On emotional eating: WOW!

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Hope things are well. I had a HUGE realization this week! I've been working

with " Shrink yourself " book a lot because I think emotional eating is really a

big issue for me. I've made a lot of progress but as I was reading this week,

there is a section where the author asks us to think about the reasons why we

want to stay overweight. Every fiber of my being was fighting against this

notion... For God's sake, I've been trying to lose weight for as long as I can

remember and why would I want to purposefully put myself through this?

But I kept reading and all I can say is it finally hit me and I realized a major

reason why I WANT to stay overweight!

Growing up my brother used to tell me: " no man is ever going to love you if you

are fat! " (and at the time, I was maybe 15 lbs overweight, now a 100). It was

his way of " motivating " me into action (if you can believe that!), but the worst

part is that I think a part of me always believed him.

I somehow wanted to rebel and be like: I'll show you... I'll find someone to

love me even when I'm fat because there is more to me than this. At the same

time, I've been in a loving relationship for two years now and since we started

dating, I've gained 30 pounds! In fact, the periods that I go on the biggest

binges is right before I am going to see my boyfriend. When I was reading the

book, I realized that I was doing this and part of me is trying to test if my

boyfriend really loves me. Based on what my brother would say, if he can love

me when I'm fat, then it means he really truly loves me?! Right? WRONG!

I can't believe that I've been doing this to myself all along without realizing

it. I can't believe that I've been abusing myself to test his love for me,

instead of seeing how truly he loves me by all the things he does.

I think this has been a big breakthrough for me and it hit me like a truck when

I was reading the book yesterday.

In fact, I realized that this isn't the only reason. I also find it comforting

hiding behind my body and avoiding unwanted attention. But none of these things

are rational. I am a mature, independent, strong, and intelligent adult. I can

take care of myself, and love myself and don't need validation, love or

protection from anyone else besides myself and God. It feels so good to say

that! I need to think about myself and my needs and the most pressing things is

that I need to take care of my health for all the right reasons: for myself and

my future.

But all I can say is: WOW!

M.