Guest guest Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 Adraina,oops!!!...edit my last message; I meant to say ...it's always "inappropriate" (not appropriate) to force someone to meet an ex. I don't think anyone should have to meet an ex. I wouldn' t force that on my husband our of respect and sensitivity.KateI was in a fat mood the entire Sat and not because I was eating excessively.It was just excessive body checking. I wrote a lot of affirmations and they helped to some extent.My boyfriend invited me to see a play and I accepted. He then added I was going to meet his best friend who was going to be there.That sent an inmediate red flag. My mind started going in all directions but mainly one: I am too fat to meet him, he is going to look at my fat ass, he is going to count the rolls under my stomac\h, etc, etc. To make things worse, my boyfriend said his ex-girlfriend was the main actress in the play. I was ready to say that I didn't feel well to go. After all, I had the perfect excuse: I have had a cold for the last 2 days and I didnt want to sneeze and cough in a small theatre.Anyway, the affirmations on accepting my body styarted to work and I felt stronger so I did get dressed and fortunately, it was ONLY a fat mood as my clothes did fit.We walked into the theatrer and as we were waiting for the tickets, my boyfriend's friend came to greet us and then we walked to the room. My boyfriend wanted me to sit by his friend's girlfriend but I didnt want to be near a superskinny girl who was going to make me feel super fat.During the entire two hour play, I was doing nothing but over studying my boyfriend's ex. They broke up more than 6 years ago and there is no indication that they want to get back but I can't help comparing myself to the women he dated.so during the entire play, I was studying at every detail of her body.I have done the same in the past with a girl he dated in 2004. She gained a lot of weight and I even went to the point of printing her current picture to tell myself that I don't want to get as fat as she got.I know this is sick.an yway, to end my story about last night, let me say that the body checking went on to the point of making me isolate myself.The play ended and we went to the lobby. I imagined that they were going to wait for the actress to come out and talk to her so I pretened to be busy on my phone. I pretended to pick up a call and I stepped outside.I wasn't comfortable meeting my boyfriend's ex despite the fasct that I didnt think she was cuter or more successful than me.Despite feeling that I was beautiful, I allowed her to have more power over me.My boyfriend came out to ask me to be introduced to his ex girlfriend and I told him: "Thanks, I pass".We came home and we didn't talk about it. My boyfriend said his friend thought that I was cute. He didn't mention anything about why I didnt waqnt to meet his ex. We just left it like that, no discussion.Do I know why I really didn't want to meet her?noprobably more body checking, more insecurities.I did tell him that he should have told me in advance that they were planning on waiting for the actors after the play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 Adraina,oops!!!...edit my last message; I meant to say ...it's always "inappropriate" (not appropriate) to force someone to meet an ex. I don't think anyone should have to meet an ex. I wouldn' t force that on my husband our of respect and sensitivity.KateI was in a fat mood the entire Sat and not because I was eating excessively.It was just excessive body checking. I wrote a lot of affirmations and they helped to some extent.My boyfriend invited me to see a play and I accepted. He then added I was going to meet his best friend who was going to be there.That sent an inmediate red flag. My mind started going in all directions but mainly one: I am too fat to meet him, he is going to look at my fat ass, he is going to count the rolls under my stomac\h, etc, etc. To make things worse, my boyfriend said his ex-girlfriend was the main actress in the play. I was ready to say that I didn't feel well to go. After all, I had the perfect excuse: I have had a cold for the last 2 days and I didnt want to sneeze and cough in a small theatre.Anyway, the affirmations on accepting my body styarted to work and I felt stronger so I did get dressed and fortunately, it was ONLY a fat mood as my clothes did fit.We walked into the theatrer and as we were waiting for the tickets, my boyfriend's friend came to greet us and then we walked to the room. My boyfriend wanted me to sit by his friend's girlfriend but I didnt want to be near a superskinny girl who was going to make me feel super fat.During the entire two hour play, I was doing nothing but over studying my boyfriend's ex. They broke up more than 6 years ago and there is no indication that they want to get back but I can't help comparing myself to the women he dated.so during the entire play, I was studying at every detail of her body.I have done the same in the past with a girl he dated in 2004. She gained a lot of weight and I even went to the point of printing her current picture to tell myself that I don't want to get as fat as she got.I know this is sick.an yway, to end my story about last night, let me say that the body checking went on to the point of making me isolate myself.The play ended and we went to the lobby. I imagined that they were going to wait for the actress to come out and talk to her so I pretened to be busy on my phone. I pretended to pick up a call and I stepped outside.I wasn't comfortable meeting my boyfriend's ex despite the fasct that I didnt think she was cuter or more successful than me.Despite feeling that I was beautiful, I allowed her to have more power over me.My boyfriend came out to ask me to be introduced to his ex girlfriend and I told him: "Thanks, I pass".We came home and we didn't talk about it. My boyfriend said his friend thought that I was cute. He didn't mention anything about why I didnt waqnt to meet his ex. We just left it like that, no discussion.Do I know why I really didn't want to meet her?noprobably more body checking, more insecurities.I did tell him that he should have told me in advance that they were planning on waiting for the actors after the play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 I am a lot older than you (52) so it's easier for me now to mentally stop myself from obsessing over other women around me and being jealous if they are thinner. I do remember it, and it still sometimes affects me though. It is such a shame though, to ruin what could be a fun night with old and new friends worrying about being too heavy and being judged for it. I hope some of the IE materials and board helpers (who are not as new as me) can help those nights become less for you. Bonnie > > I was in a fat mood the entire Sat and not because I was eating excessively.It was just excessive body checking. I wrote a lot of affirmations and they helped to some extent. > > > My boyfriend invited me to see a play and I accepted. He then added I was going to meet his best friend who was going to be there.That sent an inmediate red flag. My mind started going in all directions but mainly one: I am too fat to meet him, he is going to look at my fat ass, he is going to count the rolls under my stomac\h, etc, etc. > To make things worse, my boyfriend said his ex-girlfriend was the main actress in the play. > I was ready to say that I didn't feel well to go. After all, I had the perfect excuse: I have had a cold for the last 2 days and I didnt want to sneeze and cough in a small theatre. > Anyway, the affirmations on accepting my body styarted to work and I felt stronger so I did get dressed and fortunately, it was ONLY a fat mood as my clothes did fit. > We walked into the theatrer and as we were waiting for the tickets, my boyfriend's friend came to greet us and then we walked to the room. > My boyfriend wanted me to sit by his friend's girlfriend but I didnt want to be near a superskinny girl who was going to make me feel super fat. > During the entire two hour play, I was doing nothing but over studying my boyfriend's ex. They broke up more than 6 years ago and there is no indication that they want to get back but I can't help comparing myself to the women he dated. > so during the entire play, I was studying at every detail of her body. > I have done the same in the past with a girl he dated in 2004. She gained a lot of weight and I even went to the point of printing her current picture to tell myself that I don't want to get as fat as she got. > > I know this is sick. > > an yway, to end my story about last night, let me say that the body checking went on to the point of making me isolate myself.The play ended and we went to the lobby. I imagined that they were going to wait for the actress to come out and talk to her so I pretened to be busy on my phone. I pretended to pick up a call and I stepped outside. > I wasn't comfortable meeting my boyfriend's ex despite the fasct that I didnt think she was cuter or more successful than me. > Despite feeling that I was beautiful, I allowed her to have more power over me. > > My boyfriend came out to ask me to be introduced to his ex girlfriend and I told him: " Thanks, I pass " . > > We came home and we didn't talk about it. My boyfriend said his friend thought that I was cute. He didn't mention anything about why I didnt waqnt to meet his ex. We just left it like that, no discussion. > > Do I know why I really didn't want to meet her? > > no > > probably more body checking, more insecurities. > I did tell him that he should have told me in advance that they were planning on waiting for the actors after the play. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 I am a lot older than you (52) so it's easier for me now to mentally stop myself from obsessing over other women around me and being jealous if they are thinner. I do remember it, and it still sometimes affects me though. It is such a shame though, to ruin what could be a fun night with old and new friends worrying about being too heavy and being judged for it. I hope some of the IE materials and board helpers (who are not as new as me) can help those nights become less for you. Bonnie > > I was in a fat mood the entire Sat and not because I was eating excessively.It was just excessive body checking. I wrote a lot of affirmations and they helped to some extent. > > > My boyfriend invited me to see a play and I accepted. He then added I was going to meet his best friend who was going to be there.That sent an inmediate red flag. My mind started going in all directions but mainly one: I am too fat to meet him, he is going to look at my fat ass, he is going to count the rolls under my stomac\h, etc, etc. > To make things worse, my boyfriend said his ex-girlfriend was the main actress in the play. > I was ready to say that I didn't feel well to go. After all, I had the perfect excuse: I have had a cold for the last 2 days and I didnt want to sneeze and cough in a small theatre. > Anyway, the affirmations on accepting my body styarted to work and I felt stronger so I did get dressed and fortunately, it was ONLY a fat mood as my clothes did fit. > We walked into the theatrer and as we were waiting for the tickets, my boyfriend's friend came to greet us and then we walked to the room. > My boyfriend wanted me to sit by his friend's girlfriend but I didnt want to be near a superskinny girl who was going to make me feel super fat. > During the entire two hour play, I was doing nothing but over studying my boyfriend's ex. They broke up more than 6 years ago and there is no indication that they want to get back but I can't help comparing myself to the women he dated. > so during the entire play, I was studying at every detail of her body. > I have done the same in the past with a girl he dated in 2004. She gained a lot of weight and I even went to the point of printing her current picture to tell myself that I don't want to get as fat as she got. > > I know this is sick. > > an yway, to end my story about last night, let me say that the body checking went on to the point of making me isolate myself.The play ended and we went to the lobby. I imagined that they were going to wait for the actress to come out and talk to her so I pretened to be busy on my phone. I pretended to pick up a call and I stepped outside. > I wasn't comfortable meeting my boyfriend's ex despite the fasct that I didnt think she was cuter or more successful than me. > Despite feeling that I was beautiful, I allowed her to have more power over me. > > My boyfriend came out to ask me to be introduced to his ex girlfriend and I told him: " Thanks, I pass " . > > We came home and we didn't talk about it. My boyfriend said his friend thought that I was cute. He didn't mention anything about why I didnt waqnt to meet his ex. We just left it like that, no discussion. > > Do I know why I really didn't want to meet her? > > no > > probably more body checking, more insecurities. > I did tell him that he should have told me in advance that they were planning on waiting for the actors after the play. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 ,I am hugely impressed with your ability to be so completely HONEST with yourself and with us about what was going on in your thoughts! that is really courageous of you. you are not the only person that has these thoughts.... i think we all do, or have done in the past... but it's really brave to put them down on paper.and i am impressed with your willingness to just BE with these thoughts, and to be warm and accepting towards yourself (or so it seemed to me). i think that is the most important thing. to know that you will always be your own ally. best,abby Adraina,oops!!!...edit my last message; I meant to say ...it's always " inappropriate " (not appropriate) to force someone to meet an ex. I don't think anyone should have to meet an ex. I wouldn' t force that on my husband our of respect and sensitivity. Kate I was in a fat mood the entire Sat and not because I was eating excessively.It was just excessive body checking. I wrote a lot of affirmations and they helped to some extent. My boyfriend invited me to see a play and I accepted. He then added I was going to meet his best friend who was going to be there.That sent an inmediate red flag. My mind started going in all directions but mainly one: I am too fat to meet him, he is going to look at my fat ass, he is going to count the rolls under my stomac\h, etc, etc. To make things worse, my boyfriend said his ex-girlfriend was the main actress in the play. I was ready to say that I didn't feel well to go. After all, I had the perfect excuse: I have had a cold for the last 2 days and I didnt want to sneeze and cough in a small theatre. Anyway, the affirmations on accepting my body styarted to work and I felt stronger so I did get dressed and fortunately, it was ONLY a fat mood as my clothes did fit.We walked into the theatrer and as we were waiting for the tickets, my boyfriend's friend came to greet us and then we walked to the room. My boyfriend wanted me to sit by his friend's girlfriend but I didnt want to be near a superskinny girl who was going to make me feel super fat.During the entire two hour play, I was doing nothing but over studying my boyfriend's ex. They broke up more than 6 years ago and there is no indication that they want to get back but I can't help comparing myself to the women he dated. so during the entire play, I was studying at every detail of her body.I have done the same in the past with a girl he dated in 2004. She gained a lot of weight and I even went to the point of printing her current picture to tell myself that I don't want to get as fat as she got. I know this is sick.an yway, to end my story about last night, let me say that the body checking went on to the point of making me isolate myself.The play ended and we went to the lobby. I imagined that they were going to wait for the actress to come out and talk to her so I pretened to be busy on my phone. I pretended to pick up a call and I stepped outside. I wasn't comfortable meeting my boyfriend's ex despite the fasct that I didnt think she was cuter or more successful than me.Despite feeling that I was beautiful, I allowed her to have more power over me. My boyfriend came out to ask me to be introduced to his ex girlfriend and I told him: " Thanks, I pass " .We came home and we didn't talk about it. My boyfriend said his friend thought that I was cute. He didn't mention anything about why I didnt waqnt to meet his ex. We just left it like that, no discussion. Do I know why I really didn't want to meet her?noprobably more body checking, more insecurities.I did tell him that he should have told me in advance that they were planning on waiting for the actors after the play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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