Guest guest Posted September 15, 2010 Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 I know how you feel! 2 years ago my nadas queen mother died, and last week her dad died. My nada is hermit/waif. I didn't even volunteer as much as you did, I picked her up at the airport from the funeral. And man, do I regret it! I DID have a policy on never being stuck in a spot with her where I can't immediately leave. But once again I tried to be a good/normal daughter and I watched her house and pets, and take her and my dad to the airport and pick them up. Only to pay for it with verbal abuse and complete nuttiness the whole way. Casey > > So my nada's witch/queen mother just died. My nada, who is waifish/hermit, called me crying to tell me the news: " Boo hoo. I already told Mother I wouldn't be attending her funeral because I don't have any money. " > > I, who am LC but couldn't avoid being sucked back in by guilt, told my Nada that " I would get her to the funeral. " This is a couple of states away, so it amounts to an all-day car trip or a plane ride with my mother which I would have to pay for, in addition to paying for her hotel room and paying to board her dog, all while she is possibly verbally abusive to me on the trip. > > Then my cousin calls and tells me that there is no funeral, just a cremation and maybe a memorial get-together next summer in the state where I live, because my grandmother used to live here and most of the family is still here. At first I was surprised, " Really? " I asked her. " We're going to wait almost a year? " But then I got off the phone, came to my senses and was profoundly relieved. > > A couple of days later, Nada calls and informs me that they've changed their minds again and will be holding a funeral service either Saturday October 23rd (for which my husband and I already have concert tickets) or October 30th. (Seriously???? A funeral on Halloween??? WTF?) > > At this point, my Nada was still thinking that I was going to honor the fact that I told her I'd get her to the funeral. What she doesn't understand is after telling her I'd get her there, she proceeded to be verbally abusive to me, and I thought " Eff you, lady. I'm not taking you anywhere! " > > So, today I talked to my aunt and uncle who are making the funeral arrangements and they've pretty much settled on holding a funeral on the 30th, which, ironically (or no so ironically) enough, is soooo appropriate for my grandmother. So I told them that we're absolutely NOT coming to a funeral on Halloween. We have a young child, and we're not going to subject her to both a funeral AND no trick-or-treating in the same weekend. > > My aunt sounded relieved that we would not be coming, mostly because they don't want to see my mother either, and in fact, no one in the family does, though my mother is completely oblivious to this. " Surely she wouldn't be able to get here on her own, " my aunt said, and I told her I seriously doubted it. > > But Nada called again today, leaving a message because I wouldn't pick up the phone, still expecting that I'm taking her to that funeral. Though I was avoiding the call, I finally called her back to say that we would not be going to a funeral on Halloween. > > She seemed to take it well, and got off the phone quickly, but I'm pretty sure it was so she could go bawl her eyes out. > > Now I'm relieved to not go to the funeral and to not have to take my mother, but once again I feel guilty. I know she's sad that she can't go. I know she wants to see her out-of-state family but they don't want to see her. I know she wants to see me, but she WILL NOT hear me when I ask her to refrain from being an ass to me. I know that most people would not understand choosing Halloween over their grandmother's funeral. (My grandmother was HORRIBLE to my brother and me, but nicer to my cousins.) > > These people are so exhausting. I had a beer at lunch today because I just couldn't take it. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2010 Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 I know how you feel! 2 years ago my nadas queen mother died, and last week her dad died. My nada is hermit/waif. I didn't even volunteer as much as you did, I picked her up at the airport from the funeral. And man, do I regret it! I DID have a policy on never being stuck in a spot with her where I can't immediately leave. But once again I tried to be a good/normal daughter and I watched her house and pets, and take her and my dad to the airport and pick them up. Only to pay for it with verbal abuse and complete nuttiness the whole way. Casey > > So my nada's witch/queen mother just died. My nada, who is waifish/hermit, called me crying to tell me the news: " Boo hoo. I already told Mother I wouldn't be attending her funeral because I don't have any money. " > > I, who am LC but couldn't avoid being sucked back in by guilt, told my Nada that " I would get her to the funeral. " This is a couple of states away, so it amounts to an all-day car trip or a plane ride with my mother which I would have to pay for, in addition to paying for her hotel room and paying to board her dog, all while she is possibly verbally abusive to me on the trip. > > Then my cousin calls and tells me that there is no funeral, just a cremation and maybe a memorial get-together next summer in the state where I live, because my grandmother used to live here and most of the family is still here. At first I was surprised, " Really? " I asked her. " We're going to wait almost a year? " But then I got off the phone, came to my senses and was profoundly relieved. > > A couple of days later, Nada calls and informs me that they've changed their minds again and will be holding a funeral service either Saturday October 23rd (for which my husband and I already have concert tickets) or October 30th. (Seriously???? A funeral on Halloween??? WTF?) > > At this point, my Nada was still thinking that I was going to honor the fact that I told her I'd get her to the funeral. What she doesn't understand is after telling her I'd get her there, she proceeded to be verbally abusive to me, and I thought " Eff you, lady. I'm not taking you anywhere! " > > So, today I talked to my aunt and uncle who are making the funeral arrangements and they've pretty much settled on holding a funeral on the 30th, which, ironically (or no so ironically) enough, is soooo appropriate for my grandmother. So I told them that we're absolutely NOT coming to a funeral on Halloween. We have a young child, and we're not going to subject her to both a funeral AND no trick-or-treating in the same weekend. > > My aunt sounded relieved that we would not be coming, mostly because they don't want to see my mother either, and in fact, no one in the family does, though my mother is completely oblivious to this. " Surely she wouldn't be able to get here on her own, " my aunt said, and I told her I seriously doubted it. > > But Nada called again today, leaving a message because I wouldn't pick up the phone, still expecting that I'm taking her to that funeral. Though I was avoiding the call, I finally called her back to say that we would not be going to a funeral on Halloween. > > She seemed to take it well, and got off the phone quickly, but I'm pretty sure it was so she could go bawl her eyes out. > > Now I'm relieved to not go to the funeral and to not have to take my mother, but once again I feel guilty. I know she's sad that she can't go. I know she wants to see her out-of-state family but they don't want to see her. I know she wants to see me, but she WILL NOT hear me when I ask her to refrain from being an ass to me. I know that most people would not understand choosing Halloween over their grandmother's funeral. (My grandmother was HORRIBLE to my brother and me, but nicer to my cousins.) > > These people are so exhausting. I had a beer at lunch today because I just couldn't take it. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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