I want to try to go NC again

[Guest guest]

I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I tried to

go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has no

one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her raging the

whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad

ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care about

her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I said

" just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of it is

sexual! she's completely disturbed.

Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have been

having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week

for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she complains I

don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's the point??

I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving

daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on my DATES.

Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of you went

NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL getting a

break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are NC are...

I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her apologies

mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make up " by

calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though everything I

said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so

pointless.

Any tips for going NC for real this time?

Casey

[Guest guest]

My nada has been in and out of hospitals many times. She needs to be committed

for a long period of time, in my opinion. Unfortunately, I live in WA, and you

can't have anyone involuntarily committed here. The most you can do is get them

committed for 72 hours IF they are considered a danger to themselves. The

problem is, to do that you need the COPS. And a lot of times she's so crazy to

THEM, they just arrest her. The times she has been in the hospital, she calms

down and they let her out within 24 hours or so.

She is not seeing any doctors/therapists now, although she has been in therapy

on and off my whole life. She refuses to actually stay on any medicine or stay

in any therapy or stay in the mental hospital, and insists none of it works

anyway.

BTW, she doesn't have any access to morphine here, that I know of. I think she

took it from her father's medicine cabinet or something when she was there.

Casey

> >

> > She is a Hermit, with waif attributes as well. She is low-functioning and

getting worse. (She used to be high-functioning when I was little.) When the

witch comes though, I find myself trembling like a scared little baby. I hate

how she can give me one look that makes me feel like a trapped little kid again.

That's how it was being stuck in the car with her last night.

> >

> > I usually make sure to NEVER be " stuck " with her anywhere. But she was

coming back from her dad's funeral, my dad was with her, they needed a ride from

the airport, my brother is in Utah... Anyway, after listening to her rage the

whole way home (she can go on for hours without anyone saying anything at all),

my anxiety just shot right up and I can't get it under control all day now. I've

been useless at work. Which sucks, because it just means I'll have to make up

for it next week. I hate that she can affect me like this.

> >

> > Further increasing my anxiety is that apparantly she overdosed on morphine

the day before her dad's funeral and spent most of the actual funeral day in the

hospital. (typical if a day is not about her, to redirect everyone's attention

back to her). So now I'm worried she's going to overdose in her house all alone.

> >

> > I'm just so tired of her. She's so miserable all the time and even when

she's not " witchy " she's just surrounded with drama. Her policy is " if something

is bad, make it worse, and then throw a temper tantrum over how awful everything

is. " I hate drama. I've structured my whole adult life around a " no drama "

policy. I figured I lived through 17 years of it and that was enough for 2 or 3

lifetimes. She is the only drama left. Even cutting her off wouldn't rid me of

all her drama, because I still have my dad staying with me to get away from it,

my brother calling me in tears when she is mean to him, etc. But at least I

wouldn't have to hear from her that I'm involved in a conspiracy with my dad to

get her to kill herself so we can be " together " . (yes she meant it sexually. she

used way more graphic terminology. and then called me disgusting.)

> >

> >

> > Casey

>

[Guest guest]

You've already got lots of great advice so I'll just add that your nada is not

" alone " ...she's got your father and brother. Run! Run while you can! Okay

that might be me projecting a bit, but it still stands that she has two other

people in her life. Let them carry the load for a bit. Also she sounds like

she's crazy - I mean really crazy - enough to get diagnosed easily and possibly

committed. That's another path to consider as well. Sorry you've got such a

difficult situation, but at least in its extremes maybe it'll make what to do

more clear?

stay strong,

julie

>

> I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I tried to

go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has no

one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

>

> Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her raging

the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad

ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care about

her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I said

" just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

>

> She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of it is

sexual! she's completely disturbed.

>

> Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have been

having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week

for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she complains I

don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's the point??

I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving

daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on my DATES.

>

> Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of you

went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are

NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

>

> I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her apologies

mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make up " by

calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though everything I

said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so

pointless.

>

> Any tips for going NC for real this time?

>

> Casey

>

[Guest guest]

That is a great idea, I like it!

I'm not sure how to TELL her, though...

Casey

> >

> > I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I tried

to go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has

no one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

> >

> > Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her raging

the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad

ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care about

her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I said

" just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

> >

> > She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of it

is sexual! she's completely disturbed.

> >

> > Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have been

having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week

for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she complains I

don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's the point??

I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving

daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on my DATES.

> >

> > Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of you

went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are

NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

> >

> > I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her apologies

mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make up " by

calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though everything I

said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so

pointless.

> >

> > Any tips for going NC for real this time?

> >

> > Casey

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That is a great idea, I like it!

I'm not sure how to TELL her, though...

Casey

> >

> > I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I tried

to go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has

no one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

> >

> > Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her raging

the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad

ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care about

her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I said

" just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

> >

> > She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of it

is sexual! she's completely disturbed.

> >

> > Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have been

having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week

for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she complains I

don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's the point??

I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving

daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on my DATES.

> >

> > Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of you

went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are

NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

> >

> > I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her apologies

mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make up " by

calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though everything I

said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so

pointless.

> >

> > Any tips for going NC for real this time?

> >

> > Casey

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think it's the other stuff that is tripping you up. With nada, you *know* that

you need to do NC. I understand from your post that you feel in some way

responsible for 'helping' her emotionally and psychologically. You aren't

qualified, even if you have a degree in mental health you are too close

familially to be objective. Plus, how many years has it been? It isn't working.

I think maybe a different tactic would be to focus on the other relationships

that lead you back to contact with her. I have seen people on here post that the

translation of what brother and fada are saying is 'take this mess off my hands,

I don't want to deal with her'. It sounds to me like it is THEY that are leading

you back into contact, not her specifically. So the spotlight needs to be put on

setting boundaries with those two people, as in " I am unsuccessful at helping or

bringing about any change in her, which has been proven over time, she needs

professional help, and I feel that as long as I am being put in 'stand-in'

position for a qualified shrink, this will never happen. Therefore for her sake

as well as mine, I am not willing to have any contact, nor will I have

conversations about her. Any conversations you have with me need to be about me

and my life and you and your life, and please respect me enough to not bring her

up.' Etc. At least for a while. If they don't love you enough to respect this

they may have to go bye-bye as well. Surely they love you enough as a person to

want to be in your life, exclusive of what her problems and affairs may be...if

not, as hard as it is to accept, they just might have to be cut out too.

I know that this would be really hard to do. But she's abusing you, those

accusations of a sexual nature involving your dad (probably repetitions of

something she heard in childhood and maybe there was incest she was accused of

" provoking " , by her own mother), must be incredibly devastating to hear, on some

level. It's hideous to even think about being on the receiving end of...frankly,

she's CRAY-ZEE. You have every right to protect yourself from this kind of

insanity.

>

> I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I tried to

go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has no

one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

>

> Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her raging

the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad

ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care about

her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I said

" just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

>

> She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of it is

sexual! she's completely disturbed.

>

> Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have been

having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week

for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she complains I

don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's the point??

I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving

daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on my DATES.

>

> Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of you

went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are

NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

>

> I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her apologies

mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make up " by

calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though everything I

said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so

pointless.

>

> Any tips for going NC for real this time?

>

> Casey

>