Re: some things are difficult to hear

[Guest guest]

oh goodness! I am the same exact way! Can not take a compliment and always

apologizing! Drives my hubby crazy too! My response is always, " whatever " or

" your silly " ...

I guess its time to see ourselves how our hubbys see us!

thanks! jen

> > > >

> > > > I have been doing lots of work in counseling lately and some sessions

are

> > > just so difficult and anxiety producing... My counselor understands bpd

> > > better than anyone I have ever spoken with and I am so lucky that she

tells

> > > me what I need to hear but sometimes I think, " ouch " ...

> > > >

> > > > To give a general overview, what I do is take my Nada's voice and

> > > thoughts (which are so crazy) and think that everyone else thinks the same

> > > terrible thoughts about me that she does. Last night I had a counseling

appt

> > > and we went through many of my thoughts that she says are " distorted " ...

she

> > > says that those of us raised by a bpd mother especially have a distorted

> > > reality... therefor, we have some distorted thoughts. For instance.... I

can

> > > not eat in front of people I do not know without experiencing great

anxiety.

> > > When I was growing up my mom would always point out overweight people who

> > > were eating ice cream..etc and tell me that they were disgusting slobs and

> > > she would say really cruel things like, " I dont get it, look at that fat

> > > slob sitting there feeding her face, if you look that disgusting you would

> > > think you would know what causes it " ...

> > > >

> > > > As an adult woman who is about 25 pounds overweight I have a very low

> > > self- esteem... I find it very difficult to eat out in public....etc.... I

> > > told my therapist that I think people are looking at me wondering why I am

> > > eating because I am too fat to eat... She calls this distorted thinking...

> > > she says that other people are not sitting around watching me and saying

> > > those things... (my mom does that but she is crazy!)

> > > >

> > > > But.... It is difficult to be told that your thinking is distorted but I

> > > know that this is the only way to make progress. This is just my work and

I

> > > will keep pluggin along.

> > > > jen

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I think that's a good " marker " to detect when a person has low or nonexistent

self-esteem: the inability to gracefully accept a genuine, heartfelt compliment.

It took me decades to learn to just simply say, " Why, thank you, that's so kind

of you! " when receiving a compliment instead of becoming painfully embarrassed

and attempting to deflect it. What helped me to stop doing that was

understanding that if someone gave me a real compliment, not accepting it

gracefully was like slapping that person in the face. It was insulting to the

person giving the compliment to turn it aside.

When you're a child and compliments/praises are rarely or never given, or if its

given grudgingly ( " You only did well on that test because I pushed you! " ) or

with a caveat ( " I see you got a B in history. Next time I expect all As " ) or

with some weird passive-aggressive insult as the sub-context ( " You tall, skinny

people make good clothes-horses; I guess you get that from your father's side of

the family. " )

Being raised by a npd/bpd parent conditions us to back away from receiving

compliments because:

(a) we truly feel we didn't do anything so great,

( if we did do something good, its not OK to take credit for it,

© a compliment is always followed by a stab-in-the-heart insult, or (d) its

just a manipulation, its not genuine.

-Annie

> > > > >

> > > > > I have been doing lots of work in counseling lately and some sessions

are

> > > > just so difficult and anxiety producing... My counselor understands bpd

> > > > better than anyone I have ever spoken with and I am so lucky that she

tells

> > > > me what I need to hear but sometimes I think, " ouch " ...

> > > > >

> > > > > To give a general overview, what I do is take my Nada's voice and

> > > > thoughts (which are so crazy) and think that everyone else thinks the

same

> > > > terrible thoughts about me that she does. Last night I had a counseling

appt

> > > > and we went through many of my thoughts that she says are " distorted " ...

she

> > > > says that those of us raised by a bpd mother especially have a distorted

> > > > reality... therefor, we have some distorted thoughts. For instance.... I

can

> > > > not eat in front of people I do not know without experiencing great

anxiety.

> > > > When I was growing up my mom would always point out overweight people

who

> > > > were eating ice cream..etc and tell me that they were disgusting slobs

and

> > > > she would say really cruel things like, " I dont get it, look at that fat

> > > > slob sitting there feeding her face, if you look that disgusting you

would

> > > > think you would know what causes it " ...

> > > > >

> > > > > As an adult woman who is about 25 pounds overweight I have a very low

> > > > self- esteem... I find it very difficult to eat out in public....etc....

I

> > > > told my therapist that I think people are looking at me wondering why I

am

> > > > eating because I am too fat to eat... She calls this distorted

thinking...

> > > > she says that other people are not sitting around watching me and saying

> > > > those things... (my mom does that but she is crazy!)

> > > > >

> > > > > But.... It is difficult to be told that your thinking is distorted but

I

> > > > know that this is the only way to make progress. This is just my work

and I

> > > > will keep pluggin along.

> > > > > jen

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >