Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it because I had seen elderly people in run down nursing homes on Medicaid while their children drove expensive cars. ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel like it's ok to be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because they are rarely if ever enforced. After I wrote the article, I lobbied a local district attorney to enforce the law on the books. He said there was no way- it was too politically troublesome for an elected official to take this on. > Yep, that's the basis of my post. I live in PA. I actually found this by > accident from a website on elder abuse/neglect so I have not researched > thoroughly. My state was there only as an example, it does not include > every state. I did read somewhere that it goes by the state the elderly > person lives in. For example, if I moved to CA and nada still lived here I > would be subject to PA law regardless of where I live. > > I agree it shouldn't be legal, or at least extend the abandonment clause to > include estrangement in adulthood. I am not a part of nada's life and feel > no responsibility to provide for her when she has been so irresponsible with > her finances and treated me so horribly. I can see future lawsuits in which > children of irresponsible parents sue to force them into managing money > better to protect themselves. If I am going to be responsible for someone > else I should have some say in how they handle their money! > > Also, for those of us who are abuse survivors it would feel like being > abused all over again. To be told that you have to provide for this person > who tortured you because " he/she provided life, care, and comfort " . It > seems similar to me as cases where a battered spouse is forced into > mediation with their abuser during the divorce. > > Here is the link to the article I read but it is pretty narrow in scope: > > www.stevensbrand.com/pdfs/Filial-*Responsibility*-Laws.pdf > > > > On Sat, Sep 11, 2010 at 6:33 PM, climberkayak wrote: > >> >> >> Holy crap! Check this out: >> >> " There are 30 states that have filial responsibility laws on the books, >> including Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, >> Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, land, Massachusetts, >> Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, >> North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, >> Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia and West Virginia. >> >> Pennsylvania is the only state so far that has been aggressively enforcing >> its filial responsibility law. However, the nursing home industry is >> suffering during these bleak economic times, and it's likely that nursing >> homes in other states with filial support laws will follow Pennsylvania's >> lead in an effort to stay afloat. " >> >> >> http://elder-law.lawyers.com/Filial-Responsibility-Supporting-Your-Parents.html >> >> >> >>> >>> Hello, >>> >>> I am doing research for my assignment on elder abuse and neglect. I came >>> across a lengthy article about legal filial responsibility. Apparently, >> in >>> the state I live the law was recently changed so that adult children of >>> indigent elders are financially responsible for there long term medical >>> care. Failure to pay is punishable with imprisonment. The law does excuse >>> children who were abandoned but it only covers physical abandonment and >> it >>> must be for at least 10 years before the age of 18. Based on the >>> calculation an adult child would have to pay 1/2 of their disposable >>> income(income left after necessities are paid) each month. >>> >>> I am feeling very shocked and saddened by this. Nada has been >> intentionally >>> irresponsible with her money and retirement savings. To think that her >>> doctors could come after me because of her irresponsibility is sickening. >>> She has verbally and emotionally abused me my entire life ending in us >>> having NC. The law is based on the idea that parents supported children >> so >>> we should do the same. " hold that children are indebted to their parents >>> because they provided life, care, and comfort " . My nada never provided >> care >>> or comfort. I feel physically ill at the thought of being legally >> required >>> to provide care for the person who did everything possible to ruin me. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it because I had seen elderly people in run down nursing homes on Medicaid while their children drove expensive cars. ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel like it's ok to be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because they are rarely if ever enforced. After I wrote the article, I lobbied a local district attorney to enforce the law on the books. He said there was no way- it was too politically troublesome for an elected official to take this on. > Yep, that's the basis of my post. I live in PA. I actually found this by > accident from a website on elder abuse/neglect so I have not researched > thoroughly. My state was there only as an example, it does not include > every state. I did read somewhere that it goes by the state the elderly > person lives in. For example, if I moved to CA and nada still lived here I > would be subject to PA law regardless of where I live. > > I agree it shouldn't be legal, or at least extend the abandonment clause to > include estrangement in adulthood. I am not a part of nada's life and feel > no responsibility to provide for her when she has been so irresponsible with > her finances and treated me so horribly. I can see future lawsuits in which > children of irresponsible parents sue to force them into managing money > better to protect themselves. If I am going to be responsible for someone > else I should have some say in how they handle their money! > > Also, for those of us who are abuse survivors it would feel like being > abused all over again. To be told that you have to provide for this person > who tortured you because " he/she provided life, care, and comfort " . It > seems similar to me as cases where a battered spouse is forced into > mediation with their abuser during the divorce. > > Here is the link to the article I read but it is pretty narrow in scope: > > www.stevensbrand.com/pdfs/Filial-*Responsibility*-Laws.pdf > > > > On Sat, Sep 11, 2010 at 6:33 PM, climberkayak wrote: > >> >> >> Holy crap! Check this out: >> >> " There are 30 states that have filial responsibility laws on the books, >> including Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, >> Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, land, Massachusetts, >> Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, >> North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, >> Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia and West Virginia. >> >> Pennsylvania is the only state so far that has been aggressively enforcing >> its filial responsibility law. However, the nursing home industry is >> suffering during these bleak economic times, and it's likely that nursing >> homes in other states with filial support laws will follow Pennsylvania's >> lead in an effort to stay afloat. " >> >> >> http://elder-law.lawyers.com/Filial-Responsibility-Supporting-Your-Parents.html >> >> >> >>> >>> Hello, >>> >>> I am doing research for my assignment on elder abuse and neglect. I came >>> across a lengthy article about legal filial responsibility. Apparently, >> in >>> the state I live the law was recently changed so that adult children of >>> indigent elders are financially responsible for there long term medical >>> care. Failure to pay is punishable with imprisonment. The law does excuse >>> children who were abandoned but it only covers physical abandonment and >> it >>> must be for at least 10 years before the age of 18. Based on the >>> calculation an adult child would have to pay 1/2 of their disposable >>> income(income left after necessities are paid) each month. >>> >>> I am feeling very shocked and saddened by this. Nada has been >> intentionally >>> irresponsible with her money and retirement savings. To think that her >>> doctors could come after me because of her irresponsibility is sickening. >>> She has verbally and emotionally abused me my entire life ending in us >>> having NC. The law is based on the idea that parents supported children >> so >>> we should do the same. " hold that children are indebted to their parents >>> because they provided life, care, and comfort " . My nada never provided >> care >>> or comfort. I feel physically ill at the thought of being legally >> required >>> to provide care for the person who did everything possible to ruin me. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 Thanks for the article . Scary! I agree the thought that I could legally continue to be drained financially by either parent is quite distressing to me. I hope it doesn't come to that for me or you - or any of us! I have read the whole article, but on page 2 I found something particularly enraging about the religious roots of this idea: " In equating the parent-child relationship to the individual's relationship with God, these religious traditions heighten the duty upon the younger generation to care for their elders, just as God takes care of his children in need. " I'm sure some parents do deserve credit and to have the aid of their adult children, but that should be based on the relationship they have with those children. Not some form of the children being born into financial obligation. Wow. > > > > > > Hello, > > > > > > I am doing research for my assignment on elder abuse and neglect. I came > > > across a lengthy article about legal filial responsibility. Apparently, > > in > > > the state I live the law was recently changed so that adult children of > > > indigent elders are financially responsible for there long term medical > > > care. Failure to pay is punishable with imprisonment. The law does excuse > > > children who were abandoned but it only covers physical abandonment and > > it > > > must be for at least 10 years before the age of 18. Based on the > > > calculation an adult child would have to pay 1/2 of their disposable > > > income(income left after necessities are paid) each month. > > > > > > I am feeling very shocked and saddened by this. Nada has been > > intentionally > > > irresponsible with her money and retirement savings. To think that her > > > doctors could come after me because of her irresponsibility is sickening. > > > She has verbally and emotionally abused me my entire life ending in us > > > having NC. The law is based on the idea that parents supported children > > so > > > we should do the same. " hold that children are indebted to their parents > > > because they provided life, care, and comfort " . My nada never provided > > care > > > or comfort. I feel physically ill at the thought of being legally > > required > > > to provide care for the person who did everything possible to ruin me. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 , what's troubling to me is the shades of gray. Sure if someone was a " good enough " parent and basically took good care and did not abuse then it makes sense that the adult child shouldn't leave them to die in a bad nursing home. Actually, the fact that there are really bad nursing homes out there and that it takes a lot of involvement from the adult children to choose well and protect their elderly parents speaks to where *the state* is falling down in regulation and inspections of nursing homes. We pay taxes - those taxes should go to support the indigent and to ensure state run nursing homes are not horrifying places. BUT for example what if a kid was raised in an abusive environment, in poverty, even filth and emotionally and physically abused the entire time till they got away. Then they work hard and are lucky and actually achieve financial success. To say that that person who accomplished and gained everything they have in spite of their upbringing should then have to support the parent - seems crazy to me. That money should go to support the adult child in their own old age or maybe to charities or to *their own children*, but to the one who abused them? I don't get it. > > I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it because I had seen elderly people in run down nursing homes on Medicaid while their children drove expensive cars. ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel like it's ok to be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. > > Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because they are rarely if ever enforced. After I wrote the article, I lobbied a local district attorney to enforce the law on the books. He said there was no way- it was too politically troublesome for an elected official to take this on. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 , what's troubling to me is the shades of gray. Sure if someone was a " good enough " parent and basically took good care and did not abuse then it makes sense that the adult child shouldn't leave them to die in a bad nursing home. Actually, the fact that there are really bad nursing homes out there and that it takes a lot of involvement from the adult children to choose well and protect their elderly parents speaks to where *the state* is falling down in regulation and inspections of nursing homes. We pay taxes - those taxes should go to support the indigent and to ensure state run nursing homes are not horrifying places. BUT for example what if a kid was raised in an abusive environment, in poverty, even filth and emotionally and physically abused the entire time till they got away. Then they work hard and are lucky and actually achieve financial success. To say that that person who accomplished and gained everything they have in spite of their upbringing should then have to support the parent - seems crazy to me. That money should go to support the adult child in their own old age or maybe to charities or to *their own children*, but to the one who abused them? I don't get it. > > I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it because I had seen elderly people in run down nursing homes on Medicaid while their children drove expensive cars. ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel like it's ok to be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. > > Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because they are rarely if ever enforced. After I wrote the article, I lobbied a local district attorney to enforce the law on the books. He said there was no way- it was too politically troublesome for an elected official to take this on. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 , what's troubling to me is the shades of gray. Sure if someone was a " good enough " parent and basically took good care and did not abuse then it makes sense that the adult child shouldn't leave them to die in a bad nursing home. Actually, the fact that there are really bad nursing homes out there and that it takes a lot of involvement from the adult children to choose well and protect their elderly parents speaks to where *the state* is falling down in regulation and inspections of nursing homes. We pay taxes - those taxes should go to support the indigent and to ensure state run nursing homes are not horrifying places. BUT for example what if a kid was raised in an abusive environment, in poverty, even filth and emotionally and physically abused the entire time till they got away. Then they work hard and are lucky and actually achieve financial success. To say that that person who accomplished and gained everything they have in spite of their upbringing should then have to support the parent - seems crazy to me. That money should go to support the adult child in their own old age or maybe to charities or to *their own children*, but to the one who abused them? I don't get it. > > I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it because I had seen elderly people in run down nursing homes on Medicaid while their children drove expensive cars. ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel like it's ok to be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. > > Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because they are rarely if ever enforced. After I wrote the article, I lobbied a local district attorney to enforce the law on the books. He said there was no way- it was too politically troublesome for an elected official to take this on. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 Hopefully my parents know to sign up for long term care insurance, because they can rot!!! Not my job!! Esp nada. > > > it makes me wonder if there is a legal way for someone to 'disown' a > parent, once they are past the age of majority. > > I think no child should have to pay these bills, whether the parent was a > good parent or a bad parent. The nursing home incurred a cost from a client. > Other debts like credit cards are not transferrable so I don't know why on > earth this one would be. It's crap. They are assuming a risk, and that has > nothing to do with the child of that patient. > > > > > > > > I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it because I had > seen elderly people in run down nursing homes on Medicaid while their > children drove expensive cars. ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel > like it's ok to be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. > > > > > > Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because they are rarely if > ever enforced. After I wrote the article, I lobbied a local district > attorney to enforce the law on the books. He said there was no way- it was > too politically troublesome for an elected official to take this on. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 Hopefully my parents know to sign up for long term care insurance, because they can rot!!! Not my job!! Esp nada. > > > it makes me wonder if there is a legal way for someone to 'disown' a > parent, once they are past the age of majority. > > I think no child should have to pay these bills, whether the parent was a > good parent or a bad parent. The nursing home incurred a cost from a client. > Other debts like credit cards are not transferrable so I don't know why on > earth this one would be. It's crap. They are assuming a risk, and that has > nothing to do with the child of that patient. > > > > > > > > I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it because I had > seen elderly people in run down nursing homes on Medicaid while their > children drove expensive cars. ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel > like it's ok to be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. > > > > > > Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because they are rarely if > ever enforced. After I wrote the article, I lobbied a local district > attorney to enforce the law on the books. He said there was no way- it was > too politically troublesome for an elected official to take this on. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 Hopefully my parents know to sign up for long term care insurance, because they can rot!!! Not my job!! Esp nada. > > > it makes me wonder if there is a legal way for someone to 'disown' a > parent, once they are past the age of majority. > > I think no child should have to pay these bills, whether the parent was a > good parent or a bad parent. The nursing home incurred a cost from a client. > Other debts like credit cards are not transferrable so I don't know why on > earth this one would be. It's crap. They are assuming a risk, and that has > nothing to do with the child of that patient. > > > > > > > > I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it because I had > seen elderly people in run down nursing homes on Medicaid while their > children drove expensive cars. ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel > like it's ok to be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. > > > > > > Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because they are rarely if > ever enforced. After I wrote the article, I lobbied a local district > attorney to enforce the law on the books. He said there was no way- it was > too politically troublesome for an elected official to take this on. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 What frightens me is that the state I live in IS enforcing this law-harshly. The law is supposed take into account if the adult child can afford to pay but the state is using the most broad definition possible to determine financial stability. With my nada, she never provided for me and was exceptionally irresponsible with her money. I beleive that all the hard work I am doing to be stable, get out of debt, save money for my children's future, and save for my own retirement should not be taken from me because she refuses to be responsible. In the case I quoted (from my state) the mother COULD pay and chose not to. Her adult son, who she didn't raise, was ordered to pay 8,000-which would put him in debt. It's horrifying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 I wonder if the law is really to prevent people from taking advantage of the system. " Hey, if we don't pay the bill, the nursing home has to suck it up " or " Hey, if mom and dad put all their money in our names, then the state has to pay for their care... " Unfortunately, laws get passed because of the people who scam the system and then harm the innocent. For instance, in my state, in order to recieve state benefits (past a certain time frame) for your child, you have to name/identify the father (with DNA testing if he's denying) so that the state can go after him for child support. This is because for so long people just said " Oh, no clue who he is... " and the state paid, while many of these people were also doing cash support payments from the baby daddy. Or, the baby daddy's just got to walk away and the state had to pay. So, they passed the law. Unfortunately, the law doesn't allow exceptions. Thus, a current case wherein a woman was raped, got pregnant, and chose to raise the baby. Financially, she needs the state support but the state has cut off all support until she can identify the father. The father whom she does not know because why? She was raped by a stranger. And even if she knew the guy...really? The state is going to force a relationship there? Nice. The filial responsibility laws are, I think, probably along the same lines. They are intended to prevent abuse of the system, but do not allow for situations that are not " the norm " or genuine situations like ours. Ninera > > Subject: Re: Filial responsibility > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Sunday, September 12, 2010, 11:40 PM > , what's troubling to me is > the shades of gray. Sure if someone was a " good > enough " parent and basically took good care and did not > abuse then it makes sense that the adult child shouldn't > leave them to die in a bad nursing home. Actually, the > fact that there are really bad nursing homes out there and > that it takes a lot of involvement from the adult children > to choose well and protect their elderly parents speaks to > where *the state* is falling down in regulation and > inspections of nursing homes.   We pay taxes > - those taxes should go to support the indigent and to > ensure state run nursing homes are not horrifying places. > > BUT for example what if a kid was raised in an abusive > environment, in poverty, even filth and emotionally and > physically abused the entire time till they got > away.   Then they work hard and are lucky and > actually achieve financial success. To say that that > person who accomplished and gained everything they have in > spite of their upbringing should then have to support the > parent - seems crazy to me. That money should go to > support the adult child in their own old age or maybe to > charities or to *their own children*, but to the one who > abused them? I don't get it. > > > > > > > > I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it > because I had seen elderly people in run down nursing homes > on Medicaid while their children drove expensive cars. > ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel like it's ok to > be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. > > > > Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because > they are rarely if ever enforced. After I wrote the article, > I lobbied a local district attorney to enforce the law > on the books. He said there was no way- it was too > politically troublesome for an elected official to take this > on. > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . > > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to > find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 I wonder if the law is really to prevent people from taking advantage of the system. " Hey, if we don't pay the bill, the nursing home has to suck it up " or " Hey, if mom and dad put all their money in our names, then the state has to pay for their care... " Unfortunately, laws get passed because of the people who scam the system and then harm the innocent. For instance, in my state, in order to recieve state benefits (past a certain time frame) for your child, you have to name/identify the father (with DNA testing if he's denying) so that the state can go after him for child support. This is because for so long people just said " Oh, no clue who he is... " and the state paid, while many of these people were also doing cash support payments from the baby daddy. Or, the baby daddy's just got to walk away and the state had to pay. So, they passed the law. Unfortunately, the law doesn't allow exceptions. Thus, a current case wherein a woman was raped, got pregnant, and chose to raise the baby. Financially, she needs the state support but the state has cut off all support until she can identify the father. The father whom she does not know because why? She was raped by a stranger. And even if she knew the guy...really? The state is going to force a relationship there? Nice. The filial responsibility laws are, I think, probably along the same lines. They are intended to prevent abuse of the system, but do not allow for situations that are not " the norm " or genuine situations like ours. Ninera > > Subject: Re: Filial responsibility > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Sunday, September 12, 2010, 11:40 PM > , what's troubling to me is > the shades of gray. Sure if someone was a " good > enough " parent and basically took good care and did not > abuse then it makes sense that the adult child shouldn't > leave them to die in a bad nursing home. Actually, the > fact that there are really bad nursing homes out there and > that it takes a lot of involvement from the adult children > to choose well and protect their elderly parents speaks to > where *the state* is falling down in regulation and > inspections of nursing homes.   We pay taxes > - those taxes should go to support the indigent and to > ensure state run nursing homes are not horrifying places. > > BUT for example what if a kid was raised in an abusive > environment, in poverty, even filth and emotionally and > physically abused the entire time till they got > away.   Then they work hard and are lucky and > actually achieve financial success. To say that that > person who accomplished and gained everything they have in > spite of their upbringing should then have to support the > parent - seems crazy to me. That money should go to > support the adult child in their own old age or maybe to > charities or to *their own children*, but to the one who > abused them? I don't get it. > > > > > > > > I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it > because I had seen elderly people in run down nursing homes > on Medicaid while their children drove expensive cars. > ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel like it's ok to > be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. > > > > Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because > they are rarely if ever enforced. After I wrote the article, > I lobbied a local district attorney to enforce the law > on the books. He said there was no way- it was too > politically troublesome for an elected official to take this > on. > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . > > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to > find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 I wonder if the law is really to prevent people from taking advantage of the system. " Hey, if we don't pay the bill, the nursing home has to suck it up " or " Hey, if mom and dad put all their money in our names, then the state has to pay for their care... " Unfortunately, laws get passed because of the people who scam the system and then harm the innocent. For instance, in my state, in order to recieve state benefits (past a certain time frame) for your child, you have to name/identify the father (with DNA testing if he's denying) so that the state can go after him for child support. This is because for so long people just said " Oh, no clue who he is... " and the state paid, while many of these people were also doing cash support payments from the baby daddy. Or, the baby daddy's just got to walk away and the state had to pay. So, they passed the law. Unfortunately, the law doesn't allow exceptions. Thus, a current case wherein a woman was raped, got pregnant, and chose to raise the baby. Financially, she needs the state support but the state has cut off all support until she can identify the father. The father whom she does not know because why? She was raped by a stranger. And even if she knew the guy...really? The state is going to force a relationship there? Nice. The filial responsibility laws are, I think, probably along the same lines. They are intended to prevent abuse of the system, but do not allow for situations that are not " the norm " or genuine situations like ours. Ninera > > Subject: Re: Filial responsibility > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Sunday, September 12, 2010, 11:40 PM > , what's troubling to me is > the shades of gray. Sure if someone was a " good > enough " parent and basically took good care and did not > abuse then it makes sense that the adult child shouldn't > leave them to die in a bad nursing home. Actually, the > fact that there are really bad nursing homes out there and > that it takes a lot of involvement from the adult children > to choose well and protect their elderly parents speaks to > where *the state* is falling down in regulation and > inspections of nursing homes.   We pay taxes > - those taxes should go to support the indigent and to > ensure state run nursing homes are not horrifying places. > > BUT for example what if a kid was raised in an abusive > environment, in poverty, even filth and emotionally and > physically abused the entire time till they got > away.   Then they work hard and are lucky and > actually achieve financial success. To say that that > person who accomplished and gained everything they have in > spite of their upbringing should then have to support the > parent - seems crazy to me. That money should go to > support the adult child in their own old age or maybe to > charities or to *their own children*, but to the one who > abused them? I don't get it. > > > > > > > > I actually wrote an article on this topic. I wrote it > because I had seen elderly people in run down nursing homes > on Medicaid while their children drove expensive cars. > ly it drove me nuts to see that. I feel like it's ok to > be NC but not to let one's parents rot away. > > > > Anyways- I wouldn't worry about these laws because > they are rarely if ever enforced. After I wrote the article, > I lobbied a local district attorney to enforce the law > on the books. He said there was no way- it was too > politically troublesome for an elected official to take this > on. > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . > > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to > find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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