Re: Birthday present (check)

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if my advice is what you should do..this is a tough one. But

as I read your email I know what I would do.

I would deposit it into my account. Most banks will allow you to deposit it

aslong as you have the money to cover it. As long as you show you are the

mother..( you can even call the bank in advance and check so you don't feel

funny) then if it cashes and goes thru. give it to your daugther and maybe

use it as an opotunity to explain manipulation tactics ( not sure how old

she is)..then don't do anything else..don't call don't contact...pretent

nothing happen.

Stefanie

On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 4:55 PM, Simpson wrote:

>

>

> Hello,

>

> I have a whole new dilemma I just cannot decide on. Today a birthday card

> arrived for my older daughter whose birthday is on Sunday. There was no

> return address. When I opened it it was from nada (who has NC with my

> children and I). There is a fifty dollar check made out to DD. I have no

> idea what I should do. I never thought nada would mail a gift due to her

> insistence on seeing people receive gifts from her. We have decided how to

> handle it if she shows up but not this. First of all, I don't even think

> the check can be cashed. How would I convince the bank to cash a check in

> someone else's name? DD can't confirm who she is. If I keep it and

> cannot(or choose not) cash it I am leaving her bank account with a check

> out

> but not cleared(perfect reason for her to try and contact us-to ask about

> it). If I send it back she will probably fly off the handle(how dare I not

> give that money to DD, it's hers ect) and try to make contact/show

> up/possible use it as evidence that DD is being " mistreated " ). Part of me

> feels that it is DD's and I should not keep it from her but I know it will

> be very confusing for her when she gets old enough to understand why she

> gets gifts from grandma but cannot see her. I would not want to lie to her

> because if nada shows up or sneaks contact with DD then I will be the " bad

> guy " . Help.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if my advice is what you should do..this is a tough one. But

as I read your email I know what I would do.

I would deposit it into my account. Most banks will allow you to deposit it

aslong as you have the money to cover it. As long as you show you are the

mother..( you can even call the bank in advance and check so you don't feel

funny) then if it cashes and goes thru. give it to your daugther and maybe

use it as an opotunity to explain manipulation tactics ( not sure how old

she is)..then don't do anything else..don't call don't contact...pretent

nothing happen.

Stefanie

On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 4:55 PM, Simpson wrote:

>

>

> Hello,

>

> I have a whole new dilemma I just cannot decide on. Today a birthday card

> arrived for my older daughter whose birthday is on Sunday. There was no

> return address. When I opened it it was from nada (who has NC with my

> children and I). There is a fifty dollar check made out to DD. I have no

> idea what I should do. I never thought nada would mail a gift due to her

> insistence on seeing people receive gifts from her. We have decided how to

> handle it if she shows up but not this. First of all, I don't even think

> the check can be cashed. How would I convince the bank to cash a check in

> someone else's name? DD can't confirm who she is. If I keep it and

> cannot(or choose not) cash it I am leaving her bank account with a check

> out

> but not cleared(perfect reason for her to try and contact us-to ask about

> it). If I send it back she will probably fly off the handle(how dare I not

> give that money to DD, it's hers ect) and try to make contact/show

> up/possible use it as evidence that DD is being " mistreated " ). Part of me

> feels that it is DD's and I should not keep it from her but I know it will

> be very confusing for her when she gets old enough to understand why she

> gets gifts from grandma but cannot see her. I would not want to lie to her

> because if nada shows up or sneaks contact with DD then I will be the " bad

> guy " . Help.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if my advice is what you should do..this is a tough one. But

as I read your email I know what I would do.

I would deposit it into my account. Most banks will allow you to deposit it

aslong as you have the money to cover it. As long as you show you are the

mother..( you can even call the bank in advance and check so you don't feel

funny) then if it cashes and goes thru. give it to your daugther and maybe

use it as an opotunity to explain manipulation tactics ( not sure how old

she is)..then don't do anything else..don't call don't contact...pretent

nothing happen.

Stefanie

On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 4:55 PM, Simpson wrote:

>

>

> Hello,

>

> I have a whole new dilemma I just cannot decide on. Today a birthday card

> arrived for my older daughter whose birthday is on Sunday. There was no

> return address. When I opened it it was from nada (who has NC with my

> children and I). There is a fifty dollar check made out to DD. I have no

> idea what I should do. I never thought nada would mail a gift due to her

> insistence on seeing people receive gifts from her. We have decided how to

> handle it if she shows up but not this. First of all, I don't even think

> the check can be cashed. How would I convince the bank to cash a check in

> someone else's name? DD can't confirm who she is. If I keep it and

> cannot(or choose not) cash it I am leaving her bank account with a check

> out

> but not cleared(perfect reason for her to try and contact us-to ask about

> it). If I send it back she will probably fly off the handle(how dare I not

> give that money to DD, it's hers ect) and try to make contact/show

> up/possible use it as evidence that DD is being " mistreated " ). Part of me

> feels that it is DD's and I should not keep it from her but I know it will

> be very confusing for her when she gets old enough to understand why she

> gets gifts from grandma but cannot see her. I would not want to lie to her

> because if nada shows up or sneaks contact with DD then I will be the " bad

> guy " . Help.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Personally, I'd rip it up and not mention it. How old is daughter? You don't

need that b*tch's money. . . I'm pretty sure that my nada and fada have

given me checks inside packages and cards that I never openned. I see it as

pure manipulation. Better to earn your own money than owe anything to

someone with a personality disorder.

If daughter is old enough, you could talk to her about it and let her

decide.

On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 3:41 PM, Stefanie Low wrote:

> I'm not sure if my advice is what you should do..this is a tough one. But

> as I read your email I know what I would do.

>

> I would deposit it into my account. Most banks will allow you to deposit

> it

> aslong as you have the money to cover it. As long as you show you are the

> mother..( you can even call the bank in advance and check so you don't feel

> funny) then if it cashes and goes thru. give it to your daugther and

> maybe

> use it as an opotunity to explain manipulation tactics ( not sure how old

> she is)..then don't do anything else..don't call don't contact...pretent

> nothing happen.

>

> Stefanie

>

> On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 4:55 PM, Simpson <rc822306@...

> >wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > Hello,

> >

> > I have a whole new dilemma I just cannot decide on. Today a birthday card

> > arrived for my older daughter whose birthday is on Sunday. There was no

> > return address. When I opened it it was from nada (who has NC with my

> > children and I). There is a fifty dollar check made out to DD. I have no

> > idea what I should do. I never thought nada would mail a gift due to her

> > insistence on seeing people receive gifts from her. We have decided how

> to

> > handle it if she shows up but not this. First of all, I don't even think

> > the check can be cashed. How would I convince the bank to cash a check in

> > someone else's name? DD can't confirm who she is. If I keep it and

> > cannot(or choose not) cash it I am leaving her bank account with a check

> > out

> > but not cleared(perfect reason for her to try and contact us-to ask about

> > it). If I send it back she will probably fly off the handle(how dare I

> not

> > give that money to DD, it's hers ect) and try to make contact/show

> > up/possible use it as evidence that DD is being " mistreated " ). Part of me

> > feels that it is DD's and I should not keep it from her but I know it

> will

> > be very confusing for her when she gets old enough to understand why she

> > gets gifts from grandma but cannot see her. I would not want to lie to

> her

> > because if nada shows up or sneaks contact with DD then I will be the

> " bad

> > guy " . Help.

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Personally, I'd rip it up and not mention it. How old is daughter? You don't

need that b*tch's money. . . I'm pretty sure that my nada and fada have

given me checks inside packages and cards that I never openned. I see it as

pure manipulation. Better to earn your own money than owe anything to

someone with a personality disorder.

If daughter is old enough, you could talk to her about it and let her

decide.

On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 3:41 PM, Stefanie Low wrote:

> I'm not sure if my advice is what you should do..this is a tough one. But

> as I read your email I know what I would do.

>

> I would deposit it into my account. Most banks will allow you to deposit

> it

> aslong as you have the money to cover it. As long as you show you are the

> mother..( you can even call the bank in advance and check so you don't feel

> funny) then if it cashes and goes thru. give it to your daugther and

> maybe

> use it as an opotunity to explain manipulation tactics ( not sure how old

> she is)..then don't do anything else..don't call don't contact...pretent

> nothing happen.

>

> Stefanie

>

> On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 4:55 PM, Simpson <rc822306@...

> >wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > Hello,

> >

> > I have a whole new dilemma I just cannot decide on. Today a birthday card

> > arrived for my older daughter whose birthday is on Sunday. There was no

> > return address. When I opened it it was from nada (who has NC with my

> > children and I). There is a fifty dollar check made out to DD. I have no

> > idea what I should do. I never thought nada would mail a gift due to her

> > insistence on seeing people receive gifts from her. We have decided how

> to

> > handle it if she shows up but not this. First of all, I don't even think

> > the check can be cashed. How would I convince the bank to cash a check in

> > someone else's name? DD can't confirm who she is. If I keep it and

> > cannot(or choose not) cash it I am leaving her bank account with a check

> > out

> > but not cleared(perfect reason for her to try and contact us-to ask about

> > it). If I send it back she will probably fly off the handle(how dare I

> not

> > give that money to DD, it's hers ect) and try to make contact/show

> > up/possible use it as evidence that DD is being " mistreated " ). Part of me

> > feels that it is DD's and I should not keep it from her but I know it

> will

> > be very confusing for her when she gets old enough to understand why she

> > gets gifts from grandma but cannot see her. I would not want to lie to

> her

> > because if nada shows up or sneaks contact with DD then I will be the

> " bad

> > guy " . Help.

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Personally, I'd rip it up and not mention it. How old is daughter? You don't

need that b*tch's money. . . I'm pretty sure that my nada and fada have

given me checks inside packages and cards that I never openned. I see it as

pure manipulation. Better to earn your own money than owe anything to

someone with a personality disorder.

If daughter is old enough, you could talk to her about it and let her

decide.

On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 3:41 PM, Stefanie Low wrote:

> I'm not sure if my advice is what you should do..this is a tough one. But

> as I read your email I know what I would do.

>

> I would deposit it into my account. Most banks will allow you to deposit

> it

> aslong as you have the money to cover it. As long as you show you are the

> mother..( you can even call the bank in advance and check so you don't feel

> funny) then if it cashes and goes thru. give it to your daugther and

> maybe

> use it as an opotunity to explain manipulation tactics ( not sure how old

> she is)..then don't do anything else..don't call don't contact...pretent

> nothing happen.

>

> Stefanie

>

> On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 4:55 PM, Simpson <rc822306@...

> >wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > Hello,

> >

> > I have a whole new dilemma I just cannot decide on. Today a birthday card

> > arrived for my older daughter whose birthday is on Sunday. There was no

> > return address. When I opened it it was from nada (who has NC with my

> > children and I). There is a fifty dollar check made out to DD. I have no

> > idea what I should do. I never thought nada would mail a gift due to her

> > insistence on seeing people receive gifts from her. We have decided how

> to

> > handle it if she shows up but not this. First of all, I don't even think

> > the check can be cashed. How would I convince the bank to cash a check in

> > someone else's name? DD can't confirm who she is. If I keep it and

> > cannot(or choose not) cash it I am leaving her bank account with a check

> > out

> > but not cleared(perfect reason for her to try and contact us-to ask about

> > it). If I send it back she will probably fly off the handle(how dare I

> not

> > give that money to DD, it's hers ect) and try to make contact/show

> > up/possible use it as evidence that DD is being " mistreated " ). Part of me

> > feels that it is DD's and I should not keep it from her but I know it

> will

> > be very confusing for her when she gets old enough to understand why she

> > gets gifts from grandma but cannot see her. I would not want to lie to

> her

> > because if nada shows up or sneaks contact with DD then I will be the

> " bad

> > guy " . Help.

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

DD will be 2 in 2 days. I do not want to cash it but at the same time

sending it back will start WW3. If I just tear it up she will start calling

demanding to know if it's cashed so she can manage her bank account. I

realize that this is a no win situation. Hubby's bank also said that we

probably cannot cash it. Due to new rules they cannot if it is in her name

only.

[Guest guest]

DD will be 2 in 2 days. I do not want to cash it but at the same time

sending it back will start WW3. If I just tear it up she will start calling

demanding to know if it's cashed so she can manage her bank account. I

realize that this is a no win situation. Hubby's bank also said that we

probably cannot cash it. Due to new rules they cannot if it is in her name

only.

[Guest guest]

DD will be 2 in 2 days. I do not want to cash it but at the same time

sending it back will start WW3. If I just tear it up she will start calling

demanding to know if it's cashed so she can manage her bank account. I

realize that this is a no win situation. Hubby's bank also said that we

probably cannot cash it. Due to new rules they cannot if it is in her name

only.

[Guest guest]

If you take your daughter and her birth certificate to the bank, perhaps you can

set up a savings account in her name, with you as the custodial adult (my teen

son has one). You can deposit the check in her account, and if it clears,

great. If not, no loss. Write a formal thank you note acknowledging the gift,

and say it will be saved for college. No further invitation or contact is

necessary.

If your mother has a fit and demands the return of the money, just write her a

check from your account. You've still got the 50 bucks in your daughter's

account, so you're not really out anything (but make sure her check clears

before you reimburse Nada.)

We opened my son's account to handle just this kind of birthday checks. Now

that he's old enough to earn a few dollars mowing lawns, he does his own

banking. I still have to " be there " when he makes a withdrawal, but he can

deposit his own money. (Money going in is no problem - it's just the money

coming out of the bank that has to have a parent's signature.)

>

> DD will be 2 in 2 days. I do not want to cash it but at the same time

> sending it back will start WW3. If I just tear it up she will start calling

> demanding to know if it's cashed so she can manage her bank account. I

> realize that this is a no win situation. Hubby's bank also said that we

> probably cannot cash it. Due to new rules they cannot if it is in her name

> only.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

If you take your daughter and her birth certificate to the bank, perhaps you can

set up a savings account in her name, with you as the custodial adult (my teen

son has one). You can deposit the check in her account, and if it clears,

great. If not, no loss. Write a formal thank you note acknowledging the gift,

and say it will be saved for college. No further invitation or contact is

necessary.

If your mother has a fit and demands the return of the money, just write her a

check from your account. You've still got the 50 bucks in your daughter's

account, so you're not really out anything (but make sure her check clears

before you reimburse Nada.)

We opened my son's account to handle just this kind of birthday checks. Now

that he's old enough to earn a few dollars mowing lawns, he does his own

banking. I still have to " be there " when he makes a withdrawal, but he can

deposit his own money. (Money going in is no problem - it's just the money

coming out of the bank that has to have a parent's signature.)

>

> DD will be 2 in 2 days. I do not want to cash it but at the same time

> sending it back will start WW3. If I just tear it up she will start calling

> demanding to know if it's cashed so she can manage her bank account. I

> realize that this is a no win situation. Hubby's bank also said that we

> probably cannot cash it. Due to new rules they cannot if it is in her name

> only.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

If you take your daughter and her birth certificate to the bank, perhaps you can

set up a savings account in her name, with you as the custodial adult (my teen

son has one). You can deposit the check in her account, and if it clears,

great. If not, no loss. Write a formal thank you note acknowledging the gift,

and say it will be saved for college. No further invitation or contact is

necessary.

If your mother has a fit and demands the return of the money, just write her a

check from your account. You've still got the 50 bucks in your daughter's

account, so you're not really out anything (but make sure her check clears

before you reimburse Nada.)

We opened my son's account to handle just this kind of birthday checks. Now

that he's old enough to earn a few dollars mowing lawns, he does his own

banking. I still have to " be there " when he makes a withdrawal, but he can

deposit his own money. (Money going in is no problem - it's just the money

coming out of the bank that has to have a parent's signature.)

>

> DD will be 2 in 2 days. I do not want to cash it but at the same time

> sending it back will start WW3. If I just tear it up she will start calling

> demanding to know if it's cashed so she can manage her bank account. I

> realize that this is a no win situation. Hubby's bank also said that we

> probably cannot cash it. Due to new rules they cannot if it is in her name

> only.

>

>

>

>

>