Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She completely cut me off from the world. Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces will graduate from high school when I see them again. Does anyone else go through this? AJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 I was an only child too. My upbringing sounds much the same. Except she tried to kill me, and made it my fault. There is a definate disconnect between the emotional damage and the reality. I can talk and talk and talk about it until it becomes " old hat " but it does nothing to take away the pain or the knee jerk reaction I get. Even now, when I hear a friend went out with their friend....I feel like there is something wrong with me. Why didn't they want me there? > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She completely cut me off from the world. > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > Does anyone else go through this? > > AJ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Oh yes I have abandonment issues as well. My nada would threaten to get rid of me, or tell me if I told school counselors about her they would take me away, or if she was mad she would lock me out of the house until my dad came home. Once when I was about 3 she was fighting with me in the car on the way home and she was so mad she stopped, opened the door, pushed me out, and drove away. I was terrified. She felt really bad after that (sometimes she snaps back to reality as quick as she left it) and came right back. I was only there for a minute or two, but for 20 years after that I had a panic attack if I saw someone I knew leaving in a car. I learned to not look when they were leaving. (Eventually I tried watching on purpose and used techniques to stop panic attacks that I've learned, and I can deal with that now.) Abandonment has always been my worst fear. Now it's not focused on my nada so much (I don't think I'd mind if she left me for good). But I have a hard time making friends (not as hard as nada luckily) and I'm still convinced my boyfriend will realize he deserves better than me and will leave me. The funny thing is, I don't want to marry him because I really want him to stay with me because he WANTS to stay with me, and not because it might be hard to leave, or out of obligation or something. So at the same time as being really scared he's going to leave me, I'm also scared he'll think he CAN'T leave me (they way my dad won't leave my nada). Also I have to work REALLY hard to counter my reactions of " I'm ugly, I'm unlovable, he's leaving me, he doesn't love me " over simple things like that he's too tired and says no when I want to have sex. Cognitive therapy has helped me a LOT in countering these " automatic thoughts " and keeping them from spiraling me into depression. Casey > > > > > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a > > adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the > > issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with > > abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out > > the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her > > on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to > > " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I > > was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she > > found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would > > inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same > > thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She > > completely cut me off from the world. > > > > > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends > > and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not > > enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its > > me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and > > it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to > > see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces > > will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > > > > > Does anyone else go through this? > > > > > > AJ > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Oh yes I have abandonment issues as well. My nada would threaten to get rid of me, or tell me if I told school counselors about her they would take me away, or if she was mad she would lock me out of the house until my dad came home. Once when I was about 3 she was fighting with me in the car on the way home and she was so mad she stopped, opened the door, pushed me out, and drove away. I was terrified. She felt really bad after that (sometimes she snaps back to reality as quick as she left it) and came right back. I was only there for a minute or two, but for 20 years after that I had a panic attack if I saw someone I knew leaving in a car. I learned to not look when they were leaving. (Eventually I tried watching on purpose and used techniques to stop panic attacks that I've learned, and I can deal with that now.) Abandonment has always been my worst fear. Now it's not focused on my nada so much (I don't think I'd mind if she left me for good). But I have a hard time making friends (not as hard as nada luckily) and I'm still convinced my boyfriend will realize he deserves better than me and will leave me. The funny thing is, I don't want to marry him because I really want him to stay with me because he WANTS to stay with me, and not because it might be hard to leave, or out of obligation or something. So at the same time as being really scared he's going to leave me, I'm also scared he'll think he CAN'T leave me (they way my dad won't leave my nada). Also I have to work REALLY hard to counter my reactions of " I'm ugly, I'm unlovable, he's leaving me, he doesn't love me " over simple things like that he's too tired and says no when I want to have sex. Cognitive therapy has helped me a LOT in countering these " automatic thoughts " and keeping them from spiraling me into depression. Casey > > > > > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a > > adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the > > issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with > > abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out > > the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her > > on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to > > " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I > > was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she > > found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would > > inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same > > thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She > > completely cut me off from the world. > > > > > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends > > and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not > > enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its > > me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and > > it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to > > see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces > > will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > > > > > Does anyone else go through this? > > > > > > AJ > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Oh yes I have abandonment issues as well. My nada would threaten to get rid of me, or tell me if I told school counselors about her they would take me away, or if she was mad she would lock me out of the house until my dad came home. Once when I was about 3 she was fighting with me in the car on the way home and she was so mad she stopped, opened the door, pushed me out, and drove away. I was terrified. She felt really bad after that (sometimes she snaps back to reality as quick as she left it) and came right back. I was only there for a minute or two, but for 20 years after that I had a panic attack if I saw someone I knew leaving in a car. I learned to not look when they were leaving. (Eventually I tried watching on purpose and used techniques to stop panic attacks that I've learned, and I can deal with that now.) Abandonment has always been my worst fear. Now it's not focused on my nada so much (I don't think I'd mind if she left me for good). But I have a hard time making friends (not as hard as nada luckily) and I'm still convinced my boyfriend will realize he deserves better than me and will leave me. The funny thing is, I don't want to marry him because I really want him to stay with me because he WANTS to stay with me, and not because it might be hard to leave, or out of obligation or something. So at the same time as being really scared he's going to leave me, I'm also scared he'll think he CAN'T leave me (they way my dad won't leave my nada). Also I have to work REALLY hard to counter my reactions of " I'm ugly, I'm unlovable, he's leaving me, he doesn't love me " over simple things like that he's too tired and says no when I want to have sex. Cognitive therapy has helped me a LOT in countering these " automatic thoughts " and keeping them from spiraling me into depression. Casey > > > > > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a > > adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the > > issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with > > abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out > > the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her > > on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to > > " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I > > was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she > > found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would > > inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same > > thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She > > completely cut me off from the world. > > > > > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends > > and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not > > enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its > > me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and > > it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to > > see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces > > will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > > > > > Does anyone else go through this? > > > > > > AJ > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 I was thinking this morning, that if I didnt have my twin sister, I dont think I could have survived. Literally. We never really got along (mum was very good at turning us apon eachother), but we always united against her when she would go nuts. You should be very proud of yourself that you made it through on your own. Im sure there are many out there who dont make it, either physically or mentally. > > I was an only child too. My upbringing sounds much the same. Except she tried to kill me, and made it my fault. > > There is a definate disconnect between the emotional damage and the reality. I can talk and talk and talk about it until it becomes " old hat " but it does nothing to take away the pain or the knee jerk reaction I get. Even now, when I hear a friend went out with their friend....I feel like there is something wrong with me. Why didn't they want me there? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 I was thinking this morning, that if I didnt have my twin sister, I dont think I could have survived. Literally. We never really got along (mum was very good at turning us apon eachother), but we always united against her when she would go nuts. You should be very proud of yourself that you made it through on your own. Im sure there are many out there who dont make it, either physically or mentally. > > I was an only child too. My upbringing sounds much the same. Except she tried to kill me, and made it my fault. > > There is a definate disconnect between the emotional damage and the reality. I can talk and talk and talk about it until it becomes " old hat " but it does nothing to take away the pain or the knee jerk reaction I get. Even now, when I hear a friend went out with their friend....I feel like there is something wrong with me. Why didn't they want me there? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 I was thinking this morning, that if I didnt have my twin sister, I dont think I could have survived. Literally. We never really got along (mum was very good at turning us apon eachother), but we always united against her when she would go nuts. You should be very proud of yourself that you made it through on your own. Im sure there are many out there who dont make it, either physically or mentally. > > I was an only child too. My upbringing sounds much the same. Except she tried to kill me, and made it my fault. > > There is a definate disconnect between the emotional damage and the reality. I can talk and talk and talk about it until it becomes " old hat " but it does nothing to take away the pain or the knee jerk reaction I get. Even now, when I hear a friend went out with their friend....I feel like there is something wrong with me. Why didn't they want me there? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Yes, I think a lot of us with BPD parents go through the same things. I experience abandonment issues as well. In fact, recently I was set to get married and I called the entire thing off. Anyone I've gotten really close to or thought I loved ended up hurting me really badly or humiliating me. I have more of a fear of going through the cycles of feeling like a fight is the end of the world, he'll kick me out and I'll be on my own again. I know it's incredibly irrational but I don't know anything else. When I was 18 years old my dad drove me to the bank, got out $200 and handed it to me saying, " You are going to be a loser the rest of your life so I'm going to give you a head start. This is all the money you will get from me forever. Have a nice life. " He continued to drive me to the airport with a plane ticket in his hand and said, " You can go live in the heated garage with the dogs at your uncle's house, that's where you belong because that's all you'll ever be. " He ended up missing the flight and had to take me back home. It was the first time my mother ever stood up to my dad and she was standing up for me. She cussed him out and told him he was way too hard on me, etc. Didn't do much good since we were both severely beat down from him. Social situations are really awkward for me too. I get nervous and always end up saying the wrong thing. I feel like a 25 year old simultaneously going on 50yrs and 10yrs at the same time. - > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She completely cut me off from the world. > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > Does anyone else go through this? > > AJ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Yes, I think a lot of us with BPD parents go through the same things. I experience abandonment issues as well. In fact, recently I was set to get married and I called the entire thing off. Anyone I've gotten really close to or thought I loved ended up hurting me really badly or humiliating me. I have more of a fear of going through the cycles of feeling like a fight is the end of the world, he'll kick me out and I'll be on my own again. I know it's incredibly irrational but I don't know anything else. When I was 18 years old my dad drove me to the bank, got out $200 and handed it to me saying, " You are going to be a loser the rest of your life so I'm going to give you a head start. This is all the money you will get from me forever. Have a nice life. " He continued to drive me to the airport with a plane ticket in his hand and said, " You can go live in the heated garage with the dogs at your uncle's house, that's where you belong because that's all you'll ever be. " He ended up missing the flight and had to take me back home. It was the first time my mother ever stood up to my dad and she was standing up for me. She cussed him out and told him he was way too hard on me, etc. Didn't do much good since we were both severely beat down from him. Social situations are really awkward for me too. I get nervous and always end up saying the wrong thing. I feel like a 25 year old simultaneously going on 50yrs and 10yrs at the same time. - > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She completely cut me off from the world. > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > Does anyone else go through this? > > AJ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Yes, I think a lot of us with BPD parents go through the same things. I experience abandonment issues as well. In fact, recently I was set to get married and I called the entire thing off. Anyone I've gotten really close to or thought I loved ended up hurting me really badly or humiliating me. I have more of a fear of going through the cycles of feeling like a fight is the end of the world, he'll kick me out and I'll be on my own again. I know it's incredibly irrational but I don't know anything else. When I was 18 years old my dad drove me to the bank, got out $200 and handed it to me saying, " You are going to be a loser the rest of your life so I'm going to give you a head start. This is all the money you will get from me forever. Have a nice life. " He continued to drive me to the airport with a plane ticket in his hand and said, " You can go live in the heated garage with the dogs at your uncle's house, that's where you belong because that's all you'll ever be. " He ended up missing the flight and had to take me back home. It was the first time my mother ever stood up to my dad and she was standing up for me. She cussed him out and told him he was way too hard on me, etc. Didn't do much good since we were both severely beat down from him. Social situations are really awkward for me too. I get nervous and always end up saying the wrong thing. I feel like a 25 year old simultaneously going on 50yrs and 10yrs at the same time. - > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She completely cut me off from the world. > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > Does anyone else go through this? > > AJ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 I forgot to add... My dad did the same thing your mom did. Starting at 13 years old he said he would kick me out at 14... then at 14 it was 15... 15 it was 16... Anything I did wrong he always threatened to abandon. I know now he would have never done it because having me close to torment me was much more fun than not having me around at all. > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She completely cut me off from the world. > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > Does anyone else go through this? > > AJ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 I forgot to add... My dad did the same thing your mom did. Starting at 13 years old he said he would kick me out at 14... then at 14 it was 15... 15 it was 16... Anything I did wrong he always threatened to abandon. I know now he would have never done it because having me close to torment me was much more fun than not having me around at all. > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She completely cut me off from the world. > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > Does anyone else go through this? > > AJ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 I forgot to add... My dad did the same thing your mom did. Starting at 13 years old he said he would kick me out at 14... then at 14 it was 15... 15 it was 16... Anything I did wrong he always threatened to abandon. I know now he would have never done it because having me close to torment me was much more fun than not having me around at all. > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She completely cut me off from the world. > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > Does anyone else go through this? > > AJ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 My nada emotionally tortured me by threatening to take me to the orphan's home and leaving me with them, because she " couldn't do anything with me " because I was such a bad child and maybe they could " do something with me. " She even arranged a little scenario once of taking me to the orphans' home when I was about 5 or so, saying it was to give the orphans my old toys, but when we arrived the person in charge asked, " Are you bringing us a new kid? " and my nada hesitated, drawing out the moment before giving her response which was, " No, just some old toys. " That traumatized me rather severely, particularly the part where when we got back to the car, I broke down sobbing and thanked my mother for not leaving me there and she went totally batshit ballistic on me and screamed at me the entire way back home, " How could you say something like that to your own mother?! What a horrible, ungrateful child you are! " (or words to that effect.) I just remember the incident so vividly, as though it happened yesterday. -Annie > > > > > > > > Growing up with my nada, I always had severe abandoment issues. As a > > > adult who has gone through therapy, I now know WHY I felt this way, but the > > > issues still rear their ugly head. As a child, I was always threatened with > > > abandonment if I didn't obey my nada's every command. If I didn't take out > > > the trash, or do the dishes or date the wrong boy, or even come to visit her > > > on weekends when I was away at college, she would simultaneously threaten to > > > " cut me off " and never speak to me again. In typical nada-like fashion, I > > > was ostracized from all friends and family. Any friend my nada made, she > > > found some flaw in that person (because we are all flawed somehow)that would > > > inevitably threaten her friendship and cause my nada to stay away. Same > > > thing with family. I was an only child, lonely and crying for family. She > > > completely cut me off from the world. > > > > > > > > Now, I find myself fighting these urges. Its hard for me to make friends > > > and when I do, I get very self-conscious that I am sharing too much or not > > > enough. When friends/husband doesn't call me back, I automatically think its > > > me they don't want to talk to. Now, my SIL and my husband are fighting and > > > it is so reminiscent of my childhood because she is refusing to allow us to > > > see my nieces as a result. I keep crying over it thinking that my nieces > > > will graduate from high school when I see them again. > > > > > > > > Does anyone else go through this? > > > > > > > > AJ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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