back in time and rescue you two. No child should

have to endure that kind of ongoing daily trauma. You must have a core of

steel, I think that would have turned me into a basket case.

My mother made me terrified of her just using her voice, her hands and a belt on

me, but if she'd threatened me with a knife too I think I'd have fled out of my

body from pure animal terror and remained in a permanent catatonic state.

Truly, some people are too disturbed to be parents.

-Annie

>

> This though for me to write..becouse I feel people will not belive me. But

> you guys have heard it all..so here goes:

>

> The earliest memmory I have of this is sitting on my mothers lap she would

> feed me and have a butcher knife on the side between her leg and the

> chair..If I didn't eat all my food and quickly she would pull out this huge

> knife put it to my throat and tell me she would kill me...(And I wonder why

> I'm so overweight) As I got older the knife came out for everything....I was

> better behaved then my little brother he saw it alot.

>

> I remember one incident that was so terrible for me. She wanted him to pull

> his tooth out..it was his first tooth so he was afraid to pull it...she

> pulled out the butcher knife..grabbed him and locked herself and my little

> brother in the bathroom...I kept hearing screaming and blood curdling

> screaming (I really belived she was stabbing him by the way he was

> screaming) I remember jumping up and down screaming for someone to help

> me..I ran to the windows and screamed to the street people to help me..no

> one came. My and mother exited the bathroom mom victorious with tooth in

> hand and my brother crying and bleeding fom his mouth.

>

> Other times she would say..tell your brother to do what I say or I will stab

> him..and I would beg my brother..Please ..do as she says.. and he would.

> This is what worked for her.

>

> When we got older..she turned the knife on her self if we didn't do what we

> wanted she would threaten to stab herself she would bite herself over and

> over again... pull out her hair...and beat herself..the pills came later.

> Now she mostly threatnets to take pills or burn down the house. This

> happens a least 2 times a year. It is so emotionally draining..it seems to

> kill me a little bit everytime she does it.

>

> I'm at the point (I'm sorry to say) that if she dies at least I'll be in

> peace...I live with guilt whiles she is alive anyway..so whats the diffrence

> if I feel guilt from her dieing

>

> Stefanie

>

[Guest guest]

Yes: that act of identifying with your abuser/feeling protective of your abuser

is called " The Stockholm Syndrome. " And I had it too.

Yes, severe, repeated, life-threatening trauma triggers a subconscious survival

mechanism in a helpless, trapped victim (whether the victim is a child or an

adult) causing the victim to bond like Super Glue to the abuser. It sounds

counter-intuitive, but if the powerless victim can get the abuser to care, can

engender in the abuser even a little reciprocal emotional bonding then there is

a greater chance of survival. Its a totally unconscious and instinctive

behavior on the part of the victim.

It explains why an injured, battered child will cling screaming in terror to the

very person who battered her, her mother, afraid of being taken away by the

kindly doctors and nurses who are there to actually help her.

Its so very sad that our own parents do these things to us. And its sad that

because it happens on nearly a daily basis, it becomes our " normal. "

-Annie

> > >

> > > This though for me to write..becouse I feel people will not belive me.

> > But

> > > you guys have heard it all..so here goes:

> > >

> > > The earliest memmory I have of this is sitting on my mothers lap she

> > would

> > > feed me and have a butcher knife on the side between her leg and the

> > > chair..If I didn't eat all my food and quickly she would pull out this

> > huge

> > > knife put it to my throat and tell me she would kill me...(And I wonder

> > why

> > > I'm so overweight) As I got older the knife came out for everything....I

> > was

> > > better behaved then my little brother he saw it alot.

> > >

> > > I remember one incident that was so terrible for me. She wanted him to

> > pull

> > > his tooth out..it was his first tooth so he was afraid to pull it...she

> > > pulled out the butcher knife..grabbed him and locked herself and my

> > little

> > > brother in the bathroom...I kept hearing screaming and blood curdling

> > > screaming (I really belived she was stabbing him by the way he was

> > > screaming) I remember jumping up and down screaming for someone to help

> > > me..I ran to the windows and screamed to the street people to help me..no

> > > one came. My and mother exited the bathroom mom victorious with tooth in

> > > hand and my brother crying and bleeding fom his mouth.

> > >

> > > Other times she would say..tell your brother to do what I say or I will

> > stab

> > > him..and I would beg my brother..Please ..do as she says.. and he would.

> > > This is what worked for her.

> > >

> > > When we got older..she turned the knife on her self if we didn't do what

> > we

> > > wanted she would threaten to stab herself she would bite herself over and

> > > over again... pull out her hair...and beat herself..the pills came later.

> > > Now she mostly threatnets to take pills or burn down the house. This

> > > happens a least 2 times a year. It is so emotionally draining..it seems

> > to

> > > kill me a little bit everytime she does it.

> > >

> > > I'm at the point (I'm sorry to say) that if she dies at least I'll be in

> > > peace...I live with guilt whiles she is alive anyway..so whats the

> > diffrence

> > > if I feel guilt from her dieing

> > >

> > > Stefanie

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes: that act of identifying with your abuser/feeling protective of your abuser

is called " The Stockholm Syndrome. " And I had it too.

Yes, severe, repeated, life-threatening trauma triggers a subconscious survival

mechanism in a helpless, trapped victim (whether the victim is a child or an

adult) causing the victim to bond like Super Glue to the abuser. It sounds

counter-intuitive, but if the powerless victim can get the abuser to care, can

engender in the abuser even a little reciprocal emotional bonding then there is

a greater chance of survival. Its a totally unconscious and instinctive

behavior on the part of the victim.

It explains why an injured, battered child will cling screaming in terror to the

very person who battered her, her mother, afraid of being taken away by the

kindly doctors and nurses who are there to actually help her.

Its so very sad that our own parents do these things to us. And its sad that

because it happens on nearly a daily basis, it becomes our " normal. "

-Annie

> > >

> > > This though for me to write..becouse I feel people will not belive me.

> > But

> > > you guys have heard it all..so here goes:

> > >

> > > The earliest memmory I have of this is sitting on my mothers lap she

> > would

> > > feed me and have a butcher knife on the side between her leg and the

> > > chair..If I didn't eat all my food and quickly she would pull out this

> > huge

> > > knife put it to my throat and tell me she would kill me...(And I wonder

> > why

> > > I'm so overweight) As I got older the knife came out for everything....I

> > was

> > > better behaved then my little brother he saw it alot.

> > >

> > > I remember one incident that was so terrible for me. She wanted him to

> > pull

> > > his tooth out..it was his first tooth so he was afraid to pull it...she

> > > pulled out the butcher knife..grabbed him and locked herself and my

> > little

> > > brother in the bathroom...I kept hearing screaming and blood curdling

> > > screaming (I really belived she was stabbing him by the way he was

> > > screaming) I remember jumping up and down screaming for someone to help

> > > me..I ran to the windows and screamed to the street people to help me..no

> > > one came. My and mother exited the bathroom mom victorious with tooth in

> > > hand and my brother crying and bleeding fom his mouth.

> > >

> > > Other times she would say..tell your brother to do what I say or I will

> > stab

> > > him..and I would beg my brother..Please ..do as she says.. and he would.

> > > This is what worked for her.

> > >

> > > When we got older..she turned the knife on her self if we didn't do what

> > we

> > > wanted she would threaten to stab herself she would bite herself over and

> > > over again... pull out her hair...and beat herself..the pills came later.

> > > Now she mostly threatnets to take pills or burn down the house. This

> > > happens a least 2 times a year. It is so emotionally draining..it seems

> > to

> > > kill me a little bit everytime she does it.

> > >

> > > I'm at the point (I'm sorry to say) that if she dies at least I'll be in

> > > peace...I live with guilt whiles she is alive anyway..so whats the

> > diffrence

> > > if I feel guilt from her dieing

> > >

> > > Stefanie

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes: that act of identifying with your abuser/feeling protective of your abuser

is called " The Stockholm Syndrome. " And I had it too.

Yes, severe, repeated, life-threatening trauma triggers a subconscious survival

mechanism in a helpless, trapped victim (whether the victim is a child or an

adult) causing the victim to bond like Super Glue to the abuser. It sounds

counter-intuitive, but if the powerless victim can get the abuser to care, can

engender in the abuser even a little reciprocal emotional bonding then there is

a greater chance of survival. Its a totally unconscious and instinctive

behavior on the part of the victim.

It explains why an injured, battered child will cling screaming in terror to the

very person who battered her, her mother, afraid of being taken away by the

kindly doctors and nurses who are there to actually help her.

Its so very sad that our own parents do these things to us. And its sad that

because it happens on nearly a daily basis, it becomes our " normal. "

-Annie

> > >

> > > This though for me to write..becouse I feel people will not belive me.

> > But

> > > you guys have heard it all..so here goes:

> > >

> > > The earliest memmory I have of this is sitting on my mothers lap she

> > would

> > > feed me and have a butcher knife on the side between her leg and the

> > > chair..If I didn't eat all my food and quickly she would pull out this

> > huge

> > > knife put it to my throat and tell me she would kill me...(And I wonder

> > why

> > > I'm so overweight) As I got older the knife came out for everything....I

> > was

> > > better behaved then my little brother he saw it alot.

> > >

> > > I remember one incident that was so terrible for me. She wanted him to

> > pull

> > > his tooth out..it was his first tooth so he was afraid to pull it...she

> > > pulled out the butcher knife..grabbed him and locked herself and my

> > little

> > > brother in the bathroom...I kept hearing screaming and blood curdling

> > > screaming (I really belived she was stabbing him by the way he was

> > > screaming) I remember jumping up and down screaming for someone to help

> > > me..I ran to the windows and screamed to the street people to help me..no

> > > one came. My and mother exited the bathroom mom victorious with tooth in

> > > hand and my brother crying and bleeding fom his mouth.

> > >

> > > Other times she would say..tell your brother to do what I say or I will

> > stab

> > > him..and I would beg my brother..Please ..do as she says.. and he would.

> > > This is what worked for her.

> > >

> > > When we got older..she turned the knife on her self if we didn't do what

> > we

> > > wanted she would threaten to stab herself she would bite herself over and

> > > over again... pull out her hair...and beat herself..the pills came later.

> > > Now she mostly threatnets to take pills or burn down the house. This

> > > happens a least 2 times a year. It is so emotionally draining..it seems

> > to

> > > kill me a little bit everytime she does it.

> > >

> > > I'm at the point (I'm sorry to say) that if she dies at least I'll be in

> > > peace...I live with guilt whiles she is alive anyway..so whats the

> > diffrence

> > > if I feel guilt from her dieing

> > >

> > > Stefanie

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada threatens suicide all the time. I've also had a hard time going NC

because of that... when I tried last time my dad convinced me to see her again

because she has no one else but me and my brother. I felt guilted into it by HIM

as well as her. (he's said he doesn't want to leave her because then she'll

really be all alone and she'll kill herself.) I'm sort of LC with her now and it

seems to be going ok. I only spend a couple hours with her at a time, once a

week or every other week, and leave at any sign of her craziness.

She's been making suicide threats for as long as I can remember. I used to be

horrified if I came home from school and I didn't see her right away that I'd

find her laying on the floor dead. She would also claim it would be my fault if

she did it, because I was such a bad child, or a disappointment, or whatever. I

think I believed it too, I still have a horrible self-image, I'm totally shocked

ANYONE loves me, despite knowing logically that she just messed me up.

Anyway, I have finally learned to just ignore her threats. It's very hard if she

calls up insisting she needs help and I have to refuse to go there. I tell her

that I don't have the mental strength to deal with it, and that I'm sorry, but

please call a psychiatrist who can deal with that better. I've called 911 too,

although cops seem to make things worse for her (they don't know how to deal

with mental illness well, they end up arresting her and charging her with

various things that then ends up into some long drawn out legal battle instead

of just getting her to a mental hospital) so the last few times I didn't even do

that.

It does goes against what I've learned to do about suicide threats... ie always

take it seriously. But after a couple times of refusing to go over there (and

panicking all night over it), she never did kill herself and she has stopped

making the threats! (At least to me.) It's been over a year since I've heard

any.

Casey

> >

> > Just a topic for discussion... My mom was always one who threatened suicide

when I " disappointed " her. Even as an adult with my own family I find myself

worrying that if I do not try my hardest to be what she needs she will kill

herself.... In Feb. of this year she (for the first time) attempted suicide...

It was a poor attempt but still an attempt. And as I am sure you can guess what

some of the first things she said about the attempt was that she moved several

states to live close to me and I am not making her happy. So, in summary she

trys to blame me for her suicidal desires...

> >

> > As a child I remember sitting at home in complete shock and fear as she

would tell me that I disappointed her so much that she would leave the house and

tell me she was going to go run her car head on into a semi... Pretty tough on a

little one.... I totally understand the concept of " walking on eggshells " ... I

think this makes NC seem impossible because of what might happen if that is what

I chose...

> >

> > She also refuses any sort of help (counseling...etc) and gets angry if it is

suggested.

> >

> > Anyone else have experiences like this?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow I totally jinxed myself with this. Not an hour after I wrote that I hadn't

gotten any suicide threats in so long from my nada, she called me up threatening

to jump overboard the ferry she is on!

This time it's not because of something I did, but my brother. She's totally

convinced he's moving to Utah where his girlfriend's family lives, even though

he says he's not. She even told me he quit his job and is moving there, which is

also not true. He called me up all upset because he thinks he ruined my parent's

anniversary (it's today) by calling her because now she's cutting herself. She's

fucking crazy. I told him it probably doesn't matter what he did or didn't do

she'd find a reason to be miserable and that it wasn't his fault.

Normally he can just ignore her shit but he's going through some stress with his

girlfriend right now who has just been diagnosed bipolar or something and he has

been staying in Utah with her while she recovers from a nervous breakdown. I've

honestly never had him call me up for support before! He is in the same place I

have been in (he's younger), feeling responsible for her actions, feeling like

it's HIS fault she ruined her date with my father. He said he shouldn't have

called, but I said if he DIDN'T she would have been mad at that! He called to

say he was coming here this weekend, not sure how she took that NEGATIVELY. She

turned it all around to mean he was moving to Utah permanently. She even told me

he quit his job! He said that was all bullshit, he's working from his laptop and

said he's just going to stay there for a month or so. (Even if he was moving

there, it's HIS FUCKING LIFE, he's an adult, and that's what adults do - leave

their parents.)

She's very good with her guilt trips. Even though I won't talk to her when she's

like this, I know through my brother how she's hurting herself and I get all

stressed out worrying about her. It's like an automatic reaction, though -

unlike my brother I have GIVEN UP on my mother. I think even if she kills

herself it would only be her own fault, and I've realized it really doesn't

matter at all what I do or don't do she's going to always be miserable. I'm not

even sure how much I would care if she died. (I feel guilty about it, but

sometimes I wish she just would already.) But deep down I guess I still haven't

completely cut the emotional ties - I feel sorry for her just like my brother

and my father, and that's why I haven't been able to go NC....

Excuse my french... I hate family drama

Casey

> > >

> > > Just a topic for discussion... My mom was always one who threatened

suicide when I " disappointed " her. Even as an adult with my own family I find

myself worrying that if I do not try my hardest to be what she needs she will

kill herself.... In Feb. of this year she (for the first time) attempted

suicide... It was a poor attempt but still an attempt. And as I am sure you can

guess what some of the first things she said about the attempt was that she

moved several states to live close to me and I am not making her happy. So, in

summary she trys to blame me for her suicidal desires...

> > >

> > > As a child I remember sitting at home in complete shock and fear as she

would tell me that I disappointed her so much that she would leave the house and

tell me she was going to go run her car head on into a semi... Pretty tough on a

little one.... I totally understand the concept of " walking on eggshells " ... I

think this makes NC seem impossible because of what might happen if that is what

I chose...

> > >

> > > She also refuses any sort of help (counseling...etc) and gets angry if it

is suggested.

> > >

> > > Anyone else have experiences like this?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow I totally jinxed myself with this. Not an hour after I wrote that I hadn't

gotten any suicide threats in so long from my nada, she called me up threatening

to jump overboard the ferry she is on!

This time it's not because of something I did, but my brother. She's totally

convinced he's moving to Utah where his girlfriend's family lives, even though

he says he's not. She even told me he quit his job and is moving there, which is

also not true. He called me up all upset because he thinks he ruined my parent's

anniversary (it's today) by calling her because now she's cutting herself. She's

fucking crazy. I told him it probably doesn't matter what he did or didn't do

she'd find a reason to be miserable and that it wasn't his fault.

Normally he can just ignore her shit but he's going through some stress with his

girlfriend right now who has just been diagnosed bipolar or something and he has

been staying in Utah with her while she recovers from a nervous breakdown. I've

honestly never had him call me up for support before! He is in the same place I

have been in (he's younger), feeling responsible for her actions, feeling like

it's HIS fault she ruined her date with my father. He said he shouldn't have

called, but I said if he DIDN'T she would have been mad at that! He called to

say he was coming here this weekend, not sure how she took that NEGATIVELY. She

turned it all around to mean he was moving to Utah permanently. She even told me

he quit his job! He said that was all bullshit, he's working from his laptop and

said he's just going to stay there for a month or so. (Even if he was moving

there, it's HIS FUCKING LIFE, he's an adult, and that's what adults do - leave

their parents.)

She's very good with her guilt trips. Even though I won't talk to her when she's

like this, I know through my brother how she's hurting herself and I get all

stressed out worrying about her. It's like an automatic reaction, though -

unlike my brother I have GIVEN UP on my mother. I think even if she kills

herself it would only be her own fault, and I've realized it really doesn't

matter at all what I do or don't do she's going to always be miserable. I'm not

even sure how much I would care if she died. (I feel guilty about it, but

sometimes I wish she just would already.) But deep down I guess I still haven't

completely cut the emotional ties - I feel sorry for her just like my brother

and my father, and that's why I haven't been able to go NC....

Excuse my french... I hate family drama

Casey

> > >

> > > Just a topic for discussion... My mom was always one who threatened

suicide when I " disappointed " her. Even as an adult with my own family I find

myself worrying that if I do not try my hardest to be what she needs she will

kill herself.... In Feb. of this year she (for the first time) attempted

suicide... It was a poor attempt but still an attempt. And as I am sure you can

guess what some of the first things she said about the attempt was that she

moved several states to live close to me and I am not making her happy. So, in

summary she trys to blame me for her suicidal desires...

> > >

> > > As a child I remember sitting at home in complete shock and fear as she

would tell me that I disappointed her so much that she would leave the house and

tell me she was going to go run her car head on into a semi... Pretty tough on a

little one.... I totally understand the concept of " walking on eggshells " ... I

think this makes NC seem impossible because of what might happen if that is what

I chose...

> > >

> > > She also refuses any sort of help (counseling...etc) and gets angry if it

is suggested.

> > >

> > > Anyone else have experiences like this?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

If someone made a suicide threat to me, I think my first reaction would be to

say, " I am not qualified to deal with this. I want to help, but I can't: I have

no training at all in this area. All I can do is call 911; they are trained and

qualified to help you. "

When my nada made an indirect suicide threat (she sobbingly asked her sister/my

aunt to help her find and buy a gun and some ammo, after declaring to Sister

that she wanted to kill herself) my Sister told her son/my nephew about it and

he said that if nada is making a genuine suicide threat that we need to have her

committed for observation. I replied that that makes sense to me, I agree,

let's do it. Our nada pulled back and has not made a suicide threat again.

I think that npd/bpd people need to control those around them, and if

terrorizing their children or spouse with threats of violence works, they'll use

that tactic over and over again, and if threatening suicide works, they'll use

that tactic over and over again.

They'll use whatever works to get them the result they want.

My nephew (who has worked in hospitals) said that if my nada (his grandnada)

threatens suicide again, that Sister and he and I should all work together to

get her committed for observation faster than nada can think twice. A 72-hour

involuntary commitment would be a very negative and unpleasant consequence, not

at all like the sympathetic response (or abject compliance) that she is

expecting, and it should discourage her from using that particular manipulation

tactic again. I agree with my Nephew: give nada an *instant and very negative*

consequence for threatening suicide and she'll quickly drop that from her

repertoire of manipulative tactics.

We need to stop enabling our mentally ill parents to manipulate us; its not

helping them and its not helping us, either.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > Just a topic for discussion... My mom was always one who threatened

suicide when I " disappointed " her. Even as an adult with my own family I find

myself worrying that if I do not try my hardest to be what she needs she will

kill herself.... In Feb. of this year she (for the first time) attempted

suicide... It was a poor attempt but still an attempt. And as I am sure you can

guess what some of the first things she said about the attempt was that she

moved several states to live close to me and I am not making her happy. So, in

summary she trys to blame me for her suicidal desires...

> > > >

> > > > As a child I remember sitting at home in complete shock and fear as she

would tell me that I disappointed her so much that she would leave the house and

tell me she was going to go run her car head on into a semi... Pretty tough on a

little one.... I totally understand the concept of " walking on eggshells " ... I

think this makes NC seem impossible because of what might happen if that is what

I chose...

> > > >

> > > > She also refuses any sort of help (counseling...etc) and gets angry if

it is suggested.

> > > >

> > > > Anyone else have experiences like this?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yep, it was the final move that convinced me that nada was mentally ill. 2

weeks after my brother had killed himself, nada threatened to kill herself when

I wouldn't let her in my house bc she had been acting wierd. I called my fada

and told him right away and said that I would call for her to be placed in a 72

hour hold if need be.

Fada's reaction made it pretty clear to me that, despite her never threatening

this to me before, it did not surprise him in the least. She of course denied

saying it. Nada is high functioning and with my fada having counseling

background, they kept things under raps from public view very well. In a way I

am almost glad now that I got to see this side of her or I don't know if I could

have separated from her as easily as I did without this " smoking gun " to show me

how wacked she is.

Her suicide threat and my brother's death all at the same time was/is my PTSD

trigger. I feel so bad for those of you who lived with these threats on a much

more frequent basis and at such young ages. It is horrible. My nada used other

things to enslave us kids but I guess she saved the suicide threats until later

for us.

patinage

[Guest guest]

I think its a good idea to always take a suicide threat seriously and report it.

If its a real threat, if there's real intent behind the threat then the

individual badly needs professional intervention and treatment that I myself am

simply not qualified to give.

If its NOT a real threat and its only done as a manipulation tactic (the

individual wants my attention, sympathy, time, or wants to punish me) then I'm

willing to bet that being hauled in for a non-consensual 72-hour observation

period would probably be a highly negative and embarrassing consequence and

would probably discourage the individual from trying to use that particular

tactic again.

I feel the same way about threats of violence. If someone were to threaten to

get me alone somewhere and beat me up or kill me, I would take that very

seriously and report it too.

Enough with the " learned helplessness " or deer-in-the-headlights or

stick-my-head-in-the-sand responses for me. I'm now into being assertive and

making rational, adult decisions and not being bullied or conned any more.

-Annie

> >

>

> Date: Wednesday, September 1, 2010, 5:17 AM

> > If someone made a suicide threat to

> > me, I think my first reaction would be to say, " I am not

> > qualified to deal with this. I want to help, but I

> > can't: I have no training at all in this area. All I

> > can do is call 911; they are trained and qualified to help

> > you. "

>

> Well, and that's the thing. We let ourselves get sucked into it for

> whatever our reasons are. I had a friend in high school who regularly

> threatened suicide and it was always big drama in our group of friends. I

> finally got to the point where I thought " Hell, *we* aren't helping her,

> maybe the school counselor can " and reported it. I lost a lot of friends,

> but that girl had some serious depression issues and she got treatment for

> them after that.

>

> It's funny, too, how just telling *some* people that you won't engage in

> the drama will alter things. I have a professional " peer " (and I put peer in

> quotations because I really think she sucks at our job and shouldn't ever be

> near children) who is definitely dealing with some sort of personality

> disorder, though I'm not sure BPD is her game. NPD, possibly. Either way,

> when she moved to my area and contacted me, other people in our profession

> from around the country gave me warnings and some stories of this woman.

> (For instance, she had friends who were going to the Grand Canyon...she

> wanted to go. The friends explained that they were going, as a married

> couple, with other married couples that she did not know and it wasn't their

> place to extend an invitation. She showed up there anyway and expected to be

> welcomed in...she was not. So then she spent hours threatening to throw

> herself off the cliff into the canyon...)

>

> Anyway, she often made " jokes " ...comments about " if this or that happens or

> continues I'll have to kill myself " I didn't find it funny AT ALL,

> considering that in the year prior I had attended THREE funerals for people

> who had committed suicide. On one occasion, she was upset with me for

> something and started heading in the " I'll kill myself " direction. I stopped

> her and said, " You need to know something. I don't take ANY comment about

> suicide as a joke or as unintentional. I will not take it lightly. I am not

> qualified to handle the situation so know this: if you tell me you are

> thinking about it, bring it up as a possibility or threat you had better

> mean it because my first and only response is going to be to call 911 and

> report it. I will turn it immediately over to the professionals who are

> trained and willing to help you. I will not take responsibility for the way

> it affects or potentially ruins your career. "

>

> She stopped bringing it up...I guess she realized that it wasn't something

> she could use to manipulate me and she wasn't willing to risk her career

> over that kind of game.

>

> It was good practice...I got to do a lot of healthy boundary drawing with

> her. It wasn't a relationship I cared much about, and it wasn't hurtful (the

> way it can be with a parent) when she withdrew from the friendship. It

> really helped me to clarify and solidify some of my feelings with regard to

> nada and to assert myself more effectively with other family members who are

> still in contact with nada.

>

> Ninera

>

>

>

>

> Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

> ------------------------------------

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

> amily Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

> alking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

> isa@... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

>

> ecommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

I think its a good idea to always take a suicide threat seriously and report it.

If its a real threat, if there's real intent behind the threat then the

individual badly needs professional intervention and treatment that I myself am

simply not qualified to give.

If its NOT a real threat and its only done as a manipulation tactic (the

individual wants my attention, sympathy, time, or wants to punish me) then I'm

willing to bet that being hauled in for a non-consensual 72-hour observation

period would probably be a highly negative and embarrassing consequence and

would probably discourage the individual from trying to use that particular

tactic again.

I feel the same way about threats of violence. If someone were to threaten to

get me alone somewhere and beat me up or kill me, I would take that very

seriously and report it too.

Enough with the " learned helplessness " or deer-in-the-headlights or

stick-my-head-in-the-sand responses for me. I'm now into being assertive and

making rational, adult decisions and not being bullied or conned any more.

-Annie

> >

>

> Date: Wednesday, September 1, 2010, 5:17 AM

> > If someone made a suicide threat to

> > me, I think my first reaction would be to say, " I am not

> > qualified to deal with this. I want to help, but I

> > can't: I have no training at all in this area. All I

> > can do is call 911; they are trained and qualified to help

> > you. "

>

> Well, and that's the thing. We let ourselves get sucked into it for

> whatever our reasons are. I had a friend in high school who regularly

> threatened suicide and it was always big drama in our group of friends. I

> finally got to the point where I thought " Hell, *we* aren't helping her,

> maybe the school counselor can " and reported it. I lost a lot of friends,

> but that girl had some serious depression issues and she got treatment for

> them after that.

>

> It's funny, too, how just telling *some* people that you won't engage in

> the drama will alter things. I have a professional " peer " (and I put peer in

> quotations because I really think she sucks at our job and shouldn't ever be

> near children) who is definitely dealing with some sort of personality

> disorder, though I'm not sure BPD is her game. NPD, possibly. Either way,

> when she moved to my area and contacted me, other people in our profession

> from around the country gave me warnings and some stories of this woman.

> (For instance, she had friends who were going to the Grand Canyon...she

> wanted to go. The friends explained that they were going, as a married

> couple, with other married couples that she did not know and it wasn't their

> place to extend an invitation. She showed up there anyway and expected to be

> welcomed in...she was not. So then she spent hours threatening to throw

> herself off the cliff into the canyon...)

>

> Anyway, she often made " jokes " ...comments about " if this or that happens or

> continues I'll have to kill myself " I didn't find it funny AT ALL,

> considering that in the year prior I had attended THREE funerals for people

> who had committed suicide. On one occasion, she was upset with me for

> something and started heading in the " I'll kill myself " direction. I stopped

> her and said, " You need to know something. I don't take ANY comment about

> suicide as a joke or as unintentional. I will not take it lightly. I am not

> qualified to handle the situation so know this: if you tell me you are

> thinking about it, bring it up as a possibility or threat you had better

> mean it because my first and only response is going to be to call 911 and

> report it. I will turn it immediately over to the professionals who are

> trained and willing to help you. I will not take responsibility for the way

> it affects or potentially ruins your career. "

>

> She stopped bringing it up...I guess she realized that it wasn't something

> she could use to manipulate me and she wasn't willing to risk her career

> over that kind of game.

>

> It was good practice...I got to do a lot of healthy boundary drawing with

> her. It wasn't a relationship I cared much about, and it wasn't hurtful (the

> way it can be with a parent) when she withdrew from the friendship. It

> really helped me to clarify and solidify some of my feelings with regard to

> nada and to assert myself more effectively with other family members who are

> still in contact with nada.

>

> Ninera

>

>

>

>

> Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

> ------------------------------------

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

> amily Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

> alking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

> isa@... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

>

> ecommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

My nada has gone through that 72 hour thing a few times, she still does it. I

don't think BPDs are actually capable of learning from their mistakes.

They've also usually let her out before 72 hours, except maybe once.

And now that my nada has no insurance, do you think they'd even take her? They

probably would, and then bill her for some absurd amount she can't afford.

Sometimes instead of taking her to a psych ward, the cops arrest her and shackle

her to the floor of the jail because they don't know how to deal with her.

Casey

> > >

> >

> > Date: Wednesday, September 1, 2010, 5:17 AM

> > > If someone made a suicide threat to

> > > me, I think my first reaction would be to say, " I am not

> > > qualified to deal with this. I want to help, but I

> > > can't: I have no training at all in this area. All I

> > > can do is call 911; they are trained and qualified to help

> > > you. "

> >

> > Well, and that's the thing. We let ourselves get sucked into it for

> > whatever our reasons are. I had a friend in high school who regularly

> > threatened suicide and it was always big drama in our group of friends. I

> > finally got to the point where I thought " Hell, *we* aren't helping her,

> > maybe the school counselor can " and reported it. I lost a lot of friends,

> > but that girl had some serious depression issues and she got treatment for

> > them after that.

> >

> > It's funny, too, how just telling *some* people that you won't engage in

> > the drama will alter things. I have a professional " peer " (and I put peer

in

> > quotations because I really think she sucks at our job and shouldn't ever

be

> > near children) who is definitely dealing with some sort of personality

> > disorder, though I'm not sure BPD is her game. NPD, possibly. Either way,

> > when she moved to my area and contacted me, other people in our profession

> > from around the country gave me warnings and some stories of this woman.

> > (For instance, she had friends who were going to the Grand Canyon...she

> > wanted to go. The friends explained that they were going, as a married

> > couple, with other married couples that she did not know and it wasn't

their

> > place to extend an invitation. She showed up there anyway and expected to

be

> > welcomed in...she was not. So then she spent hours threatening to throw

> > herself off the cliff into the canyon...)

> >

> > Anyway, she often made " jokes " ...comments about " if this or that happens or

> > continues I'll have to kill myself " I didn't find it funny AT ALL,

> > considering that in the year prior I had attended THREE funerals for people

> > who had committed suicide. On one occasion, she was upset with me for

> > something and started heading in the " I'll kill myself " direction. I

stopped

> > her and said, " You need to know something. I don't take ANY comment about

> > suicide as a joke or as unintentional. I will not take it lightly. I am not

> > qualified to handle the situation so know this: if you tell me you are

> > thinking about it, bring it up as a possibility or threat you had better

> > mean it because my first and only response is going to be to call 911 and

> > report it. I will turn it immediately over to the professionals who are

> > trained and willing to help you. I will not take responsibility for the way

> > it affects or potentially ruins your career. "

> >

> > She stopped bringing it up...I guess she realized that it wasn't something

> > she could use to manipulate me and she wasn't willing to risk her career

> > over that kind of game.

> >

> > It was good practice...I got to do a lot of healthy boundary drawing with

> > her. It wasn't a relationship I cared much about, and it wasn't hurtful

(the

> > way it can be with a parent) when she withdrew from the friendship. It

> > really helped me to clarify and solidify some of my feelings with regard to

> > nada and to assert myself more effectively with other family members who

are

> > still in contact with nada.

> >

> > Ninera

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

Essential

> > amily Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

> > alking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

> > isa@ DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> > ecommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> > Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

My nada has gone through that 72 hour thing a few times, she still does it. I

don't think BPDs are actually capable of learning from their mistakes.

They've also usually let her out before 72 hours, except maybe once.

And now that my nada has no insurance, do you think they'd even take her? They

probably would, and then bill her for some absurd amount she can't afford.

Sometimes instead of taking her to a psych ward, the cops arrest her and shackle

her to the floor of the jail because they don't know how to deal with her.

Casey

> > >

> >

> > Date: Wednesday, September 1, 2010, 5:17 AM

> > > If someone made a suicide threat to

> > > me, I think my first reaction would be to say, " I am not

> > > qualified to deal with this. I want to help, but I

> > > can't: I have no training at all in this area. All I

> > > can do is call 911; they are trained and qualified to help

> > > you. "

> >

> > Well, and that's the thing. We let ourselves get sucked into it for

> > whatever our reasons are. I had a friend in high school who regularly

> > threatened suicide and it was always big drama in our group of friends. I

> > finally got to the point where I thought " Hell, *we* aren't helping her,

> > maybe the school counselor can " and reported it. I lost a lot of friends,

> > but that girl had some serious depression issues and she got treatment for

> > them after that.

> >

> > It's funny, too, how just telling *some* people that you won't engage in

> > the drama will alter things. I have a professional " peer " (and I put peer

in

> > quotations because I really think she sucks at our job and shouldn't ever

be

> > near children) who is definitely dealing with some sort of personality

> > disorder, though I'm not sure BPD is her game. NPD, possibly. Either way,

> > when she moved to my area and contacted me, other people in our profession

> > from around the country gave me warnings and some stories of this woman.

> > (For instance, she had friends who were going to the Grand Canyon...she

> > wanted to go. The friends explained that they were going, as a married

> > couple, with other married couples that she did not know and it wasn't

their

> > place to extend an invitation. She showed up there anyway and expected to

be

> > welcomed in...she was not. So then she spent hours threatening to throw

> > herself off the cliff into the canyon...)

> >

> > Anyway, she often made " jokes " ...comments about " if this or that happens or

> > continues I'll have to kill myself " I didn't find it funny AT ALL,

> > considering that in the year prior I had attended THREE funerals for people

> > who had committed suicide. On one occasion, she was upset with me for

> > something and started heading in the " I'll kill myself " direction. I

stopped

> > her and said, " You need to know something. I don't take ANY comment about

> > suicide as a joke or as unintentional. I will not take it lightly. I am not

> > qualified to handle the situation so know this: if you tell me you are

> > thinking about it, bring it up as a possibility or threat you had better

> > mean it because my first and only response is going to be to call 911 and

> > report it. I will turn it immediately over to the professionals who are

> > trained and willing to help you. I will not take responsibility for the way

> > it affects or potentially ruins your career. "

> >

> > She stopped bringing it up...I guess she realized that it wasn't something

> > she could use to manipulate me and she wasn't willing to risk her career

> > over that kind of game.

> >

> > It was good practice...I got to do a lot of healthy boundary drawing with

> > her. It wasn't a relationship I cared much about, and it wasn't hurtful

(the

> > way it can be with a parent) when she withdrew from the friendship. It

> > really helped me to clarify and solidify some of my feelings with regard to

> > nada and to assert myself more effectively with other family members who

are

> > still in contact with nada.

> >

> > Ninera

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

Essential

> > amily Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

> > alking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

> > isa@ DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> > ecommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> > Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

My nada has gone through that 72 hour thing a few times, she still does it. I

don't think BPDs are actually capable of learning from their mistakes.

They've also usually let her out before 72 hours, except maybe once.

And now that my nada has no insurance, do you think they'd even take her? They

probably would, and then bill her for some absurd amount she can't afford.

Sometimes instead of taking her to a psych ward, the cops arrest her and shackle

her to the floor of the jail because they don't know how to deal with her.

Casey

> > >

> >

> > Date: Wednesday, September 1, 2010, 5:17 AM

> > > If someone made a suicide threat to

> > > me, I think my first reaction would be to say, " I am not

> > > qualified to deal with this. I want to help, but I

> > > can't: I have no training at all in this area. All I

> > > can do is call 911; they are trained and qualified to help

> > > you. "

> >

> > Well, and that's the thing. We let ourselves get sucked into it for

> > whatever our reasons are. I had a friend in high school who regularly

> > threatened suicide and it was always big drama in our group of friends. I

> > finally got to the point where I thought " Hell, *we* aren't helping her,

> > maybe the school counselor can " and reported it. I lost a lot of friends,

> > but that girl had some serious depression issues and she got treatment for

> > them after that.

> >

> > It's funny, too, how just telling *some* people that you won't engage in

> > the drama will alter things. I have a professional " peer " (and I put peer

in

> > quotations because I really think she sucks at our job and shouldn't ever

be

> > near children) who is definitely dealing with some sort of personality

> > disorder, though I'm not sure BPD is her game. NPD, possibly. Either way,

> > when she moved to my area and contacted me, other people in our profession

> > from around the country gave me warnings and some stories of this woman.

> > (For instance, she had friends who were going to the Grand Canyon...she

> > wanted to go. The friends explained that they were going, as a married

> > couple, with other married couples that she did not know and it wasn't

their

> > place to extend an invitation. She showed up there anyway and expected to

be

> > welcomed in...she was not. So then she spent hours threatening to throw

> > herself off the cliff into the canyon...)

> >

> > Anyway, she often made " jokes " ...comments about " if this or that happens or

> > continues I'll have to kill myself " I didn't find it funny AT ALL,

> > considering that in the year prior I had attended THREE funerals for people

> > who had committed suicide. On one occasion, she was upset with me for

> > something and started heading in the " I'll kill myself " direction. I

stopped

> > her and said, " You need to know something. I don't take ANY comment about

> > suicide as a joke or as unintentional. I will not take it lightly. I am not

> > qualified to handle the situation so know this: if you tell me you are

> > thinking about it, bring it up as a possibility or threat you had better

> > mean it because my first and only response is going to be to call 911 and

> > report it. I will turn it immediately over to the professionals who are

> > trained and willing to help you. I will not take responsibility for the way

> > it affects or potentially ruins your career. "

> >

> > She stopped bringing it up...I guess she realized that it wasn't something

> > she could use to manipulate me and she wasn't willing to risk her career

> > over that kind of game.

> >

> > It was good practice...I got to do a lot of healthy boundary drawing with

> > her. It wasn't a relationship I cared much about, and it wasn't hurtful

(the

> > way it can be with a parent) when she withdrew from the friendship. It

> > really helped me to clarify and solidify some of my feelings with regard to

> > nada and to assert myself more effectively with other family members who

are

> > still in contact with nada.

> >

> > Ninera

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

Essential

> > amily Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

> > alking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

> > isa@ DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> > ecommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> > Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)