Making the transition to less food

[Guest guest]

I've just been reading through all the latest emails, so this is a general

response. Although I wish everyone didn't have to go through all the ups and

down, it is very affirming to read your e-mails and know I am no different, even

though I seem to be surrounded by more conscious eaters than I am. For ex., in

my book group we get together once a month for a fabulous meal and discussion.

Out of the women, I'm the one who takes larger portions and seconds. The others

have either more self-discipline or more mindfulness about their eating, or--I

suspect, better lifelong thin-person eating habits.

Whoever said they are eating 1/4 of what they used to: I have a feeling that

could be me, but I absolutely don't want to have to eat so little. I love food!

I do eat less when I'm being mindful, but not as little as I probably need.

Dinner is my bugaboo because it's a sacred time to get together with my husband

and daughter almost every night. But I'm often not hungry or not that hungry.

Big issues of deprivation kick in: why them and not me? I don't want to have to

limit my intake to truly match my hunger-fullness scale. Feeling slightly full

makes me know I'm not being deprived (e.g. 5-6 out of a 10, when a 4-5 would

do).

Well, I guess this is something I will have to work on and test-drive. Italians

love food, but they walk a lot and don't eat between meals, and tend to be slim.

French people, too. So one approach would be to orchestrate my hunger so that

it better coincides with dinnertime, and not be afraid to skip breakfast (as

long as I have my latte). I hear that " Eat your breakfast, it's the most

important meal of the day " in my head. But reading different posts, I think

it's time to give that a rest and tune in to my hunger signals when I'd normally

just go ahead and eat breakfast.

I'm not sounding very spiritual here, but I've had a lot of losses lately that

have made me be more doubting than I used to be. I've been hesitant to read

Geneen's new book, because if there is a God I'm mad at her.

I do recommend AM I HUNGRY? by May, M.D. She also has a workbook and a

second book about freeing yourself from restrictive eating. One thing I like

about her is that she has lots of info about nutrition and gives sensible input

that takes into account nutrition and health, while giving yourself permission

to eat what you want WHEN you're hungry and stop when you're satisfied.

Best of luck to everyone,

Ellen

PS I've had the middle of the night munchies, and have found that skipping just

one night helps me reprogram.

[Guest guest]

Before beginnine IE, I used to be amazed that other people could eat so much

less than I, and appear to be satisfied. Once I started letting myself be aware

of my feelings as I ate, I realized I really wasn't hungry for *food* anymore,

but I was still *hungry*. Geneen suggests (either in her book or an online

seminar I took with her--the two melded in my mind because I was

reading/participating at the same time) that when you're thinking that you still

want more when you're already physically full, to ask, " More WHAT? " It's a

mind-blower.

I eat when I'm tired, when I feel drained from having given so much to my family

and done nothing for myself. All day long I think about the things I want to do

for myself--take a little time to read, go for a walk, do some creative

stuff--but do I do it? Often not. Food was my compensation for not getting those

other things. Yesterday when I thought I was feeling hungry, I realized I was

tired. I started to tell myself that I just " couldn't " be tired because I'd only

gotten up a few hours before (and had slept well), then I realized I was

discounting my feelings, and took a nap. I got up an hour later, no longer

" hungry. " At all.

Sitting down to eat is one of the few times a day that allow myself to sit and

do something pleasurable. All other times I'm either on my feet doing something

for my family, or sitting on my butt doing my my job. Although I often get great

pleasure out of " doing " for my family, I don't do enough to recharge my own

personal (instead of " derivative " ) pleasure, to take good care of myself.

Instead, by the end of the day, I look back and realize (most days) I've done

nothing I wanted to do for myself--except eat.

My heart broke to read the poster who came home from work and still had to take

care of her family, when her husband was a stay-at-home dad, who then tried to

change the bowls saying they both needed to lose weight. I'm afraid my blood

boiled reading that. Finding some way to handle this drive we have to take care

of others to our own detriment is a huge issue, at least for me.

I think it was Covey who came up with the system of identifying high

priority items and doing those first; it's an eye-opener to see my husband

putting priorities on his own exercise and relaxation, while I strap myself into

the harness and do for others. He's very supportive--nothing needs to change

there--I'm the problem, not wanting to claim anything for myself. What the heck

is up with that?

BTW, Geneen's definition of God is about as generic as you can imagine. And I

know what you mean, Ellen, about being angry. It's been a season of loss for me,

too.

Thanks to everyone for being here and being so honest. This is a great support

to me.

Laurie

>

>

>>>> Whoever said they are eating 1/4 of what they used to: I have a feeling

that could be me, but I absolutely don't want to have to eat so little. I love

food! I do eat less when I'm being mindful, but not as little as I probably

need.

>

> Dinner is my bugaboo because it's a sacred time to get together with my

husband and daughter almost every night. But I'm often not hungry or not that

hungry. Big issues of deprivation kick in: why them and not me? I don't want

to have to limit my intake to truly match my hunger-fullness scale. Feeling

slightly full makes me know I'm not being deprived (e.g. 5-6 out of a 10, when a

4-5 would do).

>

> Well, I guess this is something I will have to work on and test-drive.

Italians love food, but they walk a lot and don't eat between meals, and tend to

be slim. French people, too. So one approach would be to orchestrate my hunger

so that it better coincides with dinnertime, and not be afraid to skip breakfast

(as long as I have my latte). I hear that " Eat your breakfast, it's the most

important meal of the day " in my head. But reading different posts, I think

it's time to give that a rest and tune in to my hunger signals when I'd normally

just go ahead and eat breakfast.

>

> I'm not sounding very spiritual here, but I've had a lot of losses lately that

have made me be more doubting than I used to be. I've been hesitant to read

Geneen's new book, because if there is a God I'm mad at her.<<<

[Guest guest]

Laurie,

This sentence in your post jumped off the page for me: " Food was my

compensation for not getting those other things. " Oh. My. God. That is it for

me too.

I am aware, too, of how pervasive the destructive beliefs I have about food

permeate my life. Like:

I DON'T DESERVE IT (to take time/effort/money for better health).

I DESERVE TO EAT THIS (some unhealthy binge that is my compensation for any

number of unmet needs).

IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT MUCH (if I eat this one " bad thing " ~ which of course

translates to I don't matter that much.)

IT'S WRONG TO WASTE (food, as well as money, time, etc.)

I have been mulling over making a big purchase of something that I want but do

not need. I notice that ALL of my underlying beliefs about food are present. I

don't deserve a new sewing machine because my skills are not excellent. It's

wrong to " waste " money on something extravagant. People will think I'm selfish

if I spend this kind of money on myself (or eat in a manner different from

them.) On and on . . .

Aaack!! I am a facilitator of The Work of Byron . (The process I've

learned from her of questioning my stressful beliefs has been changing my life

for several years.) The experience of IE fits right in with becoming aware of

what is really true, of questioning myself (like you mentioned with " Hungry for

what? " ). I notice how often I am on autopilot, and how pausing before I act

helps me see underlying motives, unmet needs, numbness.

Thank you all for your honesty here. For me, taking the time to write and to

read about the changes we each experience is a way of honoring us both.

> >

> >

> >>>> Whoever said they are eating 1/4 of what they used to: I have a feeling

that could be me, but I absolutely don't want to have to eat so little. I love

food! I do eat less when I'm being mindful, but not as little as I probably

need.

> >

> > Dinner is my bugaboo because it's a sacred time to get together with my

husband and daughter almost every night. But I'm often not hungry or not that

hungry. Big issues of deprivation kick in: why them and not me? I don't want

to have to limit my intake to truly match my hunger-fullness scale. Feeling

slightly full makes me know I'm not being deprived (e.g. 5-6 out of a 10, when a

4-5 would do).

> >

> > Well, I guess this is something I will have to work on and test-drive.

Italians love food, but they walk a lot and don't eat between meals, and tend to

be slim. French people, too. So one approach would be to orchestrate my hunger

so that it better coincides with dinnertime, and not be afraid to skip breakfast

(as long as I have my latte). I hear that " Eat your breakfast, it's the most

important meal of the day " in my head. But reading different posts, I think

it's time to give that a rest and tune in to my hunger signals when I'd normally

just go ahead and eat breakfast.

> >

> > I'm not sounding very spiritual here, but I've had a lot of losses lately

that have made me be more doubting than I used to be. I've been hesitant to

read Geneen's new book, because if there is a God I'm mad at her.<<<

>