Guest guest Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 ; Your boyfriend, your mother and his parents are abusive. You need to get out of there. Consider very seriously the choice to go to a woman's shelter and never go back to any of them. With your health issues, get on disability so you won't be dependant on anyone. These people are not good for you. Especially if you are ill and these people are denying it and ignoring you. Start formulating a plan to LEAVE. I'm sure there are others on this list who can give you more information. We have all " left, " or are in the process or are about to or seriously planning. Me included. It's not easy but it is time to just stop taking abuse. Part of the issue is realizing it is abuse. It's a process. But these people are bad news. This group will help you. We've all been there. Once they are out of your life, your health issues will be easier to deal with - without those " rocks " tied to your ankles. Flowers in Oz -----Original Message----- > >> >I am lost and dont know where to go or what to do anymore, the tiniest things are beginning to set me off (like my boyfriends mother taking our pork and doing it HER way... it just makes me think that the way I cooked it wasnt good enough, or something.... and when I mentioned it to my boyfriend he goes " It tastes better though! " ..... Its just htings my bpd mom would do... like making the lost signs and CL ad... you work hard to do it and its not good enough.... Its never good enough. I feel like no one cares about me here, and I feel like IM STUCK here because I have no where else to go.... Im pathetic. > >are these fleas? am I overreacting because of how I grew up with my bpd mom? Any thoughts? I just need some insight because I feel like everyone is against me and im going crazy or something. > >- > > > >------------------------------------ > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > >To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . > >Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 - I agree that they are all being abusive. It seems really likely that your boyfriends mom is BPD or some PD as well. Having a BPD mom already is enough! Don't forget to think about yourself. I would talk to your boyfriend about his parents. If he's not willing to separate from them, then I think you'd be better just leaving on your own. And consider leaving your mother too. I know my nada increases my medical problems! I know it's hard to leave. But again, please don't forget yourself. You can heal much better without all that craziness. Casey > > ; > > Your boyfriend, your mother and his parents are abusive. You need to get out of there. Consider very seriously the choice to go to a woman's shelter and never go back to any of them. With your health issues, get on disability so you won't be dependant on anyone. These people are not good for you. Especially if you are ill and these people are denying it and ignoring you. Start formulating a plan to LEAVE. > > I'm sure there are others on this list who can give you more information. We have all " left, " or are in the process or are about to or seriously planning. Me included. It's not easy but it is time to just stop taking abuse. Part of the issue is realizing it is abuse. It's a process. But these people are bad news. This group will help you. We've all been there. Once they are out of your life, your health issues will be easier to deal with - without those " rocks " tied to your ankles. > > Flowers in Oz > > > -----Original Message----- > > > >> > >I am lost and dont know where to go or what to do anymore, the tiniest things are beginning to set me off (like my boyfriends mother taking our pork and doing it HER way... it just makes me think that the way I cooked it wasnt good enough, or something.... and when I mentioned it to my boyfriend he goes " It tastes better though! " ..... Its just htings my bpd mom would do... like making the lost signs and CL ad... you work hard to do it and its not good enough.... Its never good enough. I feel like no one cares about me here, and I feel like IM STUCK here because I have no where else to go.... Im pathetic. > > > >are these fleas? am I overreacting because of how I grew up with my bpd mom? Any thoughts? I just need some insight because I feel like everyone is against me and im going crazy or something. > > > >- > > > > > > > >------------------------------------ > > > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > > >To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe > > > >Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 OK, I can see how you ended up living in this situation. We always go to what we know, what feels normal to us. I suspect that growing up with a BPD mom gave you the idea that less abuse was better than what mom doled out. But it is STILL abuse, and you need to look out for yourself, because no one else will. The added complication of you having chronic illness makes this even more important--you must put yourself first. I second the woman's shelter idea. They are knowledgeable about how to get the wheels turning for you to become independent and can provide you with a safe place to get away from the abuse you are living under. With what you have going on physically, you simply cannot afford to have all this constant emotional stress. And once you are out and independent, you will look back on today and never, ever allow yourself to be made helpless again. You've got good instincts, you just need to listen to them. Good luck, hon! > > > This is sadly a long rant that I need to let out because I have no one to talk to anymore.... by the time you finish reading this you may understand slightly why. > > I am a medical wreck. (emotionally and physically) When I was 2 years old I was diagnosed with Celiac, Diabetes and Hypothyroidism. Two years ago I was diagnosed with a lung disease that apparently is rare known as Nonspecific Interstitial Pnemanitis... Now they think I have Autoimmune Enteropathy and s Disease. I am usually very sick, or never feel well even when I feel " better than normal " ... My boyfriend is usually pretty understanding and always supportive, or so it seems. Sometimes he seems very aloof toward my illness and acts like it isnt a huge deal even when im scared. (I was hospitalized last december due to excess weight loss and stomach issues and he left me alone usually until 9pm at night so he could go to work, take care of the dog, and go Christmas shopping...which hurt because I was scared and all alone while they were telling me different procedures/surgeries they were going to do and he was not there) But things got even more interesting when his dad had a stroke in April, he made sure to be at the hospital for his dad EVERY DAY before work and immediately after work, he would come home (to our apartment) to cook dinner for his dad and mom so they would not have to eat hospital food and take it up to them, and he even spent the night with his dad. Now is this a flea? me feeling sorry for myself? I understand its his dad and it was a scary situation... but I was just as scared losing over 40lbs in 2 months and always being in pain. So things got better with the dad a month later and he went into physical therapy, but the mother said she needed him to move home to help with his father because he was doing so poorly, she turned to me and said " you are welcome at our home too. If you love my son, then we will love you. " I love my boyfriend dearly, but his temper has gotten worse (he " accidentally " pushed me causing me to fall and hit my head on a coffee table during a fight we had. And he has been just rough in general, pushing me against walls etc etc. ... now this frightens me because my mom is bpd and is verbally and physically abusive. But I always forgive him for some stupid reason and he hasnt hurt me or been rough since that time. but that aside....) So in July we moved in with his parents, and GUESS WHAT?! the mother has an in home care nurse, the dad is able to walk, talk and eat just fine... but with a cane.... My boyfriend said he did not know his dad was doing so well otherwise we would not have given up our home together. (I feel like the mother lied and manipulated him to get him to move home, or it was all about saving money from his part.) So the last bad fight we had was in July when I was looking at my boyfriends phone when I saw a text message from his mother that says " She doesnt do anything around here, shes been here two weeks and she needs to do your (my boyfriends) laundry, put hte sheets on your (my boyfriends) bed and cook you dinner, you work full time you are tired. " > that hurt incredibly to see that, I never feel well and am always in and out of hospitals and always tired (due to possible addisons) and I do what I can, which isnt a lot... but its the best I can do. Plus my boyfriend is a grown man whose 28 years old and works a very lenient job as an IT guy..... why should I do his laundry, bed and cook for him? Im not his wife. So when I confronted her on that and the fact we moved in with them to help with the father even though she never needs help with him she blew up at me and told me to " get out and you arent sick, you use that as an excuse. I never wanted to tell my son that but its the truth! you arent sick " At that point I started crying, because my bpd mom tells me the same thing, and it makes me think im crazy and maybe im not sick maybe I think I am or something (even though blood work and etc comes back showing proof) so when I started crying she yells to me " Dont you dare start doing *THAT* cry! Dont give me that! " At that point I packed all my shit and stayed with my mom two nights, to which she went through all my belongings in my car and found the lease I had signed with my boyfriend on our apartment and then got pissed and kicked me out of her place, so lo and behold I ended back up at my boyfriends parents house.... ugh! So to make things right I apologize to my boyfriends mother and give her a hug... she never apologized to me or anything in return, I even sent her a long long message saying how I want to try to fit in with the family, and I love her son very much and I want to try to make this home..yadda yadda... she never responded to that either, she never says hi to me or talks to me when she sees me in the house. Then it comes down to her butting in when my boyfriend and I are cooking.... tonight for instance we are making tamales and we slow cooked the pork for 12 hours and stuck it in the fridge this morning, then when we got back the pork was in the slow cooker with broth covering it and it simmering.... SHE BOTHERED TO TRY OUR FOOD AND " FIX " IT FOR US! ARRRGH! maybe these are all stupid things that I should not let bother me, but I am wondering why I am even here any more! I cant talk to my own mother about these issues, and I cant talk to my boyfriend about this specific issue without fear that it will cause a fight. > > Then to make matters worse I spent yesterday with my mom, where so was her queen self until her cat got outside and she went waif on me and said " God hates me! " over and over... So I made Lost signs, called the vet clinics around town and reported it and reported it to the shelters and posted it on craigs list, while she sat there and cried, (which made me feel so bad) but then while we were looking for the cat she raged and started saying how her kids (my sister and I) are ungrateful and stupid and helpless and we are this and that, and then she went back to her waif self.... then by the time I left at 8pm she called me raging again and had taken all the lost posters I put up as well as the craigslist ad...I dont even know why..... She said it was because I lied to her about various things even though she made me swear those things on the Bible and I'm going to hell. (I do admit that I did lie to her once on that Bible ... and I felt like crap because I am catholic.. but it literally came down to lying on the bible or getting hit...) Anyways, what she was raging about happened over a year ago, so I have no idea how it even came up. But today she is fine and happy. > > I have no one to talk to anymore, I cant talk to my boyfriend about her without causing him to hate her more which stresses me out and I cant talk to my boyfriend about how I hate living with his parents and what I think about them without making him upset and I cant talk to my mom about my boyfriend/living situations without it blowing up in my face later, and I obviously cant tell her that shes crazy.... > > > I am lost and dont know where to go or what to do anymore, the tiniest things are beginning to set me off (like my boyfriends mother taking our pork and doing it HER way... it just makes me think that the way I cooked it wasnt good enough, or something.... and when I mentioned it to my boyfriend he goes " It tastes better though! " ..... Its just htings my bpd mom would do... like making the lost signs and CL ad... you work hard to do it and its not good enough.... Its never good enough. I feel like no one cares about me here, and I feel like IM STUCK here because I have no where else to go.... Im pathetic. > > are these fleas? am I overreacting because of how I grew up with my bpd mom? Any thoughts? I just need some insight because I feel like everyone is against me and im going crazy or something. > > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 OK, I can see how you ended up living in this situation. We always go to what we know, what feels normal to us. I suspect that growing up with a BPD mom gave you the idea that less abuse was better than what mom doled out. But it is STILL abuse, and you need to look out for yourself, because no one else will. The added complication of you having chronic illness makes this even more important--you must put yourself first. I second the woman's shelter idea. They are knowledgeable about how to get the wheels turning for you to become independent and can provide you with a safe place to get away from the abuse you are living under. With what you have going on physically, you simply cannot afford to have all this constant emotional stress. And once you are out and independent, you will look back on today and never, ever allow yourself to be made helpless again. You've got good instincts, you just need to listen to them. Good luck, hon! > > > This is sadly a long rant that I need to let out because I have no one to talk to anymore.... by the time you finish reading this you may understand slightly why. > > I am a medical wreck. (emotionally and physically) When I was 2 years old I was diagnosed with Celiac, Diabetes and Hypothyroidism. Two years ago I was diagnosed with a lung disease that apparently is rare known as Nonspecific Interstitial Pnemanitis... Now they think I have Autoimmune Enteropathy and s Disease. I am usually very sick, or never feel well even when I feel " better than normal " ... My boyfriend is usually pretty understanding and always supportive, or so it seems. Sometimes he seems very aloof toward my illness and acts like it isnt a huge deal even when im scared. (I was hospitalized last december due to excess weight loss and stomach issues and he left me alone usually until 9pm at night so he could go to work, take care of the dog, and go Christmas shopping...which hurt because I was scared and all alone while they were telling me different procedures/surgeries they were going to do and he was not there) But things got even more interesting when his dad had a stroke in April, he made sure to be at the hospital for his dad EVERY DAY before work and immediately after work, he would come home (to our apartment) to cook dinner for his dad and mom so they would not have to eat hospital food and take it up to them, and he even spent the night with his dad. Now is this a flea? me feeling sorry for myself? I understand its his dad and it was a scary situation... but I was just as scared losing over 40lbs in 2 months and always being in pain. So things got better with the dad a month later and he went into physical therapy, but the mother said she needed him to move home to help with his father because he was doing so poorly, she turned to me and said " you are welcome at our home too. If you love my son, then we will love you. " I love my boyfriend dearly, but his temper has gotten worse (he " accidentally " pushed me causing me to fall and hit my head on a coffee table during a fight we had. And he has been just rough in general, pushing me against walls etc etc. ... now this frightens me because my mom is bpd and is verbally and physically abusive. But I always forgive him for some stupid reason and he hasnt hurt me or been rough since that time. but that aside....) So in July we moved in with his parents, and GUESS WHAT?! the mother has an in home care nurse, the dad is able to walk, talk and eat just fine... but with a cane.... My boyfriend said he did not know his dad was doing so well otherwise we would not have given up our home together. (I feel like the mother lied and manipulated him to get him to move home, or it was all about saving money from his part.) So the last bad fight we had was in July when I was looking at my boyfriends phone when I saw a text message from his mother that says " She doesnt do anything around here, shes been here two weeks and she needs to do your (my boyfriends) laundry, put hte sheets on your (my boyfriends) bed and cook you dinner, you work full time you are tired. " > that hurt incredibly to see that, I never feel well and am always in and out of hospitals and always tired (due to possible addisons) and I do what I can, which isnt a lot... but its the best I can do. Plus my boyfriend is a grown man whose 28 years old and works a very lenient job as an IT guy..... why should I do his laundry, bed and cook for him? Im not his wife. So when I confronted her on that and the fact we moved in with them to help with the father even though she never needs help with him she blew up at me and told me to " get out and you arent sick, you use that as an excuse. I never wanted to tell my son that but its the truth! you arent sick " At that point I started crying, because my bpd mom tells me the same thing, and it makes me think im crazy and maybe im not sick maybe I think I am or something (even though blood work and etc comes back showing proof) so when I started crying she yells to me " Dont you dare start doing *THAT* cry! Dont give me that! " At that point I packed all my shit and stayed with my mom two nights, to which she went through all my belongings in my car and found the lease I had signed with my boyfriend on our apartment and then got pissed and kicked me out of her place, so lo and behold I ended back up at my boyfriends parents house.... ugh! So to make things right I apologize to my boyfriends mother and give her a hug... she never apologized to me or anything in return, I even sent her a long long message saying how I want to try to fit in with the family, and I love her son very much and I want to try to make this home..yadda yadda... she never responded to that either, she never says hi to me or talks to me when she sees me in the house. Then it comes down to her butting in when my boyfriend and I are cooking.... tonight for instance we are making tamales and we slow cooked the pork for 12 hours and stuck it in the fridge this morning, then when we got back the pork was in the slow cooker with broth covering it and it simmering.... SHE BOTHERED TO TRY OUR FOOD AND " FIX " IT FOR US! ARRRGH! maybe these are all stupid things that I should not let bother me, but I am wondering why I am even here any more! I cant talk to my own mother about these issues, and I cant talk to my boyfriend about this specific issue without fear that it will cause a fight. > > Then to make matters worse I spent yesterday with my mom, where so was her queen self until her cat got outside and she went waif on me and said " God hates me! " over and over... So I made Lost signs, called the vet clinics around town and reported it and reported it to the shelters and posted it on craigs list, while she sat there and cried, (which made me feel so bad) but then while we were looking for the cat she raged and started saying how her kids (my sister and I) are ungrateful and stupid and helpless and we are this and that, and then she went back to her waif self.... then by the time I left at 8pm she called me raging again and had taken all the lost posters I put up as well as the craigslist ad...I dont even know why..... She said it was because I lied to her about various things even though she made me swear those things on the Bible and I'm going to hell. (I do admit that I did lie to her once on that Bible ... and I felt like crap because I am catholic.. but it literally came down to lying on the bible or getting hit...) Anyways, what she was raging about happened over a year ago, so I have no idea how it even came up. But today she is fine and happy. > > I have no one to talk to anymore, I cant talk to my boyfriend about her without causing him to hate her more which stresses me out and I cant talk to my boyfriend about how I hate living with his parents and what I think about them without making him upset and I cant talk to my mom about my boyfriend/living situations without it blowing up in my face later, and I obviously cant tell her that shes crazy.... > > > I am lost and dont know where to go or what to do anymore, the tiniest things are beginning to set me off (like my boyfriends mother taking our pork and doing it HER way... it just makes me think that the way I cooked it wasnt good enough, or something.... and when I mentioned it to my boyfriend he goes " It tastes better though! " ..... Its just htings my bpd mom would do... like making the lost signs and CL ad... you work hard to do it and its not good enough.... Its never good enough. I feel like no one cares about me here, and I feel like IM STUCK here because I have no where else to go.... Im pathetic. > > are these fleas? am I overreacting because of how I grew up with my bpd mom? Any thoughts? I just need some insight because I feel like everyone is against me and im going crazy or something. > > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 I agree. I too think that you are surrounded by abusive people. The fact that your boyfriend has physically pushed you around and made you hit your head on the coffee table is a big neon-red flag, in my opinion. His mother is mean and rejecting toward you, and your mother is a witch. The stress of being exposed to abuse from these people or ignored and rejected by them can't be doing any of your medical conditions any good. Please do check out whether you are qualified to receive disability payments so you can be self-supporting. I believe that the sooner you have peace and serenity in your life and can start finding some nicer people to hang out with, the better off you'll be. -Annie > > ; > > Your boyfriend, your mother and his parents are abusive. You need to get out of there. Consider very seriously the choice to go to a woman's shelter and never go back to any of them. With your health issues, get on disability so you won't be dependant on anyone. These people are not good for you. Especially if you are ill and these people are denying it and ignoring you. Start formulating a plan to LEAVE. > > I'm sure there are others on this list who can give you more information. We have all " left, " or are in the process or are about to or seriously planning. Me included. It's not easy but it is time to just stop taking abuse. Part of the issue is realizing it is abuse. It's a process. But these people are bad news. This group will help you. We've all been there. Once they are out of your life, your health issues will be easier to deal with - without those " rocks " tied to your ankles. > > Flowers in Oz > > > -----Original Message----- > > > >> > >I am lost and dont know where to go or what to do anymore, the tiniest things are beginning to set me off (like my boyfriends mother taking our pork and doing it HER way... it just makes me think that the way I cooked it wasnt good enough, or something.... and when I mentioned it to my boyfriend he goes " It tastes better though! " ..... Its just htings my bpd mom would do... like making the lost signs and CL ad... you work hard to do it and its not good enough.... Its never good enough. I feel like no one cares about me here, and I feel like IM STUCK here because I have no where else to go.... Im pathetic. > > > >are these fleas? am I overreacting because of how I grew up with my bpd mom? Any thoughts? I just need some insight because I feel like everyone is against me and im going crazy or something. > > > >- > > > > > > > >------------------------------------ > > > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > > >To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe > > > >Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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