Re: Have people tried to make you doubt yourself even more than we do anyways?

[Guest guest]

yikes. my mother does that passive aggression and then distortion stuff.

remember #1 was drunk so discount the texts and number 2 probably really doesn't

want to be in the middle, especially if you are making changes in your life that

she envies but can't do herself. you are becoming a whole new person through

these changes so they probably need time to adjust but could end up backing away

permanently if the strength you've gained intimidates them. Hugs.

>

> I know as KO's we have a tendency to doubt ourselves a lot, but recently I've

had a few experiences where I *know* I wasn't making things up but my friends

are trying to convince me I was! Here are the two situations:

>

> First, my friend R was in town when major chaos happened with nada and I

decided to go no contact. During R's trip, I got 4 lawyers, a detective, a

social worker, and clearly was extremely overwhelmed. R has been really

supportive about nada in the past and I continuously apologized for not spending

time with her. Then, when she was drunk, she sent me a bunch of texts saying how

she planned her trip for me (although, she had only planned on staying with me

one night during her week here) and she can't believe I didn't get to see her

more. We used to talk several times a day and after that trip we only texted a

few times. I *know* she was being passive aggressive about my not seeing her

when she was here, but I didn't want to make the first move because I was mad

that she couldn't understand my situation. R finally emailed today and said she

called my apt several times (she hasn't) and how have I been? Basically- acting

like nothing happened.

>

> The second thing that happened was with my neighbor, S. Similarly, S has been

very supportive about nada and knows some of my plans about going NC. When Nada

threatened to visit next weekend I made plans to stay with a friend but I asked

S if I could store my name change documents etc at her apt. She sent me a text

saying she hopes I can understand but she doesn't want to get in the middle...so

no. I just replied with " fine " . We saw each other a few times after that and I

have been trying to drop off spices etc that I can't take with me. All of a

sudden she pretends to not see me and she is trying to not take my spices (to

assuage her guilt?). My T suggested just asking her what was wrong so I did, and

she sent me an email that pretty much said, " what are you talking about?

nothing's changed, I've just been busy. is everything ok with you? "

>

> Both of these girls are used to me being a push over, and I'm not doing it

anymore. With R, since I was mad at her for trying to guilt trip me about

something I couldn't control, I didn't try to contact her. With S, I know she

expected me to text back " it's fine, I understand " , and I didn't. I don't know

if that's why neither one of these girls are taking responsibility for their

actions but it makes me really mad that they are both trying to pretend that

nothing happened and I'm the one who's imagining things. I do that enough to

myself already!

>

> Have people done this to you? Especially when you stop being a pushover?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

yikes. my mother does that passive aggression and then distortion stuff.

remember #1 was drunk so discount the texts and number 2 probably really doesn't

want to be in the middle, especially if you are making changes in your life that

she envies but can't do herself. you are becoming a whole new person through

these changes so they probably need time to adjust but could end up backing away

permanently if the strength you've gained intimidates them. Hugs.

>

> I know as KO's we have a tendency to doubt ourselves a lot, but recently I've

had a few experiences where I *know* I wasn't making things up but my friends

are trying to convince me I was! Here are the two situations:

>

> First, my friend R was in town when major chaos happened with nada and I

decided to go no contact. During R's trip, I got 4 lawyers, a detective, a

social worker, and clearly was extremely overwhelmed. R has been really

supportive about nada in the past and I continuously apologized for not spending

time with her. Then, when she was drunk, she sent me a bunch of texts saying how

she planned her trip for me (although, she had only planned on staying with me

one night during her week here) and she can't believe I didn't get to see her

more. We used to talk several times a day and after that trip we only texted a

few times. I *know* she was being passive aggressive about my not seeing her

when she was here, but I didn't want to make the first move because I was mad

that she couldn't understand my situation. R finally emailed today and said she

called my apt several times (she hasn't) and how have I been? Basically- acting

like nothing happened.

>

> The second thing that happened was with my neighbor, S. Similarly, S has been

very supportive about nada and knows some of my plans about going NC. When Nada

threatened to visit next weekend I made plans to stay with a friend but I asked

S if I could store my name change documents etc at her apt. She sent me a text

saying she hopes I can understand but she doesn't want to get in the middle...so

no. I just replied with " fine " . We saw each other a few times after that and I

have been trying to drop off spices etc that I can't take with me. All of a

sudden she pretends to not see me and she is trying to not take my spices (to

assuage her guilt?). My T suggested just asking her what was wrong so I did, and

she sent me an email that pretty much said, " what are you talking about?

nothing's changed, I've just been busy. is everything ok with you? "

>

> Both of these girls are used to me being a push over, and I'm not doing it

anymore. With R, since I was mad at her for trying to guilt trip me about

something I couldn't control, I didn't try to contact her. With S, I know she

expected me to text back " it's fine, I understand " , and I didn't. I don't know

if that's why neither one of these girls are taking responsibility for their

actions but it makes me really mad that they are both trying to pretend that

nothing happened and I'm the one who's imagining things. I do that enough to

myself already!

>

> Have people done this to you? Especially when you stop being a pushover?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

yikes. my mother does that passive aggression and then distortion stuff.

remember #1 was drunk so discount the texts and number 2 probably really doesn't

want to be in the middle, especially if you are making changes in your life that

she envies but can't do herself. you are becoming a whole new person through

these changes so they probably need time to adjust but could end up backing away

permanently if the strength you've gained intimidates them. Hugs.

>

> I know as KO's we have a tendency to doubt ourselves a lot, but recently I've

had a few experiences where I *know* I wasn't making things up but my friends

are trying to convince me I was! Here are the two situations:

>

> First, my friend R was in town when major chaos happened with nada and I

decided to go no contact. During R's trip, I got 4 lawyers, a detective, a

social worker, and clearly was extremely overwhelmed. R has been really

supportive about nada in the past and I continuously apologized for not spending

time with her. Then, when she was drunk, she sent me a bunch of texts saying how

she planned her trip for me (although, she had only planned on staying with me

one night during her week here) and she can't believe I didn't get to see her

more. We used to talk several times a day and after that trip we only texted a

few times. I *know* she was being passive aggressive about my not seeing her

when she was here, but I didn't want to make the first move because I was mad

that she couldn't understand my situation. R finally emailed today and said she

called my apt several times (she hasn't) and how have I been? Basically- acting

like nothing happened.

>

> The second thing that happened was with my neighbor, S. Similarly, S has been

very supportive about nada and knows some of my plans about going NC. When Nada

threatened to visit next weekend I made plans to stay with a friend but I asked

S if I could store my name change documents etc at her apt. She sent me a text

saying she hopes I can understand but she doesn't want to get in the middle...so

no. I just replied with " fine " . We saw each other a few times after that and I

have been trying to drop off spices etc that I can't take with me. All of a

sudden she pretends to not see me and she is trying to not take my spices (to

assuage her guilt?). My T suggested just asking her what was wrong so I did, and

she sent me an email that pretty much said, " what are you talking about?

nothing's changed, I've just been busy. is everything ok with you? "

>

> Both of these girls are used to me being a push over, and I'm not doing it

anymore. With R, since I was mad at her for trying to guilt trip me about

something I couldn't control, I didn't try to contact her. With S, I know she

expected me to text back " it's fine, I understand " , and I didn't. I don't know

if that's why neither one of these girls are taking responsibility for their

actions but it makes me really mad that they are both trying to pretend that

nothing happened and I'm the one who's imagining things. I do that enough to

myself already!

>

> Have people done this to you? Especially when you stop being a pushover?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your response, phine! I think that's exactly what triggered me-

their behavior reminded me of nada lashing out and pretending that nothing

happened. It just makes me sad to be so disappointed in two friends when I need

all the support I can get right now! Thanks for your input,

> >

> > I know as KO's we have a tendency to doubt ourselves a lot, but recently

I've had a few experiences where I *know* I wasn't making things up but my

friends are trying to convince me I was! Here are the two situations:

> >

> > First, my friend R was in town when major chaos happened with nada and I

decided to go no contact. During R's trip, I got 4 lawyers, a detective, a

social worker, and clearly was extremely overwhelmed. R has been really

supportive about nada in the past and I continuously apologized for not spending

time with her. Then, when she was drunk, she sent me a bunch of texts saying how

she planned her trip for me (although, she had only planned on staying with me

one night during her week here) and she can't believe I didn't get to see her

more. We used to talk several times a day and after that trip we only texted a

few times. I *know* she was being passive aggressive about my not seeing her

when she was here, but I didn't want to make the first move because I was mad

that she couldn't understand my situation. R finally emailed today and said she

called my apt several times (she hasn't) and how have I been? Basically- acting

like nothing happened.

> >

> > The second thing that happened was with my neighbor, S. Similarly, S has

been very supportive about nada and knows some of my plans about going NC. When

Nada threatened to visit next weekend I made plans to stay with a friend but I

asked S if I could store my name change documents etc at her apt. She sent me a

text saying she hopes I can understand but she doesn't want to get in the

middle...so no. I just replied with " fine " . We saw each other a few times after

that and I have been trying to drop off spices etc that I can't take with me.

All of a sudden she pretends to not see me and she is trying to not take my

spices (to assuage her guilt?). My T suggested just asking her what was wrong so

I did, and she sent me an email that pretty much said, " what are you talking

about? nothing's changed, I've just been busy. is everything ok with you? "

> >

> > Both of these girls are used to me being a push over, and I'm not doing it

anymore. With R, since I was mad at her for trying to guilt trip me about

something I couldn't control, I didn't try to contact her. With S, I know she

expected me to text back " it's fine, I understand " , and I didn't. I don't know

if that's why neither one of these girls are taking responsibility for their

actions but it makes me really mad that they are both trying to pretend that

nothing happened and I'm the one who's imagining things. I do that enough to

myself already!

> >

> > Have people done this to you? Especially when you stop being a pushover?

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your response, phine! I think that's exactly what triggered me-

their behavior reminded me of nada lashing out and pretending that nothing

happened. It just makes me sad to be so disappointed in two friends when I need

all the support I can get right now! Thanks for your input,

> >

> > I know as KO's we have a tendency to doubt ourselves a lot, but recently

I've had a few experiences where I *know* I wasn't making things up but my

friends are trying to convince me I was! Here are the two situations:

> >

> > First, my friend R was in town when major chaos happened with nada and I

decided to go no contact. During R's trip, I got 4 lawyers, a detective, a

social worker, and clearly was extremely overwhelmed. R has been really

supportive about nada in the past and I continuously apologized for not spending

time with her. Then, when she was drunk, she sent me a bunch of texts saying how

she planned her trip for me (although, she had only planned on staying with me

one night during her week here) and she can't believe I didn't get to see her

more. We used to talk several times a day and after that trip we only texted a

few times. I *know* she was being passive aggressive about my not seeing her

when she was here, but I didn't want to make the first move because I was mad

that she couldn't understand my situation. R finally emailed today and said she

called my apt several times (she hasn't) and how have I been? Basically- acting

like nothing happened.

> >

> > The second thing that happened was with my neighbor, S. Similarly, S has

been very supportive about nada and knows some of my plans about going NC. When

Nada threatened to visit next weekend I made plans to stay with a friend but I

asked S if I could store my name change documents etc at her apt. She sent me a

text saying she hopes I can understand but she doesn't want to get in the

middle...so no. I just replied with " fine " . We saw each other a few times after

that and I have been trying to drop off spices etc that I can't take with me.

All of a sudden she pretends to not see me and she is trying to not take my

spices (to assuage her guilt?). My T suggested just asking her what was wrong so

I did, and she sent me an email that pretty much said, " what are you talking

about? nothing's changed, I've just been busy. is everything ok with you? "

> >

> > Both of these girls are used to me being a push over, and I'm not doing it

anymore. With R, since I was mad at her for trying to guilt trip me about

something I couldn't control, I didn't try to contact her. With S, I know she

expected me to text back " it's fine, I understand " , and I didn't. I don't know

if that's why neither one of these girls are taking responsibility for their

actions but it makes me really mad that they are both trying to pretend that

nothing happened and I'm the one who's imagining things. I do that enough to

myself already!

> >

> > Have people done this to you? Especially when you stop being a pushover?

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your response, phine! I think that's exactly what triggered me-

their behavior reminded me of nada lashing out and pretending that nothing

happened. It just makes me sad to be so disappointed in two friends when I need

all the support I can get right now! Thanks for your input,

> >

> > I know as KO's we have a tendency to doubt ourselves a lot, but recently

I've had a few experiences where I *know* I wasn't making things up but my

friends are trying to convince me I was! Here are the two situations:

> >

> > First, my friend R was in town when major chaos happened with nada and I

decided to go no contact. During R's trip, I got 4 lawyers, a detective, a

social worker, and clearly was extremely overwhelmed. R has been really

supportive about nada in the past and I continuously apologized for not spending

time with her. Then, when she was drunk, she sent me a bunch of texts saying how

she planned her trip for me (although, she had only planned on staying with me

one night during her week here) and she can't believe I didn't get to see her

more. We used to talk several times a day and after that trip we only texted a

few times. I *know* she was being passive aggressive about my not seeing her

when she was here, but I didn't want to make the first move because I was mad

that she couldn't understand my situation. R finally emailed today and said she

called my apt several times (she hasn't) and how have I been? Basically- acting

like nothing happened.

> >

> > The second thing that happened was with my neighbor, S. Similarly, S has

been very supportive about nada and knows some of my plans about going NC. When

Nada threatened to visit next weekend I made plans to stay with a friend but I

asked S if I could store my name change documents etc at her apt. She sent me a

text saying she hopes I can understand but she doesn't want to get in the

middle...so no. I just replied with " fine " . We saw each other a few times after

that and I have been trying to drop off spices etc that I can't take with me.

All of a sudden she pretends to not see me and she is trying to not take my

spices (to assuage her guilt?). My T suggested just asking her what was wrong so

I did, and she sent me an email that pretty much said, " what are you talking

about? nothing's changed, I've just been busy. is everything ok with you? "

> >

> > Both of these girls are used to me being a push over, and I'm not doing it

anymore. With R, since I was mad at her for trying to guilt trip me about

something I couldn't control, I didn't try to contact her. With S, I know she

expected me to text back " it's fine, I understand " , and I didn't. I don't know

if that's why neither one of these girls are taking responsibility for their

actions but it makes me really mad that they are both trying to pretend that

nothing happened and I'm the one who's imagining things. I do that enough to

myself already!

> >

> > Have people done this to you? Especially when you stop being a pushover?

> >

> >

> >

>