Re: Re: Class mate, possible ko

[Guest guest]

First, I should elaborate that I only speak with him 15-20 minutes twice a

week. So, I don't have a big history of long conversations. With that

being said, I do admit that I find the conversations to be awkward at best

uncomfortable at worst. I find it odd how he can be so focused on something

he did over the weekend that it interrupts the flow of conversation. It's a

very childlike thing. " Do you want to know what I got for my birthday? " was

one example of something he said. Followed by a list of everything he

received. I don't feel I would need to distance myself at this point due to

the fact that out contact is limited but maybe make a point to keep it to

just before class. For now I think I will wait and see what develops before

I can decide if I could even be of help. As mentioned before, he may be too

enmeshed to see the unhealthiness of the relationship or he may cling to a

simple suggestion from me and try to make me the therapist.

This is why I like to post these things here before doing something possibly

foolish. I would never have considered some of these outcomes otherwise and

may have ended up in over my head. Thank you all for sharing your

experiences and knowledge of these situations.

On Sun, Sep 5, 2010 at 2:16 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> How does his behavior make *you* feel? Do you look forward to spending time

> with this fellow, or not? Do you feel comfortable with his sudden, extreme

> attachment to you, or not?

>

> Me personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone who is so extremely

> emotionally needy to the point of it being a one-way relationship, with me

> doing all the listening and giving and him doing all the talking and taking.

> Friendship and conversation are supposed to be two-way, not one-way.

>

> Its as though he's decided that you are his therapist, and you've agreed to

> it.

>

> If this were happening to me, personally, I'd steer this fellow toward the

> school counselor who will probably suggest that he go into therapy. And I'd

> gradually wean myself away from him if he shows no signs of growing to

> understand the concept of a two-way conversation or the mutual give-and-take

> of friendship. I am not trained to be a therapist and wouldn't be able to

> help this fellow reach any kind of level of personal insight or awareness or

> help him individuate and heal. All I could do would be to lend a sympathetic

> ear, and after a while I would find that tiresome to only listen and nod

> sympathetically about his problems. To me that's a therapist-patient

> relationship, not a friendship.

>

> But that's just my take on it; each person has to decide for himself or

> herself what she can and can't tolerate.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > Hello,

> >

> > Yet again I have a question. I am so sorry that I am so needy these days

>

> >

> > On the first day of classes a student in one of my classes introduced

> > himself to me. Immediately it was clear that he was, for some reason,

> > focusing on or attaching to me. At first I though it was a hitting on me

> > type behavior and ignored it, just continues to speak politely to him.

> Now

> > I am wondering if his mother is BPD or other PD and he somehow saw the

> same

> > in me. He has that same desperate wants to share his life story thing

> going

> > on that I used to do. Just like I was he seems over eager to talk about

> his

> > life. Conversations with him are not at all normal. There is no back and

> > forth. He can completly change the subject back to his life such as " hey,

> > do you wanna know what I got for my birthday? " . All this does not strike

> me

> > as him having the PD though. More like I used to be-a desperate attempt

> to

> > hang on to anyone who is nice. It is so hard to explain this in writing.

> > Anyway, through a few conversations I have noticed he seems to be in

> total

> > fear of his mother. After he recently turned 21 he mentioned that he had

> a

> > beer on his birthday and that his mother would never let him off the hook

> if

> > she found out. That struck me as very controlling. I'm sure any mother

> > would not want their child to get wasted but 1 beer hardly seems worth

> that

> > amount of fear. Every conversation he mentions his mother and it always

> > sounds the same--controlling.

> >

> > So, Is there anything I can do to help him? I want to open the door for

> him

> > to look into BPD or just general abusive and contolling behaviors and see

> > that this is not ok(if it is as I perceive). I don't want to come off as

> > intruding and push him away. Am I just over thinking this? Should I

> > broach the subject? How?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >