Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 YES!!!!!!! Me. I do the same thing. I cry mostly when I'm very angry..rarely from sadness and only around my husband and kids can I cry. I think (at least for me it's like this). I can hide/denie/internalize sadness and other feelings. I am a pro at not showing feelings...I'm also a pro at not feeling feelings:( Which I know is not a good thing..but that is now my natural reaction. When I was in therapy 2 years ago..my therapist would try to talk about things that should make me cry and I wouldn't finally one day I did...and she said..I have to do that more. And not to stop it..which I do. Everytime there is a sad feeling I should go to the ladies room and let it out..because all that sadness is bottled inside... I have such a problem with crying..I just can't do it...it just feels so wrong. Stefanie > > > Do any of you- ever find it hard to express what you are feeling? > > This week I attended a very sad funeral- my cousin passed away. > Young man with 2 children and he was the 3rd adult child to dieb out of his > parents' 5 children. I can't even imagine burying 3 children. > At the services there was not a dry eye- but my were. As much as I felt > empathy for all involved- I could not cry- I shed no tears. I just > couldn't. I experienced this before when my grandfather died- nothing again. > > Also the opposite feeling of pure > joy and happiness is so hard for me to feel- anyone else have this > experience of almost having no way to express what you are really feeling- > because your feelings are so stuffed deep inside of you- and your feelings > were really never recognized or acknowledged- so it is like you have lost > them. > > Thanks, > Malinda > > Ps- Nada cried like a baby at the services- and I sat there thinking what > is wrong with me..... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 YES!!!!!!! Me. I do the same thing. I cry mostly when I'm very angry..rarely from sadness and only around my husband and kids can I cry. I think (at least for me it's like this). I can hide/denie/internalize sadness and other feelings. I am a pro at not showing feelings...I'm also a pro at not feeling feelings:( Which I know is not a good thing..but that is now my natural reaction. When I was in therapy 2 years ago..my therapist would try to talk about things that should make me cry and I wouldn't finally one day I did...and she said..I have to do that more. And not to stop it..which I do. Everytime there is a sad feeling I should go to the ladies room and let it out..because all that sadness is bottled inside... I have such a problem with crying..I just can't do it...it just feels so wrong. Stefanie > > > Do any of you- ever find it hard to express what you are feeling? > > This week I attended a very sad funeral- my cousin passed away. > Young man with 2 children and he was the 3rd adult child to dieb out of his > parents' 5 children. I can't even imagine burying 3 children. > At the services there was not a dry eye- but my were. As much as I felt > empathy for all involved- I could not cry- I shed no tears. I just > couldn't. I experienced this before when my grandfather died- nothing again. > > Also the opposite feeling of pure > joy and happiness is so hard for me to feel- anyone else have this > experience of almost having no way to express what you are really feeling- > because your feelings are so stuffed deep inside of you- and your feelings > were really never recognized or acknowledged- so it is like you have lost > them. > > Thanks, > Malinda > > Ps- Nada cried like a baby at the services- and I sat there thinking what > is wrong with me..... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 YES!!!!!!! Me. I do the same thing. I cry mostly when I'm very angry..rarely from sadness and only around my husband and kids can I cry. I think (at least for me it's like this). I can hide/denie/internalize sadness and other feelings. I am a pro at not showing feelings...I'm also a pro at not feeling feelings:( Which I know is not a good thing..but that is now my natural reaction. When I was in therapy 2 years ago..my therapist would try to talk about things that should make me cry and I wouldn't finally one day I did...and she said..I have to do that more. And not to stop it..which I do. Everytime there is a sad feeling I should go to the ladies room and let it out..because all that sadness is bottled inside... I have such a problem with crying..I just can't do it...it just feels so wrong. Stefanie > > > Do any of you- ever find it hard to express what you are feeling? > > This week I attended a very sad funeral- my cousin passed away. > Young man with 2 children and he was the 3rd adult child to dieb out of his > parents' 5 children. I can't even imagine burying 3 children. > At the services there was not a dry eye- but my were. As much as I felt > empathy for all involved- I could not cry- I shed no tears. I just > couldn't. I experienced this before when my grandfather died- nothing again. > > Also the opposite feeling of pure > joy and happiness is so hard for me to feel- anyone else have this > experience of almost having no way to express what you are really feeling- > because your feelings are so stuffed deep inside of you- and your feelings > were really never recognized or acknowledged- so it is like you have lost > them. > > Thanks, > Malinda > > Ps- Nada cried like a baby at the services- and I sat there thinking what > is wrong with me..... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 Ugh! I despise feeling like AND looking like my nada!! Fills me with a confusing sense of crazy. So, good to hear others hate that sense of nada too. Thank you. Also, can relate to haveing a nada take center stage at a funeral, seeing her behave like that distracted me from my own greif process...I often wondered if other people noticed how she domonated her sisters funeral or if I was just again being the bad daughter who doesn't get along with her mother. Does that make sense? > > > > > > > My childhood was a bootcamp of learning to stuff emotions and not show > > them. There were so many negative consequences - my nada always got to have > > the biggest emotions in the room anyway. I have phases where the emotional > > floodgates open which are probably healing but also scary for me. Then I'll > > go through long phases where I'm locked down again - often a phase is months > > long. > > > > I found that taking an SSRI definitely increased the emotional shutdown. I > > could still till the emotions were in there but way down deep where I didn't > > feel them fully. That was a good thing at certain times in my life. Then one > > time I tried taking the hoemopathic remedy natrum muriaticum (nat mur) and > > that really uncorked me. I went through a period of weeks after taking it > > once where I cried more easily but also felt anger more strongly too. If any > > of you guys want to try it, let me know and I can give details on how to > > take it. > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 Ugh! I despise feeling like AND looking like my nada!! Fills me with a confusing sense of crazy. So, good to hear others hate that sense of nada too. Thank you. Also, can relate to haveing a nada take center stage at a funeral, seeing her behave like that distracted me from my own greif process...I often wondered if other people noticed how she domonated her sisters funeral or if I was just again being the bad daughter who doesn't get along with her mother. Does that make sense? > > > > > > > My childhood was a bootcamp of learning to stuff emotions and not show > > them. There were so many negative consequences - my nada always got to have > > the biggest emotions in the room anyway. I have phases where the emotional > > floodgates open which are probably healing but also scary for me. Then I'll > > go through long phases where I'm locked down again - often a phase is months > > long. > > > > I found that taking an SSRI definitely increased the emotional shutdown. I > > could still till the emotions were in there but way down deep where I didn't > > feel them fully. That was a good thing at certain times in my life. Then one > > time I tried taking the hoemopathic remedy natrum muriaticum (nat mur) and > > that really uncorked me. I went through a period of weeks after taking it > > once where I cried more easily but also felt anger more strongly too. If any > > of you guys want to try it, let me know and I can give details on how to > > take it. > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 Ugh! I despise feeling like AND looking like my nada!! Fills me with a confusing sense of crazy. So, good to hear others hate that sense of nada too. Thank you. Also, can relate to haveing a nada take center stage at a funeral, seeing her behave like that distracted me from my own greif process...I often wondered if other people noticed how she domonated her sisters funeral or if I was just again being the bad daughter who doesn't get along with her mother. Does that make sense? > > > > > > > My childhood was a bootcamp of learning to stuff emotions and not show > > them. There were so many negative consequences - my nada always got to have > > the biggest emotions in the room anyway. I have phases where the emotional > > floodgates open which are probably healing but also scary for me. Then I'll > > go through long phases where I'm locked down again - often a phase is months > > long. > > > > I found that taking an SSRI definitely increased the emotional shutdown. I > > could still till the emotions were in there but way down deep where I didn't > > feel them fully. That was a good thing at certain times in my life. Then one > > time I tried taking the hoemopathic remedy natrum muriaticum (nat mur) and > > that really uncorked me. I went through a period of weeks after taking it > > once where I cried more easily but also felt anger more strongly too. If any > > of you guys want to try it, let me know and I can give details on how to > > take it. > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 That's just so cruel, and so inappropriate when our own mothers attempt to make us feel ashamed of ourselves for no reason, particularly when we are emotionally distraught and vulnerable. That's like the behavior of a predator waiting for the prey that its stalking to stumble so it can move in for the kill. It hit me like a punch in the stomach when I finally acknowledged to myself that my own mother would do/say this sort of thing to me: that she would deliberately attack me and hurt me when I was down, devastated, vulnerable or trapped and unable to defend myself, and that emotionally attacking me in this way is an act of hostility and hatred, not love. My own mother does not love me. If she can wait patiently for opportunities to do that sort of thing to me over and over again, that is sure as hell not love. -Annie > > My nada never tried to be center of attention at funerals but, like every > other big event, would pull me aside and say something horrible to me where > no one could hear. My father, who I was pretty close to, passed away when I > was 16. At his funeral nada pulled me aside and told me that the skirt I > wore was inappropriate and called me a s_ut. This horrible skirt was ankle > length with slits on each side to...gasp...right below my knees. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 That's just so cruel, and so inappropriate when our own mothers attempt to make us feel ashamed of ourselves for no reason, particularly when we are emotionally distraught and vulnerable. That's like the behavior of a predator waiting for the prey that its stalking to stumble so it can move in for the kill. It hit me like a punch in the stomach when I finally acknowledged to myself that my own mother would do/say this sort of thing to me: that she would deliberately attack me and hurt me when I was down, devastated, vulnerable or trapped and unable to defend myself, and that emotionally attacking me in this way is an act of hostility and hatred, not love. My own mother does not love me. If she can wait patiently for opportunities to do that sort of thing to me over and over again, that is sure as hell not love. -Annie > > My nada never tried to be center of attention at funerals but, like every > other big event, would pull me aside and say something horrible to me where > no one could hear. My father, who I was pretty close to, passed away when I > was 16. At his funeral nada pulled me aside and told me that the skirt I > wore was inappropriate and called me a s_ut. This horrible skirt was ankle > length with slits on each side to...gasp...right below my knees. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 It seems like I was disconnected (forcefully) from my emotions early on. After my therapist told me I needed to start feeling my emotions, I would lay in bed every day for a little while and ask myself: " how do you feel? " It took a long, long time before I would even be able to " feel " how I felt. It all just got so jumbled up and disconnected. Connecting my true self with what was going on in my heart took lots of practice. After all, we were never really allowed to feel our own emotions--just be completely interested in thiers. One thing I have to say, though. When nada starts her hystrionics, I just shut down completely. It's hard to have a genuine emotion in the midst of their drama. It sucks all of the true " heart " out of the room for me, somehow. No matter how sad the situation, when she does that " everyone look at me and my HUGE emotions!! " i can only feel disgust and wariness. So no, I don't think you're strange. I have the same struggle, even though I'm a naturally emotive person. Don't think you're weird. It's just an understandable byproduct of growing up in an environment where personal emotions were considered an attack. Blessings, Karla > > Do any of you- ever find it hard to express what you are feeling? > > This week I attended a very sad funeral- my cousin passed away. > Young man with 2 children and he was the 3rd adult child to dieb out of his parents' 5 children. I can't even imagine burying 3 children. > At the services there was not a dry eye- but my were. As much as I felt > empathy for all involved- I could not cry- I shed no tears. I just couldn't. I experienced this before when my grandfather died- nothing again. > > Also the opposite feeling of pure > joy and happiness is so hard for me to feel- anyone else have this > experience of almost having no way to express what you are really feeling- because your feelings are so stuffed deep inside of you- and your feelings were really never recognized or acknowledged- so it is like you have lost them. > > Thanks, > Malinda > > Ps- Nada cried like a baby at the services- and I sat there thinking what is wrong with me..... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 It seems like I was disconnected (forcefully) from my emotions early on. After my therapist told me I needed to start feeling my emotions, I would lay in bed every day for a little while and ask myself: " how do you feel? " It took a long, long time before I would even be able to " feel " how I felt. It all just got so jumbled up and disconnected. Connecting my true self with what was going on in my heart took lots of practice. After all, we were never really allowed to feel our own emotions--just be completely interested in thiers. One thing I have to say, though. When nada starts her hystrionics, I just shut down completely. It's hard to have a genuine emotion in the midst of their drama. It sucks all of the true " heart " out of the room for me, somehow. No matter how sad the situation, when she does that " everyone look at me and my HUGE emotions!! " i can only feel disgust and wariness. So no, I don't think you're strange. I have the same struggle, even though I'm a naturally emotive person. Don't think you're weird. It's just an understandable byproduct of growing up in an environment where personal emotions were considered an attack. Blessings, Karla > > Do any of you- ever find it hard to express what you are feeling? > > This week I attended a very sad funeral- my cousin passed away. > Young man with 2 children and he was the 3rd adult child to dieb out of his parents' 5 children. I can't even imagine burying 3 children. > At the services there was not a dry eye- but my were. As much as I felt > empathy for all involved- I could not cry- I shed no tears. I just couldn't. I experienced this before when my grandfather died- nothing again. > > Also the opposite feeling of pure > joy and happiness is so hard for me to feel- anyone else have this > experience of almost having no way to express what you are really feeling- because your feelings are so stuffed deep inside of you- and your feelings were really never recognized or acknowledged- so it is like you have lost them. > > Thanks, > Malinda > > Ps- Nada cried like a baby at the services- and I sat there thinking what is wrong with me..... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 It seems like I was disconnected (forcefully) from my emotions early on. After my therapist told me I needed to start feeling my emotions, I would lay in bed every day for a little while and ask myself: " how do you feel? " It took a long, long time before I would even be able to " feel " how I felt. It all just got so jumbled up and disconnected. Connecting my true self with what was going on in my heart took lots of practice. After all, we were never really allowed to feel our own emotions--just be completely interested in thiers. One thing I have to say, though. When nada starts her hystrionics, I just shut down completely. It's hard to have a genuine emotion in the midst of their drama. It sucks all of the true " heart " out of the room for me, somehow. No matter how sad the situation, when she does that " everyone look at me and my HUGE emotions!! " i can only feel disgust and wariness. So no, I don't think you're strange. I have the same struggle, even though I'm a naturally emotive person. Don't think you're weird. It's just an understandable byproduct of growing up in an environment where personal emotions were considered an attack. Blessings, Karla > > Do any of you- ever find it hard to express what you are feeling? > > This week I attended a very sad funeral- my cousin passed away. > Young man with 2 children and he was the 3rd adult child to dieb out of his parents' 5 children. I can't even imagine burying 3 children. > At the services there was not a dry eye- but my were. As much as I felt > empathy for all involved- I could not cry- I shed no tears. I just couldn't. I experienced this before when my grandfather died- nothing again. > > Also the opposite feeling of pure > joy and happiness is so hard for me to feel- anyone else have this > experience of almost having no way to express what you are really feeling- because your feelings are so stuffed deep inside of you- and your feelings were really never recognized or acknowledged- so it is like you have lost them. > > Thanks, > Malinda > > Ps- Nada cried like a baby at the services- and I sat there thinking what is wrong with me..... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 , that's the saddest story I've ever heard. As if losing your father at 16 years old wasn't bad enough. As if trying to hold it together at your own father's funeral wasn't bad enough. Nada actually attacked you. And it sounds like you were (amazingly) put together. If nada had to search THAT hard and all she could drum up was a very modest skirt? Wow. You must have looked very nice that day, and were showing a poise that was far beyond your years. I'm so sorry. Had I been your mother, you could have come to the funeral looking like a street-walker and I wouldn't have cared--you were 16, and in heavy grief. I would have hugged you and been by your side and supported you throughout the whole thing. That's how you deserved to be treated. And that's how any sane mother would have treated you. I'm so sorry you got the exact opposite. Blessings, Karla > > My nada never tried to be center of attention at funerals but, like every > other big event, would pull me aside and say something horrible to me where > no one could hear. My father, who I was pretty close to, passed away when I > was 16. At his funeral nada pulled me aside and told me that the skirt I > wore was inappropriate and called me a s_ut. This horrible skirt was ankle > length with slits on each side to...gasp...right below my knees. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2010 Report Share Posted September 12, 2010 , that's the saddest story I've ever heard. As if losing your father at 16 years old wasn't bad enough. As if trying to hold it together at your own father's funeral wasn't bad enough. Nada actually attacked you. And it sounds like you were (amazingly) put together. If nada had to search THAT hard and all she could drum up was a very modest skirt? Wow. You must have looked very nice that day, and were showing a poise that was far beyond your years. I'm so sorry. Had I been your mother, you could have come to the funeral looking like a street-walker and I wouldn't have cared--you were 16, and in heavy grief. I would have hugged you and been by your side and supported you throughout the whole thing. That's how you deserved to be treated. And that's how any sane mother would have treated you. I'm so sorry you got the exact opposite. Blessings, Karla > > My nada never tried to be center of attention at funerals but, like every > other big event, would pull me aside and say something horrible to me where > no one could hear. My father, who I was pretty close to, passed away when I > was 16. At his funeral nada pulled me aside and told me that the skirt I > wore was inappropriate and called me a s_ut. This horrible skirt was ankle > length with slits on each side to...gasp...right below my knees. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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