Re: How do I stop blaming/enabling her?

[Guest guest]

Hi, . As Annie said, this site may seem harsh toward BPD's - but please

understand, we consider it a safe place to vent.

That being said...are you SURE you have BPD? I ask because learning behavior

from a BPD parent may not automatically equate to BEING BPD. The behaviors we

pick up are referred to as " fleas " and we all fight to get rid of them and learn

healthier, new alternatives. So if you haven't actually been diagnosed, maybe

you'd want to reassess that. If you have actually been diagnosed, your doctor

or therapist probably knows about DBT - dialectical behavior therapy. (Somebody

help me with the spelling if that's wrong!) - which seems to work for BP's. The

fact that you're this self-aware speaks volumes. You can certainly read posts

here to find out what effect BPD has on children, and try to " behave your way

out of " those patterns. And setting up boundaries with abusive people is

useful, no matter WHY they're being abusive to you, so it can't hurt to use some

of these techniques with your mom.

Best of luck with your therapy and all the work ahead -

> >

> > I am a borderline who has a borderline parent. Lately, I've been trying to

set boundaries in our relationship that allow me some breathing room from her. I

have not called her or spoke to her except for when we both were at the hospital

for my nephew. The other day I got an email from her saying that we hadn't

talked in forever and that it was her fault. How do I go on from this? Do I keep

on with this and allow her to build our relationship or keep on with the usual

distressing pattern?

> >

> > When I was younger, I was verbally and physically abused and I still don't

know how to move on from it, I don't know how to forgive her. For denying her

mental health state and denying that I had anything wrong with me. I learn all

of my borderline traits from her and her behavior. How do I forgive her for

this?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, . As Annie said, this site may seem harsh toward BPD's - but please

understand, we consider it a safe place to vent.

That being said...are you SURE you have BPD? I ask because learning behavior

from a BPD parent may not automatically equate to BEING BPD. The behaviors we

pick up are referred to as " fleas " and we all fight to get rid of them and learn

healthier, new alternatives. So if you haven't actually been diagnosed, maybe

you'd want to reassess that. If you have actually been diagnosed, your doctor

or therapist probably knows about DBT - dialectical behavior therapy. (Somebody

help me with the spelling if that's wrong!) - which seems to work for BP's. The

fact that you're this self-aware speaks volumes. You can certainly read posts

here to find out what effect BPD has on children, and try to " behave your way

out of " those patterns. And setting up boundaries with abusive people is

useful, no matter WHY they're being abusive to you, so it can't hurt to use some

of these techniques with your mom.

Best of luck with your therapy and all the work ahead -

> >

> > I am a borderline who has a borderline parent. Lately, I've been trying to

set boundaries in our relationship that allow me some breathing room from her. I

have not called her or spoke to her except for when we both were at the hospital

for my nephew. The other day I got an email from her saying that we hadn't

talked in forever and that it was her fault. How do I go on from this? Do I keep

on with this and allow her to build our relationship or keep on with the usual

distressing pattern?

> >

> > When I was younger, I was verbally and physically abused and I still don't

know how to move on from it, I don't know how to forgive her. For denying her

mental health state and denying that I had anything wrong with me. I learn all

of my borderline traits from her and her behavior. How do I forgive her for

this?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, . As Annie said, this site may seem harsh toward BPD's - but please

understand, we consider it a safe place to vent.

That being said...are you SURE you have BPD? I ask because learning behavior

from a BPD parent may not automatically equate to BEING BPD. The behaviors we

pick up are referred to as " fleas " and we all fight to get rid of them and learn

healthier, new alternatives. So if you haven't actually been diagnosed, maybe

you'd want to reassess that. If you have actually been diagnosed, your doctor

or therapist probably knows about DBT - dialectical behavior therapy. (Somebody

help me with the spelling if that's wrong!) - which seems to work for BP's. The

fact that you're this self-aware speaks volumes. You can certainly read posts

here to find out what effect BPD has on children, and try to " behave your way

out of " those patterns. And setting up boundaries with abusive people is

useful, no matter WHY they're being abusive to you, so it can't hurt to use some

of these techniques with your mom.

Best of luck with your therapy and all the work ahead -

> >

> > I am a borderline who has a borderline parent. Lately, I've been trying to

set boundaries in our relationship that allow me some breathing room from her. I

have not called her or spoke to her except for when we both were at the hospital

for my nephew. The other day I got an email from her saying that we hadn't

talked in forever and that it was her fault. How do I go on from this? Do I keep

on with this and allow her to build our relationship or keep on with the usual

distressing pattern?

> >

> > When I was younger, I was verbally and physically abused and I still don't

know how to move on from it, I don't know how to forgive her. For denying her

mental health state and denying that I had anything wrong with me. I learn all

of my borderline traits from her and her behavior. How do I forgive her for

this?

> >

>