Re:too bad we cannot divorce them

[Guest guest]

Yes, but....

What if we make it OK to do so. Give our kind of " divorce " a name and

validate it? Perhaps it can be a real option, if we believe in it.

More thought (and not just to play devil's advocate): What if we

really do give ourselves permission to do the relationship our way?

Really pray for what we want and move in that direction? Don't think I

am being woo-woo on this (but of course, someone will tell me if I

am)...

For some of us, doing the relationship our way is going no contact. I

am not sure what doing the relationship my way is right now. I so much

don't like nada's secrecy that I am more and more leaning towards no

contact myself. I mean, why bother to call, when we have almost no

intimate disclosure and nada is always ready to turn her guns on me

for any reason?

I am imagining today a time when I am truly what my Higher Power

wanted me to be. A person whom nada cannot hurt, because the wounds

are healed. A person who can set boundaries easily, and without

insulting nada.

I am already a person with knowledge of what can happen when family

intimacy is forged on false grounds, in secrecy and isolation from

community. When one or more family members do their legal best to

blame other people for their problems. My perspective is this: I feel

like being so close to a person with BPD has made me a student of

human nature in a unique way. Maybe I can choose NOT to have any more

intimate lessons, or " challenges " (aka " physical divorce " ) but I get

to keep the benefit of the lessons in my whine collection, remembering

to leave the dregs on the bottom of the bottle.

I am healing, and letting go of the past dreams that will never come

true, and doing my best to help someone else's dreams be a reality. I

am trying to give the good both here and to my son..

Best,