Re: Reaching out...

February 2, 2010

Hi Robyn,

First, congrats on your super hot husband! I snatched myself up a pretty hot

Marine, so I understand the attraction! I also understand how hard it is when

your partner is very health-conscious and fit... those characteristics are some

of what make my boyfriend and I compatible and what attracted us to each other

in the beginning, but I regressed into restriction and eventually an ED,

while he eats whatever he wants and never feels bad about it.

Anyway, I also sympathize with your concerns about all the food waste. I often

make myself eat food that is in the house, even if I don't really feel like

eating it, just because otherwise it will go to waste. In addition, I find it

hard to purchase previously forbidden foods, because I have always had an

aversion to wasting money on things that are " bad for you. " That frame of mind

has always made restricting easier for me, though of course it always backfired

in the end and resulted in bingeing.

I am struggling with this too, but am trying to think of buying and/or wasting

food at this step as an investmet in the future...I can only imagine how much

food and money I have wasted in my disordered behaviors (bingeing and purgeing)

in the past. You might think of it as: if you do not waste food now in order to

bring yourself to a place of eating intuitively, you'd be wasting food in the

future anyway (and probably much, much more!), by eating more than your body

really wants and needs, or by restricting and then bingeing (whatever the

specific case may be).

Hope that helps in some way!

>

> Okay...so the last time I reached out here I got a ton of good advice and

> support and it really helped me get things rolling...so here I am again...

>

> I was doing really well at following hunger/fullness cues and making all

> food accessible and not having any " bad food " / " good food " lists in my head.

> And then my husband came home on his two week vacation from his deployment

> in Iraq and I completely lost it. He's VERY supportive of me in anything

> and everything I do whether it's food related, career related, parenting

> related, etc. So it's not like he's the problem. The problem is I get so

> caught up in making his favorite meals and cooking for him and taking care

> of him that I end up sitting down to eat with him or munching on snacks with

> him simply b/c it's what we're doing. He's a very healthy, very active, and

> SUPER HOT (if I do say so myself) Army boy at 6' 2 " and about 225 lbs. His

> metabolism still functions as if he's 16...and he's 34!

>

> And now he left again to go back to the desert until July. And I'm right

> back into eating b/c I'm bored....eating b/c it's there and I'm afraid if I

> don't I won't get the chance to have " that " food again...continuing to eat

> what's on my plate even though I'm full...or even eating something b/c it

> needs to be gotten rid of and I don't want to " waste " it. That is probably

> one of the hardest ones for me lately. I have done quite a few (and

> continue to do) humanitarian and aide trips to under-developed nations. So

> for me throwing away food sometimes feels like a smack in my own face. And

> no one's ever told me that...it's something I do to myself b/c when you hand

> out bags of rice to people who have no other means of feeding their family

> except for your help...you remember it every time you stare at American

> excess...and it's worse when when that excess is on your own plate!

>

> And while IE is not about rules or guilt but is about freedom, I do need a

> simple goal or simple steps or something to hem me in and focus a bit. Not

> really a rule, like No Junk Food...but more like a mantra, a saying, a

> guideline...SOMETHING!! I, personally, like a hunger scale but need a

> simple one liner to remind me to remember the scale!

>

> So...I'm just reaching out for thoughts, support, simple goals, simple

> guidelines...whatever anyone might have to say. Thanks.

>

> Robyn

>

> --

> " But in my mind's eye I can see a place where Your glory fills every empty

> space...

> every mouth is fed, and there's no one left in the orphans' bed. "

>

> iBlog at www.trlw.blogspot.com

>

February 2, 2010

I was recently thinking about this, because having an Indian father, we

*had* to eat everything on our plates. I ate eggs nearly every day

until I was 17--the last few years, I was so nauseated by them that the

only way I could get them down was to hold my nose and gulp them with

water. I realized that after an entire childhood of mindlessly eating

foods I detested on a regular basis, no wonder I can't understand the

signals I get from my body sometimes! I'm really trying to pay

attention to whether I actually like what I'm eating, instead of just

shoveling something down as fast as I can because I don't like it--and

also trying to be aware of when something I do like is no longer

appetizing because I've had enough of it. I don't like to waste food,

but if I'm going to get through this I have to pay attention to when my

body/mind says, "I don't want this anymore."

Sohni (I outed myself, lol; Jeannie is my middle name)

rachel.gary wrote:

Anyway, I also sympathize with your concerns about all the food waste.

I often make myself eat food that is in the house, even if I don't

really feel like eating it, just because otherwise it will go to waste.

In addition, I find it hard to purchase previously forbidden foods,

because I have always had an aversion to wasting money on things that

are "bad for you." That frame of mind has always made restricting

easier for me, though of course it always backfired in the end and

resulted in bingeing.

February 2, 2010