transitioning out of body image obsession

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone,

My name is for those of you who don't know me. I do not post here very

often, but I am going through something right now that I need to share with all

of you. I know most of you will understand.

I have a history of various types of eating disorders and years of body image

obsession. I struggle with binge eating the most. I am not overweight, but my

struggle with binge eating has caused me significant weight gain since before I

engaged in this behavior.

My binge eating is getting slightly better....I was making tremendous

improvement over the past year and then this past month I moved and had a lot of

fights with my partner (who I moved with). It was incredibly emotional so I am

back to bingeing regularly over the past month...I've just been needing

emotional comfort and unfortunately food is a quick and easy tool. Therefore, I

am feeling very distant from my body's natural signals. I am having a hard time

with intuitive eating because I am so stressed and worried about the bingeing

that it is triggering old restrictive habits as well....like waiting untill I am

STARVING to eat.

I am accepting that lately food as been a convenient tool for me and that it

probably won't be used at this frequency forever. I have no choice to accept it.

I do the best I can to not hurt my body in all ways. And it is really about

managing emotions, not my food. I am in therapy and learning to manage my

emotions the best I can. This acceptance has lead to to a point where I no

longer obsess over body image. I think about it, but I really feel like the

obsession has been lifted.

Sometimes being relieved from the obsession makes me feel like a more free

person, which I know I am. But sometimes it makes me really, really anxious

because for years obsessing over my body has been such a focus for me and now I

feel like I am racing to have another obsession. Like something else to cling

too. And it is really making my head spin.

So I needed to reach out and write this because I know that " clinging " sensation

is just another symptom of the same thing that made me obsess over body and

food. It is just another symptom of lack of acceptance that things are fine in

my life just the way they are.

I don't need to overwhelm myself thinking about when I will fit " amazing " social

events in my schedule so I will have something to do other than exhaust myself

at the Gym. I don't need brainstorm exact calculattions of when and how I can

leave my partner if I continue being unhappy in our relationship.

I feel like my brain is latching on to making EVERYTHING in my life, every

little detail " fullfilling " and " exactly the way it should be " because if I fear

I will latch on the body image stuff again if I don't have other wonderful

things to focus on.

So I really feel like I am in transitional stage in terms of where to focus my

energy. I struggle with this change so I needed to reach out for support.

If anybody wants to e-mail me privately to talk more, that would be awesome. My

yahoo IM screen name is the same as my e-mail .... pisces3684. I'd love feedback

from anyone who has been through this .

Thank you if you read this